angel_bob
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2010 2 September :: 1.16am
HOW IS IT SEPTEMBER ALREADY
This freakout brought to you by wedding stress. For when you really want to stay up all night worrying about shit you could not care less about, there's wedding stress!
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mbenznut
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2010 26 August :: 9.52pm
Peter Peter Rhyme
Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
fucked her ass and went to bed
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Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory Dickory Dock
The bitch was suckin my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And dropped the bitch off at the next block!
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daysleeper
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2010 22 August :: 1.31am
I guess we will just call it all even.
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mbenznut
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2010 17 August :: 7.24am
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree."
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mbenznut
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2010 16 August :: 10.28pm
They spit only to stroke their own cocks.
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mbenznut
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2010 15 August :: 9.17pm
I wish to alter my bet. Everything on the one with the horse cock.
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jedibumblebee
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2010 10 August :: 10.08pm
:: Music: The Postal Service- The District Sleeps Tonight
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering/ What's buried underneath where I am...
Smeared black ink
Your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening
To last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering
What's buried underneath where I am
I'll wear my badge
A vinyl sticker with big block letters
Adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends
I am a visitor here: I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am
You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
D.C. sleeps alone tonight
You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
The district sleeps alone tonight
After the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving
Into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
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daysleeper
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2010 7 August :: 8.07pm
He's not dead. Yay.
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daysleeper
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2010 7 August :: 10.28am
He got in a car over 24 hours ago to drive to Wisconsin and go to a bachelor party for his cousin. No phone call. Not answering his phone. Last night it was ringing, but now it goes straight to voicemail, so it looks like his phone died over night.
So not like him not to call. I hope he is okay.
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michellestar
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2010 28 July :: 8.29pm
Last night in the apartment.
Goodbye Forest Hills.
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daysleeper
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2010 22 July :: 1.00am
Who would ever guess that I'd want to move to Southern Illinois?
Best LIS program. Ever. And I could probably get in.
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daysleeper
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2010 21 July :: 9.44pm
The boy is in Minnesota with his mom and sister until Friday. Bleh. I am not a solitary creature. I'm also not a group person. I'm just a couple person. I kind of like the idea of being on a tiny little team. It's easier to confront the world that way for me. So now I'm feeling all alone, again, for another long week without the boy. Have I mentioned bleh?
Anyway.
As it turns out, most restaurants that are looking for people around here advertise on Craigslist and hold open interview hours. I stopped by three today. One on my lunch break, which was tight because I had to take a train there and back. Then two after work. The first was absolutely packed and they had mini-interviews which I'm not certain I did well on. The second he just kinda grabbed my resume. And then (of course) I got lost and ended up walking around for at least half an hour before I found a red line. Stupid diagonal not-on-the-grid streets. And blah, I don't know. I'm tired and stressed and I really want a second job but the finding of a job is always harder than the having of a job here because there are tens of thousands of people also looking for jobs.
The lottery would be great. I was listening to a radio story about how it ruins peoples lives, but I'd bet everything that I wouldn't regret it. Give me a million bucks and it's BAM student loans paid off BAM reliable car bought and BAM nice little house in the suburb. So if anyone has any extra winning lottery tickets, you can send them my way.
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daysleeper
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2010 20 July :: 11.47pm
I've been spending entirely too much time looking for a second job online lately.
Other too muches:
1. Time spent alone in my apartment- The boy has left recently for a far away wedding and is now en route to a far away funeral.
2. Time spent thinking about money- I make enough for my bills, but not enough for building up savings or making significant dents into student loan debt, so I'm constantly thinking about how I might fix this, hence the looking for another job.
3. Time spent feeling bad about the wait I've gained- 30 pounds. One year. One barely used gym membership.
Blah.
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mbenznut
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2010 18 July :: 7.31pm
No food all day. 1/2 cup blueberry Smirnoff, 1/4 cup sprite, 1/4 cup blueberry juice=me completely trashed.
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michellestar
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2010 13 July :: 10.13pm
manhattanhenge
So somewhere along the line while living in the city I learned of Manhattanhenge but always missed it or would forget about it. I finally paid attention this year.
Manhattanhenge is when the sun is perfectly aligned with the street grid of Manhattan. It happens twice a year, like Stonehenge. With Stonehenge, the pillars are aligned so that the sun passes through on the seasonal equinoxes. The street grid of Manhattan is rotated 30 degrees from true east/west, which is why it happens on two random dates during the year instead of the equinox. The second date was this past Sunday, so I went to Manhattan armed with my D-SLR and met Bob's brother for dinner.
Technically you can go to any east/west street in Manhattan that's part of the grid, but you want to pick an open one with a good view west. I chose 34th Street so that I could get the Empire State Building in the shots. We decided to stop at 34th and Park and wait there with some coffee. It only lasts a short time, maybe four minutes or so.
My empire.
It was kind of amazing because the constant bustle of Manhattan was paused for a few minutes as photographers appeared out of nowhere, congregated in the middle of 34th at rush hour, drivers stopped their cars (above) and got out to take pictures. It was a little shared moment when all of Manhattan was bathed in the same sunbeam.
Manhattan Solstice
TwentyTen
Today is one month since Bob left.
I miss him every single day.
I still tear up in a heartbeat over it.
Jim, his brother, said to me this weekend,
"I truly believe you are a gift from Bob to help get me through this."
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jedibumblebee
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2010 10 July :: 7.53pm
:: Music: Ben Folds Five- Fair
I send my best, cause God knows, you've seen my worst...
you know when you don't listen to an album for a really long time and then you listen to it again and it's like... whoa.
i bought ben folds five- whatever and ever amen, on cd... i already have it, but it's on..umm... cassette tape.... so i haven't listened to it in a while.
<3
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jedibumblebee
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2010 8 July :: 9.29pm
:: Music: Ben Folds- Kalamazoo
Don't you know that I've been there too?
Ran out of time
Running my mouth
Ran up a tab and
All the way from Kalamazoo
On my way back home
I was surely stoned
Now I'm sober in my yard
Can't believe I was there
Can't believe I've been anywhere else
There was a time
Almost forgot
We had been drifting
All the way to Kalamazoo
And I said that I loved you too
All the way back home
There's an old joke
I just made up
How many of me
Would it take to screw up your life?
One to settle down
One to turn you 'round
Now I'm sober in my yard
I would say you had to be there
And I regret that you're still there
Seems like you'd be frozen
Frozen there in time
Waving your goodbye
High up to the sky
Your place on the map
Has faded away
Looks to be lost in
More that one way, Kalamazoo
Don't you know that I've been there too?
And it puts your mind more at ease
If you'd say the words of release
All the way back home
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angel_bob
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2010 8 July :: 2.12am
This is where I just keep talking and you guys can leave at any time
I have sunburn for the second time in my life and it sucks even worse than the first time as I am not 10 years old and have to work. At least I only have sunburn on my back, shoulders and knees unlike poor Nick whose face is red and peeling. I learned long ago that the first place I put sunscreen on is my face, especially on my nose and ears.
I've been sick for about a week now, just congested and gross and haven't been able to taste food for that entire terrible week. I was starting to think I wouldn't be able to ever taste food again (I had nightmares about tasteless Popeye's chicken and I cried a little) so I went into the bathroom with half a box of Puffs and emerged victorious! I then ate some ham dip and Pita House for lunch.
Speaking of Puffs, how great is it to be a company that has become a household name. I almost typed Kleenex before realizing I bought Puffs (because the only Kleenex at Meijer were the ones with lotion which gross me out and don't have nice, pretty boxes (Great selling point, companies! You've got me down pat. I take these to work and I want to look stylish while I wipe my nose every five minutes.)) and I was thinking about proprietary eponyms. Kleenex, Jello, Google, Vaseline, Q-Tips, Frisbee, Band-Aid, Velcro, Thermos...even Hi-Lighter. It's very interesting how our language has absorbed brand names as actual words. Maybe I'm just watching too much Mad Men.
I took a break from wedding planning for a week or two because I was having dreams about it and stressing out. Now I'm just more overwhelmed because apparently invitations are to be sent out 8 weeks before the wedding (which is the last weekend in August and OMFG IT IS JULY ALREADY WTF YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN TIME KTHX) and I keep having to explain to people (at work) that yes, I'm getting married, no he hasn't proposed. After 6 years, we knew we were going to do this, I don't need some hard consolidated mineral matter (thanks, princeton.edu!) on my finger to know that it's happening. Also, Nick lost his job which means we will soon need a cheaper and less awesome place to live which makes me sad but means more wedding money which we seriously need because my parents have said in the past that they aren't paying for it because they paid for their wedding so I can pay for mine. Although my mom did offer to help out after I called to tell her Nick lost his job. And I might need that help after seeing the price of these places. And my mom is the best dealfinder to ever hit deals.
Have you ever planned a wedding by the way? I don't know why in the world people want to stretch these things out over 6 months or even over a year! I'm stressed out already and I only have to deal with this for 4 months. I talked to Nick about it and he got me to calm down and figure out priorities which immediately made me want to throw up but I'm getting things done, kids (while throwing up)! I'm not actually calling anyone (because it's 2am and I talk to people on the phone all day at work why would I want to do it for leisure) but I've sent out emails and I have a few days off next week so hopefully I can get the hardest parts (ceremony and reception location) out of the way so I can think about food and food. And Nick was completely useless but now that he has time he is very useful.
Okay, this is getting long and I want to go watch another episode of Mad Men before I hop in my oatmeal bath so I'll stop now.
I love you all.
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jedibumblebee
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2010 7 July :: 9.29pm
i think i might have a driniking problem.........
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daysleeper
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2010 6 July :: 8.45pm
I'm very tempted to buy this wedding dress online. It's pretty and oh so cheap and exactly my size and it's sold out and not being made anymore but it's on Ebay and it's in I Love You Man and it's the only wedding dress the boy has ever mentioned and he even remembered it months later and said that's the kind of dress I should wear.
But.
I'm resisting because I know that would be the final step into crazy-land.
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jedibumblebee
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2010 6 July :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World- Always Be
How are you gonna know the feeling/ until you lost it?/ I've been losing plenty since...
Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it's easy
You can't keep safe
what wants to break
I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
a little far for me to reach
I was just a boy like every other
I thought I was something fierce
I thought i was ten times smarter
Love would be something that I just know
How are you gonna know the feeling
Until you lost it
I've been losing plenty since
Maybe something else I'm missing
Something good and you're the reason
It's a dream but there's a real world waitng
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michellestar
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2010 6 July :: 4.57pm
The Big Apple is baking!
Broke a record today. 102 degrees in Central Park.
We stayed cool on the Fourth though, despite the 95 degrees.
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michellestar
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2010 5 July :: 9.28pm
I need an update.
But for now, look at this.
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daysleeper
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2010 5 July :: 8.27pm
I'm now looking for a second job. After a few weeks of coming home feeling like I'm about to explode from stress, I've decided that I should... add to it. Mainly because I have a credit card with exactly $3K just sitting and collecting interest and tons of student loans that I've yet to make a single payment on. Thinking about trying to live as debt free as possible and I think that means overworking myself to just pay it all off. I had an 'interview' at a pizza place today, so we will see what comes of that, but it doesn't look good.
All I want is to stay in the apartment and goof off. Boo to reality.
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angel_bob
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2010 24 June :: 2.05pm
Nick lost his job.
They eliminated the entire department.
Talked to him, he said the wedding is still on. He actually said "Why wouldn't it still be on?"
He says we'll be okay. He gets severance and we'll be fine as long as we move out of our awesome expensive apartment.
Just crazy timing.
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michellestar
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2010 23 June :: 10.41pm
Bob's brother and I talk everyday. I am thankful beyond words for his friendship. I needed someone who knew him and understood. We had coffee the other night and I had it light, no sugar, in honor of Bob. I miss our coffee texts.
His family invited me out on their boat. They were releasing his funeral flowers into the Atlantic Ocean. The NYPD bought flowers in the shape of a yacht for his wake because he was looking forward to getting a boat again someday. So I went out to Breezy Point, Brooklyn and spent an evening at his home and all I could wish was that I had the opportunity to go out there when Bob was alive. His wife is completely devastated and I could feel it as soon as I walked in the door. The air held the pain. This is where Bob left. There, in his own bed. Sometimes it's worse seeing her so hurt than it is thinking about Bob being gone. There's nothing anyone can do for her.
When we were out on the boat and I was watching the sun set behind Coney Island, I started crying. This is where Bob grew up. This is where his children grew up. This is what he saw everyday before driving into Jamaica. This was Bob. His wife comforted me and rubbed my arm. She comforted me. She's barely hanging on and she comforted me. She has a kind heart. I wish there was something I could do for her. She didn't speak much, but when I was crying she said she just thought this was all a bad dream and she's waiting, still, to wake up.
Sunset behind Coney Island.
It means the world to me that they called me up and invited me. Out of all the people at the NYPD, some of whom knew Bob for 11 years, the family took me, a Crim I, barely there two years, into their life. I don't know what to say. I wish it didn't take Bob leaving for me to know them.
Jim has become a good friend to me. We check up on each other everyday and he's already helped me so much. Most nights this week I've gotten less than 5 hours of sleep, sometimes only 3. We have coffee or dinner or just sit and talk. We listen to music and laugh about Bob being a jackass. I made a CD for his band. He says I have helped him so much through all of this and it brings me happiness that I can do something for a family that Bob loved so dearly. Having a drink at a bar with Bob's sister and kids the other night in Brooklyn, I saw how awesome his whole family is. I am thankful for them and wish them peace.
It was a beautiful evening.
Bob's children releasing the yacht into the Atlantic.
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michellestar
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2010 20 June :: 10.51pm
I had a completely remarkable night last night. Rode the ferry to Staten Island at sunset and got the most spectacular photos in NY harbor.
Then went to see Bob's brother in his band. They rocked out, personally played Michelle by the Beatles for me, bought me drinks, thanked me a hundred times for coming out for Bob, bought me breakfast at a diner at 4am, and we stayed up talking until 6:30am about Bob, life, and death. It was a night I will never forget.
Wearing Bob's Jets hat.
If I could do anything if I saw Bob again, I would hug him. I never hugged him. I never told him I appreciated his friendship. I told his brother these things last night. So I asked him for a hug. It was the next best thing.
I just realized it's been a week since he's been gone and my life has already changed.
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