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One piece of the puzzle can never complete itself

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:: 2007 4 June :: 8.08 am

I am home.

I seriously did not know how much I loved the states until I was gone for four months.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2007 14 March :: 12.27 pm

So Danny got Ambrosia pregnant.

She had the baby in December.

So this is why he wanted to talk to me and see me and hang out with me.

Oh dear...

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find


:: 2007 2 January :: 11.12 pm

"Just 30 minutes of continuous kissing can diminish the body's allergic reaction to pollen, relaxing the body and reducing production of histamine, a chemical cell given out in response to allergens."

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 30 December :: 1.41 am

I'm so afraid of going to France now. I just want to have the experience without actually having it so I don't have to actually go.

I'm so nervous, so afraid and so scared that the days are flying by.

And you can tell I'm stressed because I'm not eating very much. I had a sandwich and a few snacks today, that's it.

Katie, what are you doing on New Year's and when are you moving in? I seriously need to talk to someone who has done this before.

I'm so scared. Don't make me go.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 19 December :: 12.07 am

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And must breathe until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
Then try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walk in arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You just do it all again



I hope Emily and I go see her while we're in France.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 6 December :: 10.30 pm

Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep



Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 28 November :: 11.18 pm

Sorry to be stereotypical but this is true


And I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay. It's true, it may seem like a stretch but it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death.





And I've said it before. We fit. My boob fits in his dent and so does my head. When we spoon, we just mesh and everything clicks.

I'd hate to say it, but France is going to be horrible without you, Nick. I love you too much.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 14 November :: 10.15 pm

Katie said Kyle and I never got along in high school. Which is sad because I don't remember that ever happening. Maybe I never noticed it. Maybe I was really a giant asshole. And a jerk.

And maybe I still am.

We were best friends in middle school.

I'm going to go cry now.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 5 November :: 10.17 pm

If I was crying in the van with my friend, it was for freedom from myself and from the land.

I made a lot of mistakes.



I love you.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 4 November :: 12.19 am

I went with Nick to his parents' house on Saturday to help fix their computer. At some point, I hinted at the engagement ring promised. His mother took note and an exchange was made. Later that night, we were cuddling on the couch when I brought up my uneasiness with the engagement situation. We talked it over and my fears were assuaged. Nick asked me to get a paper packet from his room that he had stored something in at his parents' house. I retrieved it, he opened it and showed it to me. Inside was a very cute simple silver ring with two pearls on it, one black and one white. He said his father gave it to his mother when they were dating in high school and she heard my nagging and gave it to him to give to me. I almost cried. She is so nice to me. I've had dinner with his family a thousand times and I hardly ever talk but they've taken me in as their own.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 26 October :: 10.13 pm

I really don't like where I am in life. I'm really depressed and I just can't figure out what I want.

I remember talking to Katie's roommate's friend last year. She said that her boyfriend wouldn't even have sex with her because he was playing WoW all the time. At the time, I felt horrible for her and glad that my relationship hadn't hit that point.

Now that it almost has, I just want what she wanted: attention, love and change.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 17 October :: 2.18 pm

I wish I wasn't such a whore.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 13 October :: 6.19 pm

I bought a shirt when I should be saving my money for France. It's an awesome shirt.

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 6 October :: 11.48 pm

I've been praying a lot lately.

I pray on my way to work and on my way home, I pray before I go to bed, I pray when I wake up in the morning. I pray for a short day, a short class period, a good grade and that I won't trip. They aren't formal sign of the cross prayers, they're thought prayers.

The other day there was a beautiful rainbow and I thanked God for giving me that gift on the way home after a long stressful day. The moon was beautiful and bright so I thanked God for a full moon and a bright night. I thanked Him for a quick three hour shift today and a safe trip home without any deer. Oh and for those A's on my papers.

It's strange. I've never had these second nature, almost without thinking prayers before. Even back in elementary school when I was uber religious, I only had formal prayers opened and closed by the sign of the cross.

Whenever I hear an emergency siren, I make the sign of the cross and say a short prayer.

I don't know what changed in me but I don't mind it one bit. I never realized how much I missed prayer but it's wonderful to have it back again.

Now all I have to do is go to mass.

I love you.

(When I found out Emily's mother was dead, the first thing I thought of was when I accidently asked her where her mother was in Spanish class. She said, "I don't know." I wouldn't say "in heaven" if someone asked me.)

Always the first star that I find


:: 2006 26 September :: 11.03 pm
:: Music: Thomas Dybdahl - Adelaide

Adelaide
I want to sing this song to my Adelaide.



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Always the first star that I find

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