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2007 14 September :: 5.47 am
Guy #1: It may take a few tries, but it works -- you can flush them down the toilet.
Guy #2: I didn't think you could flush something, y'know -- solid. Don't they jam up the toilet?
Guy #1: Nope. I guess they're not big enough, or maybe I've been lucky, but I've never had a problem.
Guy #2: If you're going to kill them anyway, I don't see why you have those live traps.
Guy #1: Sherry won't let me get regular traps, so I don't tell her I'm flushing the mice, and everything's cool. I just tell her I'm setting them loose outside.
--6 train, 23rd & Park
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2007 23 August :: 7.46 pm
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
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2007 15 August :: 8.31 pm
Must be watched from beginning to end.
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2007 15 August :: 9.26 am
"I’m not sure of the significance of the bride and groom smearing cake all over each other’s face; it’s probably a fertility ritual, but it looks like the results of a really great blow-job to me."
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2007 2 August :: 6.28 pm
This is fucking bullshit. I take my car in for service, again, and it comes back to me with a warning light on. And they haven’t even addressed all of my concerns.
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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2007 31 July :: 7.00 am
(3 November 2006, Michigan) Death by train is almost too common to merit a Darwin Award. Few people are unaware of the three most important facts about trains: 1) Trains cannot stop quickly. 2) Trains cannot swerve. 3) In any collision, the train always wins.
Forgetting these rules, a 20-year old man was walking down the railroad tracks in Comstock Township, near Kalamazoo, Michigan. This, in and of itself, is not even close to Darwinian stupidity. Trains are loud, and they announce their approach from quite a distance, allowing ample time to clear their path. However, our Darwin contender made sure the odds were in the train's favor by wearing a pair of headphones with the music turned up loud. Louder than the train's whistle, apparently.
The news report didn't mention what song he was listening to, but I'm guessing it was "Don't Look Back" by Boston. Not looking back sealed his fate. Despite several loud blasts of the horn by the train engineer, our Darwin contender kept strolling down the rails in musical bliss, until Amtrak removed him from the gene pool. Reference: Kalamazoo Gazette
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2007 23 July :: 11.38 pm
So, my aunt and uncle got into a car accident on Saturday night. My parents and grandparents drove over to Green Bay to visit them in the hospital and I’ve been staying at my parents’ place to take care of the dogs. Got an update on their condition this last night and as of this morning nothing has changed. Apparently my uncle is fine except for a broken rib. My aunt hasn’t faired quite as well. One dislocated leg, the other leg is broken in three places, and she crushed a few vertebrae in her neck. Last I had heard this morning was that my parents were driving back tonight. The only problem is that they said they were going to be back earlier tonight and they’re not answering their phones either. Currently I’m hoping Linda is doing well and they just didn’t hear their phones…
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2007 15 July :: 8.26 pm
Seth: If the body doesn't lie...
Summer: ...then it's saying ew.
Seth: Ew or touch my pooper?
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2007 15 July :: 5.14 pm
Nor is a dildo a Polish popover.
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2007 10 July :: 11.23 pm
They killed Hermione? Fuckers!
2 comments |
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2007 9 July :: 6.22 pm
A dildo is not a Polish reindeer.
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2007 2 July :: 9.52 am
Caught the last couple of minutes of the South Park Whore Off. Just seeing a cartoon Paris Hilton cram a pineapple in was extremely amusing to me. Then to be topped off by Mr. Slave fitting all of Paris Hilton and the pineapple up his ass…
Make your way to the small intestine. There you will meet the Sparrow Prince who can guide you to the Catatafish…
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2007 27 June :: 10.37 pm
lower than a pug's testicles
1 comment |
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2007 22 June :: 9.20 pm
Um, thumb wrestling?
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2007 20 June :: 8.58 pm
Gage Weston was on Life on the D-List this week. He's fucking hot.
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2007 17 June :: 8.04 am
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
- Steven Weinberg
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2007 5 June :: 10.19 pm
Just watched the season premier of Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List. Fucking fabulous!
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2007 5 June :: 8.43 pm
Dude, that penis is sweet!
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2007 1 June :: 12.47 pm
How many shots in a fifth? Chug, chug, chug, that many.
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2007 1 June :: 11.22 am
Weekly Grocery Lists for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist--Summer, 1962
WEEK ONE
Beans
Bacon
Coffee
Whiskey
WEEK TWO
Beans
Ham
Coffee
Whiskey
WEEK THREE
Beans
Bacon
Coffee
Whiskey
K-Y Jelly
WEEK FOUR
Beans
Pancetta
Coffee--espresso grind please
Whiskey
2 tubes K-Y Jelly
WEEK FIVE
Some nice fresh Fava beans
Jasmine rice
Prosciutto--about 8 ounces, thinly sliced
Medallions of veal--a pound at least
Porcini Mushrooms
A half pint of heavy whipping cream
One Cub Scout uniform--size 42 long
Five or six bottles of a good chardonnay
One large bottle Astro-glide
WEEK SIX
Yukon Gold potatoes
Heavy whipping cream
Asparagus (only the freshest and thinnest spears, please)
Eggs
Lemons
Gruyere cheese (aged, please)
Walnuts
Arugula
Butter
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Six yards white silk organdy
Six yards pale ivory taffeta
At least a case of Chardonnay
One large tin Crisco
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2007 31 May :: 5.17 pm
Hmm, alcoholism as a superpower…
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2007 25 May :: 8.13 pm
:: Music: Asia: Heat of the Moment
Juggernaut Ball Bearings
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2007 25 May :: 1.11 pm
It's a bad sign when the people at the Chevrolet dealership know you by name and have your service folder hanging on the wall.
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2007 22 May :: 6.43 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz5T1EEo8ws&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fjoemygod%2Eblogspot%2Ecom%2F
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2007 22 May :: 6.42 am
From another's journal:
Saturday night I found myself chatting with a guy from Nottingham and a guy from Sydney, when naturally the conversation turned to American imperialism. I jokingly asked a friend nearby, "Quick, name five famous Australians." He hesitated and I added, "Besides Kylie." He said, "Oh, shoot. Um...there's her sister, Danni. Oh, and Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe." I said, "Don't forget Crocodile Dundee." Who actually isn't a person. And that's where we got stuck. I couldn't even come up with John Howard, the Prime Minister. The English guy said, "And who's from Nottingham?" My eyes lit up, but he jumped in, "Besides Robin Hood." Damn.
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2007 20 May :: 7.49 pm
"Firm, well-bolstered, heat up quickly … if only I could find a date like that!"
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2007 11 May :: 5.46 pm
I have a tool that can fix ANYTHING!
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2007 8 May :: 10.14 pm
Hello, my name is Ninja.
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