"Thou Knowes't the mask of night is on my face"


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A shoujo's tale of life, love and lollipops

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:: 2004 5 March :: 10.57 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Japanese Folk Song

For some reason I feel at peace right now. A serenity seems to fill me. It's an odd feeling usually I am tense about one thing or another, but I just feel like life is good. Life may be hard at times, and yet so beautiful at others. I love life with its ups and downs. Emotions are a ying-yang. Without saddness, our life would have no chaos and without chaos life would be dull. We could not feel the poetry that our mouths speak but only read them like robots. On the other hand, if we did not have happiness, life would be miserable and not worth living.

What would we be without life; Without this human flesh that keeps us physically being... Would our spirits fly away? Where could we go? The universe is so endless and I feel like such a tiny part that I feel as though I am nothing. But I am something, I believe, I am the only me. No one can take away my soul, my heart, or my mind. The only way we lose these things is if we give them away never to be returned.

A girl at lunch questioned true love. She said she was in love but then he broke up with her. But she is so naive... She knows not of true love (nor do I for that matter) Love is something... that will last forever; not just a few days, weeks or months but FOREVER. In my opinion, we are far too young.

I know I care for Joe more deeply than anyone I know, but truthfully I do not know what will become of us. Life takes its own twists and turns and neither of us has control over that. I want to know if this is true love, but my heart is still maturing. I know not of true love. I know not of the passion two people feel when deeply in love, and most high schoolers do not. They care for their "significant" other but do not know what the furture will bring.

Why does life seem to go by so quickly? My childhood in elementary has now been gone for three years. I still reminice however. When I walk through my backyard I can hear the echo of two little girls laughing and playing. When I touch the heavy bark of the elder maple tree, I hear the girls talking for hours about Sailor Moon and Chrono Trigger. When I smell the green grass I feel the sensation of playing until the sun sets.

March is here now. It is my favorite month of the year. All the flowers awake from their long winter's rest. They are ressurected from the cold death of winter and warmed by the new sun. March always is the time of the year when I get most of my ideas. I'll sit in that old maple tree and daydream for hours.

Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 1 March :: 10.07 pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Aoi Hitomi the instrumental version

It's raining outside and thats how I feel on the inside
Well today was all right. Nothing really new has been happening lately. My life seems to be turning very monotonous. School went by slow, and boring. There has to be more to life than this, ne? The only good thing that happened in the school day was that I came up with an idea for a manga. It's about this average girl who needs to find the 12 oracles (one for each Zodiac sign (Leo, Aquarius, Pisces, Libra, Virgo, Aries, Saggitarius, Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn,Gemini, and Scorpio)) Yeah I'm not too far into the plot but it will go something like that. In 5th hour, I started to talk to a girl named Amanda Baas. I really have never talked to her much but she is very nice. She wants me to get a xanga, but I am not sure. I found some interesting information on Japanese fashions, so I am a little bit excited about my report. I gave Miss Barth back her nasty old progress report which my mom wrote upon. Choir also went by very slow.

When I got out, my friend Lizziegh and I went on the bus and came home. I took Gizmo out to go potty and soon after I had an awful stomach ache (too much candy on Saturday I suppose) I ate a primarily vegetarian dinner, consisting of peas, beans, a tortilla with a small bit of chicken and a lot of lettuce, and mushrooms (natures candy!!!). I went downstairs and danced for an hour and then came back up. I played some Mario with my dad and when we died I called Joe. His mom answered and he wasn't home. He was at another basket ball game. I wish he was home... I am really starting to miss his voice. I haven't talked to him in two weeks and I am just bummed out about it. I keep seeing a boy wearing a nintendo shirt and I start to miss him again. I can't wait until summer when we can talk more and maybe even work together at Art Works. I just keep seeing him in my dreams. It's like a vision that never leaves me alone. Whenever I see something it reminds me of him.

It is still raining and I can still hear the rumble of thunder in the background. I will not be at school tommorrow so that Mr. Gossett will think I'm sick. You see, I have an Art Works meeting the same time as my choir concert and I would rather go to Art Works.

I miss Joe... I really do.



1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 29 February :: 11.15 pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Freesia ~op.2~

Hey how are all of you? I am good. I had a great weekend! First, my best friend, Katie, came over. I haven't seen her in four months and I missed her so much! We opened presents (from Christmas and our b-days); she gave me for Christmas the most adorable penguin she made by crotcheting. She also gave me some little things that make her think of me. For my b-day, she gave me two stuffed animal kitties that match my stuffed animal cat Boris; and so now he has a whole family (^^).So we talked for hours, played DDR and watched The Emperor's New Groove.

The next day, Re and Kris came over so we could all celebrate my b-day (which was the 22nd). We went to Craig's Cruisers and play all the games (including the faux DDR) We also played laser tag (i did better than all my friends) and went on the go karts. I found out that I suck big time at racing (i am always so scared I am going to hit someone so I go all slow)

After that, we went to woodland mall where I spet a $20 Hot Topic card on a short with a picture of The Last Unicorn on it. Then, I went and bought a cute shirt at Forever 21. It looks really good on my but I need my mom to repair a little hole in it (I got it 10% off because it had a hole!!!)

When we got home, Katie had to leave and I was really sad about that. Then, Reanna went home at eight, and Kris at ten.

Today wasn't as good. I felt all sick all day. I almost threw up.

Well bye bee


Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 16 February :: 10.12 pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Make a Man Out of You

Well today was all right. Louie, the older dog, went home with his owner today. My motehr and I were somewhat relieved to see him go. He was begining to be a pain in the butt. See, when he's here he makes our puppy go nuts and be all grumpy. When he left it was a bitter-sweet moment... because this is really the last time I will ever see him, and he really is a sweet little doggie.

It was weird today because when I was taking a nap, I was struggling to move in my dream. The weirdest part was I could really feel my body trying to move. It felt like I was in a coma or something. It was really eerie.

Today all-in-all was pretty dull... I dread the fact that I need to go to school tommorrow... I hate the thought of all the homework I will be getting because I was sick from Tuesday-Thursday.

I wrote an e-mail to Kittie Katie today. I hope she reads it. I have really missed her since we last talked. I feel somewhat like I am lost in a storm without her.

Do you ever wonder where you and your friends will be in twenty years? Here's my list of guesses:

1. Kris~ She will probably be a mom of two married to a cute English guy. She will be a Drama teacher but in her spare time write vampire novels.

2.Katie~ She will be married to some sweet guy and maybe have a kid. She will be a German teacher and a missionary on her breaks.

3. Ginny~ She'll be in a close relationship with some guy/girl but not ready to commit her life to them. She will work on computers in some way... Maybe an inventor of some amazing website "I-I0\/\/ 70 R34I) 1337" is it's name

4. Reanna~ She'll be married to some handsome man and have one daughter. She will be a basketball coach for MSU or U of M. She will write romance novel in her spare time.

5. Lizzie~ She will be married and have a child or so. She will start out as a pharmacist and eventually become a pediatrician.

6. Lizziegh~ She will get married young and soon after have a few children. She will be a stay at home mom, and write children's books in her spare time.

7. Airyn~ She will have met someone who truly makes her feel loved and special. She will have settled down with them in a cozy home near the ocean. She will go to France often and become a freelance artist until she gets recognized for her fashion designs.

8. Keleigh~ She will have met the person who makes her a whole. She may settle down but not for long! She will be on the road often and will make many trips to Ireland. She will do many different careers from a comedian, poet, to a wonderful Shakespeare teacher.. She has so many paths that she can take.

9. Justus~ He will be a professional hockey player for a while until he retires and becomes a coach for the NHL. He will settle down with a sweet little girl and have a few kids. His family will be very close and he will be a Grandpa of 11.

10. Joe~ He will be a mechanic and take in his father's footsteps. He will enjoy this but feel as though something is missing. He will go back to Kendall after having some money under his name and will become an animator. He will get married (maybe even to me...) and will have two kids. He will stay married his whole life and will raise his kids with manners.

11. Jessie~ Who knows *laughs*

2 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 16 February :: 12.33 pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Dive

Sorry I haven't written in a while; I have been sick almost all week. So basically just sitting around being bored and freaking out about how much homework I am going to have when I go back to school.

I went to the mall on Friday (I was finally getting better) and I bought a pink and black sweater, a bunny shirt, a cherry tank top, sea green scarf for my mom, and a earring holder with cherries on it. Then, my friend and I went and watched Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

On Saturday, I woke up early (3:00 AM) to Louie jumping on my stomach. So I let him and Gizmo out to potty. Then, Gizmo woke me up again at 7:00. I got up but my mom had woken up and took care of it. Finally, I got back to bed and woke up at about 11:00. When I woke up my friend went home. My mom told me that I should go back to bed so I did and then she yelled at me saying that I was not supposed to be in bed but watching the dogs, and we started to argue. I hate arguing with everyone, but when I argue with my mom I always feel like crap. She started to yell and I started to cry and everything went down. So yeah then my dad decided to jump on the band wagon and scream at me too. It was eventually over (thank the Lord), and at the end of the day we were watching TV together. I tried to call Joe yesterday, but he wasn't home... He went out to dinner with his dad and some of his friends. So that was a bummer. I wanted to tell him something.

Oh I got accepted into the Art Works company and my first job is the 26th. I am uber excited!

Yesterday was much better than Saturday. I had a good day watching the dogs Louie and Gizmo. I danced for an hour on HVY mode.

Today has been all right Louie went home. It's kinda sad cause that will be the last I really get to see him *sniffles*. He was really getting on my mom's nerves though.

I am going to call Joe tonight and fuss at him about V-day ^^;. I still feel a bit under the weather so yeah bye bee


3 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 5 February :: 10.58 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Paper Heart

Well today was a good day! Gizmo is finally getting adjusted to our house and our schedule. He knows that before we leave he has to go potty. We came up with a little potty rap... It sounds stupid but it gets him to go outside *laughs* He is a really good dog and I just want to show him off! If anyone would like to see his picture, please reply this journal entery with your e-mail. He really looks like the gremlin Gizmo ^^;.

School today was just the usual... boring and tiring. I have been surprised with math lately... it has been much easier than lessons in the past. I think Mrs. VanWieren if finally getting it that we need more teaching and less worksheets. In biology we have been watching this boring movie about the men who found the DNA spirals. I really don't care... German was fun but very quiet (Emilee hasn't been here for a few days). Justus now walks out of German class with me. I am kinda glad I have a buddy in that class to hang out with. I really don't fit in with Monica and her friends, and I wish I knew Mackenzie (Franzosich as Keleigh likes to call her) better. She seems pretty cool. In composition literature we are now reading To Kill a Mockingbird. It is a good book, but I hate having to read a certain amount every night. In choir Jessica Krulek has been surprisingly nice to me Our choir is getting close to Choral Festival and I have a feeling we will do just fine Oh crap... I have to study my German map... ^^;

Well I did that and now back to my entery. When I got home I had to make my portfolio for my interview at ArtWorks. I really want to work there, and if I get in it will look good on my art record. I went and I was super nervous. The ladies were very nice and just asked me questions. When they looked through my portfolio one asked me, "Have you ever considered going to the Disney animators art camp?" That really was very flattering to me. They both seemed to like me. If I get in we will be making "mini calders". You know the big, red scuplture in downtown GR? We are making those except smaller. I hope I get in... They said 70 something kids signed up to be interviewed, and only 32 kids will be accepted. That's less than half. I have a feeling I went over well though.

When my mom came and picked me up we went to New China and got some Chinese food to bring home. Linda (the owner) is pregnant! I am so happy for her. She already has a little boy and a little girl so I guess there is no preferance. I hope the pregnancy was expected though.

After eating I went downstairs and started to play DDR max. I am now on Maniac/Heavy mode!!! I am so proud *laughs*. But wow it is much more of a workout than on the Standard and Basic modes. I bet Katie will be proud of me.

Speaking of my Kittie Katie, I need to talk to you! Maybe you can come to my house this weekend and see our puppy. We also will be watching Louie so we need all the help we can get! I miss you a lot Katie, and I figured something out! So please call me or get online as soon as you can. I started singing the paper heart song when I thought of you!

I called Joe yesterday. It was his birthday and I wanted to make him smile. It kinda stinks... All he got for his birthday is clothes (I love clothes but I would want other stuff you know?) Also, he got sick on his birthday! I felt so bad for him. He told me to call him today so I did. He seems interested in ArtWorks and hopefully will apply for the summer opening. He also seemed to have a fascination with the Disney Animation camp. It would be so much fun to spend a month or so with him... *sighs* I said something about love and he got all thinking and was trying to make me talk about us...

Well I must go

Love y'all

Jessie~ The girl who gots a stinky puppy

3 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 20 September :: 11.50 pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: Hopelessly devoted to you

Well class was a complete success today! First I was completely lost ^^; The class was supposed to be in room 304, so I went in and there were all these little kids doing water colour painting I looked at the teacher and said, "This isn't manga 3 is it?" and she laughed so I went out of there and asked a Japanese guy at the counter where it would be and he didn't have a clue. So i sighed and waited in the front lobby for Joe to come. When he did come my knees were shaking. But we went to class together and it ws funny. We had a few minutes to spare (about fifteen)so we just talked. He must have been nervous too because he wasn't talking much (he had confided in me earlier when he is nervous he just is quiet) And I hugged him. He let me which was amazing. He also smelled of cologne lol. Then he seemed to be checking me out ( i have changed a lot since last class) his eyes looked me up and down and I blushed. So I said, "hey should we be going to class? all the other kids are in there" and he smiled and said, "No, lets stay out here a while longer. So we talked and looked at some art. It felt good... it felt right. All through class he was either teaing me or staring. Then he held the door for me whenever we left or entered the class. Talk about a gentleman. He even shared his snack with me lol. I didn't have enough for anything. But we walked out together and waved to each other three or four times. I think I am in love... and there is no way of getting out.

1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 13 September :: 10.54 pm

Which Gackt are you most like?

quiz by mcvarmazi

Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 8 September :: 2.31 pm

hey everyone... i have a new journal i would like you to check out.. :

please read that one that will be updated more frequently.... I really like it ^^ so katie read on that one.... and if yall want to reply on an entery please do so....

4 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 4 September :: 9.50 pm

You are Miwako. You seem happy-go-lucky, you're
full of energy and seem innocent and cute, but
you're quite mature. You look up to people for
inspiration but you are your own person. You
are incredibly loyal to your friends and would
do anything to protect them. It rips you apart
when the one you love doesn't believe you. Your
emotions might be mixed up and you're not sure
if you made the right choice. But at least
you're happy.

Which Paradise Kiss Character Are You? (Images with results)
brought to you by Quizilla


Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 29 August :: 2.58 pm

You Are Key-A-Kiss!

Oh my god. Too much kawaiiness for one group!!! If
you were any more Kawaii, everything around you
would turn into something insanely cute! You
really love to dance, ESPECIALLY ParaPara...
and you also just ADORE Eurobeat music! All the
Kogyaru out there wanna be JUST like you -
you're a role model for the fashion

Which Adorable Japanese Popstar Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 29 August :: 1.27 pm
:: Mood: ^_^

Hey minna-chan,
well anyway, today i get to go over to kittie katies!!! w00t~. We are gonna challenge her mumsies to DDR. HAH!She said DDR was no excercise XP right ^^;. Also, Caroline-chan, if you read this please call me up at skool. I am up at akool helping my mom get ready for the kids. The number is: 254-6214. Also, I saw Ryan (the asian hottie from the mall caroline!) and he waved at me from in his car and then turned around to wave to me again! OMG! HE IS SOOO HOT! lol but I just admire him from afar, feelings seem to be growing between me and Joe and i do not want to ruin that. Well Caroline-chan call me!

Watashiha aishiteru minna-chan

Jessie/ Miwako-chan

2 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 24 August :: 8.00 pm

Rini - "Little bunny"

What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla

innocent kiss
innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 24 August :: 7.45 pm
:: Mood: stuffy
:: Music: We're the Knights of the Round Table

Joe and I talked today for a bit... He most likely can take the klass... Oh i hope he can... Just hearing his voice made my heart thump faster. He's been asking me if I keep going to church and stuff and I say yes of course ^^. I think he is really a true friend that I can always come to. I just wish maybe we can be more... I love him so deeply and even get tears in my eyes just thinking aboot him. Yes, I feel crazy sometimes.. Cuz... No one I know totally has felt what i have been feeling... This feeling that i have had for so long with Joe... I think I may love him for the rest of my life... This isn't just a crush... this feels way different than just "Ooh! He's so hot!" or "Aww! We just should be together " it's far deeper in my mind and heart... Maybe he sees it maybe he doesn't, there are definite sparks between us, but I just want us to be together... forever... Maybe he feels that way too... Lately he has seemed to miss me I mean he picked up on the first ring yesterday and today was pretty talkative (we were both really tired today so yeah we kinda just chilled) I was saying how cool Johnny depp was and Joe started criticizing him lol. He doesn't want to go to skool and neither do I... I just wish he lived nearer or I lived farther by him... Just to see him everyday would make life so sweet....

Well thats all for now..


3 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2003 24 August :: 2.11 pm

You are Kinomoto Sakura
You are kind and generous, often underestimating your own abilities. Though you may not often know it, you have a lot of talent. Relying on your friends is both your strong point and your weakness.

Take the "What Magic Girl are you?" Quiz

Weird I have transmorgified!

3 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

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