Emology

Emology

:: 2006 19 January :: 8.58 pm

Wow. I'm kinda confused.....and a little worried....and pretty tired. Every one get better, it tears me up to see things go down hill. Just remember that you are in control, don't be effect of this universe.

"I have a 139 IQ!"

1 What | up

:: 2006 16 January :: 9.39 pm

I don't have to leave her.....yay!!!!

:: 2006 16 January :: 7.42 am

Man I had the most horriblist(yes horriblist) sleep last night. I got like six hours or something, cause I couldn't fall asleep. I wish I had today off like everybody else, but oh well. I'll sleep extra tonight to make up for it. Have a good day.

"Can you feel the love tonight?"

1 What | up

:: 2006 13 January :: 9.59 pm

Man, sometimes I wish I wasn't such a "valuable being". It makes me want to not show how able I am sometimes, just because people ask a lot of me cause they know I'll be able to handle it. I've been in the org for a week, and I'm already placed as one of the best employees there. It's weird......whatever. I guess I like the responsibilities though, even though I have to wear a lot of "hats"( meaning jobs, like a fireman wears a fireman's hat, when he puts on that hat, he becomes the owner of that job and it's responsibilities).

I feel love though, I really do. I guess all I need to keep me going is that she is in my future, and I will keep on living, in order to see her beautiful face yet another day. We're all going our ways, but it'll be all right, I know it. I'm gonna get done with my training, and live my life with my lovely wife, and eventually our children. That future is already created out there in the universe, so there is NO reason that it's not going to happen. I love you baby.

"Isn't everything better when you're in love?"

4 Whats | up

:: 2006 10 January :: 9.00 pm

Wow, it all came down to me forcing a problem that wasn't there so that I could help. Haha, that's so stupid. But now I know that I can help in other aspects of life, so that makes me tremendously happy, cause I thought that was going to not happen. I thought that my help was going to all be denyed, but no, it's only on the self betterment cause that's not needed anymore. I'm sorry hun, but now we can move on and prosper like we must. I don't know if you realize it, but this is a HUGE turning point for you and I. It really opened my eyes, to how much I need to communicate to you and see the whole picture. I am so sorry. But now that we can move on, I hope you're okay with me putting my two cents in where the other aspects of your life need help where you see fit.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

:: 2006 9 January :: 9.38 pm
:: Mood: fuck

Okay now I'm worried......I just don't know what to do between her and I. This isn't fucking fair. My heart is just.....pounding. God fuck. She deserves better than this, right? But I want to be that better, that one there for her. My heart hurts......

somebody plug the whole with the solution to this problem......

3 Whats | up

:: 2006 8 January :: 9.52 pm

I'm excited to start work tomorrow, it's going to be a lot of fun. And I absolutely love my own place, it's great.

I am worried about my babykins though....I don't want her to be in this funk. We still have a lot of time before I.....leave. I couldn't ask for a better partner, she's done so much for me, and will stick with me through it all. I love her so much.

Well, good night, I've had a hell of a day.

"I'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans"

2 Whats | up

:: 2006 7 January :: 10.18 pm

Okay hun, well it looks like we're leaving at 9 tomorrow. Just promise me that two weeks is all that we have to wait, okay? You be good while I'm away, I will miss you dearly and always be thinking of you. Remember how much I love you and you love me, and the connection we have together. Stay in communication with me as much as possible, and I will try and do the same to you. I love you with all of my heart, and know that you are the one I will always be with. See you in a couple babe, let's make time fly by.

Love, your one and only Jeremiah

p.s. You can visit me if you want by bike or whatever if you want before I leave, but I am getting up at eight, and from then till nine packing, so I really won't have time to visit you. Another thing is that my family invited you to go along with them to Seattle THIS weekend if you wanted to go, and you would get to see me and my new place and everything then. If I don't see you, then I WILL call you when I get there, and we'll talk then, and through emails and stuff to save on my minutes. Love you babykins

1 What | up

:: 2006 6 January :: 11.17 pm

I feel SOOOO much better now. Not perfect, but that I know for certian that my love wants to be with me forever, and we can go through anything. It was really hard on her, and it's the hardest I've ever seen anything upset her, but we will be all right, and I'm SURE of that now. And that I am in love, TRULY in love, with the absolute best. The time has come where helping this world is of the utmost importance, but I surely do not want to lose what I have worked so hard for, and love to death. I am truly lucky in the sense of the word that this happened against all odds. It is hard though, cause helping others in this world and being in love....you can't sacrifice one over the other, they both are just that important. Thank you so much honey, I fucking love you to death.

"Everything.....EVERYTHING....WILL.....it will be okay"

1 What | up

:: 2006 6 January :: 9.43 am

Ah.....I don't know what to do.....I'm so confused and so many things have happened within the last few days. This little mascarade "behind" my back is starting to hurt my heart, cause I'm supposed to trust her. Maybe if I let it be, the right thing will happen, but I'm just afraid that it won't. Psh, like fucking hell there isn't a crush.

I'm super afraid that I'm gonna lose that which is close to me in the future. I dunno, if I go through with this job thing, I'll be one out of only 400 people on this planet that have made it up to a Class 6 auditor....my dad is only a class 4. But if....when I do, I'll have the ability to help every situation and problem on this planet with certainty, and essentially start saving the world....all by age 20 or so. Gah, so much bouncing around in my head.

Honey, I know that things are going to look rough for us here in the near future, but if we are going to go through with us staying together, I'm gonna need you to be faithful to me 100%, no exceptions. If you can't do that, or feel like I'm not who you want to be with anymore, I need you to tell me now or soon. You're supposed to be better now, there is no need for you to share your sad stories with anybody, because they have already been solved. Only reason you'd be doing it would be so that somebody would like you. I already LOVE you, and I hope you realize that, and also that is all you should need. I'm sorry if this has come off harsh at all, it's just bouncing through my head, and I'm being honest.

"I can't get those statements out of my head....and they're stabbing my heart in every way"

:: 2006 5 January :: 10.12 pm
:: Mood: fucked up

I'm kinda scared now. My dad offered to pay for my apartment and stuff so that I could do just one job instead of two for a while. He's on the phone with my whorebag called a mother, and she is really angry about that. I'm even shivering a little bit. I don't feel good. man she is a whore.

On top of that, I'm going to be here for about 2-3 months, working and training at the org, starting next monday. It's five days out of the week which is nice, so I can come home for a few weekends. Only thing is, is that I'm such a valuable being, that if I qualify, they're going to fly me down to flag(the biggest org on the planet, located in Florida) for my auditor training. I'm both excited and crushed at the same time. I don't know what I'm going to do about her.....or her best friend......I'm so sad.

I love you hun, I'm coming back tomorrow. If my mom isn't too much of a bitch, I'm gonna visit, but no gaurentees. I'll visit as soon as I can though, I promise you that. Maybe one or two weeks or somethin.

Maybe I am just.....nevermind.....

"I feel like shit right now"

1 What | up

:: 2006 2 January :: 11.28 pm
:: Mood: crying

I've held it back for some time now, but the tears won't stop anymore. The hardest day of my life was when I drove away with her in my rear view mirror. Tears started gushing out of me at that instant, and everything hurt so bad. I don't know how I'm going to do this. It hurts a lot and I miss her so much already. I've realized that the next few days might be my last here for a long while. How can I cry on your shoulder when you'll be nowhere to be found. The hardest part for me is letting go......it's already started and I'm crying my eyes out. I want my baby to hold me in her arms right now......

This is going to do a lot more damage to my heart than I can even imagine

"When I look at the stars, I often wonder if you are looking at the same ones"

1 What | up

:: 2006 2 January :: 3.53 pm

Wow.....WOW. My mom won the whorebag olympics last year, year 2005! It was an amazing victory, and it'll be a hard for her to beat any of her records. However!, even though 2006 has JUST begun, she is off to an AMAZING start! already beating, nay, CRUSHING all of her old records around this time of year! It is quite unbelievable folks! Damn is she a WHOREBAG!!!!!!!!! *whooo whoooo the crowd goes wild!*

"I'll fucking kill you"

1 What | up

:: 2005 29 December :: 12.07 am
:: Mood: meh

Unfuckinbelievable.......I just.....I dunno anymore......

1 What | up

:: 2005 28 December :: 12.09 am

Gah, so much is going on right now. And at the same time so little. It's like everything is just rushing straight through my head. So many damn thoughts. I'm not sure anymore if my logical thinking is actually logical, cause it only seems to get me into trouble.

I want things to go back to the way they were. The way things were with her anyway. The carefree days. The days where I got up excitedly, knowing that I could rush over to my lovers house and see an overjoyed face of excitement waiting for me. No matter what we did together, it was fun and great. Why the hell can't things be like that now? Too much going on? School and work? Is is stress? I dunno........but I fucking hate the feeling of slowly losing her.

I miss Brooke too. I still need to give you your present! I hope you'll like it, and don't already have it. Come back soon or else!

I think all of my bad feelings are starting to really pile up inside. I'm finding it harder to be patient, not that I've snapped on anybody or anything, it's just the anger and frustration that runs through my mind. And I know all this crap I've always dealt with is just growing inside, cause I can't help but want to get it all out physically with fighting. I NEED to fight, I just do. I miss my Tae Kwon Do class. I'll find one in Seattle and do it asap.

And I love you sweetheart. I'm not gonna stay in love with you just because of what we have in our past, but rather what we are creating now in our present, and what is planned for our future.

"It takes more than three words(I love you) to have a relationship"