there is no picture because as what is there "nothing" is what i am "nothing"

 

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:: 2003 17 November :: 9.08 pm

In The End

(It starts with)
One thing / I donít know why
It doesnít even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
Itís so unreal
Didnít look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didnít even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried
so hard

And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing / I donít know why
It doesnít even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
Iím surprised it got so (far)
Things arenít the way they were before
You wouldnít even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I
I tried so hard

And got so far
But in the end
It doesnít even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesnít even matter

Iíve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
Thereís only one thing you should know
Iíve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
Thereís only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesnít even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesnít even matter

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:: 2003 30 October :: 9.12 pm

as usual, right when you through. he always comes back sweeter than ever...
i love him, more than i could ever say

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:: 2003 28 October :: 8.06 pm
:: Mood: upset, sad, lonely, kinda pissed

fuck this thing called love
welcome the feeling of pain
thats all it leads to anyway
forget the thought of happiness
say hello to depair
thats all it leads to anyway
F-U-C-K
fuck this thing called love
L - lonely
O - over emotional
V - very depressed
E - extreme pain
thats all it leads to anyway

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:: 2003 26 October :: 8.47 pm
:: Mood: scared

afraid, aghast, anxious, fearful, panic-stricken, panicked, panicky, petrified, scared silly, scared stiff, shaken, startled, terrified, terror-stricken, frightened, abashed, aghast, alarmed, anxious, apprehensive, aroused, blanched, cowardly, cowed, daunted, discouraged, disheartened, dismayed, distressed, disturbed, faint-hearted, frightened, frozen, horrified, in awe, intimidated, nervous, panic-stricken, perplexed, perturbed, petrified, rattled, run scared, scared, scared stiff, shocked, spooked, startled, stunned, suspicious, terrified, terror-stricken, timid, timorous, trembling, upset, worried

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:: 2003 28 September :: 1.07 pm

Jeff - life sucks, and I sure wish I was dead sometimes... says:
suprised at what

Jeff - life sucks, and I sure wish I was dead sometimes... says:
me

Jeff - life sucks, and I sure wish I was dead sometimes... says:
sorry

me (why am i not surprised) says:
yeah i guess

me (why am i not surprised) says:
you know you can trust me if you want to talk about it

Jeff - life sucks, and I sure wish I was dead sometimes... says:
I can't talk about it, I just can't...sorry, now I have to go... bye

*logs off without giving me the chance to say bye

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:: 2003 28 September :: 12.59 pm

oh how nice
Subject :
Umm... How do I say this...

Date :
Sun, 28 Sep 2003 12:55:26 -0400

MIME-Version: 1.0
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X-Originating-Email: [special_ops03@hotmail.com]
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Reply Reply All Forward Delete Put in Folder...InboxSent MessagesDraftsTrash Canmy stuffpeople Printer Friendly Version

Ummm... Listen, I can't talk to you for awhile, and I can't see you for a long while, I have a really bad situation going down on me, and to make sure I don't get anymore trouble, you and I can't see each other, or even talk until I am certain that everything is ok with me....sorry, I can't tell you what is going on either, wish I could, but you are better off if you don't know anyways. Again, sorry.

Bye,

Jeff



for some reason, i'm not that surprised....
oh well

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:: 2003 27 September :: 11.15 pm

nice to know i am someone to talk to the day after someone got dumped. i haven't talked to him in months. (baragrey)

still thinks he's a jerk

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:: 2003 20 September :: 1.01 pm

man do i feel stupid. i thought maybe he came to see me....
it seems he always does this
gets close...then turns away
right after he left, tears streamed down my face

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:: 2003 11 September :: 7.25 pm

it kills me inside
he acts like she wont want him back
she will, i know better
she will go to the game, i'll cry
and he will be wear her ring like nothing was different
like i dont love him

is it just me, or does my guy life suck
-jeff doesn't want anything serious because he's at collage
-the guy i almost when to homecoming with, but wont because the reason he wanted me to go with him was the thought he might get laid. GET A CLUE, I'VE TOLD YOU NO MANY TIMES BEFORE AND I'LL SAY NO AGAIN!
-brent jones is talking to me again and i feel like i will just end up letting him down
-and the another one i have already explained
- and another can never make up his mind about anything and it bugs the crap out of me, he's more hyprocritical than i am
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
i just feel so stupid at times. it felt so good to be back in those arms, i thought that maybe, just maybe it would be like that for longer than it usually does. boy was i wrong. as usual
i am always wrong.....

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:: 2003 4 September :: 8.55 pm

it felt so good to be in the arms again
even though i hurled before i left
i slept well last night

wow do i miss him. just laying there and talking.

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:: 2003 1 September :: 6.54 pm

as long as he's happy
thats all that matters

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:: 2003 31 August :: 6.01 pm

ouch, that hurt

its a cold gloomy day
...i know the feeling

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:: 2003 31 August :: 1.55 pm

it killed me inside
it felt like my thoart was smaller than a needle
i could barely look at him
i felt like i wanted to cry
i couldn't even fishinsh what i was eating
he had that ring on his pinky

*wipes away a tear

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:: 2003 30 August :: 11.22 pm

it tears me up inside
puts my stomach in my throat
when he metions her name
just about brings tears to my eyes

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:: 2003 30 August :: 3.14 pm

just a few of the things that went through my head while trying to take a nap
as i pull the covers over my head
hidding myself from the world
if only it could be that easy


there is no mid point of tempiture
its too hot or too cold
nothing in between


frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead


note:last one hit me the most

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