you think about yourself too much and you ruin who you love


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if you'd tell me to go to hell at least you'd sound sincere

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:: 2016 24 December :: 1.10 am
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: she and him - christmas party (album)

i just feel like christmas has lost it's luster.

it feels like a check list.

in 2016, with the state of the world, the country, etc.

something has to change, we are all on this hamster wheel and just totally miserable with the daily weekly and now yearly grind. soon to be decades.

i feel like i could be on the verge of greatness at times, but who knows maybe i'm just another ego. - on that note, i always think like "oh this exgirlfriend is talking to me again" or whatever, and assume like i'm some special ex boyfriend to them - not in a romantic way, just in a maybe i change their life in some memorable way more than the person before or after me, so maybe those years or months spent with me weren't a total waste of time.

totally just a waste of time. fully.

i am genuinely afraid of the direction everything is headed and i hope more people open their eyeballs soon enough. money cannot keep controlling the entire world. we know it always has in the past, but not like this, not this bad, the middle ground of the american dream was at least achievable and you could at least lie to yourself get by with that, but it's just so obvious. our freedoms are being stripped as i write this and people are literally choosing to remain oblivious or say things like "oh well i don't do XYZ so who cares! it's doesn't matter to me personally! so lets just fuck over everyone else because i'm a self centered fuck of a person!"


:: 2016 12 December :: 11.48 am
:: Music: transplants

You read that right folks, my buddy since I was 8 years old moved to Omaha, literally 3 minutes down the road.

He actually moved a little before thanksgiving.

My handground coffee grinder finally showed up, over a year later, but I like it quite a bit.

Nothing else really notable going on right now, I hit the bonus 2x in a row at work, still working on the house, got all new stainless appliances coming at the end of the month.


:: 2016 8 November :: 1.38 am

31, another bright eyes birthday alone.


:: 2016 7 November :: 10.48 pm
:: Music: bright eyes

last post as a 30 year old.


:: 2016 27 October :: 3.50 am
:: Music: iamx

it breaks my heart that we live this way
how is it october already? it's almost november, i feel like my last shitty birthday happened a lot more recently. i dont know.

i don't feel like i'm progressing in life at all. i've just acquired more things.

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