Useless Ramblings

:: 2009 25 January :: 11.28 pm

I got caught in a pornado.

:: 2009 25 January :: 11.24 pm

And I jizzed in my pants.

:: 2009 25 January :: 11.12 pm

Ah, bring me my rape shoes.

:: 2009 22 January :: 1.51 am

So two British women were in Menards today to set their product. Turns out their product hadn��t arrived yet so Mark Mahowald had them set the product next to theirs that had to move. They did it�K

We ended up staying 35 minutes past close setting their product. And then we went out drinking ��

Mark Mahowald became Ma-walla-walla. And he��s going to get a Fusion Mixer up his jacksie.

They think ��Dan The Man�� is straight, while I think otherwise.

Both Ann and Becka swallow.

Becka has only tried anal twice.

Ann has done it with her man on a regular basis.

Craig had his scrotum pierced because it apparently smacks the clit while fucking.

Fanny means ��lady garden�� in British speak.

I hate how beer makes you pee.

British people are easier to understand than Southern people.

:: 2009 20 January :: 10.36 pm

Pussy Vs Ass
By N.S.

In these trying times, when the very notion of a democracy is beginning to seem like fiction, it�s important to remember the little things that unite us all as humans. Like our ability to express ourselves creatively, or our capacity for love. Or the fact that each and every one of us has an ass.

Yes--an ass. An ass that can be stimulated, penetrated�and loved. What could be more democratic than the concept of ass-fucking? Everyone has an anus, to use in any way they see fit. And just like the democracy that we are currently enduring in America, everyone can get fucked.

Yes, I do believe there is something quite beautiful in the fact that each and every human has the right and the ability to have their sphincter pounded into oblivion. Ass sex can be a tremendously exhilarating and transcendent experience. It allows males to feel what females feel�to be prodded, invaded. On the other hand to get fucked is to feel the power of enveloping another human being, of drawing them into one�s self. Ass sex just might be the ultimate weapon in the battle of the sexes.

Not to mention that it bridges the gap between cultures in a world where diplomatic relations between countries are strained to nearly the breaking point. Ass sex has always been quite prevalent in Arabic cultures, and think of how many lives could be spared if, instead of terrorizing other countries with bombs or other forms of attack, we could all just fuck each other in the ass and get out our aggression that way? It is a dream that I have.

Straight white men, are you listening? You are the ones who run this world, after all, and maybe it would be beneficial for you to feel how things are at the other end of the stick, so to speak. Perhaps it would do this world a bit of good if you got your girlfriends to peg you, or at the very least, bought yourself a nice rubber dong and slid it up your tight holes. Maybe the world would be a better place. Don�t you agree? (if so please email me: bacteriaburger@gmail.com).

Vaginas are great, really. I mean, pussy definitely trumps ass in certain obvious areas (less muss, less fuss), but when you get right down to it, isn�t pussy fairly exclusive? Only one half of the population has one. The vagina is an elitist orifice, and elitism has no place in a democracy, at least not in my opinion.

The way I see it, if you really believe in enduring freedom and want to make the world a better place, you should be willing to make sacrifices, and one of those sacrifices should be your ass. If you are a true and proud American, and you believe in democracy, then there is no way you can not believe in the unifying and leveling force that is the anus. You�re either for us, or against us.

So everybody�black or white, rich or poor, female or male, your anus is essentially your badge of freedom and democracy. Remember, freedom isn�t free. Let�s show those terrorists and haters of democracy our strength by taking it up the ass like the powerful nation we know we are.

Remember to take it slowly, and God Bless America.

:: 2009 20 January :: 5.36 pm

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." Abe Lincoln

:: 2009 18 January :: 10.37 pm

Ew! Pbht! These carrots taste musky.

Out! Damn oompa-loompas!

:: 2009 2 January :: 9.44 pm

My doggies by the tree.

:: 2008 26 December :: 10.44 pm

Callie is getting really sick :-(

:: 2008 13 December :: 6.09 pm

Damn you Michelle! I want to look, but know I really don't want to....

So, semen Jason? Sounds interesting.

:: 2008 13 December :: 6.05 pm

Dear Walter:
Why is it that I gag when I brush my tongue, but not when I give my boyfriend oral sex?

Walter's response:
Well obviously your toothbrush is bigger.

:: 2008 12 December :: 4.43 am

Grandmama! Drink your prune juice!

:: 2008 9 December :: 1.02 am

"When God gave men cocks, he knew what he was doing. They're handy, useful and fun. He also put a little nut in your ass just deep enough for cocks to reach."

:: 2008 7 December :: 8.44 pm

I didn't bugger 37 choir boys.

11 comments | leave a comment

:: 2008 30 November :: 2.27 pm

I can�t find the um, the stationary, come and help me look.

:: 2008 23 November :: 10.59 pm

No fisting the cat!

:: 2008 23 November :: 7.57 pm

Are you seeing what I�m seeing? Cause I�m seeing gorillas riding pterodactyls with harpoon guns stealing a boat.

:: 2008 20 November :: 10.32 pm

Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.

:: 2008 20 November :: 7.47 pm

Top 11 reasons why the UAW is like congress:

1.) Both carry a bunch of signs at all their get-togethers. UAW workers, picket signs. Congressmen, re-election signs.
2.) Both have exorbitant pensions and will receive health care for life upon retirement.
3.) Both have work stoppages for months at a time during summer, winter and around all federal holidays.
4.) Both take credit for creating the middle class.
5.) Both have a historical reputation for shoddy quality of work product.
6.) Both like pork. One likes it in "rind" form, the other in "spending" form.
7.) Both live well beyond their means. UAW workers with boats on Lake Superior. Congress gets junkets and fact-finding trips to the Cayman Islands.
8.) Both are paid the same regardless of how much work they do.
9.) Both have a national approval rating of under 10%.
10.) Both are seemingly out-classed by their foreign counterparts.
11.) Both get to take election day off.

:: 2008 16 November :: 1.05 pm

So, Abe Lincoln was gay...

:: 2008 15 November :: 7.50 pm

Mortimer get off the couch.

Mortimer fetch.

Stupid Zebra.

:: 2008 10 November :: 10.28 pm

3 comments | leave a comment

:: 2008 9 November :: 6.59 am

Dreams are really fucked up.

So this one was so�something that I had to post it. So there�s a line of people waiting for a wedding and I�m sitting next to it, behind my high school. Slowly characters start being introduced. I don�t know anyone in the wedding, but in my row of people next to them are some people from high school and Jeremy Hight. So out of the blue I kiss him, and then my whole line of people ends up having a race running over to the middle school. By this point he and I are partners and then we make a location jump to camping with a completely different group of characters.

I left out a little stuff, but that�s the majority of it. Disturbing to me on two levels: one Jeremy is straight, and two I haven�t seen or heard from him in quite a while.

:: 2008 25 October :: 2.06 am

Ok, I need to see someone's rectum.

:: 2008 22 October :: 11.49 pm

It's official, they're forecasting snow.

:: 2008 9 October :: 9.38 am

There was a young man named Von Deenis.

Who they said had a very big...

:: 2008 30 September :: 9.20 am

I turned down my chance to sleep with Robin Hood?

:: 2008 29 September :: 4.50 am

Wait. Wait. Wait. Oh...! And boom goes the dynamite.

:: 2008 24 September :: 8.12 am

You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot...