You shall no longer take things at second or third hand.... nor
look through the eyes of the dead. nor feed on the spectres
in books,
You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me,
You shall listen to all sides and filter them from yourself.
But look thou stay not till the watch be set,
For then thou canst not pass to Mantua;
Where thou shalt live, till we can find a time
To blaze your marriage, reconcile your friends,
Beg pardon of the prince, and call thee back
With twenty hundred thousand times more joy
Than thou went'st forth in lamentation.
::
2007 23 October :: 8.08 pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
Can I just be a whiny crying bastard for a minute? I hate, I hate, I hate trying to keep up with 'the literature,' in terms of scientific research. I feel like I could read and read and read and read for fifteen years without pause and still not be caught up with it. There is just so fucking much of it! And as much as I do read, it's not like I can remember the details of each set of experiments, whose lab they were done by, and what their results were, in order to call upon that information when quizzed by my advisor, members of my dissertation committee, or the audience at my seminar this Thursday. It just feels like a neverending hellhole of obscurity that is impossible to get control of; if you ever do 'catch up,' there will always always be more publications coming out on a daily basis. Always. IT WILL NEVER END. So what the fuck is the point of trying? If someone can give me a good reason I might start to give a damn.
The thing I hate about message boards is that people can read what you say and interpret it in their own twisted fashion, then make a rebuttal to their interpretation of your words that is totally wrong and most times cold and confrontational and makes themselves sound smarter and superior, when it was all a misinterpretation or blatantly obtuse distortion on their part to begin with.
where were you during the 9/11 attacks?
I was a sophomore in college, at the University of Akron. I had class that morning, so I was up at a decent hour getting ready. Normally I always flipped on the news when I was getting ready, but for some reason that day I wanted to listen to music instead, so the TV was on MTV's morning music video session. I drove to class, parked my car, and noticed some people standing around a truck listening to the news loudly, but I couldn't make out what was being said. I didn't think anything of it, and walked to the student center to grab a snack before class. They had a big screen TV in one corner near the food court, and there was a large crowd so I walked over and got a good spot, as someone else was leaving. As realization of what was happening took place, I was awestruck, confused, dumbfounded, all those mixed, unbelieving feelings I'm sure we all had at that moment. It looked like a movie to me, I couldn't believe it was real. At that time only one plane had struck, and both towers were still standing. I was glued to the screen, and finally tore myself away just in time to run to class. We were there for maybe ten minutes when someone came in to notify the teacher that the school was closing due to the attacks.
I went back to my apartment; I can't remember if my other roommates were there, but Monica arrived shortly after me. She wanted to get out of the city (apparently Akron's polymer science building is on some 'list' of probable terrorist attack sites -- I don't know if this is credible, or how to verify it), so she offered to take me home with her to the farm, about 40 minutes away. I went, and watched the events unfold with her family for the next several hours. It was nice to be with such a warm family during such uncertain and unnerving events. I was really worried about my cousin Jimmy, who is a NYC firefighter. My mom called to let me know that he had traded with his best friend for that day off, and we learned later that his best friend ended up dying that day. I can't imagine how Jimmy felt after that. He named his first son after him, Thomas Michael. He's a distant cousin, one that I don't see often. I've always wanted to talk to him about that day, and the aftermath, but haven't had the right moment to ask. I'm sure all of his out-of-town and non-firefighter friends and family have inquired extensively. It's been nearly six years, so maybe the passage of time and the repetition of the story will make him more willing to be open with me about it.
If anyone wants to share their story, please comment.
Love Actually is one of my favorite movies of all time. The beginning and end are beautiful shots...I've always loved airports, and watching people there, and this movie hits that dead on. All the stuff in the middle is beautiful, sad, and wonderful too. I tear up every time I see it. God bless my roommate and his DVR, because now I can watch it whenever my heart needs a tugging.
