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The Possibility of Life's Dislocation.

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:: 2005 13 January :: 6.06pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: lonestar

and i'll gently kiss your lips, touch you with my fingertips...

school was ehhh. i looked hott today tho. lolol. english was gay. spanish i did good on my skit. lunch was gay like usual. sam lost our notebook...ehhh. history was lame. algebra was ok. did all my hw with sean. after school had to write an essay for ms. dice. talked to damian and camila (god i love that kid hes so funny) then to luke (who hates me) and went home. stilllll wasnt allowed to drive so i walked to wendys with nicole. saw noone. then had to go to camilas to do "something" hahahahahahahahahhaha. then went home. now im bored. and im getting sick. blahhh.


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:: 2005 12 January :: 4.45pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: my chemical romance

im not okay...i promise.

today was good sorta. got my license...woo. then daddy took me to mcdonalds for breakfast =] . got to school in time for fourth hr. then lunch. thats starting to be my least favorite part of the day. everyone was making me upset. i even broke down and started crying...of course no one noticed cept allie cuz shes my love. rest of the day was gay. after school like no one was there. went home and then i couldnt even take the car cuz of sum insurance shit. that pissed me off. then ppl online were making me mad and then my family starts bitching at me so i go in my room and have one of my breakdowns. i get better and max and camila call. i found out sum shit and it put me in an even worser mood. im so upset right now. and i broke a promise. ehh.

i wish piercing boy still had first lunch. he was the only thing that got me through the day at school. i never see him now. but i think i like someone else now...but im not gunna get my hopes up, jus gunna see howit plays out...i swear to god this is the only thing keeping me sane. gahh.

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:: 2005 11 January :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: ryan cabrizzle! <33

and everything that you thought was fine, has turned its back into more than time...

today was cool i guess. enviromental was soooo friggin boring. law studies= new class. with gayyyyy people in it. desiree is in it thank god. so is brittany and sean. donnie, katie, theo, and courtney are in it,..ugh. that was boring today. lunch was okay..i has pasta thrown at me? and still , no piercing boy. i miss my love. i wore all black today to mourn his loss. lol im sucha fag. then history was ehhh. took notes and i culdnt sleep cuz justin kept waking me up...stupid bastard!! then chemistry had a sub. she was cool-like gothic but not really. black nail polish pale and black coat. it was cute. lol. that class was super boring. after school i had an NHS meeting, then got home like 3:30 and then went with nicole up to wendys to do our math hw. we saw sean, kevin and josh up there. then we left and saw max and then nicole left and alinas mom piked me up on the side of the road and took me home. lol. i <3 her. yeah now im gunna go eat dinner. license tomorrow!! wooot. im scared/mega nervous!!
....oh yeah, and anthony chavez has a crush on me. hmmm..its cute. lol. random,...but cute. haha.

laterrrrr! <33

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:: 2005 10 January :: 4.42pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: spanish song by ryan <33

i cant even help my self...

you are the one...

-ehh first day back at school. all same classes except 3rd hour. now i have law studies.ehhh. it fucking sucks. piercing boy isnt in my lunch anymore *tear* tomorrow im wearing all black to mourn his loss. but hes in nikis 4th hr. i wanna switch but i cant. gahhhhhhhhhhh. so mad/sad. anyways...i paid attention in history *clap for me* lol. fucking arsalan annoyed me in 6th and so did sean. whatever. omg after school we talked to damian. he is fucking hilarious i love that kid. lol. then grandma took me driviing after school cuz she got new brakes and she wanted me to get used to them. walked to publix w/ camila so she culd get cake frosting. ran into max, talked to him for a bit then walked home. talked to ronnie and yeah. now im bored. peace.


...you are the only one i want.

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:: 2005 9 January :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: i will by ryan cabrera <33

do you ever wonder, if we were not friends?

today was L A M E. woke up at 10 and went home from camilas house. took a shower talked to people online and then got ready. then my daddy took me driving. we went to the DMV to practice the course cuz i went thru it in drivers ed. last year. omggg i suck soooo bad at parking. literally spent a good 30 mins jus trying to park. then we went to KFC and ewwie. my chicken was like a tad pink so i wuldnt eat it. then drove home. i love when my daddy takes me places like this. we talk. mostly about his past and my future. i gets me thinking about college and whatnot.. came home and nicole wanted to go walking so we did. walked up to wendys and max stopped by to say hi. saw emily up there. then we walked back and talked to sum dude named dream. he was cool. then went to my house and sat on my driveway. seth and jd stopped by then everyone left. ate dinner and decorated both me and camilas and me and sams slambooks. now im dreading school tomorrow cuz its an even day and i didnt write an essay for english...eek!!


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:: 2005 9 January :: 12.17pm

i swear to god that i have some deep rooted psychological/mental problem.

i keep thinking about cake, and if i chose the right kind...


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:: 2005 9 January :: 11.59am
:: Mood: mental freakshow
:: Music: old school ryan cabrera

and the butterflies collide inside a jar that lies within your <3, you're free....

yesterday was cool. woke up did chores, got ready and went to office max with daddy to copy my AP english packet that i need for homework. came home and walked with camila to the firestation where we met up with jeremy and justin t. we watched them dirtbike for a while then left. hung out and then went to the movies. went to mcdonalds first and got happy meals with blow up spears. lmao. then we met up with lauren and zach. next thing u know everyone in the world is with is: nick, jeremy, justin t, eric, patrice, katie, carol, scott, alex. we went in a were a lil squished seating wise. lol . omg we went to see white noise. jesus christ it was fucking scary. well, i think only me, lauren, and camila were scared...since we were the only ones screaming and covering our eyes. the people behind us were laughing...at us! lol. after the movie we went to mcdonalds/borders then left. when we got home we chilled with nicole and jd for a while. nicole like raped us and jd got it on camera lolol.then went inside and it was fucking hilarious...everyone who went to see that movie with us was online until after 2:30...just to be safe....

today daddys taking me to the DMV to practice cuz wednesday i get my license! blahhhhhh and i have homework. i really dont wanna go bak to school...i fucking hate it.


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:: 2005 8 January :: 10.36am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: five for fighting

im jus out to find the better part of me...

yesterday felt like it was 34984 hours long. woke up and went walking with nicole. we sat in wendys for like 1.5 hours. lol. then went home and talked to allie and jd thru my window. then got reay for jeremys birthday party. for the most part it was funn. there was alotta ppl there...(an attempt to name them): me, camila, nicole, kristin, shaye, olivia, kelsey, richie, sahar, leo, jaryd, zach, max, chris, gustavo, justin a, justin t, eric, lucy, brian, charlie, scott and more but i forget. we jus hung out outside until his neighbor started to have strokes and we went in to watch napolean dynamite. CHRIS spilled some soda and didnt know how to wipe it up properly. lol --me, kelsey, camila, nicole, kristin, shaye, and olivia def. showed them bitches up!! haha. 7 to 4, ooooh what now?! yeah but then two of them stood up for me and i was like..."ummmmmm" lol. weirdness. then i almost broke a nail on camilas pants and it hurt sooooooo bad that i had to go in jeremys freezer and caress a frozen turkey. lol. anyways. ooo! i saw matt becker drive by in a car and he came bak and talked to me. aww i miss matt/psychology. lol. but yeah we ended up leaving at like 12:15. came home, went online then watched fresh-prince and went to sleep. im a tad confused and im guna make a friends only post about it. i could really use the opinion of sumone who doesnt personally know all the people involved. but yeah. today sucks. i have to do my chores, read a book for english and write an essay. ufjkhnfdj. and school starts in like 1.25 days. awww. =[ ...it started to feel like summer.


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:: 2005 6 January :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: five for fighting

i cant stnad to fly, im not that naive..

im such a mess right now. i have eyeliner running down my face right now and i cant stop crying. this is so fucking gay. theres no way in hell that hes getting away with this without me saying anything....

i dont even think meeting ryan cabrera (again) right now wuld make me feel any better...

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:: 2005 6 January :: 10.07am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: fallout boy

i wrote this for you...

yesterday was very rushed. me and sam made plans with brian to go see a movie since we havent seen that child in forvever!!! but then at like 4:30 sam calls and says lets go to the mall....so i had to get ready in 30 minutes. and then catch the 5:15 bus all by myself. at 5 i remembered i needed to feed camilas dog...so i sprinted over there and then met nicole and she walked/ran with me to the stop. i got there just in time.. nicole left and then i called camila so i wasnt so scared. ommmg at sandalfoot stop the orgasmic dude from one time when me and camila took the bus got on. it was funny. anyways..got there and met up with sam and of course, saw newman again. hes such a queer. then we hung out with cchhhhhh-josh, matt, and frank-cchhhhhh (lmao). they're cool..sorta. lol. frank still owes me a dollar!! grrrr. then we saw bryan (the dude in protagonist) and he was with his friend hazen who i technically related to RYAN CABRERA. omfgggg. haha. yeah. anyways. max called me, he got his license/car..which is cool. he was gunna stop by my house on his way to the gym...but we were at the malll...so yea. then sams mom piked us up and took us to lukes. they tried to teach me how to play tezas-hold em or w/e. it was a failure. so we hung outside and stuff. haha i think luke thinks we are weirddddd. lol. then left and got home at like 10:30.

now im going to go do my lil mother-daughter day thing. wanna chill tonight w/ me and camila (since she got home =] )...call!!!


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:: 2005 5 January :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: depressed

things girls wish guys knew

1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.

2. This is how we see it . . .you Don't call = you Don't Care.

3. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.

4. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.

5. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.

6. Do not start with us. You will not win.

7. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.

8. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.

9. We love surprises!

10.We like to be kissed softly.

11.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.

12.Clean your room before we come over.

13. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.

14.Don't act hard around your friends.

15.Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"

16.Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.

17.It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.

18.If you did something wrong, or even THINK you did something wrong, you better call.

19.Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!

20.You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.

21.Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.

22.Don't say "I love you" unless you mean it.

hmpf. <33

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:: 2005 5 January :: 11.24am
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: the alhapbet song

a b c d e f g ....

yesterday was LAME. woke up did nothing. was sooo bored. i watched the movie S.W.A.T. it was good. then i jus did shit on the computer. i even made a fucking myspace, thats how bored i was!!! (im not gunna use it tho..i think myspace is lame). but yeah then ate dinner and sam came over. we walked to publix and then to dairy queen and said hi to brian. went home and did absolutely nothing. no one culd hang out. gahhh. so we were on the phone with these two guys steve and adam for most of the time. oooh and i heard jeremy shrieking "I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS" outside of my house. lol. yeah sam left around 11 and i watched fresh prince of bel-air then slept until now (11:30) and now im bored...AGAIN. fuck.

camila comes home either late tonight or early thursday. and i cant even hang out with her..which sucks..cuz my mom was all like "janelle, i took off work on thrusday so we can go shopping and have a mother-daughter day"....woop woop (notice the sarcasm). grrr w/e.


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:: 2005 3 January :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: amazed by: lonestar

its almost more than i can take...


woke up at like 1. got ready and suzi and carlos came over for dinner. i went and hung out with justin a. for awhile. came home and ate dinner. then i cleaned my room and SAM came over!!! we chilled in my room and justin came over again. we continued to chill in my clean room haha. then jd and nicole came over. it was fun. then jd and nicole left and eventually came back but it was still fun. justin left at like midnight and sam slept over.


woke up. spent like forever trying to find sumthing to do. after spazzing and dancing a little, we decided to go to the mall. got there and there was literally no one there. i bought glasses. they're pink and cute. hehe. we drank "sophisticated coke" hahah. then we ran into brian kanutsen (sp?) and erin and bailey. then we saw....(drumroll please)..DAN NEWMAN...waht a fag. he was dressed up like a ninja? wtf. yeah. then we met up with jay. hung out with him. saw allie, scott, and steven. ran into allison like 20 times lol. then we talked to the pretzel man who is in Protagonist for like 15 minutes. he was nice =] then sams mom piked us up and dropped us off at shadowood. didnt really have money to see a movie so we went to borders...said hi to chris and i stole more ryan cabrera pictures.-gosh, the things i do for my man! haha- then bought candy and my daddy piked us up and took her home. now im bored. sorta. its kinda nice not doing anything for a change. ive been pretty busy lately. but yeah. jeremys party is friday now instead of tomrrow. so if u wanna hang out tomorrow...tell me!! <33


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:: 2005 3 January :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: rumors by lindsay lohan (skank)

im tired of people lying..

2004 survey
1.What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? a hell of a lotta stuff
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? neither?
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? nope
4. Did anyone close to you die? no
5. What countries did you visit? the united states?
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? a bloomingdales boyfriend and an A in APUSH
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory and why? december 12, the day i met ryan cabera <33
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? making national honor society"?
9. What was your biggest failure? my luck in the boy department
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? jd broke my ankle and i had a cold a few times lol
11. What was the best thing you bought? ryan cabrera cd
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? not mine thats for sure
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mine and the decks
14. Where did most of your money go? clothes and stupid stuff...oooh and shoes!
15. What did you really, really, really get excited about? JINGLEBALL
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? "Ohio is for lovers" by hawthorne heights
17. Compared to this time last year are you:
Happier? actually...no
Thinner? doubt it.
Richer? no
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? i dunno
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? feel sorry for myself
20. How will you be spending christmas? spent it being bored
21. How will you be spending new years? spent it at scotts and with nicole <3
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? i dunno..sorta (not counting ryan)
23. How many one-night stands? 2 or 3..lol
24. What was your favorite TV program? fresh prince of bel-air
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? yep
26. What was the best book you read? Catcher in the Rye
27. What was your biggest musical discovery? RYAN CABRERA
28. What did you want and you got? to meet my love (ryan)
29. What did you want and not get? a car
30. What was your favorite film of this year? the grudge i guess
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn? 16, went to chuck e. cheese with my girls! lmao
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? if i had a good/nice/loyal bllomingdales man
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?...different. lol
34. What kept you sane? ryan cabrera lol
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ryan cabrera...duh!!!
36. What political issue stirred you the most? the fucking election
37. Who did you miss? i missed my friends from olympic
38. Who was the best new person you met? haha prolly sam
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. -if it didnt work out the first time, it isnt gunna get better the second time around.
40. Quote or Song Lyric that sums up your year: "lost and the found how i live for that day, some call me crazy for thinking this way, my life seems so empty its rained for awhile, but your eyes still glow and i love your smile. -RC"

best _____ of the year:
1. party: camilas quince
2. show: fresh prince of bel air
3. cd: ryan cabrera: take it all away
4. movie: i dont really care...
5. song: all of ryan cabreras and many more
6. experience: becoming more "daring" lol i dunno
7. concert: JINGLEBALL
8. book: dont know
9. month: december
10. day: saturday dec. 12

worst ____ of the year:
1. party: scotts bday
2. show: the OC
3. cd: nelly"suit"
4. movie: school of rock
5. song: lots of stupid rap ones lol
6. experience: the car accident
7. concert: none.
8. book: "Portrait of a Lady"
9. month: november
10. day: sunday/monday

hopes for 2005:
1. predict something that you think will happen in 2005?: ill once again almost go insane due to the massive amounts of daily hw from my 3 AP classes and i will completely lose my mind when those exams come in may..
2. what do you hope changes about your country?: that everyone stops being so fucking stupid
3. what do you hope for yourself?: to get all A's, do helluva lot better on the SATs and get into a super good college
4. what do you hope for your family?: that we stay as close as we already are?
5. what do you hope for your friends?: that the ones i got/love stay the same and the decks-that the realize how gay thye are being and everything goes bak to normal

During 2004:
1. where were you when it began?: my room
2. did you stay up?: yeah till like 12:30 lol
3. what was your new year wish?: prolly to get a boyfriend lol
4. have any crushes?: yeah lots
5. care to mention names?: sure. luciano, andrew, PIERCING BOY, others that i cant mention..
6. new friends?: yeahh
9. hard to say goodbye?: to old friends and olympic yes
10. missed anyone?: yes tons of ppl
11. win anything?: not that i know of
12. best place you went to?: wisconsin
13. worst place you went to?: i only went to one place, WI.
14. happiest moment?: when i met ryan cabrera
15. how was your birthday?: it wasnt bad
16. best present?: meeting ryan cabrera

--wow..like 67.8% of my answers were about ryan cabrera...i think i need to seek help for my obsession. lol


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:: 2005 3 January :: 7.57pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: green day

its only me and i walk alone..

omfg. im so pissed. i got a 1080 on my SATs. that sucks so fucking bad.


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