}-->

>
~mimisk8
>>Moon Goddess
Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?


>>Warrioress
You are the Figher Femme


 

friends | profile | guestbook


paulina

recent entries | past entries


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 22 April :: 2.19 pm

Drugs
Letting your friend do drugs, is like letting her/him kill them self. It's omost the same right, you can try stop it, and maybe save his/her life, but if you just keep letting it pass and not doing anything about it and something bad happens to them after that, would you regret it. Would you really regret not stopping them when you had the chance, i know i would. I trust my friends don't do drugs, and if they did i wish they would stop, and if your a perosn who dose drugs or smokes and shit like that, i wish you would stop to. I couldn't bare it if my friends got hurt from doing drugs or somthing like that. I couldn't live with out them. If you are one of those people, and that you are adicted to it, i feel really sry for you. Im sry but i lost so many friends who did drugs, i could have stoped them, but i didn't, now im telling you, if you know a person who is on drugs save them, don't let them die like i let my friend. You will see how it feels.....

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 21 April :: 11.09 am

to day was kool, i got out of math class to day cause of kaya and safir guys turns out we went down to gt and me and kaya made up this movie that we have to get in by a certen day, but then we just scratched it and came up with a whole new idea, it's soooo kool. Safir has like one of the best ideas. I don't know why he isn't in gt with us. Safir and kaya are such good friends to me, cause that bull shit i got in to last friday, they were there when kamaile was like yelling at me she wouldn't stop yelling but i can''t blame her but after i couln't stand anymore so i just ran away from it all, Safir and kaya well i think mostly safir started yelling at kamaile, he thought i would be mad at him for that, HELL no im glad someone stuck up for me, insted of just yelling at me, i was so confused that night, i wanted to get away from it all. Right now im grate ful to have friends like kaya safir and nadia wit out them, i would be more confused then im already am. yup yup

6 comments | leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 21 April :: 11.54 am

k problem, i like many guys, ya thats the way i am. and they like me, but my friends call me a hoe cause i kiss them but im not going out with them or shit. Do you think that to? Cause like i like this one guy and he likes me but he lives so far away from me and none of my friends like him and this other guy wants to have sex wit me, but i don't want to lose my virginity for a while, long time, and this other guy i kinda want to go out with but he dosen't know it and this other guy who i met over the internet chat room thing, we have known each other for like 3-5 months and he asked me out. Geez am i a hoe. Sry if i am

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 20 April :: 11.13 am

TO day was kool, kaya fired ashley from the movie and i got his friend to play her part, i thought he would be happy if i did that. I went to hula to day and shook my ass like there was no tomorrow, tashian thing. laters

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 20 April :: 11.48 am

To day was awsome, my friends kaya and safir came over to day to help me with this video. Kaya and safir are so funny and kinda cute, kinda i mean kinda, ya i like them, as friends and crap, but i don't think it would like ever work out if we ever went out, i dono y there just not in to me like that. Can't really same i guess, it would be fine for me to go out with one of them, not saying that i want to, but if one of them did ask me out, i would have no objective. Any way, kaya safir went on the golf carts and they had a blast then they played my game DDR Max they sucked ass at, kaya is a little bit better then safir though lol. Safri is a grate gitar player he plays electric gitar he can do the same with a ukelele which i play. Kaya is good on the bass gitar. There going to make a band with this 17 year old dude and this 12 year old dude and of coress them. I was going to be there drumer, but at the time i didn't have drums and didn't really know how to play, but i said i would buy drums and get lessens, they were kool with that untill they had an idea to start the band early. So i guess im not with them, that kinda hurt, but of coress i didn't tell them. I am going to try to do modleing and get money so i can buy drums and a dirt bike. I really want to do dirt biking i think it's so awsome. O well i hope me kaya and safir stay good friends for a long time, or it least untill school is done, i don't know what i would do with out those guys. lol

2 comments | leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 16 April :: 7.02 am

k last nite (friday) was sick, me and my friends went to srm (solid rock minatres) and we picked up my friend cameron, (friend with benafits) it was all good untill we went to cosco which is right above srm. Turns out my parents were there but they never saw us, we went back to srm for a while, then cam got the idea to go back, im like dude there is are people garding this place and he's all like it's kool we WONT get caught. I didn't want to leave him and his freinds alone, cause i knew they wouldn't come back untill i convinced them to. We manged to get passed the people. Half way there i got a bad knot in my gut, i wantd to go back but there all like no were omost there, then im like shit i for got my cell phone. We were at the entrnce when a women from srm was there, she reconized one person and said he had to go back. # of us were left. Me cameron and nick. No you don't know them. I when we were in there im like k, lets go back, there all like but we just got here can't we stay for a little more, im like dude i have bad carma. They looked at me funny, but there was my mistake, i stayed with them, we were gone for about 45 min untill im like ok thats it were going back, there finlay listend to me and we went back. When we were going back i had this realy bad feeling that people were worried i kept on thinking of kamaile, and how pissed she was going to be at me. Cameron said i wouldn't get in troble, but i knew i was going to get yelled at,my instinks are pretty DAMN good. When we got back kamaile was out in the front, we came in the back, first minute i saw her i knew she was going to kick my ass. First she yelled at me, then she hit me, then she cryed. She told me every one was looking for me, and they were going to call the cops if they didn't find me. They thought i was going to get raped from cameron and nick, but there not like that, im sure of it. Kamaile kept on yelling and yelling, i guess i desurved it, no i knew i desirved it, i just wantd to die right then and there, i wanted to end my life. She said my mistake was i went with him and didn't tell anybody. I was in deep shit then. My friends then joined me in the conversion. Kaya and safir also joined, i was kinda glad to see them beleave it or not. Turns out safir yelled at kamaile for yelling at me. Kaya looked confused, but i also felt better just seeing them, i don't know why, but they just make me happy. I couldn't bare to look at kamaile or anyone else, untill she stoped yelling, i then understood and relized what could have happend that nite. I couldn't take the presure and the sadness i ran to the bath room, people just looked at me. I locked my self in a stlaa and cryed my eyes out, breana was there trying to com me down Nadia came a little while after, her words confurted me. Every other girl who was out looking for me came in to the bath room. Tiana told me that i made a mistkae and i'll learn from them. Nothing was right that nite. My gut feeling was right. After church i saw my friend adrean, he's all like" ummm whats going on" i didn't talk to him much but i said there is a reson for everthing right? he just looked at me. I wanted to go by kaya guys but, i couldn't...... Cameron ened getting in troble, the people for got about me. Cameron missed the bus so we took him home, kamaile was thrilled she hates cameron even more. Cameron and i were silent during the ride home. At one point we just looked at each other, then held hands, he said he was sry. Were still really good friends, we'll always be, even if we do get introble. I hardly see him, about once every 2 months i see him and i hate it like hell. But he's not the only boi i care about. I'd hate it if Kaya and safir weren't there that nite, know one no's bout it, but i jjust really like hanging around them, there like really kool don't know how to exsplain it though. Id be lost if my friends weren't there for me
kamaile
jasmina
nadia
breana
luis
kaya
safir
shante (all shante's firends)
adrean
cameron
mosty Kamaile we were friends ever since kinagarden. I am so lucky my friends were there and my sister, even though she hates my guts right now, she means the world to me, but i would never say that in front of her, gotta keep my dignaty. I relized what i have done. Im really regretting it. See bad carma. Advice to all, when you feel something that is gut instink say no or just stop what ever is making you feel that way TRUST me one who knows

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 16 April :: 7.02 am

k last nite (friday) was sick, me and my friends went to srm (solid rock minatres) and we picked up my friend cameron, (friend with benafits) it was all good untill we went to cosco which is right above srm. Turns out my parents were there but they never saw us, we went back to srm for a while, then cam got the idea to go back, im like dude there is are people garding this place and he's all like it's kool we WONT get caught. I didn't want to leave him and his freinds alone, cause i knew they wouldn't come back untill i convinced them to. We manged to get passed the people. Half way there i got a bad knot in my gut, i wantd to go back but there all like no were omost there, then im like shit i for got my cell phone. We were at the entrnce when a women from srm was there, she reconized one person and said he had to go back. # of us were left. Me cameron and nick. No you don't know them. I when we were in there im like k, lets go back, there all like but we just got here can't we stay for a little more, im like dude i have bad carma. They looked at me funny, but there was my mistake, i stayed with them, we were gone for about 45 min untill im like ok thats it were going back, there finlay listend to me and we went back. When we were going back i had this realy bad feeling that people were worried i kept on thinking of kamaile, and how pissed she was going to be at me. Cameron said i wouldn't get in troble, but i knew i was going to get yelled at,my instinks are pretty DAMN good. When we got back kamaile was out in the front, we came in the back, first minute i saw her i knew she was going to kick my ass. First she yelled at me, then she hit me, then she cryed. She told me every one was looking for me, and they were going to call the cops if they didn't find me. They thought i was going to get raped from cameron and nick, but there not like that, im sure of it. Kamaile kept on yelling and yelling, i guess i desurved it, no i knew i desirved it, i just wantd to die right then and there, i wanted to end my life. She said my mistake was i went with him and didn't tell anybody. I was in deep shit then. My friends then joined me in the conversion. Kaya and safir also joined, i was kinda glad to see them beleave it or not. Turns out safir yelled at kamaile for yelling at me. Kaya looked confused, but i also felt better just seeing them, i don't know why, but they just make me happy. I couldn't bare to look at kamaile or anyone else, untill she stoped yelling, i then understood and relized what could have happend that nite. I couldn't take the presure and the sadness i ran to the bath room, people just looked at me. I locked my self in a stlaa and cryed my eyes out, breana was there trying to com me down Nadia came a little while after, her words confurted me. Every other girl who was out looking for me came in to the bath room. Tiana told me that i made a mistkae and i'll learn from them. Nothing was right that nite. My gut feeling was right. After church i saw my friend adrean, he's all like" ummm whats going on" i didn't talk to him much but i said there is a reson for everthing right? he just looked at me. I wanted to go by kaya guys but, i couldn't...... Cameron ened getting in troble, the people for got about me. Cameron missed the bus so we took him home, kamaile was thrilled she hates cameron even more. Cameron and i were silent during the ride home. At one point we just looked at each other, then held hands, he said he was sry. Were still really good friends, we'll always be, even if we do get introble. I hardly see him, about once every 2 months i see him and i hate it like hell. But he's not the only boi i care about. I'd hate it if Kaya and safir weren't there that nite, know one no's bout it, but i jjust really like hanging around them, there like really kool don't know how to exsplain it though. Id be lost if my friends weren't there for me
kamaile
jasmina
nadia
breana
luis
kaya
safir
shante (all shante's firends)
adrean
cameron
mosty Kamaile we were friends ever since kinagarden. I am so lucky my friends were there and my sister, even though she hates my guts right now, she means the world to me, but i would never say that in front of her, gotta keep my dignaty. I relized what i have done. Im really regretting it. See bad carma. Advice to all, when you feel something that is gut instink say no or just stop what ever is making you feel that way TRUST me one who knows

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 15 April :: 2.41 pm

I know i can kill my self i know i can, and im not afriand to but, what happens after that? Would the world be a better place for my disaperince? Do i really want to give up my life? My friends, my family my cat. Would they all miss me? How would i know i would be dead. Some would weep for me, i don't think others would care. U c i am a verry none relly socail girl, i want to be alone most of the times but when i am i hate it, i just have mixed feeling right now about all the shit that has been going through my life. My two closets friends are kamaile and cameron, nadia is pretty up there so is my firend kenna. Kaya i might add is now i see a kool friend none the less just a firend and will remane a firend un till i say diffrent. Safir says who ever kills them selves are cowards afraid to face the world, i don't think that i have another reson, my reson is that some times i feel no one would relly care about my death, this world is just another place in my haed, my mind travels and it never stops. I wonder if nadia kaya saifr and all those people would miss me or would they even care. My love for this world is discenagrating be for my eyes, 3 things stop me Freinds, family and my heart. Maybe i should rethink this whole dieing thing, maybe it's not worth going through the pain and suffering. I dono if you ritht now is reading this message and can try to help a girl in need of advice email me at little_miss_angel_123@yahoo.com laters

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 14 April :: 2.33 pm

To day was kool, i had to take a nother Suck ass test agian. Nobody notice i cut my hair, dosen't look that diffrent. I had to go to GT again, k first kaya says we have on tusedays and thursdays then he next day tusedays and wensdays then next say he changes it back to tusedays and thursdays im like Dude, o well it's all good, i don't mind hanging out with him and safir there pretty kool once you get to know them. Kamaile dosen't like them though for some odd verry odd reson, i guess it's because they tese her, i wouldn't blame her though, kaya and safir say somethings pretty harsh, they may not know it but, they do tend to hurt people with there so called huemer. It's all good for me cause they don't pick on me, maybe it's because i got to know them and they got to know me better, or it could be that they just want to come over to my house and go in my pool play tenis and ride in the golf carts. I dono i don't think there like that. Nadia and i haven't been talking much, maybe it's because she's at camp. lol but she and i kinda go through the same thing, depressen and all that, she had the guts to try to kill her seld, i was afriad of pain. We are good friends i hope it stays that way....

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 14 April :: 2.00 am

Today was cool, i had to do S.A.T (suck ass testing) a cople of hours then Kaya came up to me and said we had Gt to day, im like i thought we had it on thursdays he' like no we changed it, te safir (kaya's friend) and michael came down and we were trying to shoot this movie, it to stressfull on me so i made kaya half the dircter it's like 50-50. I am starting to really like kaya he's really kool so is safir he's funny he thought of some great ideas for the movie. It was all going well untill i brought up the subject about nadia (safirs sister) aprently kaya and safir thought she might try to kill her srlf agian. I don't think so becuase if she dose, im gona beat her ass down. I hope she wont she''ll lose alot if she dose. I'd try to go with her to, sometimes i really think the world has no meaning to it, don't you? You have no perpose living in this world so y stay in it?

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 13 April :: 2.28 am

To day was cool, i had to go to gt with mis Wong brething down my neck, i am making a movie and she is ruening it! O well im still going to do it my way. Kaya, my friend is really nice, he is helping me with my movie thing. I think he is as omost as stuped as i am. yeh. Kaya and i get tesed every day by Noah cause he thinks were going out, i have to admit, kaya would be a cool guy to go out with but, we would never become that close i think, never like him and my friend Nadia. After school Kamaile came strate to my house. There we found my dad work person Gary. Gary i think is cool, he's really older then i and he is a sufer dude, he's in may LATE 20's or 30's. I kinda flirt with him and kinda flirts back i can't tell. He keeps takeing pics with of me with his Cell phone, i finaly asked for his cell nummber and we traded nummbers. it's all good, my dad is sapshess though, nothing would ever happen between me and him though, at lest i dont think. Kamaile and i are in hula ever tuseday, i like to show off to the younger kids and they all stare in wonder. there is this one little girl who isn't anoying and i like her, most of the other little girls i hate. tashian works my legs and ass in shape so it's a god work out, im fat anyway and i love to dance so its all good. I want my good friend Cameron to call, i miss him veary much, u have no idea, we went out for about a month then broke up, but we still good friends, we got to the point where we kiss and stuff and he toches me. I dont really mind it's normal for a guy to feel another girl if you know what i mean, he wants to go futher but im like no, wait. He understands. my other friend adrean knows how to fuck but he can't kiss for jack. lol o well. I have to admit some of Cam's friends are way cute like Michael and kyle there way cool. Most of Cam"s friends do dirtbiking and they said i could ride with them if i wanted to but my mom wont let, she dosen't trust me with boys for somereson lol ;) Angel by day devil girl by night lol. I want to play drums, i was going to play with kaya's band but safir found some one else, but the thing is i was kinda looking forward to playing with them, o well i'll start my own band Kamaile wants to play electric getar and sing She is a Damn good singer and i can play drums but we have to find other people, owell. Some of Cam's firends are suprise that i am a virgin and i am not afraid to say it, there like want me to unvirginize you? im like thats ok. I want a boi friend who will like me for who i am not what i have or what i look like, thats all a girl really wants in a boi, be sides sex and crap like that, lol jk. AKA Kaya is an Awsome person to hang with, nadia is one o the gatest friends and kamaile is a sister to me... laters

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 12 April :: 2.32 am
:: Mood: calm

Have guys ever have someone u really cared about, like a boi friend or a gurl friend? Well this is my story, Cameron is one of the people i care about the most, he just is always there for me and were just really good friends. Cameron and i have tride going out, it was axshally really good but, there a problem with me with long distence relation ships. I broke with him like maybe a month after. But were still really good friends, you could say were just freinds with benafits, it's what he calls us. He and i are both virgins, but we want to change that, but i am holding back, cause like i kinda pay attenion in sex ed these days, i don't know where cam is. But we promised eacher to never move off the island, and always stay freinds, i should get that written in blood.lol O well girls and boi if theres someone u really really like never let go of them they wont let go of you!

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 12 April :: 1.04 am
:: Mood: my life

my life here on earth is pretty good, but somtimes i just want to die, i have many friends in my life

kamaile
nadia
kenna
tiana
Iesha
mariah
annie
dime
keli
ashaly
briana
caitin c


Cameron
kaya
michael
safir
luis
kenzie
kyle
mike
rayan
adrean
mason
nathan
sam
nick
chaitanya
reggie
james (u don't know him, ya u, i'm talking to you)
Robert
Manoa
dustin
i proly for got 4-6 more but i can't think off hand
but kamaile is really close to me and we have been best friends ever since kinagarden and cameron i just met like 6 months ago and he is the one of the closet guy friends i have nadia she is the coolest girl you will ever meet. My friends are like my family and i don't really have one, i am adopted so i concider my firends family i have a big family

leave a comment


[ maybenot ]

:: 2004 12 April :: 12.28 am

I wana die

Why is it always, i am feeling so depressed. I slit my rist and put my hand to my chest. My feelings got hurt so many times, why am i making this stupid rime. I lay on my bed and wish i could die. I wish some body would love me, i wish some body would care, that im hurting in side, dispite my disspare. My love for this boy was so veary strong, untill one day it was all over, the love we shared was all gone. My best is moving away, i don't know what i will do with out her, no one can say. I want to be invisble so no one can see me cry, i want to be invisble, i want to die. Why can't anybody see that i am hurting in side, i let my anger out with the cutting of my flesh. It feels good to feel something other then being depressed. The love i had bored for all human kind, is no longer with me, now it is time. Time to say good bye to me, bid your last fair wells, for the place that i might be going to, just might be hell. I will miss you all, i hope you miss me to, remeber that one last kiss, that i gave to you it was love and it was true. end

This is how sometimes i feel i don't no y, every day at school i think of just wanting to bealone, i have my own litte world where there is just me in it and no one to bother me i just want to be alone for now... just for now

3 comments | leave a comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal