:::WhAT iS mY pUrPoSe HeRe?******Do I hAvE A rEaSoN fOr ThIs LiFe I lIvE?:::

 

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N01under5tand5!

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:: 2004 7 April :: 8.38 pm

dot dot dot click click im back...
long time no type wellp i lost jamie for good she is walking out of my life forever but i guess im doing ok i know she liked me at least but it seems like she doesnt even care nemore i cant blame her i told her from the start i wasnt worth it... well my eye is bothering me a lot its painful... painful thats a good explaination of my life but yet i find a way to put a smile on i thank mcdonalds for that. i wish al'staints was back i wish i knew jamie liked me then i guess i knew but i wasn't sure of my statis yet i didnt admitt i was bi until the next night when nicole and i started going out i cant believe that happened ...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh those days were great and i miss my friendship with mike how come i always ruin everything!!!.. please if u leave a comment dont leave it to make me feel better i dont want it and do not pitty me that the worst thing u could do the best is just leave it alone... or tell me how miserable and petty your life is it might make me feel better know for a fact that ppl have it worse than me and can ruin more in one than i can

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2004 7 April :: 8.31 pm

well i dont know about ne one else but the pay for ur journals thing is really gay i have a hard time dealing with it and im not exactly the richest kid on the block

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2004 19 January :: 1.42 am

hye guy recently every one hates me because they think i call sum chick i barely know a dumb hoe but i was just repeating what sum one else sed in a questioning way i didnt mean she was a hoe but ppl always gotta talk or give sumone shit or start fuckin drama .. newayz i like this kid billy alot i think sumin might happen btw us ne wayz ......more shit with my mom she never listens to me she doesnt understand and she never there even tho shes always home.. i also recently went in to see if i could get open heart surgery but they sed i didnt meet the requirements in a few ways and it wouldnt be safe at my unstable stress level and stuffs so yeh ... o and to top that all off my cat died my dad left for a week and during new year i found out he was a scum bag he had an affair while he was married to his last wife with my mom and my moms a scum bag cuz she new even tho my dad didnt wear his wedding ring he told her after there second date so yeh o yeh and recently also the person i loved for a long time jamie has found sumone new but has managed to finally admitt her feelings for me even tho i dunno if they r tru or if shes just trying to make me happy and also all my friends have great guys in their life and im not close to the great guy in mine so ne wayz love all and stuffs

17 ~*::stars::*~ | ~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 28 September :: 1.47 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: none

iuno

word tattoo



You Should Get a Word Tattoo!


Whether it's "sexy," "bitch," or "supergirl"

You've got something you want your tat to say

And that's cool - it will probably still be true when you're 60!



What Tattoo Should You Get?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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tongue piercing



You Are A Tongue Piercing


You're extremely oral (like you didn't know that!)

You love going down... on girls and guys!

You're not one to be too naughty in public -

You like to save it all for the bedroom.



What Piercing Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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lick



Your Hidden Sexual Talent is Getting People to Lick You Everywhere!


Your lovers will lick you *anywhere*

Oh yes.... even there!

A little kiss, a little suck.

You'll be clean before you fuck.



What's *Your* Hidden Sexual Talent?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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pain



Your Hidden Sexual Talent is Giving Pain!


Spakings until they're all insane!

Yup, you're totally in it for the pain.

Handcuffs, whips, hot candle wax.

That's the stuff that helps you relax.



What's *Your* Hidden Sexual Talent?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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bdsm



Your Secret Fetish Is BDSM!




Tie me up! Tie me down!


Whether you're doing the tying, or doing the crying, you love BDSM.


For you, love hurts- and sex hurts even more.


So make that spanking a little harder. The more you bleed, the more you cum.



What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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im so bored its not even funny and confused about everything in my life i feel like i dont even have a moment to my self and every thing is flying by so fast .

2 ~*::stars::*~ | ~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 28 September :: 12.08 am
:: Mood: no mood that has a name
:: Music: none tv

um.....

perfect lay



You Are a Perfect Lay!


All sorts of guys long to hook up with you, but your standards are set high.

You don't just give it up to anyone, but when you do...they can't get enough of you!

You have a knack for pleasing and receiving, and sex with you is never boring.

Only problem is ~ they all seem to be falling in love with you...



What Kind of Lay Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva


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gold medal



You Are The Undisputed Gold Medal World Champion in Bed


Need we say more? Really.

Your reputation precedes you, but not on the bathroom walls.

It’s more a word-of-mouth thing, and word is your mouth is the best.

Not in a slutty way, but a mind-blowing way.

Hey, you’ve got natural gifts so you may as well use them the way God intended, right?

And who’s to say God didn’t intend for you to make men whimper at your feet (or your neck or your ass?)

And if that ain’t heaven, what is?!



Are *You* Good In Bed?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva





nothing much has been going on except i have a boy following me around school and i dunno bored grounded ehhhh almost up 11 days left so yeh i got three A's and a B on my interium so im happy and hum i dunno ....

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 21 September :: 9.34 am
:: Mood: grrr
:: Music: nun

personality disorder test
DisorderRating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Very High
Antisocial:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:Very High
Avoidant:Very High
Dependent:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --





http://www.quizdiva.com/sexsoundquiz.html

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 20 September :: 7.05 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: techno

two types of sexy im classified as
wierd

bombshell sexy



You Are Bombshell Sexy!


Congratulations, you are the ultimate sexy woman

You've got the mix of looks, wit, and brains to snag almost any guy

You attract so many men that trouble seems to follow you everywhere

Luckily, you're woman enough to handle trouble… Bring it on!



What Kind of Sexy Are *You*?

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and


retro sexy



You Are Retro Sexy!


You have a classic sex appeal that passes the test of time.

You're feminine, subtle with your seductions, and perfectly tuned into men.

A woman with your attention to detail is rare find and a true prize.

You're an incredible catch for any guy, especially rich older ones.



What Kind of Sexy Are *You*?

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my style is

Your Style is Classy


You've got class, and you know how to put together a guy catching outfit

You're more likely to shop at Bloomie's than bebe

For you style is looking like a million bucks…

And you're always do with your fantastic yet feminine wardrobe



What's Your Date Fashion Style?
Classy, Sassy, or Trashy? Take This Quiz :-)




Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.


the type of dater i am

You are a Look Before You Leap, Yellow Light Dater


When it comes to the dating game, you fall in the middle

You aren't going to ask out any cute guy that comes your way

That doesn't mean you're a total wall-flower though.

You'll smile and flirt - for the Mr. Almost Perfect.



You're online dating style?

You're wired to spend time reading profiles carefully

Once you figure out what you want, you'll make a few connections



What's Your Daing Speed?
Take This Quiz :-)




Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.


my style of foreplay

slowly undressing



You Are Slowly Undressing Someone


Your foreplay is slow, seductive, and totally transparent.

When you want some, you take action!

And you turn your lover completely on in the process.



You've been known to undress with your teeth -

And kiss all over. If it involves talent and time...

Well, let's just say you have plenty of both.



What Kind of Foreplay Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 20 September :: 6.08 pm
:: Mood: optimistic
:: Music: dance-93.1

only 18 days left
i only have 18 day left until im off the hook and well im happy so yeh ......... meow um well brandi and jamie are fighting alot for ne of u who dont know jamie is this guy who is like madly in love with brandi ............ well for me i have several guys who like me i just dont feel the same about them i still only like josh how long will this go on and how do get over someone who just wants to be friends when u cant avoid them and u cant be a bitch because u still want to be friend ........ should i tell him i want space is that really gay yes but basically i see him to offten to get over him thats the bad thing about dating guys that go to my school and i have no other guy i can use to keep my mind off him ............do u think i should ask him for a second chance ???????? or should i just give up completely ...........well i wish i had just ten minutes alone with him to just tell him face to face how i felt about him and to ask for a second chance

poem

alone in the world
standing feet apart
i wont cry for yesterday
only live my life my
way thinking of the
way things use to be isnt
going to help me now
how am i suppose to
escape when every thing
surrounds me and clings
it all brings me down
why dont i ever give up
i dont know how to
i dont know when
so i feel lost and locked up
like everything is sufficating me
like all my wants and needs
dream and pleads will never
happen but still i cant help
feeling like i still have
control in my world.
~by me like all the rest of the poems in here

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 14 September :: 9.50 pm
:: Music: papa roach/last resort

umm yea grounded again
um well recently my ex josh appologized for what he sed and how he treated me and well im grounded cuz i slept at my friend hannas and not kristens so yeh only a month but its all gravy ...............and hum my parents have gone back to baby-ing me w/e
and hum my week end was good if i it was for kristis moms calling here and my parents freaking if i sed kristi wasnt here she wouldnt have been in trouble but sence i wasnt told that then i got in trouble and if i wasnt such an idiot and walked in the door 2 seconds earlier i would have been fine but what ever 3 weekend i miss at the mall big wop ................... i will miss kristi yeh and my mall rat friend but other than that i will be fine well so long bye bye june

5 ~*::stars::*~ | ~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 13 September :: 10.00 pm
:: Mood: totally and completely depressed
:: Music: none

none
ok parents always say how does my boss exspect me to do my job right if he doesnt do his correctly and follow through lead by setting a good example well the same goes for children...........they say we fuck up so badly and blame only us tell us we arent taking responsiblity well maybe they are either we didnt choose to be here in this world and i bet half of us would give up alot not to have to be here ...........but do they take responsiblity for that for their action no but they are in a position of power therefore even if u try and mention nething u get shut right down..............so here begins my story the other night i was supposed to be spending the night at a friend and i did but as far as my parents know i did but when my mom called her dad he said i didnt so i got screwed and well i did spend the night but w/e they will think what they think and now i dont know whether im grounded or not my mom never said ne thing about it to my dad ................i wonder if me saying i will run away or kill myself got to her and scared her off made her not wanna tell my dad but i dont know i will get back on this story in a few days

why does it seem that
everything that fucked
up is my fault that all
that happens is wrong
and that everything i
do makes me feel as
though i dont belong?
why is it that has hard
as i try to make you
people happy its never
enough and when i need
a pick me up-er i always
seem to fuck it up more
but what i do cant be
that wrong if all my friends
parents dont think it is?
why is it that i get pushed
down and away i know
what i do isnt the best for
me but that does mean
that i cant just stop that
doesnt mean i cant just
give it up, does it ???????

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 10 September :: 5.49 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: nun ,tv

feeling ok
well yeh today i went to school but besides that on the bus ride home there a kid on the bus and the wierd thing is he doesnt make me feel wierd or retarded and so yeh well im debating on whether i like him or not well hum what else o yeh im claimed bye like four people at school so yeh and hum um o yeh i went swimming and got a tan today so yeh and hum o yeh boys u may not wanna know this but yesterday was a good day because a bad thing happened i got *it*finally i almost taught i was pregnant but now i know im not because well if u read the entry about two sundays ago u'd know i was drunk and ne thing could have happened but now that i know it can go be gone with u bloody devil of hell ......... rgggh hehe um yeh ok bye bye ~june

poem

i came home late last night
turned on my tv and almost
every light and still found my
self alone in the dark of night
in the shadows beneath the
world because of who i am
and exact who i am hiding.
broke glass shards along the
kitchen floor down the halls
and up to the front door
broken just like me unspoken
just like me i guess theres lots
in common like the naked feeling
i have when im broken like every
thing shows threw the cracks
like i can not hide even in the
shadows even behind the lies.
raining over me i wonder how
my life will turn out form me as
the tears running down from my
eyes dry i say my gentle good bye
i let go and float away on to another
time another day ....

just like all the others poems in my journal this ones by me let me know what u think about them .....

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 8 September :: 4.08 pm

so today i went to school and in second hour i have this really hot guy in my class and well i know alot of gurls who think the same including my friends amanda and heather and im sure a few others who just dont mention it ... ne wayz off the subject the same guy i have been talking about in the few journal entries i wrote has been completely avoiding me ..... sad :( well so i for got to mention before i like a chick not saying who because i dunno if i want her to read this and think im obsessed or something ..... and well things happen life goes on ok and theres another guy at my school who liked one of my best friends but after being turned down several times by her decides to finally give up and well im not sure but he seemed to make that little sentence quit clear to me so i dunno he might like me ...... i kinda hope he does... hehe well hum yeh today was just one of those bad days and last night i wanted to cry because i remembered the person i would never admitt falling in love with because that would mean it was really i could not stop thinking about him it was wierd i mean just when u think ur over them completely and u play that one song or cd and u think of them after every word said and how it applied to exactly what you had with them so yeh that made me sad..... and thinking about the good times smoking on kristens porch with kristi just chillen sneekin out in the cold cuddling with evan almost freezing to death ... those were the best days of my life i wish they never ended the days when the mall was a get a way and everything seemed some what magical yeh the days when i felt free ....
and the days when harold was nice to me well he is now to ......
well so ne wayz thats todays story please return tomaro for more on my past present and furture .....

peom

it wasnt to long ago
it wasnt to far away
it wasnt yesterday
but then again those
memories are never
to far away from today
and in my heart they'll
always stay close to
me apart of my child-
hood i could not erase
even if my memory i
misplace i will find at
least one person with
a recogonizalbe face
and it will all flash back
to me like that shining
sea moving on i walk
from my reality the one
i use to know the one
that seemed almost
magical the one less
stressing and less
depressing the one
from past yesterdays.

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 6 September :: 3.43 pm
:: Mood: ahhh
:: Music: NUN

poem
second chances
dont come easy
believe me i tried
to prove to him
that i still cared
but he wouldnt
listen he just
stared he wouldnt
let me get to close
maybe he feared
the fact that he
still likes me as
much as i like him
but i dont know
does it matter i
lost my chance
and well i fucked
up i guess i dont
get a second chance
believe me they dont
come easy.......

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 6 September :: 2.43 pm
:: Mood: anxious

hummmmm....
why do u always want is unobtainable well personally i think its because human nature basically states that when u are told or when u think u cant have something you only want it more because humans hate being told u cant have or thinking they cant have it so they prove they can....

well ne wayz hum i still like my ex from the fair josh and i wish he would ask me back out but he told my friend richard that we were jus friends but when im around him it always seems like more and the i always find myself wishing i didnt break up with him but i did and so it goes nobody noes exactly what they have until they lose it ..............

somewhere in my heart
i hide the true me deep
inside but i try and show
the world i get rejected
i know im not the best
but at least i try my hardest
to be myself in a world
where all your use to seeing
is trends followers of
their friends and where
the ring ends you'll never
really know because
their will always be some one
following someone some where
i know what i want its
behind the skin of the only
one i need i know i never felt
this way before about ne guy
so do you still want to call
me a whore and a follower?

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 4 September :: 5.39 pm
:: Music: nun

jus life
well i like one guy still the same as yesterday and im gettin mad hit on and it gets so hard to choose i mean i hate being called cute and i was finally told its cuz im petite or w/e so yeh ......... well school that all i been doin tgif tomaro.......


poem

i wonder what im doing
here i wonder about my
purpose i wonder about
who will care when im
gone and who will care
when im in pain i wonder
if the people who say they
love me will lead me threw
the rain i wonder who will
stand beside me and hide
me from my strain i wonder
who will care when it seems
like no one is there with this
emptiness in my heart
and the tears in my i stand
alone no one there to hold my
hand to walk with me in the
sand i wish life for me could
be grand alone in the world
im only left to wonder.......

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 3 September :: 7.02 pm
:: Mood: the usual just satisfied
:: Music: nun

hummmmmmm...
well seeing as though i havent writen in awhile i better get cracking......... ok recently i be came a ninth grader ne wayz im not gunna be mall mousin friday i will be chillen at the bowling i will be there saturday and my parents just noticed a giant hickey on my neck well needless to say im not in any trouble but w/e my summer was a total blast i smoked and went to the mall almost every day.........recently i became single o yes my b/f evan .. yeh we broke up cause he decided he couldnt get a quick fuck from this chicken and he got his ass beat and arrested o ya o ya .........sry ne wayz naturally im pretty pissed about the happenings ne ways he got played i cheated on him so what ever even tho it was unintentional w/e not really my style but hey o and u wanna know the funny part i called him and broke up with him like this hey evan its june im breaking up with i will remember that forever ya so high great i have mostly sophmor and up friends its great and well hum i get hit on alot o yeh and well the other day i went to this kid josh's house my ex from feb. and well i just wanted to chill but he turned out to b a total asshole he was callin me his hoe and shit tellin me how many chickens he has callin him so w/e i dunno what i should do about him basically i still like him tryin to get bvackwith and i know he still likes me its just he doesnt wanna ge hurt again and well i think he in this stage where he knows he can have me there fore he doesnt want me but w/e

well theres lots more but im out that an ok summary so yeh bye bye june

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 22 April :: 6.10 pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: none

personalish
me and a friend got into a fight i was feeling really bad and today she talked to me now i dunno if we are friends i got alot on my mind but i really would like to not pretend nothing happened but at least put it in the past and remember the mistakes we made.

ignorance

i no your blinde
and i wouldnt
expect u to know
any better ur a little
child with ur eyes
wide shut u dont
listen u hear
and hearing is fearing
fearing what u dont know
dont want to be told
to afarid that
understanding my
give u the power to
be commanding
but lieaving this where
its heading its ur
life ur desions to be
living it the way u
decide but who am
i to hide the truth i will
tell it like it is and not
make bullet proof
stories of how i could
be it should be
knowledge is power and
the power is knowing
so dont be ignorant
cause we all have something
to share something
no one knows and
no one shows its
hiden in a sence forbidden
from the world cause
their ignorance.

~*::shooting stars::*~


:: 2003 21 April :: 1.24 am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: im so

uh grounded
im so grounded for the stupidest crap and one of my best friends hates me and one is so far away i miss her madison im so bored i miss kristi and bbmak. yesterday was four twenty and easter i wish i could sleep but i just cant. i cant stop thinking about two guys evan and cody

2 ~*::stars::*~ | ~*::shooting stars::*~

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