2005 8 August :: 4.12 pm
I see the tears that fall tonight,
I see how her eyes shine so bright,
The scared little girl on the floor,
At the age of only four,
She’s been beaten and filled with fright,
This little girl shall die tonight.
This girl, the fading child will be alone,
Alone when death becomes her own,
Her dad will be collapsed on the floor,
In a drunken sleep, her cries he shall ignore,
Her mother left like her long ago,
But not to heaven, or some where below.
For these places do not exist in her mind,
Because if god does exist then he must be blind,
Blind to her pain, to everyone’s pain,
And he’s left her here alone again,
He let her daddy get to her heart,
And for the last time rip it apart.
So on this night, when the world slowly says farewell,
She whispers the rhyme she knew so well,
The rhyme she says every night,
That helps her think that things will be alright,
But now she whispers a different song,
And realised that all along her hopes had been wrong.
“Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.
Rock a bye baby on the kitchen floor,
When daddy hits you’ll cry even more,
When the last blow comes forever you’ll fall,
And down will come baby, without life at all.”
2005 8 August :: 4.03 pm
[sad] do you know..
Do you know that behind her clothes
she hides away her deep scars
some has been there for years
but do you know how recent some are
Yesterday she was so depressed
that she once again turned to her blade
but if you ask her she'll just smile
and tell you that everything is OK
Do you know her pain so very deep
the one that makes her want to die
do you see behind the mask she wears
to hide away her tears when she cry
When she's alone she turns to self-harm
it doesn't hurt, but there are tears
nothing you do can stop her from this
cause she has been doing this for years
2005 8 August :: 4.01 pm
[sad] does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away.
I really need your help operator find her in this book.
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don't know where to look.
I think my dad needs her too, at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don't know why.
Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She's been gone a long, long time she needs to come home now...
I really need to reach her, but I simply don't know how.
Help me find the number please, is it listed under heaven?
I can't read these big big words, I am only seven.
I'm sorry operator, I didn't mean to make you cry,
Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye?
If I call my church maybe they will know.
Mommy said when we need help that's where we should go.
I found the number to my church on my wall.
Thank you operator, I'll give them a call....
2004 19 December :: 8.13 pm
[sad] untitledhe wrote a poem
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was call about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lineshe wrote a poem
And he called it "Autum"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of the new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it
Once on a paper torn from his notebookhe wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cought when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snored soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper baghe tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutley Nothing"
Becuase that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
from perks of being a wallflower
2004 19 December :: 8.02 pm
[sad] have you ever..
Have you ever cried so hard,
that you couldn't breathe?
Have you ever had someone stab you in the back,
and laugh as they watch you bleed?
Have you ever loved someone so much,
but they never understood?
Have you ever been abused for being bad,
when you were trying so hard to be good?
Have yo ever cried a billion tears,
asking God "why?"
And do you know how it feels to fall asleep at night,
wishing you would die?
Have you ever had a man take your innocence,
and throw it out the door?
And you live each day in fear,
wondering if he'll come back for more?
Have you ever had a girl threaten to take your life,
and you try not to show your fear,
but it hurts too bad to hide?
Have you ever been thrown against a wall,
with a gun held to your head?
And those words whispered in your ear that say,
"if you fight me you'll be dead."
Have you ever thought you could trust someone,
but they just throw you around?
And you try so hard to hold back the tears,
as you hit the ground.
Have you ever watched your sister lie in front of you,
and slowly fade away?
And you're just too young to understand,
she won't be there the next day.
Have you ever watched your best friend get shot,
outside your favorite store?
Have you ever overdosed on drugs,
because you just couldn't take anymore?
Do you really know what it feels like,
to have your heart get burned?
Have you ever left your house,
unsure if you'll return?
Have you ever looked to the stars at night,
and prayed for the pain to end?
Begging "please just take it away,"
and the next day you feel it again?
Have you ever been so far away,
from the only one you ever loved?
But he tells you just hold on,
and you love him too much,
you just can't give up?
Have you ever told yourself to hold on,
please don't fall apart?
Have you ever really listened,
to a young girl's broken heart?
Do you know how hard it is,
for me to face another day?
If you don't then tell me why,
you treat me this way?
Have you ever felt the pain i have,
do you know how i feel?
Have you ever thought about your past,
and just wished it wasn't real?
Have you ever been face to face with rape,
and you can't pull away?
Do you know how it feels when you can't move,
you just let him have his way?
And you can't think, can't even breathe,
don't even get a chance to fight,
and everytime you think about that night,
all you wanna do is cry.
Have you ever watched your mom,
fall farther and farther away from your kiss?
And you wonder why it had to be her,
why is life like this?
Have you ever screamed for help,
wishing someone would hear?
But no one hears your cries,
no one sees your tears.
Have you ever been through,
all the things i've been through?
If you haven't then tell me why,
you treat me like you do.
2004 19 December :: 8.00 pm
[sad] drunk by drinking
What if one drink could end your life
And make your loved ones suffer
Over the choice you had to make
Cause by drinking you seem tougher.
Just by a couple of drinks
you decide to get in a car,
it may ruin your life or someone else's,
if you choose to take it that far.
The party was going to last all night
but she told her mother she'd be home at one.
She promised she wouldn't drink,
it'd spoil all the fun.
She got a ride to the big bash,
for she was just shy of her license to drive
She never knew by tonight,
this would be the last day of her life.
She decided to have just one drink,
so her friends would be so proud,
then it quickly turned into 15
by this time, drunk she was found.
She had to impress the man she loved,
so he would clearly see,
how bold and crazy she really was,
they were simply meant to be.
He decided to get in the car
and asked, "Will you go with me?"
She said, "Are you drunk?"
He said no and they drove off oh so quickly.
She put her trust in him
not knowing she wasn't right
They drove away so fast
into the darkness of the night
His vision was so blurry
he started seeing double
This night would not end well,
it would end in trouble.
He was speeding very fast,
he was going about 133
he could not push the breaks fast enough
They went flying into a tree.
Her mother was getting worried by it was almost one.
She wondered if her darling daughter was having too much fun.
She got a call in just a few,
she listened with only fear
She drove to the hospital,
this was very rare.
She walked into the room
and found the nurse waiting
The mother was only nervous
with the news she was anticipating
"I'm sorry to tell you, your daughter was severely hurt."
The mother became nervous
and suddenly extremely alert.
"We tried our best to save her
there was nothing we didn't try."
I'm sorry, but your daughter, is
going to shortly die."
"Who was with her, was she driving?", the mother asked with fear.
"A man was driving, and walked away with just a tear."
The mother saw her daughter
and said her sympathetic goodbyes
"I'm sorry mom, I love you." and then she shut her eyes.
Her mother sat there silently
and a tear rolled down her cheek.
She never thought about this
and how it made her so weak.
What about the kids who could have took their keys,
but they were all to busy
getting high off of weed.
This isn't the way it had to end
if this teen had just said no
instead of being smart,
she let her stupidity show.
2004 19 December :: 7.57 pm
[ sad ] blessed suicide
Lying in the bathtub,
Cutting every vain.
Watching the bath fill with blood,
And drowning here in pain.
It's about an inch deep,
And I've got so much more to go.
Wondering if I should turn water on high
and watch it overflow.
I remember my father,
I saw him last when I was eleven.
I think it's my time to see him again
and be with him in heaven.
But when I get to the gates,
And look down and wish me well.
I will spend eternity
burning in the pits of hell.
I'm hardly here and
regret what I have done,
wish I thought twice
beofore I had the blade and begun.
I'm lying here in my watery
Blood, no one to hear my cries,
I look up and see Gods face
with my very eyes.
I hold his hand and talk
as I repeant and we begin to walk.
so now there is nothing else to hide
this is what you truly call a blessed suicide.
2004 19 December :: 7.53 pm
[ sad ] abortion
6 weeks old today Mommy
A Birthday gift for me.
A pair of big blue eyes
Through one day I will see.
Where are we going Mommy?
With the rain splashing down?
When it hits the sidewalk,
It makes a funny sound.
Bang through big white doors,
People dressed in green.
If they hurt you Mommy,
Just run away and scream.
Help me Mommy
They're tearing me apart,
There goes my big blue eyes.
There goes my little heart
I love you Mommy,
Believe me I do.
But the worst thing is...
I thought you loved me too.