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godessalthena

:: 2018 23 April :: 11.46pm

all I really need right this moment is an encouraging word or a friendly face.

I just want someone to see me.

I feel so utterly and totally invisible.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 14 April :: 9.00am

this birthday has been shit.

I want this to be my last birthday.

there isn't anything in the world worth this much pain.

1 Nachricht | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 6 April :: 11.58am

Easter dinner was delicious I will post photos soon...

So glad it's Friday, I wish the weekend would last forever... I need a permanent vacation

4 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 30 March :: 4.11pm

Everything is ok

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 23 March :: 7.10pm

I fucking LOVE Easter because my mom always makes my favorite dish: minty potatoes.

I know it sounds weird, but imagine small red potatoes with the center peel taken out of the skin, then cook until soft and mix with a metric fuck ton of fresh garlic and fresh mint and hella butter. It's all my favorite things in one dish plus mint! And then you put all the salt on. It's heaven.

This year is a special Easter because it also is my very special friend Jay's birthday! Turning the big 24! So proud of you man! Keep fighting the good fight and keep a stiff upper lip! Pip pip cheerio hip hip huzzah!

1 Nachricht | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 23 March :: 7.19am

To the fuck head using a pneumatic machine at 7am:

FUCK YOU SOME PEOPLE SLEEP IN THE FUCKING MORNING THERE IS NO SHOW WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE DOING CAN WAIT 1 MOTHER LOVING HOUR >:(

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 21 March :: 9.51pm

love is this thing I've been chasing ever since my childhood. I keep putting my heart into people, imagining that one of them will put me as number one, put me on a pedestal and let me still be independent.

I have been asking for space, but also suffocating attention. My childhood was taken from me, and my emotions are all fucked up. But I finally had this moment of clarity...

Maybe my second relationship would have worked out if I had just stayed in college. If I had valued that stupid worthless piece of paper over my dillusional image of what love is.

Love isn't noble or pure, just or heavenly. I haven't really believed in it for a long time, but it's still something I crave. I my relationship I can feel the same feelings that love is in my heart, and I suppose it is still love... My mind just warps it into this cynical and painful experience where nothing is ever good enough.

I'm never good enough
They never read my mind well enough
I cant even read my mind well enough to know what I need or want

I just want to feel important to you. But first I need to feel important to myself.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 21 March :: 9.03pm

Ate two medicated cookies before my drive home from work,they hit me maybe half an hour after I got home, I fell into a hole.

Edibles are always too much for me. I don't know why, maybe I just underestimate their power... Maybe they just hate me.

Maybe I just got some that were really strong, the distillate didn't blend into the icing well so it turned out really random, some are weak and some will make you get lost in a hole!

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 19 March :: 10.00pm

soon my work raise will hit

If they offer OT I'm taking it as much as that place removes my soul and consumes it while I watch in terror I really need to get serious about making some cash

FUCKING 1%ERS CAN KISS MY ASS

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 16 March :: 10.12pm

If I ever start balding I'm going to shave my head and have a giant eyeball tattooed on the back of my head and make it so it follows you everywhere you go

2 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2018 16 March :: 2.38pm

If I stay with this momentum, I should be at goal weight by September's end.

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2018 15 March :: 11.59am

Processing all of this is going to take me a long time.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 13 March :: 9.58am

Sometimes I will sit at my desk at work and look at my waterfall background and pretend the white noise machine is the creek with the waterfall rushing through the wet Pacific rainforest

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 12 March :: 8.10pm

Finally got an RX for glasses

Only one in the family who is farsighted hahaha

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2018 11 March :: 9.26pm

I always feel out of place. I never feel like I fit in. It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. I'm always wearing a mask. I can't be myself ever. One thing or another comes up that makes it clear that I was never really welcome at all.

And almost everyone I open myself up to, at some point, stops caring.

I'll never be okay.

und was sagst du dazu?

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