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:: 2005 30 December :: 12.55am
:: Mood: Spent
:: Music: Korn - Twisted Transistor

Now, I'm done.
I spent $112.79 at Walmart tonight. I only have like.. 20 bucks left in my account. Bad. Now, I'm done spending money. January 6th I get paid again, and I swear that money is going straight to the bank. I'm gonna pay my mom her 120, then my grandpa his 150, the rest is in the bank. I'll open a savings account probably next Thursday. I'll just close my Credit Union account, and go soley through Independent. I might even check out the other bank in town. Bank One and Fifth Third. Just to check out their savings account and insterest rates. I'll probably just stay with Independent though. That way I can do all my banking in one area. Makes life easier.

Tomorrow I work 10-7:30, then Saturday I work 10-5. After this weekened, things will go back to normal. So dumb lol. But, me and Tanya will each get a day off during the week, so that's good. I'm trying to ask for Thursday's off, but if I can't have those, then I'll just deal with Wednesday or Tuesday. Not big thing, but Thursday nights are GVSU nights, and since school starts soon.. I'm gonna go. Maybe, I'll see if Lisa and Allison want to hang out on Wednesdays instead. Even though, Thursday is OC night. Eh. I dunno, I'll figure something out.

Right now, it's 1am, and I have to get up in 7-8 hours. Preferably 7, but if I can't then I'll just rush in the morning and look like ass. Gotta make chicken dip. So gay! Too much mixing. Tanya did it last time. Well, she did the fiesta dip. But chicken dip is worse.

Anyway, bed time. Goodnight.

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:: 2005 28 December :: 5.15am
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Howie Day - Collide.

I hate this.
I'm so incredibly tired, I just can't sleep. Why not?

I've realized that I might be a little insane. Not like crazy, but retarded. The thoughts going through my head are ones that I haven't had so long, and it felt good to not think about it for a while. Now, I can't stop. What's with that?

I've been tired for a few hours, I layed in my bed for a few hours. I played solitare on my iPod for a little, then I just layed there some more. I can't stop thinking about him. It's not right, and I don't.. want to anymore. Do I?

I told him some things, kinda mean things, but true. Something I never really thought I'd say, but after I said it, I wish I didn't. I'm afraid to lose him, even though he was lost before and I didn't care. Well, not lost, just.. busy.

I've been crying a lot, and it's scaring me. I feel like crying right now actually. I just hope this comes and goes before March.

I had a day off. That was probably the best feeling thing in the world. I actually did things too. Granted, I didn't do anything I really should have, but I got some things done, sort of. I like having a day off. Maybe I will take Lee up on that twice a week offer.

I believe these earphones are making my ears bigger. The things are huge, and my ears kind of hurt.

Starting right now, I'm done splurging. Time to start saving. 500 dollars for spending money (since I payed all my debts off with my grandpa's money), and the rest is going to be saved for a laptop. I don't think I can get enough, but it never hurt to try. Even if I don't have the money by March, I'll have that much more money to put towards one after I get back.

I always tend to update this thing and make the entries longer than what anybody wants to read, but oh well right? I guess if you care, then you'll read. Otherwise, you'll bypass it and just wait for shorter entries.

I should try to sleep now. Howie Day is kinda putting me to sleep. Goodnight.. or morning. However you plan on reading it.

Even the best fall down sometimes..

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:: 2005 26 December :: 6.29pm

I'm happy, and I'm happy to know I want you dead. :)

I'm glad I can finally say that out loud. So go ahead and get into a car accident and die. Sure, I'll see you in hell because of what I just said, but.. I'm willing to accept the consequences.

3 months from today, I'll be gone. And I'm gonna try my heardest to not come back for long.

Another thing, stop reading my shit. It's kind of annoying hearing people tell me you read this, then bitch about what I say. If that's such a great thrill for you, get a life. It's kind of annoying to hear "so (insert name here) is bitching about how you said you want him/her to go drink bleech and die" well.. I only tell the truth these days. Lies are hard to get yourself out of.

Plus, you're going to hell for being a rotton friend. And I hope you get burned.. bad.. by somebody who you thought would be there for you for a long, long time. I really do. God speed whenever it happens to you, because with your attitude, it will.

PS, most of this is directed to about 3 people. I'm sure you can name one of them, think hard enough.. you can name 2. The third, well, that's gonna be my own little secret.

Okay, Tanya cracked my back earlier, so now I'm gonna go get me a massage. See ya!



:: 2005 23 December :: 2.15am

March 26th

The day I leave for Florida & Georgia, and I'll be gone for 4 weeks. I'm so excited.

Be happy for me. I know you want too.

I'll miss Anne. Totally having to send like 80 postcards.

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:: 2005 21 December :: 10.01pm

Tanya.. encourage cheating? No way. If you know Tanya, you know she doesn't encourage cheating.. but she is. I love it, but I hate it at the same time. I'm like "great, totally what I wanted back in the day when I didn't care, but now that I have the opportunity to cheat.. I can't do it." The answers are sitting on my bed.. taunting me this very moment. Such agony. I'll do it, then read it over. That's good, right? I'll have a few hours to read 4 books. Shit, I can do it. Alright, I'm gonna cheat.

Cheating on this = getting away faster. Yes. I'll do it. Only because Florida is yelling for me. And so is Georgia. I can't wait.

I'm calling tomorrow. I'm talking to my mom tonight. Hopefully.. March will be my month. February would be even better, but that's totally in 2 months. Not long enough. March.. 3, a little better, and anything after is just too far away. Ahh, I hope March is available.

I'm so excited, I could scream. But, I've been told if I yell loud enough, my neighbors can hear me. They don't need to know I'm yelling with joy. That's just not something that happens on Jeffery Street. Ever.

Okay, Tanya, I'm gonna cheat. I'll update tomorrow about the for sure date I'll be leaving Cedar Springs, Michigan. Excitement.



:: 2005 18 December :: 12.11am
:: Music: usher - bedtime

iPod +
I got my iPod. That's pretty sweet. I'm excited to play with it. I'm not supposed to, but my mom gave in and let me have it early.

So, I'm poor once again. I did good this time though.. I had a hundred dollars for a long time, but I had to spend it on a few things, and last thing I know.. I'm broke again. That's cool. At least I had some fun. Back to work.

I'm gonna quit Story's. I hate that job so much. A while back Ross told me that I just need to get out of food, otherwise any job I get that deals with food I'll hate. So, I'm gonna try and get a new job. Zach told me to apply at that clothing store in Rockford. I might do that, whenever I can get a fucking day off work. Maybe in January.

Balinda is amazing. I love that woman, and my mom hates her. It's so bad, but I don't even care. She said that she's gonna get me a job over at Mobil. Um.. right. I'll take it, if I get it, but I really don't want to work at a gas station. I was visiting with her last night there, and I met Stephanie. Stephanie said she wants me to work there cause I make her laugh, so alright. Like I said, I'll take it if I get it. Balinda almost made me cry last night. She was telling me how beautiful I am, and how she loves me for being myself, and not taking shit from Lee or my mom. And she said she feels bad for me cause of the situations I'm being put in. She told me to take Tanya up on her Airline offer so I can get out of here faster.

Tanya said she's gonna help me out with my Airline books. I have 4 left, then I can go to Florida and Georgia. She said the books mean jack shit, so she'll give me all the answers lol. That'd help a lot. I don't have time to sit here and work on those books. Plus, I'm stuck on book 9, but I can't call the airline this late.. nobody's there.

I went bowling with Tori and Tara today. They're good.. I wanted to cry lol. I had a lot more fun with Anne, Liz, Allison, Jeremiah, and Ashlee.

I have to burn like.. a million CD's. I'm gonna go do that now. Those are going to be the Christmas presents from me to whoever said they wanted one. Everyone else that means more to me than just a cd will get their presents after the 30th, cause that's when I get my giant paycheck.

Jeremiah, Leah, Wendy, Carrie, Tori, Alyssa, Conda, and.. someone else gets one.. Well, Jeremiah get's 3, he just doesn't know it yet. Dane Cook cd's lol. Shh, don't tell him.

Alright, I'm gonna get to burnin. Goodnight.



:: 2005 12 December :: 8.05pm

be jealous
by the time lee pays me (dec. 30th),
i'll have put in over 170 hours..

i'll be getting paid overtime for 3 out of the 4 weeks i've worked there so far.

fucking sweet.

anne will get paid off, and my mom will get paid off.. and i'll still have money left over.

ps- liz, you can keep that 4 bucks. merry christmas lol.

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:: 2005 30 November :: 1.55am

fuckin sweet
Finally, after a while of waiting, things are starting to look up for me.

I quit both my jobs today. Anne said she'd take my Friday hours, so no more Burger King. Good fucking riddence BK Lounge. That thought makes me want to cry a lot actually. I love Burger King. I'm sorry, but I do. I hated the hours, and the job, but the building and the people inside of it were by far the most amazing thing ever. I'm going from working with like 10 people, to working with.. one. Me and Lee. That's it. Nobody else.. well, Belinda, if she doesn't walk out. But, he's gonna fire her anyway cause she's dumb lol. He said cause she's a fucking bitch, but I don't like that phrase. Because she's dumb is more fun.

So, Baskin Robbins.. DONE. Burger King.. DONE. 5.50/hour for 20 hours a week.. fuckin DONE. Thing is, I'm getting hired in at 5.50, but after 30 days.. I'm gonna get 5.75, then he said if I'm doing a real good job, he'll see if he can give me 6. I'm gonna adverstise that whore house like nothing else. I'll walk my ass into BK and be like "fucking.. come over to Story's now and buy a lot of stuff. The more you buy, the more I get paid, bitches" lol.

I can't wait for Tanya to get back tho. Maybe she'll work a week or 2 at Story's until she gets placed. That'd be cool to see her again.

Alright, mega tired, and plus.. I'm going to Detriot tomorrow. Fucking score. I love Anne. Everyone must know that she is the coolest person ever made. I'm cold.

What I really meant to say is I'm sorry for the way I am..



:: 2005 27 November :: 10.40am
:: Music: seether - simplest mistake

i'm tired.. but not
i didn't sleep at all last night. fuck sleeping. i wasn't tired, but i'm gettin there. i went into bk today at 8ish to see dennis charles and todd. i just got home from there, and my hair smells like bk. i can fix that quick, but anyway. i'm gonna go look for a new job once it stops raining. which probably won't happen, but i don't feel like getting my hair wet.

i'm gonna maybe go see carrie today. i still have to give her the present i got her for her baby shower i was unable to attend. gay. but i gotta see her little baby boy. aww. i'm excited. i'm so tired too. i should sleep a little bit, then when i wake up it'll be done raining and i'll be.. awake. sounds good.

get paid tomorrow. 1 more payment to the damn airline academy then i'm fucking done. i'm excited for that too. i'll actually have a little more money now. my grandpa said he's not sure how much money he's gonna charge me, but he said it's not gonna be a whole lot cause he knows i work hard, and get paid jack shit, and am very very frustrated with that. that's why i love my grandpa. he's such a sweet heart.

alright, thats all. good day.

i'll be right next to jeremiah in 4 days, bitches!
detriot, here we come.



:: 2005 24 November :: 6.06am
:: Music: 311 - come original

new layout
my oc obsession has come onto my woohu.

i saw rent. pretty good.
angel was by far my favorite.

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:: 2005 21 November :: 11.28am

hur-fucking-ray for getting calls from your manager saying you have the day off.



:: 2005 17 November :: 2.02am
:: Music: aselin debison

the gift
Thank you, Matt for getting me hooked on this god forsaken song.

Read more..



:: 2005 16 November :: 12.59am
:: Music: Rent - 525,600 Minutse

too much
j emailed me.
after almost 2 months of not talking, he emailed me.

i tried talking to jill. online.
she pretty much said "fuck you" without saying the words.

i might not be able to go to see fall out boy. teri said not all 5 people could get the day off. dennis said he'd take my hours if teri had me work, but i can't do that to him.

I love Dennis. Gosh dang it, I love everyone.

I miss Anne.

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:: 2005 13 November :: 6.14am
:: Music: fuel - falls on me

33 Miles to the border!
I fall in love with Matt even more each and every day.

I did it like 8 times today though. Fucking driving thru 2 towns on US-131 South. How do you drive thru towns?!

We actually hit the fucking end of the god damn road. It was like "yeah bitches, end. turn left or right NOW. I'm a creepy tree with lights."

Nickelback makes me laugh. FNB. 104, Photograph was on. Me and Matt were kinda like "god, chang it now." changed it, 979, photoraph was on. Rolled eyes, and laughs. Changed the station again. 1073... photograph was on. I fucking laughed SO hard. I started swerving. It was amazing


Sorry to use such harsh letters.. which is actually a bank I think. Never quite figured it out lmao.

We almost got ghetto shot at. ALMOST.

And we walked on 131 (the actual highway) then I walked on 131 by XY Ave.

Good times on US-131. When I become famous, and meet singers and stuff, I'll make one of the sing about glorious US-131 South lmao.

I found this on some xanga journal. It made me waste time. Yay.
Read more..



:: 2005 10 November :: 8.12pm
:: Music: phantom planet - california

random oc thoughts
I hate how Marissa never wears a bra.

And Johnny is gonna end up like Oliver. Ruining Marissa and Ryan, then having her beg him to take her back.

Summer and Seth = The cutest EVER.

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:: 2005 10 November :: 12.36am
:: Music: Kenny G - Auld Lang Syne

for the first time
So, it's November, and not more than twice have I had the feeling of sadness, emptiness, or loneliness. That's amazing. I think it's because the friends I have now are more than willing to actually BE my friend. The friends I had before.. well, what.. friend I had before. Yeah, last year about this time I hung out with one person. Amazing. I can't even begin to believe how horrible it must've been to just have 1 friend. But now I have like.. a lot. I get phone calls from more than just 1 person, I get text messages from more than 1 person, I have a reason to not sleep at night, because I'm out with Matt, or Anne, or Liz, or Ross, or all of them, or 3 of them, or 2 of them. I love that feeling.

So, no Denny's tonight. I'm fucking poor. I looked at my account online, did the math they have yet to do.. yeah, i have -3.38 in my account. Right. Okay, so I ran my ass to the bank and deposited 5 bucks. Now, I have 2 bucks in my account and I feel so poor. Probably because.. I am. December I will no longer be THIS poor. I'm so excited.

Anne got the tickets. I'm so effing excited. I'll admit, I only know 2 band that's gonna be there, and I only know about 2 songs from each band. I'm not going for the music. I'm going to hang out with a bunch of my friends.

I want it to snow. For the first time in my life I actually want it to snow. I'm excited for fucking snow. What the hell. I want to go christmas shopping, and I want it to snow, and I want to listen to Christmas music. Goodness, this year surprises me every second.

Recap of the year is going to be up December 31st, if anybody cares to know about the good & bad things about my year.



:: 2005 7 November :: 5.06pm
:: Music: staind - please

what.. what?!
Me and Matt got ghetto whated lmao. Last night, we were on our way to my old house, and these chicks were crossing the street. We had a green light, but Matt let them go, and the one in black was all cool about it and waved thanks, and me and Matt both waved back to say you're welcome, ha.. WELL, obviously the bald chick didn't think much of that little wave. She was all ghetto and was like "what, what?! wanna go?!" Me and Matt just kinda looked at eachother like "what did you do?" lmao it was amazing.

Fall Out Boy, December first, and I'm excited. I really really hope I can get that money. I need to win the lottery, or just.. stop playing lmao. Should do that one, but that's dumb. 5 bucks at a time, and i usually win it back so whatever. I've only lost 5 bucks out of the 20 I've spent. Matt, on the other hand, only won 4 out of his 20. Good job.

My mom's making suckers. That's fun.

Carrie's baby shower is on the 20th. Fuck. I have to find money. Buy her a gift card for Target or something.

I'm so poor. I need a third job. This school thing is draining all my money. I'm spending 300 dollars a month for school. That's rediculous. Oh well, I'll find something to do.

Alright, I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight. I've gone out every single night for the past month. I haven't gone to bed before 5am, and I should just stay in tonight. I kinda wanna go to the Y, so I might do that. But, then again, I really kinda don't. We'll see how it goes.

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:: 2005 5 November :: 3.24am
:: Music: 3 doors down - live for today

fan-fucking-tastic day
Horoscope: Luckily you're not a risk-taker by nature. Avoid gambling -- it won't pay off.

Hm.. yeah, too bad I just won my 5 bucks back about a half hour ago lol. Matt, on the other hand, did not win anything. But, we took our 18 year old advantage and put it to use for the first time together.

We are no longer virgins to scratch offs.

Matt Whetzel is by far the coolest scratcher in the world. Remember that forever. It was a lot of fun.

Dennis is hot, and I need a scanner, right now. You need to see these pictures lol. Everybody does. Wait.. let me go see if Zach left his here.. Oh my god he did. Alright, totally if you want to see the pictures, then do it. They are amazing and I love them all lol.

Ahh, I love my friends. I told Matt that earlier tonight. I don't know if he heard me, but I did say it. I think I told Ross on the phone when I was at BK too, but I don't remember. Maybe we were talking about the color green.. lol. ;)

Pictures ---- Read more..

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:: 2005 4 November :: 1.10am
:: Music: all the things that i've done

fuck you, shannon

addition @ 1:34am
there needs to be a denny's or something open 24/7 closer to cedar.



:: 2005 2 November :: 9.02pm
:: Music: santana - maria maria

i'm so excited
I am so effing excited. My grandpa told my mom that he'll pay for my schooling for the Airline Academy. YAY. I have to pay him back, of course, but at least now I can get down there, get everything done, get a REAL job, and pay him back whenever I have the chance. I love my grandpa. I'm gonna send him a thank you card lol. But I'm so so so excited.

Angela let me leave work early, so that excites me too lol. Today has been an exciting day. I talked to Ross, he's a nice kid, I really like him. I'm glad Anne didn't just give up on him cause of a few mistakes lol. A few.. not a lot :) lol. I told ya, Anne. Anyway, work didn't suck. Jeremiah just doesn't know how to do jack shit. He didn't clean dining room at all when he was on counter, I had to because I was picking up for him. And Shannon, oh my god. He got on my fucking nerves. Every 2 minutes "Jejuan, do this. Jejuan, do that. Jejuan, you have pretty eyes. Jejuan, take your glasses off. Jejuan, Mike wants you. Jejuan, babysit Jeremiah" I don't get paid enough for all that lol. I get paid enough to look pretty :) Sadly, I do that for free, somedays. Not usually. I'm an ugly girl.

This is long.

Anyway, so bk didn't suck, br didn't suck at all, my grandpa is giving mr 7,000 dollars, I only have to take 1 class at GRCC so I can get my 2,750 from MEAPS, and I have enough money to buy an iPod mini. Oh, and I love the new YMCA. And I love my friends. All of them. Even Jeremiah lol.

Mostly Dennis, Allison, Matt, Liz, Anne, and Ross tho. Shh, don't tell ;)

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