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Living in a world where one's dreams are left to rust ...

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:: 2004 1 March :: 4.09 pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: 99x

scared of something i dont know : afraid to feel whats unstable

man i am so confused ... i just want nothing to make sense so it all makes sense to me

it seems like everything just doesnt fit aywhere in my life

all i want is to be happy with what i have

but its not acceptable

i have to move out of here

i have to never get married and never have kids

i just want it to be acceptable to everyone and its just like wow! you dont want to go to college! geeze omg! and then the parents ... "wth lauren of course your going to college"

WELL OH OK i didnt know i didnt have a choice

oh well im about to say fuck it all

F:A:T >ANDY<

2 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2004 27 February :: 6.46 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: 99x

sometimes it just kinda feels like you can have something until you want it ... then it goes away ... man i like this kid, and i know it wont work out ... it just pisses me off add everything up and it seems impossible ... hes so awsome man but thats ok ill hold on plus he's taken and that sucks more than anything but good for him...
on another note! cant wait until i move to california i know it will be great i know im going nothing can stop me ... and well ive got to go my dad will be home soon ... joy
~andy

Fell


:: 2004 27 February :: 12.11 pm
:: Mood: cold

well i m in school right now and its freezing in this stupid computer room! gr well im gunna go because im so bored ... lol josh just feel off his chair hahahahaha lol sorry that was mean ttyl ~andy

Fell


:: 2004 25 February :: 4.28 pm
:: Mood: bored with the same nothing
:: Music: the used _the taste of ink

This song i can relate to more than i think anyone will know how my life is getting boring and tired waiting to escape to cali taking the one who cares about me with me its so deep i love it

Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

Fell


:: 2004 24 February :: 8.21 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: yellow card _empty appartment

anyother day but today
i think i know why they call it a crush

Fell


:: 2004 24 February :: 7.33 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

always every time

<>always every time
<>never not a time
<>it's all so blurry i can barely see
<>i cant trust myself
<>if you dont trust me
<>i dont know what to think
<>or where to start
<>maybe at the bottom
<>of my bottomless heart
<>take me away
<>away from this hurt and this pain
<>never come back
<>live together forever
<>in a house with no ceiling
<>in a city ... that never wakes
<>a world without all this pain
<>a time when theres much more to gain
<>in true hope that ill find you
<>true love that wont blind you
<>this poem sucks but i was so bored i had nothing to do and i cant believe im still trying to rhyme ... lol later~andy

Fell


:: 2004 24 February :: 7.33 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

always every time

<>always every time
<>never not a time
<>it's all so blurry i can barely see
<>i cant trust myself
<>if you dont trust me
<>i dont know what to think
<>or where to start
<>maybe at the bottom
<>of my bottomless heart
<>take me away
<>away from this hurt and this pain
<>never come back
<>live together forever
<>in a house with no ceiling
<>in a city ... that never wakes
<>a world without all this pain
<>a time when theres much more to gain
<>in true hope that ill find you
<>true love that wont blind you
<>this poem sucks but i was so bored i had nothing to do and i cant believe im still trying to rhyme ... lol later~andy

Fell


:: 2004 23 February :: 5.56 pm
:: Music: taking back sunday

Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
And if we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means

And I've got a twenty-dollar bill
that says you're up late night starting
fist fights versus fences in your backyard
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable...ohoh

Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means

You never knew
well i never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
based on these mistakes

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable

Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
so let's end this call,
and end this conversation
there's nothing worse...
(that's right he said, that's right he said it)
I swear, you have no idea
The jealousy that became me thinking
(that's right he said)
that you always had it way too easy

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable

Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve

Best friend thinks I pulled the trigger!!!
Best friend thinks you get what you deserve!!!

Fell


:: 2004 21 February :: 5.51 pm

<3 God saw that she was getting tired, and a sure was not to be
<3 So he put his arms around her, and whispered, "Come with me."
<3 With tearful eyes, we watched her suffer, and saw her fade away
<3 Although we loved her dearly, we could not make her stay
<3 A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands to rest
<3 God broke our hearts to prove to us
<33He only takes the best<33

6 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2004 21 February :: 5.31 pm

the entry before this is new ... if you wanna see it
You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fell


:: 2004 21 February :: 5.10 pm
:: Mood: too calm
:: Music: too quiet

too calm/quiet
tis too calm here i cannot speak for some reasons words are not in me and i cannot speak i could speak if someone talked to me but i've no one to talk to and i feel quite odd because i cannot speak ... i could speak to myself by whom goes the name of by lauren ... tis an odd day i drove ... woohoo! but i feel too calm after i drove maybe theres a little demon inside me taking hold of the inside of my skin and pulling it all inwards and therefore i cannot will not and are unable to speak ... man i hate those little buggers... wow this is a weird feeling i need to ask my dad something but i cannot speak! lol tis a funny situation i think ill go shower have a grand day from the bottom of my heart
FAT [forever and today] AndY
i l o v e j o h n n y d e p p still

Fell


:: 2004 4 February :: 7.08 pm
:: Mood: calm

lovechild2
YOU ARE THE LOVECHILD OF BETTIE PAGE AND COREY
FELDMAN!


Which Celebrity Lovechild Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fell


:: 2004 4 February :: 5.55 pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: empty appartment _yellowcard

FAT ... for your preference ... means FORever And Today! lol
FAT~andy

1 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2004 3 February :: 7.12 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: taking back sunday

man o man
today sucked big time ... probably the worst day so far of the week n i think only one person knows why lol .. the only good thing was 7th period ... n again i think only one person knows why ... but hen that turned out to be not such a good thing ... days are too short and i just need to try to sit in the silence and sort thing in my mind out ... i think my brain is trying to overwheml me with crappy things! gooooooood~!~ well i gotta go im not in the mood to talk
~FAT~ andy
i love johnny depp

2 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2004 1 February :: 9.05 pm

>^..^<
What's your favorite.....
Scene From A Movie?: any sene in benny and joon with johnny depp in it
Sexual Possition?: um well i dont think ive tried any yet so i cant say, but if you have any suggestions let me kno! lol
Flavour 'Ben n Jerry's Ice Cream?': cookie dough
Character from a TV Show?: Lisa Kudrow from friends
Character from a Film?: Johnny Depp
Disney Tragedy(i.e. Bambi or Nemo's mom's death)?: i dont have a favorite one of those thats mean
Song Lyric?: "You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath id apologise, for bleeding on your shoes" by taking back sunday
Breed of Dog?: mix breeds
Color thats not in the Rainbow: hot pink
Drug of Choice?: pot ... never tried it tho
Object in your Bedroom?: my bed
Sea Dwelling Creature?: hot surfers
...Choose 1 from each group of 4...
>^..^<:
Earth, Air, Fire or Water?: fire
North, South, East or West?: west ... coast
Head, Shoulders, Knees or Toes?: head
Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter?: winter
Eyes, Ears, Nose or Mouth?: eyes
New York, Hawaii, Florida or California?: CALIFORNIA OF COURSE!
Cat, Dog, Kitten or Puppy?: Dog
McDonalds, Burger King, KFC or Subway?: McDonalds
Scream 1, Scream 2, Scream 3 or Scary Movie?: never seen any of them i dont watch scarey movies because ... well theyre scarey
3pm, 6pm, 9pm or 12pm: 9pm
The Mask, Ace Ventura, Cable Guy or Bruce Almighty?: Bruce almighty
Christmas, Birthday, New year or Halloween?: New Year
...~~Would You Rather~~...
>^..^<
Die alone? or die with people around you?: alone
Have the ability to Fly? or to make yourself Invisible?: be invisible, so i can sneek into the lab and steal the remedy for flying... then be an invisible flyer!
Cut off your arms? or cut off your legs?: :GASP!: well if i had to choose id say my arms
Be a Villain? or be a Hero?: hero
Be Famous? or be Infamous?: famous
Go to a Rock Festival? or go to a Dance Festival?: rock
Forget who you were? or forget who your best friend was?: if i forgot who i was id forget my best friend!
Be Prime Minister of England? or President of the United States?: neither! theyre both strange positions... but england because its closer to france
Kill for Money? or Kill for Revenge?: kill for life
Be Deaf? or Blind?: deaf
Be a Nice Hooker? or a Nasty Porn Star?: um thts a hard one ... id say porn star... dont ask why
...........~~Word Association~~...........
write the 1st word that comes into your head upon reading each word.
:~Cinnamon~: toast
:~Monkey~: bone
:~Death~: grandpa
:~Red~: baloon
:~Trick~: ster
:~Wet~: ... wow thats odd what i just thought! ... water tho
:~Slayer~: OMG WHERE! thats what i thought
:~Rocket~: aliens
:~Blanket~: cold
:~Doggy~: casper
:~Woman~: 's restroom
:~Psycho~: me
:~Heron~: ? i dunno?
.........About Yourself.........
>^..^<
What Colour is your Bedroom Painted?: blue
How many rooms are there in your house?: 4
How old will you be in 2005?: 15
What do you want to name your first child?: i dont want to have children!
Do you prefer being Indoors or Outdoors?: out
When's your Birthday?: august 20th
What name do you *wish* your parents had given you?: my own, i couldnt imagine any other name ... besides andy
What's your Favourite Word?: comfy
If you could choose to speak any language fluently, what would it be?: french
How do you like your Tea/Coffee?: i dont like either
Who is your least favourite famous person, in the world?: the dixi chicks
What's the exact Date & Time ... right ... Now?: feb 1st 2004 9:15 pm
Would you do any of the following for $10,000,000?
>^..^<
Eat Shit?: hell yeah!
Let Someone run over your leg with their car?: nooooooo
Kill Someone?: ... ... thats a hard one ... ... depends on who it is
Kill A Child?: NO! not unless he/she/it was posessed
Sign a contract that states you have to make a Porn movie a day for a year?: yeah ... wow im ashamed maybe not depends
Hit the Queen of England in the face with a Spiked Bat?: YEAH! lol sorry
Agree to Never speak to any of your family & friends again?: no never ever would i do that
Cut off your own hand with a bread-knife?: NO!
Sleep with someone that had H.I.V?: NO! money isnt worth your life
Marry an Ugly and Abusive Partner, then Kill them for the money?: ... depends on what i have to kill them with
Make Porn movies based on Snuff/Rape?: um... i dont think so i dunno tis weird! i dont think i would
Stick a pineapple up your pussy/ass?: OMG! i dont think i could do that!
Have a sex change, and agree never to change back?: NO!!!!!!!!!!!
Shave off all the hair on your body, and keep it shaven forever?: no ... thats odd living without hair on your head
Fuck a member of your family?: NO! god thats weird! id have to be on PCP!!! or LSD!!!
Agree to Kill yourself 15years after you recieve the money?: NOOOOO! well it depends on how old i am ... if i was 100 yes
Eat a horse, alive!?: OMG OMGOMGOMG!!! NO THATS SO MEANS NO NEVER!
##~~~ Just a few more now ~~##
What's your name??: lauren
Where ya From??: wisconsin
What colour are your eyes?: hazel... or brown
Aren't you really bored by now?: not really tis been interesting





wow guys that survery was really weird!

Fell

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