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mbenznut

:: 2011 31 July :: 9.39pm

Women can fake orgasms but men can fake love.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 28 July :: 8.15pm

Every school has cheerleader car washes.

Where the cheerleaders wash the cars, not where you wash the cheerleaders.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 16 July :: 11.26pm

I can't focus on my porn with all of this real sex going on around me!

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mbenznut

:: 2011 11 July :: 8.52am

Sookie: You just killed my fairy godmother.

Eric: Sorry.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 7 July :: 10.45pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 7 July :: 10.39pm

Gay guys: We're so manly, we do it with other guys.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 29 June :: 10.25pm

What do we do now?

We do what most families do on Christmas Eve.

Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in the toaster?

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mbenznut

:: 2011 14 June :: 10.20pm

You can all fuck my titties with your shit covered cocks you cum guzzling faggots.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 24 May :: 8.58pm

We're here. We're queer. We take it in the rear!

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mbenznut

:: 2011 1 May :: 10.35pm

John Hancock is a real person? I thought it was a sex act.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 1 May :: 9.23pm

After you clean the pool, I am going to shave every inch of you.

Ugh, that is not a classy toast.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 28 April :: 8.14pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 25 April :: 11.07pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 21 April :: 3.28pm



I'll take Cody.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 20 April :: 12.16pm

I have a question, are you single?

I'm not gay.

I don't care. You're hunky and I'm what they call predatory gay.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 19 April :: 7.57am

You are a strawberry blonde. You can't go out with an ash blonde, it wouldn't be right.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 28 March :: 2.58am

Heteroflexible: Straight, but shit happens.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 22 March :: 11.16pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 19 March :: 1.42pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 2 March :: 10.43pm

Butt sex is a lot like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 20 February :: 9.38pm

Yo mamas so fat she got cheats for Wii Fit.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 25 January :: 11.13pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 13 January :: 8.11pm

"I haven't seen a basket that impressive since the one on Red Riding Hood's arm."

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mbenznut

:: 2011 1 January :: 8.34am

RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS

It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And please don't try to shove it down my children's throats.

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mbenznut

:: 2010 16 December :: 6.42pm

If you listen to nothing else I say, remember this: choose a man with a large penis. People who say size doesn’t matter are generally the folks who don’t have much to brag about in the crotch department.’ Then she said, ‘Your grandfather, God rest his soul, had a nice eight-incher. Lord I miss that man.

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mbenznut

:: 2010 16 December :: 3.45pm

"Step-by-step, we have realized that this issue of homosexuality has the same adverse and progressive elements as when we dealt with the race issue 50 years ago, or 40 years ago. So I would say that the country is getting acclimated to a president who might be female, who might, obviously, now, be Black, and who might be as well a gay person." - Former President Jimmy Carter

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 30 November :: 12.45pm
:: Music: Rufus Wainwright- Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Take a lot of sentimental valiums...
Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then there's those other things
Which for several reasons we won't mention
Everything about 'em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
With scrappy boys faces have general run of the town

Playing with prodigal sons
Take a lot of sentimental valiums
Can't expect the world to be your Raggedy Andy
While running on empty you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of Lessoon in Tightropes
Or surfing your high hopes or adios Kansas

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Still there's not a show on my back
Holes or a friendly intervention
I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish
A little bit Tower of Pisa
Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if I'm a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
Cigarettes and chocolate milk

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mbenznut

:: 2010 14 November :: 6.10pm

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mbenznut

:: 2010 6 November :: 11.15pm

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mbenznut

:: 2010 6 November :: 9.40am

Hey, look! It's a cock but smaller!

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