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mbenznut

:: 2011 4 September :: 4.55am

My cock...

...is not the biggest.

...is not the longest.

...is not the thickest.

...is not the most perfect.

...is not a porn star's.

...but damn it! I love the fuck out of it!

And the best part is...

...it cums when I tell it to

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electrofucker

:: 2011 25 August :: 2.59am

TWO INTERVIEWS TOMORROW AND A TEMP JOB OFFER (if the perm jobs don't work out)! All happened within 24 hours. Life is so weird.

edit:

It's Wednesday morning, around 7am. I still haven't heard back from anyone. Kinda lame.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 31 July :: 9.39pm

Women can fake orgasms but men can fake love.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 28 July :: 8.15pm

Every school has cheerleader car washes.

Where the cheerleaders wash the cars, not where you wash the cheerleaders.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 16 July :: 11.26pm

I can't focus on my porn with all of this real sex going on around me!

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mbenznut

:: 2011 11 July :: 8.52am

Sookie: You just killed my fairy godmother.

Eric: Sorry.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 7 July :: 10.45pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 7 July :: 10.39pm

Gay guys: We're so manly, we do it with other guys.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 29 June :: 10.25pm

What do we do now?

We do what most families do on Christmas Eve.

Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in the toaster?

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mbenznut

:: 2011 14 June :: 10.20pm

You can all fuck my titties with your shit covered cocks you cum guzzling faggots.

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electrofucker

:: 2011 8 June :: 11.20pm

I just got fired.

7 thoughts | Comment


mbenznut

:: 2011 24 May :: 8.58pm

We're here. We're queer. We take it in the rear!

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mbenznut

:: 2011 1 May :: 10.35pm

John Hancock is a real person? I thought it was a sex act.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 1 May :: 9.23pm

After you clean the pool, I am going to shave every inch of you.

Ugh, that is not a classy toast.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 28 April :: 8.14pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 25 April :: 11.07pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 21 April :: 3.28pm



I'll take Cody.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 20 April :: 12.16pm

I have a question, are you single?

I'm not gay.

I don't care. You're hunky and I'm what they call predatory gay.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 19 April :: 7.57am

You are a strawberry blonde. You can't go out with an ash blonde, it wouldn't be right.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 28 March :: 2.58am

Heteroflexible: Straight, but shit happens.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 22 March :: 11.16pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 19 March :: 1.42pm

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mbenznut

:: 2011 2 March :: 10.43pm

Butt sex is a lot like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 20 February :: 9.38pm

Yo mamas so fat she got cheats for Wii Fit.

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mbenznut

:: 2011 25 January :: 11.13pm

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angel_bob

:: 2011 24 January :: 9.01pm

I keep getting asked what married life is like or how married life is going as if I underwent some magical transformation at 5pm on October 23 and I woke up as a new species, a new life form, on October 24: Wife.

My response is always: it's exactly the same, nothing has changed.

And in a way, that's true. But really I only respond that way because I don't know how else to answer and I don't think people are really expecting an answer beyond "fantastic" or "wonderful." So I answer the same way every time I'm asked.

It's exactly the same. Nothing's changed.

And really, the day to day stuff has not changed at all. That comes with territory though and has nothing to do with marriage or our marriage. When you date someone for 6.5 years and live with them for 3.5, there's not much that changes once you put a title on the relationship.

However I'm still lying when I say nothing has changed. I have changed. Nick has changed. My name has changed.


My name has changed. I didn't think this would be such a big deal to me and I still don't feel it is that much of a big to-do but I do feel the change intimately. I never was really in the feminist/non-name changing camp as I always felt that changing your name was a part of the marriage just like middle school follows elementary school. It is what you do. So I did it because that's what you do. And despite changing my name on Facebook almost immediately (peer pressure is a thing, children) I procrastinated and didn't process the legal name change until January. And now this is who I am. I am not a Greggs, I am a Hazen. My voicemail still says Greggs, at work I am still Greggs but in the eyes of the government of the United States of America and the state of Michigan, I am a Hazen. Who I am as a person and who I identify myself as has changed.

I always thought names were strange. Nick's name isn't Nick, it's Nicholas but to everyone and to himself, he is Nick. Oliver and I were talking about this the other day in relation to celebrities. He was wondering if celebrities' spouses call them their birth name or their stage name. He used Fergie as an example. Is she Fergie at home? To her husband? To her friends? Is she Fergie to her parents?

Now I'm not the person I was for 23 years of my life. I'm someone new, someone different, someone married. I have to learn to respond to a new name, a new title. I'm a wife, I'm married, I'm a Hazen, I'm a Mrs. It's all so very strange that I don't know how I'll get used to it. I'm sure that 23 years from now, I won't be able to imagine it being any different.


I always knew that Nick and I were together for the long haul and we were in this forever, even before we got married. We were good kids and we talked about marriage for quite some time. We talked about getting married like it was some great accomplishment far off and far away from us. Being married was something that happened to other people. We would get there someday but it wasn't today and it wasn't tomorrow. Then suddenly it was tomorrow and then just as suddenly it was today. And then just as quickly it was yesterday and a month ago and two months ago and yesterday it was three months ago and I didn't even notice. We passed this great threshold, this life defining moment, this milestone, this sacrament and it was just a day. Now we're here and it's exactly the same.

But it's not.

I don't know how to describe this feeling to people who aren't married and that's why I haven't been trying. I'm married. I have someone who will always have my back. I have someone who is always on my mind, who is the most important person in my life and someone who is my best friend. All these things were true even before we signed a piece of paper and said those vows but now it's different. Now I have someone with me for the rest of my life. I have someone who will always be there and someone I know I can always turn to for help. I have someone who I can call my husband. I have someone I'm legally bound to and who is bound to me. I have someone who loved me enough to spend all that money on one day to celebrate being us. Together. Finally.

I am married to a wonderful man and someday I will be married to and will have been with Nick for longer than I've been without him (June 13, 2021 to be exact). We will be with each other for the rest of our lives. It's an amazing feeling that didn't really hit me until our "staycation" honeymoon when I cried that afternoon in our hotel room, holding on to my new life. I was a wife celebrating her marriage to her husband and the overwhelming non-change change just threw me. It still hits me hard sometimes and it always surprises me the most when people ask me how married life is. It's not exactly the same but I can't very well tell this story can I?

I also am now deeply affected by any sad/happy stories about married couples. Whether reading a story about the death of a spouse or a child or just thinking about how hard it must have been for immigrants to leave their families behind, I get upset. Thinking about how my great-great great granduncle (or whatever he was) left his wife and traveled on the world's largest unsinkable ship to America, I get teary. I know how Fahim Leeni must have felt when he left his wife of four month for something better. I know how people feel when they are separated from their spouses. I know this because I know this feeling, I know how people feel when they are together.

How's married life?

It's about the same.

4 thoughts | Comment


mbenznut

:: 2011 13 January :: 8.11pm

"I haven't seen a basket that impressive since the one on Red Riding Hood's arm."

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mbenznut

:: 2011 1 January :: 8.34am

RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS

It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And please don't try to shove it down my children's throats.

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mbenznut

:: 2010 16 December :: 6.42pm

If you listen to nothing else I say, remember this: choose a man with a large penis. People who say size doesnt matter are generally the folks who dont have much to brag about in the crotch department. Then she said, Your grandfather, God rest his soul, had a nice eight-incher. Lord I miss that man.

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mbenznut

:: 2010 16 December :: 3.45pm

"Step-by-step, we have realized that this issue of homosexuality has the same adverse and progressive elements as when we dealt with the race issue 50 years ago, or 40 years ago. So I would say that the country is getting acclimated to a president who might be female, who might, obviously, now, be Black, and who might be as well a gay person." - Former President Jimmy Carter

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