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Winning Hearts and Minds

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moomoo

:: 2014 23 September :: 4.42pm

Summer is over, hopefully winter wont be so bad this year. I started my new job. Loving the new hours. Not sure what do with all my free time now. Still working on trying to have a baby, taking longer then I thought. Just have to remind my self its only been 3 months. Excited for the future.

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skife

:: 2014 20 September :: 11.41am

things that make me not want to get married
1. the wedding.

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skife

:: 2014 25 August :: 9.10pm




possible road trip next summer.

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tuwang

:: 2014 1 July :: 3.02am

I will start this post by pointing out that I typed in my username and password for woohu without flinching even though it's been saved in my computer for 5 years (just built a new PC). I think that says something.

me references will be in italics. ;)

I will continue by saying that I miss me. I'm not entirely sure I know what me is anymore, but I'm pretty sure I miss it. As a disclaimer I will say that none of this is meant to be sad or foreboding in three at all. Just a rant.

I have this notion that any sense of self I had is gone with all the hobbies I used to have.

I understand that being 27 it is a totally normal thing to be unsure of direction and/or choice, what the fuck am I doing?

I had all these plans to do these big things (that weren't one-hundred percent attainable) and now here I am, a cog in the machine.

If I'm going to live in these conditions, I wish I was a teacher at least. At least then I might have the comfort of knowing I'm doing something for the future and our youth whether or not they give a shit (and usually I can't blame them if not).

I reflect sometimes and honestly feel like it's deserved. I've done many things that have warranted my conundrum. So self deprecating I is.

But then there's the other side. Considering I'm with a mother who's in a perpetual mental breakdown and a father who will hate you if the wind changes direction: I'm alive, I eat, I drink, I'm typing on a computer; things can't be that bad.

I almost blame my raising. The raising involving America being the best and being privileged just to be involved. I don't think it's the same anymore. We're not the best. I will soon be a part of a motion picture that someone in Sweden will watch and say "man, I'm glad I live here and not there regardless of how entertaining this drama is". Does that make sense? Basically I have a notion that we will soon be portrayed as less than first world. Not that less than first world is less than anything but... whatever this isn't the point.

My point is all I do is reminisce. I reminisce about times when I didn't have to think so much. I reminisce about the people who made thinking optional at most. I reminisce about love gone, love I wasted, love I should have valued. I was so carefree I felt like love was water; the most abundant of resources.

Now I'm aware; and too much so. I have a perspective of things I've done, things I'm doing, and things I will do. This is equal parts frustrating and enlightening. Equal parts "I want to apologize to everyone" and "want to stand my ground". If I hadn't made the shitty choices I've made in the past, I wouldn't be so enlightened but I wish I could go back and at the least prevent them or remake them.

I've been told by some of the people I love most that I'm not good enough for anything that is normal a lot of my life, when I was young and still today, and this has been the basis of my relationships since I was a tweenager (this is the only word in this post with a red scribble underneath it as I'm typing and I'm proud of that). I shouldn't have said that because now another mistake will be pointed out.

With this said, All i want is to know what I want. I want to know what is wantable. Is there something I should want? Want want want. Need Need Need.

That is all for tonight. Again, just a rant. Have a good night.

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moomoo

:: 2014 23 June :: 9.24pm

Summer is going by way too fast. I swear I have every weekend off booked already. Next month marks baby making time, so excited. Hopefully it wont take too long. I didn't get the first shift job. I just keep telling myself it will save me lots of money on day care. So excited for our future.

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tuwang

:: 2014 6 June :: 12.09pm

Hi woohu. How have you been?

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moomoo

:: 2014 24 April :: 8.50pm

Had a really good job interview today for a doctors office job. They invited me back tomorrow to shadow. I'm hoping this is a good sign. I really want a mon-fri job on 1st shift. Hopefully I get it and its not too much of a pay cut. The honeymoon was great. So much Sun and food. So hard go back to work. Looking forward to the future.

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moomoo

:: 2014 16 April :: 7.19pm

So the wedding went great, no problems the whole day. The wedding was so much fun. So nice to see everyone all together family and friends. Had so much fun dancing. I cant wait to see all my wedding pictures. It was so nice of the photographer to set up a shoot in the hall and from what I have seen you cant even tell. Many pictures to come. The honeymoon so was also very nice. So warm, nice, good food, and great time. Now back to work :(

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skife

:: 2014 14 April :: 9.48pm

things i should be doing right now:

getting ready for bed

things i'm actually doing right now:
my taxes


Procrastination: Hard work might pay off later, being lazy pays off now.

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moomoo

:: 2014 4 February :: 9.55pm

Two months till the wedding. Its so close. Sending invitations this week. So excited for my bridal shower. So excited for our future. Many big things happening this year.

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