Well I know that it has been a while since I have wrote in my journal but hey I think that I have a lot to say about my life since the last time that I wrote. Since last time, I have become closer to my girlfriend in the since that I have realized that I love her more and more ever day. I have joined a band and I am the rythm guitarist, well at least that's what they call me, I have no rythm, LOL! Actually I do and I don't think that I'm that bad, but that is what I think about myself. I feel like a fucking kindegardener playing next to our lead guitarist. Oh well, I will get better or I won't be in the band for that long. I want to be in there because I have come to realize that I love music and also I love to play guitar. I think that I found something that I wouldn't mind doing for the rest of my life even though I know that I have like a million to 1 chance of actually making it professionally. Oh well, I'm still going to play and so is the band. I don't think that we even have a name yet. I don't know. I get to sing! LOL! Me singing, quite the mind boggling idea. I'm not that bad but again that is my opinion. Anyone out there that knows me, is probably thinking,"What the hell?" I'm not the kinda person that you would think to be in a band, I just don't come off as that kinda person and I try not to. I'm me and that's that. Well I have other things to do now so I'm going to go.

Had quite the interesting time a little while ago at Ryan's house. Went out into the woods behind his houseand walked around out there for a couple of hours. Basically just beating the shit out of nature. We had metal piping and we were just breaking shit. We were using the piping as if they were spears and that was fun as hell. Play a lot of guitar, by the way if you read this Chrissy I love your guitar and the strap that you have on there. Anyways, all in all had a good weekend, spent time with my girlfriend and Ryan who is becoming one of my better friends which is cool because he's a fun person to be around. Anywho, I'm out of here, got better things to do like sit on my ass and do nothing. Peace!!

I'm fucking tired, but I can't go to bed because it's spring break and going to bed before like 2 or 3 would be wrong. Oh well, I'll deal with it. I'm having a good day today, got rid of my sister for the entire spring break and i got to spend the day with my g/f. My sister is at my cousins house for those of you who know my sister and always call her like every 5 minutes. Anyways, I finally looked to see how many people have me as a friend and had a big suprise to see that i actually had people add me. I have friends, YAY! What the hell did I just say? Damn it, I am tired, I'm talking gay. Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

Well I was in a good mood today before I got home. I was out with my friend and my g/f so I was happy. I spent the night at my friends house last night and we had fun doing all kinds of dumb shit all night. We made up all kinds of stupid ass songs that had nothing to do with anything. Oh well it was fun. I shudder at the thought of having to go to musical practice every fucking night for the next 6 days. That's to much time that I could be doing something else. Well I have no life so I guess that it doesn't matter. I hope that we do something fun next year for the musical because the music this year blows big time in my opinion. I kinda have to do it next year too. Me and Gunnie that is. No one in the band that plays the trombone is good enough to play music for any musical shit. So I guess that makes me and Gunnie stuck doing it. Anyways, I get home today and my sister is a complete and total bitch for no fucking reason and it pisses me off because I have my g/f with me. So now I'm pissed off but I don't say anything because I don't want to make things worse. So I'm getting more pissed as the night rolls on, ready to just blow up at her but I don't because I have control over my emotions. Oh well, she is like that a lot and the best thing that I have figured out is to just leave her be and let her do whatever she wants. I'm not afraid of her for those of you thinking that I'm a pussy for not standing up to her. I don't want to get shit started most of the time. So for you who still think that I'm a pussy...shut the fuck up you god damn bastards. God I hate people that are stupid and immature their entire life. I don't mind it in little kids but for those people that are like in high school there should be a line. Some immaturity is alright even in high school but there is only so much that I can take until I feel that it's over the line. Oh well I don't care, I will deal with because I'm not the kinda person that confronts shit, I just deal with it. That doesn't mean come and fucking bug me because I will break eventually and it might be you that feels the wrath. Muhahahahah. Anyways, I'm going to take a shower so....Fuck off world.

I don't know why I feel accomplished, I just do. I think that maybe it's because a friend of mine has now found his true partner in life, I do believe. It's kinda hard to see them together, even though they aren't truely together they are just dating exclusively, because I still feel for the woman involved. It's been a long time since she and I went out but I still feel for her. I have a girlfriend for almost 8 months now, and I am truely happy but there is still that small portion of me that longs to be apart of my past relationship once again. I will not interfere because of three reason, 1)I'm happy with the girl that I have now and don't want to loose that for anything, 2)I know what it's like to have someone taken from you when you are going out with them and I don't want to see anyone go through that, and 3)I have to much respect for my friends and the 2 people that are refered to in this entry are both my friends. I will live my life with the feelings that I have because I know that there is nothing that will come of them again. I wish you 2 luck in your future together and hope that that future is long for you as a couple. If my girlfriend is reading this then I want you to know that I love you and I always will for the rest of my life. I hope that we are together for all of time and that we are happy together. I know that we are happy right now and I have never been happier at any other point in my lifetime than now. I hope that that continues forever. Well it's getting late and I need to sleep. Good night to all and sweet dreams.

Friends are a waste of time. My best friend for some reason is now ignoring me and it's pissing me off because I haven't done anything wrong for him to be mad at me. My girl-friend and her friend just had a fight today. Apparently my g/f's best friend is pissed at her because they never do anything and that she always breaks plans with her all the time. Well the way that it goes is that my g/f always trys to keep her plans with her best friend and her best friend is the one that is always breaking the plans. So my g/f calls me after her and her "friend" off the phone. She is in tears and this pisses me off and then she tells me why and that pisses me off more because I know that her friend is becoming a complete bitch toward her. So now I'm ready to fucking call her "best friend" and give her a piece of my mind but I know that that wouldn't help anything that would just make things worse between the 2 of them. So now I have my own friend that doesn't talk to me for some reason, my g/f and her friend aren't on "safe ground" right now in their friendship, and I have no fucking clue what to do. I'm pissed off, confused, hurt, shocked, annoyed, and just about everything else. I am happy though inspite of all that shit. My g/f came over on Saturday and we went to Greenville to turn in the rest of my Florida pictures and to look around over there to see if there are any jobs. Well the weather got really shitty out so I told her that she wasn't going to go home whether her parents wanted her to or not because I didn't want her to be out in the weather and risk getting into a crash. So she stayed the night. For those of you who think pervertedly no we didn't have sex just because she was here for the night so get it out of your fucking head. We slept out in the living room on the air mattress and I believe that it was the best night of sleep that I have had in a long time because I knew that I was laying next to love of my life. I know that there are those of you who will be showing certain people this entry and that's alright because it scored me points the last you did it. I thank you for that. You know who you are and for those of you who don't know who this person is, well........to damn bad because it's not your fucking business who it is. I am becoming violent lately in my entries and I believe that I can attribute that to all the shit that has been going the opposite way that I want them to go. Oh well that's life and I will deal with it. I'm going to bed. Fuck everyone out there!!

Feeling good today. Not to shitty not to good just in the middle. So I guess that I should correct my first statement to neutral. Was going to go to my best friends house and hang there with him tonight but ended up staying with my girl. Things just aren't the same with me and my best friend anymore. Shit we used to do everything together and now that he is popular and I'm still just in the middle of the social class, we never do anything. I don't really think that it's a bad thing because we had thought a long time that our friendship would never make it this far. I don't know whether I should try to get back into the flow of things with him and go out and do things with him because he does a lot of things that I don't think should be done. I'm afraid that I losing a friend even though we have always said that we would be there for our entire lives for one another, I don't know if that is still going to be the case. Should I try to confront him about it? I don't know. I think that my mind has been made up to just ride things out and hope that he will change after we graduate school. I don't know anymore. Shit I am confused but I'm not, if that makes any sense. I don't care if it makes sense or not because I know what I mean and that's all that matters. I have new friends now and he has new friends but I don't know if my new friends are going to be as good of friends as my other best friend. I know that they will be friends and so on but I don't know if they will end up with as strong of a friendship as I have......used to have. I think that the biggest thing that is bothering me is the fact that I don't know whether or not I can talk to him anymore. We are falling apart from each other and I afraid to let go and watch to see how things fall into place. Yeah for those of you that are reading this, you probably think that I'm like gay or something by the way that I put things in this but you know what? Fuck you! I don't give a shit what the hell anyone thinks about me because I have learned to not give a fuck. So deal with it. Anyone that wants to talk about any of this come see me and I'll set your ass straight if you decide to piss me off.

I'm sick as hell and I hate it. It started to get real bad the day before I left to go to Florida with the band. I had fun in Florida even though I was sick as hell. I wonder why the hell there is sickness in this world. What purpose does sick have other than to piss the people who are sick off? I hate being sick and if i find out why there is sickness in this world I am going to fix it. Probably not because I have no patience to do anything like that but hey I can talk like I'm going to do something. I'm about to die from coughing and trying not to puke so I'm out for the night.

Things are still good.Spent an hour and a half last night going through and veiwing others journals to to see what people write in these things.I seen some very interesting things that are oddly similar to things that I have gone through or am going through. I'm amazed!!Still hoping that there is a way for me to meet more people and try to get to know them.I'm what you could call a people person,I like to talk to people and I like to interact.Not much for going out and doing things I'm more of the kind of person that kicks back and just likes to hang out.I don't understand the thing about going out and doing things all the time.The only thing that that does is waste money.Some say that it's a way that they meet people and well that's good for them but I'm not one to be in a group. I like to have just my good friends around and that's about it.Going to take a shower.Peace!

Ah yes, I remember how to do this. It's been a while but hey at least I still am using it. I have had a lot of good things happen to me within the time that I haven't wrote anything. There are too many to tell so I think that I will tell the most important one...I had a situation happen to me and the whole ordeal brought me to my senses about how much my girl means to me. I don't want to say what it was that happened because I know too many people that use this that would say something as soon as they read it but the main part of it is that I realized exactly how much my girl means to me. She is the most important thing in my life and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. It's going to be quite a while before I ever propose to her but still someday I am going to ask her to marry me. I am an ass to her sometimes but I know that I am doing it and I apologize afterwards. I know that she feels the same way about me because I can see it in her eyes whenever I look into them. Well I have to get to bed so that I can get up and take fucking exams in the morning.