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dabestyougot69
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2010 7 March :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: tired
Exhausted.
I can't believe I'm this burdened.
I'm ashamed to even ask to be clean
'Cause I can't think of anyone less worthy
I have nothing to offer or to bring
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace
of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I'm not even sure how I got here
Wondered to this darkness from Your light
I still remember walking in the garden with You
Now I'm just stumbling through this night
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace
of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
Chorus:
I wait for Your rain to fall
The waves of Your grace wash over me
I wait for Your rain to fall
Strange how forgiveness comes so easily
When I call Your name
And wait for Your rain
Lord, this desert is killing me
My throat's dry from screaming Your name
I want to come home but the sands of time surround me
The dirt's finally covered my shame
So I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace
of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 6 March :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Captiva-Falling up.
Love.
How can a heart that once was dead, begin to beat again?
You. You are my reason. You've revived me.
I love you with my entirety.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 18 February :: 8.04am
You'll go to hell
for what your
dirty mind
is thinking.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 18 February :: 8.01am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Nude- Radiohead.
Last night
was insane.
Sean was on the fritz and I don't think I've ever really seen him that heartbroken.
I tried to make it better but I think I just fueled the fire.
I feel bad.
But I think he'll be ok.
I don't know.
I hope he will be.
I have an overwhelming sense to vomit.
I don't feel well at all.
And I hate my make up, it makes my eyes water.
All the time.
Everyday.
It sucks.
You've gone off the rails.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 16 February :: 8.06pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: You're not sorry-TS
Dear Levi
I love you.
And you complete me in every way, shape and form.
I love everything about you
And how you stick by my side.
through thick, and thin.
You really truly are my soul mate.
You make food taste better.
And colors more vibrant.
And i know how corny that sounds, but hey, I love corn (levi joke.)
Levi. I want to marry you.
And have your children.
And grow old with you
Or just grow up, and die at an early age from liver damage. Haha
You are perfect.
In every single way.
Everything good reminds me of you.
And you remind me of everything I love in life.
thank you for being my better half.
Or...the only thing that is good about me.
You are my reason.
And i love you with everything that I am.
I want to spent my life telling you so.
thank you.
Til death, baby.
Forever and always.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 13 February :: 11.55am
:: Mood: full
Is it over?
I am fine.
Thank you dearly
for your time.
I'll be leaving.
Don't you cry.
I'll be back soon.
At least I'll try...
Can't you see?
There is no time to think
Selfishly.
Yesterday's gone.
Tomorrow's here.
Can't turn back now.
I won't quit.
I still love You.
I swear.
I always will.
I.
Always.
Will.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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tuwang
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2010 11 February :: 11.54am
It's not that it happened, its that you don't understand why
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 11 February :: 8.02am
They always play the saddest songs at starbucks when I'm in a sad mood...
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 11 February :: 7.59am
:: Mood: frustrated
She's so much like me, it's effing disgusting. fjkdslfjdl;jfdk;lajfd;lafj;da
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 10 February :: 10.24am
I want you here.
Or I awnt someone else.
I want both.
Or. Just you here.
I need you.
This distance isn't going to work anymore.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 10 February :: 7.26am
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Call it Karma-Silverstein
After the smoke clears, daylight.
I don't really remember what happened last night.
All I know is I went to someone for comfort, and found it.
I think i am going to go a couple days slash a week without talking to any of my ex's. Including Him.
In another note.
I felt hella full when I woke up this morning
then I started thinknig about it, and it had been twelve hours since I last ate.
So I couldn't have been THAT full.
I think I am going to start not eating anything after 4pm. Unless special occasions.
Because then I won't feel so full when I sleep/the next morning, or even that night.
iTunes is dumb. They registered Falling Up as gospel & religion...
Not really.
They should register them as mind-blowing.
I.Need.More.Screamo.
I only like like three albums of it in my iTunes.
And i need like a million.
Doing this whole "breaking every cd that isn't benefiting to me" has limited my music choice.
But I still have underOATH, As Cities Burn, and Scary Kids Scaring Kids.
I need more, though.
Like.
A lot more.
I am runnning out of songs to throw stuff to.
fdjskafdsakjlfdhskjaf
I am going to drown in self pity.
I shall love every minute of it.
Have a nice freakin valentines.
This holiday is dumb.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 9 February :: 8.27pm
I feel so dizzy i think i might induce puking.
Everything is spinning and I can't seem to grasp onto any sort of oxygen.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 9 February :: 8.24pm
Look at me now, A man who won't let himself be.
Down in a hole.
Feelin so small.
Down in a hole.
Losing control.
I'd like to flyyyyyy.
But my wings have been so denied.
I am losing control of everything.
I'm freakin sick of this crap..
I dn't get joy when looking at you anymore.
All I see if a lifetime of mistakes.
gdkjlafjdklfjdklafeiowfnmlkdfsmalf
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 9 February :: 12.26pm
:: Music: I've got ten friends and a crowbar that says you aint gonna do jack-underOATH
Today is freakin amazing.
Everything is working out for good.
I feel positive about life in general. And I don't remember the last time I felt this randy.
UnderOATH makes everything better.
And my table is wobbly.
And I had a good conversation with Sean Michael Summers last night. So.
I have to go to my next class.
And tell my friends I won't be able to make it.
Blehhh
<3
1 missed call |
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 7 February :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: The widow.-ACB
I'm holding on, and I don't know why.
I've forgotten why I used to fight.
I have this hope, but don't want to use it.
There's nothing to hope for anymore.
I want to feel, but you don't want me to.
How can I rewrite our past?
I'm putting everything plus one hundred into this
And I can't feel myself anymore.
Combustion. That's my fate.
You're so worth losing myself for.
And I know you'd never let that happen.
But it is. And I am silently fading.
I've been feeling so much for you, that everything else feels dead.
And when things are bad with us
life doesn't exist.
You know more than anything
that it's impossible to restrict my feelings.
They seemed to have gone insane
And there's no stopping them.
I can't make it without you.
because you let me live with you.
and when you want to take it away
it fear i might not be able to make it without you.
I won't tell you, that i can't make it without you
but I am dying. without you
because i am alive. with you.
But I won't tell.
I'll just fall. Secretly in love.
Secretly. I am fading.
I want to be everything you need.
I'm killing my identity just to try.
And it's worth it, you're worth it, always have been.
I'd die for you. I mean it.
I want things. I really do. But i'd still never share them with you.
I am not good enough to ask for anything.
I want to tell you all this.
But I can't.
Because I don't
want you
to think
this is
the same.
as it's been.
And so, I let my feelings remain, hidden.
I think this is...the end.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 7 February :: 2.30pm
p.s. Youaretheonlythingthatfeelsright.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 7 February :: 2.25pm
:: Music: To whom it may concern-UnderOATH
Ah, innocense.
Haven't written in what feels like months.
It's only been two days..
That tells you how I've been doing lately.
I feel awful.
And to the very extent it that word.
Things just...Suck.
I want to make them better
but everytime I do, I do something in my fricken subconscious to mess it up. Why must I always ruin things that are good!?
Ugh.
I already miss you.
Even though you're not gone.
I hope your thoughts aren't taking you to places that they don't need to be
and that you still are holding onto that last glimpse of hope.
I'm sorry I am screwed up.
Staying would be suicide...
But. I. love you.
I wouldn't ever ask you to stay. because I know dealing with me is the worst thing ever.
Please...Leave. I don't want to hurt you, and I always seem to hurt me.
:[
I'm sorry I am such a waste.
Forgive me for wanting you to let me in
I know, I don't deserve it.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 5 February :: 8.57am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Misty.
things.
I should be getting ready to go out. But I am not.
I'm lost in my own selfish thoughts and desires.
Wanting nothing more than to hear your voice, touch your skin, feel your warmth.
God. This is harder than it's ever been.
But so worth it.
I know one day, it will all be better, and everything will be worth it.
I'm closing the door on my past. Completely.
Erasing names, memories, getting rid of the baggage I've kept stored in my closet for the longest time,
I have no room for any of that, because I am moving up to something worth keeping.
I love you, Mister. And I am devoted.
You are my reason.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 4 February :: 11.31am
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: Quiet-Lights
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifreakinmissyouuuuuuuu
I will...never let you fall.
I'll stand up for you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me in heaven.
Cuz you're my
my.
My true love.
My whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
Cuz I'm here, for you.
And only you
Please don't walk away now
Please tell me you'll stay.
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray, gray,.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me in heaven.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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dabestyougot69
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2010 4 February :: 5.41am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: 30 days-NSN
Lots of topics.
Date: February 4th, 2010
Time: 5:41 am PST
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, and luminate the notes on their vacancy sign
If there's no one beside you, as your soul embarks...I will follow you into the dark.
EDIT:
Time: 5:53 am
Need to freakin write my paper. Why do I keep looking at my phone, wanting to hear your voice.
I know you're sleepingggg and I want to wake you up and kiss you all over.
:] iloveyou.
And i hate how cute and "lovey" i get with you. I've lost my balls...I mean what!?
EDIT:
Time 6:02 am
I caved. Haha I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hearing your voice.
Ahh my heart comes alive.
:*
EDIT:
Time: 6:44 am
I love how Woohu logs you out if you're not active for like half an hour.
:]
I finished my essay, remembered to print out my other one, and now I have to remember to bring a stapler for Brianna. Hahaha.
Do you see my staplerr?
^_^
Sean called me last night...which was weird.
I wonder why!?
Maybe he can answer my question on here, because I know he reads this.
I am going to go.
I need to get more sleep but I know i won't be able to.
Darnit!
haha
Dar n it!
ilybby.
ZOMG, that's not my voice mail...
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