"Small applause is better than no applause, even when it is a little lacking in Smack." -Eeyore's gloomy Little Instruction Book


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A Penny For My Thoughts

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:: 2004 12 October :: 9.46pm
:: Mood: pissed

kill. me.
.... I.Hate.People.

I. Hate. My. Brothers.

I. Hate. Bill.

I. Hate. My. Mom.

I. Hate. My. Family.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY F-ING MADE A CALENDAR OF MY PERIOD AND PMS?!?!?!?! WTFH?!?!?!? I feel like shit and I throw up and swallow before I expell it from my mouth and they say, "it's just pms, it's all in your mind." I WANT TO SCREAM!

1 song | sing to me


:: 2004 10 October :: 2.39am
:: Mood: ECSTATIC!
:: Music: Cabaret

Don't be afraid to undulate!

1 song | sing to me


:: 2004 8 October :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: Awesome!

Quote of the evening “I own a lumber company?” -President George Bush. Among other things, I am also pleased to know that President Bush will not elect a supreme court justice who supports slavery.

....Needless to say Mr. Kerry kicked some major Bush booty. He was totally on tonight. Way to go John!

2 songs | sing to me


:: 2004 8 October :: 12.42am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: "Are Kara" -- Shimokawa Mikuni

All I do is hurt the ones I care the most about...
What the hell was I thinking? All I did was end up hurting both of us, and for what? For him to be pissed at me for breaking his heart and then expecting everything to be perfectly okay when I said I changed my mind? What is wrong with me?! I need a shoulder to cry on, but I don't want sympathy... I don't want to explain what happened, why I'm hurt, why he's hurt... I hate myself for doing this to him before I talked to him about it, I hate that he was hurt and then pissed (he has every right to be, anger comes from hurt)... I hate these tears, tears reserved only for my beloved father, that I know shed for him... What was I thinking? That's it, I wasn't... Modesto is going to suck.... regardless of the fact I'm doing the retreat...

sing to me


:: 2004 7 October :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: sigh
:: Music: "I Hate Men" -- Kiss Me Kate

as the song says...
I'm breaking up with Adam, that's that.... men suck....

sing to me


:: 2004 6 October :: 12.00am
:: Mood: uncommited
:: Music: "Pualena" -- Vika

Um... I have issues
I seriously have been thinking about it, and I've come to the conclusion that I have commitment issues. I can understand why, but it's sooo weird that when I have this awesome boyfriend that I want to flirt with random guys like Keith, Chris or even Adrian. Well... Adrian makes sense, not that I would b/c you know, yeah... Just wouldn't, but I'm determined to toss a 5 for him before the season is over since he's so bent on either Katie or I doing it. I bet I could if I had the new sabres, they are soooo easy to toss! Too bad I don't...

sing to me


:: 2004 3 October :: 1.16pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Turn Back Time" -- Aqua

We had our Mountain View Community Thank You today and in the words of the the M.V. director:


Alrighty! So the performance was sooo much fun! I’ve been waiting for this since Misty told us we were going to do sabre. So we had our morning practice and blah blah blah… The drum line keeps picking on me!!! DAMN YOU KEITH! Lol, started with Keith and then Andreas joined in and then now like all the guys in drumline who know me pick on me. It’s so sad, and yet so funny at the same time. Anyway, I had a Jamba Juice for lunch because Tiff’s mom was nice enough to drive me downtown. Something I’ve realized: Road Rage is an asian thing!!! Makes me glad to be half asian lol!!! Anyway, so we get to MV and finish up our make-up and then we go to this area to practice. But the first thing we did was play “Big Booty”!!! I’M IN LOOOOVE WITH THAT GAME!!! Then we all laid on each other’s stomachs and listened to our guard song, don’t remember the name though ^^ After that we stretched to “Center Stage” music and did across the floors and sabre stuff. Then we went out to the field and did the counting game (you sit in a circle and stare at an object and count one at a time, but you don’t know who’ll say the next number and if two people say it then you start over) and did some air flag with the “drum-guard”. We performed first and yeah, it was fun. If you didn’t know, it would look like I was captain because of my drill and the fact that I stand in the center of the warm-up circle and the fact that I was counting for some parts. Not to mention the Stained Glass exit. Anyway! So here’s my list of things I did wrong since it is homework (yes, the guard gets homework assignments other than “practice your flag”):

New Century Dawn:
1- I think, I caught my blade double too low on the blade and late, I’m not sure… I don’t remember, most of the show was muscle memory.
2- Could have made it the piccolo solo drill a little quicker so that threw me off for the solo, too much energy going into it.
3- The 12 count halt, personally, was more of swinging the sabre than doing the work.
4- Triple drill was changed and that didn’t really happen, plus turned to front a count late and caught my triple in an awkward position.
5- Tossed early before “Surprise”
6- Reverted to the old work for counts 4-8ish after the blade double to the back after the trumpet solo.
7- Rushed the ending counts.
I thought Lento was really strong and I can’t think of anything I, or the guard as a whole, did wrong.
Stained Glass:
Heh, stepped off on the right foot leading them down and didn’t count them off that well ^^
Performed a little, but not the entire show.

ANYWAY! So yeah, that was fun. Got a ride home from Chrissy since I didn’t want to wait for Bill to come. Um, then I dragged everyone to Marie Calendar’s because I’m in loooove with M.C. Anyway, our waiter was really cute and he kept eying me according to my mom. She wanted me to flirt with him and watch him get flustered. Sorry to tell you, but I didn’t. But he did get flustered, was very amusing and flattering. Then, since my mom is crazy like that, we went to the Coldstone that Adam works at. It was really busy so the babes got ice cream and then we went to the Starbucks to get coffee. We waved bye, but being me I hate not saying good-bye so I argued with my parents until they let me go in to say bye. Luckily, by this time it was empty except a couple and their daughter so I wasn’t distracting him. Funny, but there was this large group of people outside. I’m not supposed to know this, but when we went in the first time the two other people working went outside and got on the phone to call up their friends. I only know this because my mom was still outside, and so they called their friends and told them to get over there because I’m not made up. I’m so sure he’d make me up lol. That was funny. She came in and poked him and whispered stuff, and me being me, I got pissed but then she smiled at me and said, “I’ve heard a lot about you.” So I just smiled and was shocked, which was painfully obvious because then she added, “All good things!” Now I want to know, what does he say about me to his friends?! I could just ask him, but where’s the fun in that?

sing to me


:: 2004 1 October :: 9.42pm
:: Music: The Sun- Maroon 5

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there becauseyou were dead, but then you weren't.. Look at that...
For _____ years53
With a penguin. Click for pic.
He/She will think you areclever
You willrepopulate the earth
Quiz created with MemeGen!

7 songs | sing to me


:: 2004 1 October :: 12.44am
:: Mood: OVERJOYED!!!

So, I was going to give it a week before I posted but this is too awesome not to share! This is our schedule for our Oct 9th, Modesto competition btw.

8:45 AM Arrive LAHS
9:00 AM Rehearsal
12:30 PM Lunch
1:00 PM Begin loading truck
1:15 PM Pit, Drumline, and big instruments back to help load truck
1:45 PM All band members report to band room for check in
1:55 PM Load busses
2:00 PM Depart for Modesto, Johansen High School (directions posted on
4:00 PM Arrive Johansen High School and unload truck
4:45 PM Light Snack
5:15 PM Dress into half uniform (will explain to kids what this is)
5:45 PM Warm-up
6:30 PM Get into full uniform
6:45 PM Section Hype Time
6:55 PM Final warm-up and tune
7:15 PM Move to stand by position
7:31 PM PERFORM!!!
7:50 PM Change out of uniform
8:00 PM Dinner
8:30 PM Return to stadium to watch class AAAA and AAAAA Bands
9:50 PM Awards (Diane, Tiffany, Deanna, Andreas, Neale, Stephanie in
uniform for retreat)
10:20 PM Load busses
12:00 AM Arrive LAHS

See it?!?!
9:50 PM Awards (Diane, Tiffany, !!!!Deanna!!!!!, Andreas, Neale, Stephanie in
uniform for retreat)

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH! SOOO ... W-O-W!!!!!!!!!

sing to me


:: 2004 30 September :: 10.44pm
:: Music: What's going on?- Marvin Gaye

Vote John Kerry for President

...Bring it on.

5 songs | sing to me


:: 2004 27 September :: 11.29pm
:: Mood: disgusted, ashamed and afraid

Tribute to a life taken...
A junior was shot and killed on S. Rengestroff(sp?) last Friday, his name was Alex Fernandez, a student at LAHS. Details of why are still a mystery, but for now it's viewed as senseless violence. He was walking with his two friends, two shots were fired and they both hit him: one in the chest, the other in the leg. You're probably asking why I'm bringing this up, I don't know him, it doesnt apply to me.

You're wrong.

It does.

It affects everyone.

The world should not have this much fear, we should not be killing our own. Love is hate, war is peace, no is yes... We're in times when a woman can't feel safe in her our community, in her own home. 6 months ago a woman was beat to death in her own home in Los Altos, just a week ago people were raped just for walking down the street... I felt safe here, and now I don't. I don't understand how anyone could do these things, do they not feel any remorse? No oone deserves to have their life taken away from them... Well, Will slammed my hand in the van sliding door so I'm done for now.

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Now, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt can you hear them cryin'?
Can you practice what you preach?
And would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love? (Love)

Where is the love? (The love)
Where is the love? (The love)
Where is the love?
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane?
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I can ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all( come on yeah)

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images, it's the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids want to act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under (so ask yourself)
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Why do the babies starve
When there's enough food to feed the world
Why when there're so many of us
Are there people still alone
Why are the missiles called peace keepers
When they're aimed to kill
Why is a woman still not safe
When she's in her home
Love is hate
War is peace
No is yes
And we're all free
But somebody's gonna have to answer
The time is coming soon
Amidst all these questions and contradictions
There're some who seek the truth
But somebody's gonna have to answer
The time is coming soon
When the blind remove their blinders
And the speechless speak the truth

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Mother, Mother, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby
Current Music: Where is the Love-- Why --What's Going On?

sing to me


:: 2004 26 September :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: curious

I owe you an apology...
For everything I've said and done, I was wrong. I don't remember what it was about before, but recently it's envy. You're confident, you have what I want and everyone knows misery loves company. But mainly, you have the one thing I can never have again not matter how hard I try to get close to her in W.L.H.... you have Molly and Louise's friendship even after all of these years, you do things with them that I wish I was a part of but I know I gave up that chance years ago. I thought you were the anonymous, but that was stupid to think... So to you, Nicole Roccaforte, I am sorry if it means anything to you at all or whether it is just words, just know I am truly sorry.

sing to me


:: 2004 26 September :: 2.24am
:: Music: Degrassi Theme Song

I just want to take this time to say...
that I loooooooooooooooove Degrassi and everything Canadian! I want me an ice cap! Oh crap... I sound like Stella and April, I can't stop! Shiet foo, I want me an ice cream cone. Get it 'fore the store clo-ses. Eat it 'fore it melts and you get sti-cky. Um, ew. LOL *contented sigh* their senior skit is going to hilarious. thanks for reading my random randomness ^^

sing to me


:: 2004 25 September :: 2.51am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: guard song

*sigh* if only...
Today started out as a disaster but ended more perfectly than I could have ever imagined. So here’s the quick play by play. I woke up around 5:30ish because I left my health book in my locker and I didn’t read the chapters, so I was ready to leave around 6ish... almost. I couldn’t find my band shirt. Had my jazz pants but not my band shirt, even found my mom’s before I found mine… actually, never found mine. So I tucked in the sleeves and tied it in a knot in the back so it would fit better. Got a 37/39 (originally 40 but Paige curves) on our Ch. 1-4 Test, that was awesome esp. since I got a 20/20 on our lab ^^ YAY! Actually doing well this year. Health, not doing too good but I got a 20/20 on the Pop-Quiz on sex terminology ^.~ lol, jk but I did get 20/20. Chorale was boring, we had a theory quiz which was easy. Got a 10/11 on my Alg II quiz because I didn’t make my window big enough on my graphing calculator and failed to realize that the line was not symmetrical about the origin but still good. We watched a telenovela in Spanish, Jeff now sits next to me so I get the constant “You stalk Jeff”, “You like dog’s asses”, and “You like women” stuff from Keith and Jeff. Lol, for the record none of that is true. But it’s funny. Participated a lot in W.L.H.!! Molly, Claudia and I did this “dramatic read”. Claud C. was narrator, Molly was Tenorio and I was Ultima… funny, you just had to be there!!! Had guard stuff after school, messed up my triple and I was the only one who dropped so that was sad… esp. since it was like 10 yards away from me lol. Oh well, did the halt, jazz ran to my sabre, picked the mofo up and jazz ran backwards to my drill spot (while doing the work thank you very much). Heh, sad though… VERY embarrassing….

Got my progress report, very pleasing.
Girl’s 21- student is improving
Chem- student is doing excellent work, participates positively
Health- Performance is satisfactory, participates positively
Chorale- student is improving
Alg II- Performance is satisfactory
Spanish IV- Performance is satisfactory (but is says Karow?... My teacher is Potter? Should I be worried?.... CONFUSED!!!!!!! Better be her maiden name….)
World Lit. H- Student is doing excellent work
Concert Choir- (guess it, what else did Shaull say?) student is improving
Auxiliary Unit- student is doing excellent work

After the game we went to Sara’s house for the guard sleepover, I only stayed until 8ish though. We had Hanson’s, ate Doritos, had tons of pizza, fought over the See’s candy and watched a bunch of winter guard stuff. Not to mention the guard is hilarious. So mi novio (Adam, no not Garcia) came and picked me up, it was funny because he knocked and I knew it was him so I didn’t get up and Misty and Sara go to the door to answer it and I hear him intro himself. Then the rest of the guard RUNS over SCREAMING, and then I calmly get up. Very funny!

Anyway, had a great time with him. He met my parents, they drilled him, and he thinks they are awesome, my cat loves him! (extra brownie points there since she hates everyone other than me), and it was cute. We watched Office Space with my cat while my parents were in their room. It was cute, and there were lots of sweet little kisses here and there. But then 11 came by and it was time for him to go since I have guard in the morning so we had to go through the backyard since the sprinklers were on. So perfect! Movie perfect! We looked up at the sky, we could see a few stars and he pulled me close and kissed me, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! *sigh* Lots of kisses before he left since I’m a busy bee… *sigh* Did I mention my cat loves him?!

8 songs | sing to me


:: 2004 14 September :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: depressed

bleh... nyah...
Today was the day from hell... god, it sucked some major ass. I bombed my spanish make-up quiz, and I'm soooo close to being kicked off SLS that I cried for an hour while we did drill. No, you didn't imagine it and that's why Katie and most of the guard was hugging me. It's just that Ruch reminded me today I have 2 (should be 1) unexcused abscences and if I get three then I'm off SLS and that got me thinking... Last year, I always had my drill which was unnecessary cuz I had it memorized. I was almost never late, twice for when they made practice earlier. When Misty said "ideal guard member", she brought me up as an example. What I lacked in seniority, I made up with talent, drive and endless effort. This year, I lost the first drill sheet, left my drill at home, was late at least twice, my unexcused absences speak for themselves. I don't see why I'm on SLS, I don't deserve it. So we had an SLS meeting after and I tried my best to muffle myself but I couldn't, and by the end I was just letting the tears stream down. Then Misty motioned for me to come closer and she hugged me and then I explained to her about how I felt I was disappointing the group and all that jazz... Then she reassured me everyone makes mistakes and Carrie and Tiff hugged me, it was very reassuring... It was also awesome cuz other people hugged me and made me feel better before I went to the stupid Pre-PSAT/SAT thing... But I was still depressed and then Ruchie hugged me and said he was sorry for being hard on me earlier (for those in Chorale, I went into Mr. Shaull's/ Ruch's office to talk to Ruch about the SMUNC which lead to my absences), but I didn't have the strength to tell him it was good that he brought it up. I had lost sight of what is most important to me, and sad as it is, Color Guard and Marching Band is tied for most important in my life. It's my second family, when I'm pissed or sad I turn to the guard or if I'm at home I turn to my sabre. Anyway, yeah... still depressed and my knee still hurts (sliced the back of my knee since I was shaving before guard and started to cry over the whole thing since I was thinking about what I was going to tell Ruchie).

ON A HAPPY NOTE! I get to represent my lover aka Adrian. Katie and I are getting specific work for his part of the trio, and the other people are getting work for the other soloists and all that jazz... I think Carrie Bearie has a huge solo, I don't know though.


sing to me

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