godessalthena
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2022 12 March :: 8.42am
listening to a mix tape my sister made her (now-ex) boyfriend but never gave him. it's literally my favorite ever. the songs flow so perfectly, each one is beautiful and meaningful.
I've never made anything so wonderful. I often wonder if maybe I really am a waste of paint.. I don't make beautiful things, I am not thoughtful, I am a selfish Lil worm.
but somehow I still have so many absolutely remarkable people in my life, who genuinely love me for who I am, even at my most crazy, even when I make the same mistakes over and over again.
i saw a friend I hadn't seen in over two years, we went to Frank's and had mimosas, smoked a bowl in the parking lot, and finished with a cigarette. we laughed the whole time, and we have so much in common. I've really missed seeing her, and after I felt this bliss and joy I hadnt felt in a long time.
I've lost myself a little, and I'm having a hard time getting back up to the path, if there was ever a path in the first place...
not sure where I'm even going anymore.
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 30 December :: 6.25am
:: Mood: lonely
I've got time for you, you make me wanna die without trying to...
cuz I need someone else who every night remembers I exist...
the only thing I can count on is you not coming through...
Still I taught her to breathe when you're low and you're deep underwater..
Stay faithful, remember what you love, so when the world gets painful you become your own god...
one day, they'll post all my mistakes.
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 22 December :: 5.03am
if I was BPII, this is what we would call a hypo manic phase. this is when I feel confident, positive, optimistic and motivated to accomplish simple tasks I normally wouldn't have the energy for (such as baking cookies).
but I don't make impulse decisions and I don't engage in risky behavior in this phase. I definitely can't sleep.
but God damn if I'm not a ray of sunshine for my customers.
and sometimes I get to talk to very interesting person. yesterday was a recovering drug addict/alcoholic who had been married 18 years.. it was cathartic talking to someone who truly understands the losses I've had in my life and being able to relate to the pain and loss with another random stranger.
it helps me keep perspective that I'm not the only one with problems, and everyone has their own hardships, and it doesn't coat you anything to just...
to just be kind to one another.
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 18 December :: 11.01am
why is se7en such a good movie
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 9 December :: 1.53pm
I have a sudden urge to watch a shot at love 2 with Tila tequila
2 Shots |
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 6 December :: 4.47am
it's funny how fast this disintegrated. it's funny how I'm always the one left holding the rope.
it's funny that I always go after addicted narcissists.
it's funny how no one can really love me.
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 3 December :: 8.12am
how could lil amelia ever know this is how big amelia would be?
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 3 December :: 6.27am
life is an empty picture frame. no memories worth keeping, no memories worth making.
nothing matters. life is absurd. I just want to set myself on fire and watch as I turn to ash.
what is the point to all of this? my purpose in life is to push pencils and make money for soulless corporations. there is nothing bigger. the struggle against the machine is futile.
it all doesn't fucking matter.
so why am I so paralyzed
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 29 November :: 4.44am
a rusty old ghost, in a broken down machine
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 29 November :: 4.04am
been up since 3am, slept like shit. getting as high as I possibly can so I can stop crying.
I just need someone to talk to, but no one is around. don't have my car and stuck with these fucking mongrels.
I'm tires of feeling unimportant I'm tired of sleeping alone even though I'm with you.
I'm yet again just a bank account, a cold unfeeling ATM that needs some tender love and care.
I should have done more to keep Corry alive. if he hadn't died, this spiral would have started so early.. maybe we could have weathered the storms a little better if you were still here. I got you to the hospital and then I fucking abandoned you like a fucking yellowbelly rat.
I'm so so sorry. and I'll never get to tell you that. and you wint know. you won't know...
I feel so lost. 12 years of my life wasted with narcissistic alcoholics. I definitely have a type. and I'm really over it. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life then risk another mistake.
I'm such a half assed fuck up. thanks mom n dad for always loving me, no matter what stupid fucking mistakes I've made. I don't deserve you
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 18 November :: 8.35am
:: Music: baroness
first inside show since the pandemic started and it was hopping
very small crowd very intimate and very bad ass
I'm glad we went, it was just what we needed
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2021 17 November :: 10.57pm
:: Music: AJR and Daisy the Great- Record Player
Sometimes I think all I'm ever doin' is/ Tryin' to convince myself I'm alive.
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I'm in an elevator, it's goin' down, down, down
I spent forever with my feet on the ground
But not now (not now)
'Cause I don't wanna do the wrong thing
Guess I gotta go and get famous for doin' nothing
Da-da-da-da-da
Crack a smile, crack a smile
Da-da-da-da-da
Stay a while, stay a while
Da-da-da-da-da
Am I holdin' for applause?
Is it gone? Is this on?
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I'm in the simulator, I'm doin' a-okay
But every day is just rewind and replay
Not today
I'll head out to Monterey
Throw my phone into the waves
Can you see it in my eyes? Am I finally awake?
Crack a smile, crack a smile
Stay a while, stay a while
I think the best is yet to come
So drink up and good luck
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
Sometimes I think all I'm ever doin' is
Tryin' to convince myself I'm alive
Sometimes I think all I'm ever doin' is
Tryin' to convince myself I'm climbing in the trees
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 3 November :: 9.14am
what's your favorite pass time?
mine is sleep
1 Shot |
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2021 15 October :: 3.46pm
:: Music: Olivia Rodrigo- brutal
They say these are the golden years/ But I wish I could disappear/ Ego crush is so severe/ God, it's brutal out here...
I want it to be, like, messy
I'm so insecure, I think
That I'll die before I drink
And I'm so caught up in the news
Of who likes me and who hates you
And I'm so tired that I might
Quit my job, start a new life
And they'd all be so disappointed
'Cause who am I, if not exploited?
And I'm so sick of 17
Where's my fucking teenage dream?
If someone tells me one more time
"Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry
And I don't stick up for myself
I'm anxious and nothing can help
And I wish I'd done this before
And I wish people liked me more
All I did was try my best
This the kind of thanks I get?
Unrelentlessly upset (ah, ah, ah)
They say these are the golden years
But I wish I could disappear
Ego crush is so severe
God, it's brutal out here
(Yeah!)
I feel like no one wants me
And I hate the way I'm perceived
I only have two real friends
And lately, I'm a nervous wreck
'Cause I love people I don't like
And I hate every song I write
And I'm not cool and I'm not smart
And I can't even parallel park
All I did was try my best
This the kind of thanks I get?
Unrelentlessly upset (ah, ah, ah)
They say these are the golden years
But I wish I could disappear
Ego crush is so severe
God, it's brutal out here
(Yeah! Just having a really good time)
Got a broken ego, broken heart
(It's brutal out here, it's brutal out here)
And God, I don't even know where to start
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2021 21 September :: 10.35am
another rejection.
we get what we deserve.
trash deserves to be burned
Point and Shoot
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