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I reach for the bottle and disappear

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:: 2022 4 September :: 7.00 am

I've got my training to become a UPS driver this week, feel like my brain is going to explode trying to memorize all the information they're going to drill me on, but I'm so excited to finally start the career I've wanted since I was a kid.

1 left me love | leave me love


:: 2018 5 June :: 11.22 pm

A promise from me
Is just a lie I ain’t told yet.
So I’m ready to die, but I’m not willing to watch
You watch me die here in our bed.

leave me love


:: 2017 1 November :: 10.47 pm

I'm not a good person
Ask anyone who knows me
I'm mean and bitter
And a failure at everything that I say I believe

I'm not a good person
Ask anyone who loves me
I never write, I never call
I never think about anyone at all

I'm not a good person
No matter what I do
My exhaustion will consume me
And I'm too tired for the truth

I'm not a good person
I'm sure you're not surprised
It must be pouring out my sweat glands
It must be someplace in my eyes

I don't know why I am this way
I've been like this since I can remember
I try to keep up with everything I know I should do
But then I'll fall to pieces anyway

I don't know why I am this way
I'm not a good person, not even to you
I'm staying home because I can't stand the sound
Of another heartbeat in the room

I'm not a good person
Fuck it, you know it's true
I'm lazy, I'm a coward
I'm asleep all day in my room

I don't know why I am this way
I've been like this since I can remember
I try to keep up with everything I know I should do
But then I'll fall to pieces anyway

I don't know why I am this way

leave me love


:: 2017 16 June :: 11.54 pm


When something I hold dear is out to hurt me
I kick that feeble dream and whisper something like a prayer

No more shame, no more fear, no more dread

leave me love


:: 2017 9 May :: 8.40 am



When I was a kid
My whole reality split
I was living a lie
I was a killing machine
I was a war lord
When I closed my eyes

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop

When I was a kid
I was a total dick
To inanimate objects
The world beat the hell from me
I took it out on a tree
Great Illustrated Classics

I took it out on a fig tree
Out on the lawn
I took it out in the backyard (backyard!)
And behind Rite Aid
I took it out on the crates
And on the shopping carts

We were on another plane
I was the king of pain
In unspeakable cruelty
I set the mommy on fire
I set the baby on fire
Not even Jesus could stop me

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop
Stop, stop

leave me love


:: 2017 25 April :: 1.09 am

So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection
Of a coward you and I both hate very much

leave me love


:: 2013 6 October :: 10.25 am

I have not posted on here in an exceptionally long time. I think I'm finally really happy with my life though. I enjoy my job, I get to see so many amazing, beautiful places and meet interesting people everyday. In a lot of ways it feels like I'm on vacation all the time, always going places people dream about seeing when they retire or something. Instead those places are where I get to go everyday.

3 left me love | leave me love


:: 2012 23 June :: 5.46 pm

Interviewing for my first "real" job on monday, full range of insurance, paid vacation, sick leave, "competitive salary" (the average in this job is $65k a year around here).

I am so excited, but terrified that all of a sudden I'll have to be a real adult.

leave me love


:: 2012 27 February :: 3.10 am


Love is real
It is not just in novels or the movies
It is fact
And it is standing here right in front of you
So if you open your eyes
Oh what a sweet discovery
There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance
So now let all of the light that collects on your plants
Keep you warm, make you smile
And I will be there with this pen in my hand
To record all the while
You'll be laughing so loud
That the house would shake with sound
And everything will be as new as the day it was found
Love is real
It is not just in long distance commercials
Or something that you thought you felt back in high school
So I will turn black and white
Become that horoscope you're reading
It predicts something good is on its way
Oh, and then I will send you the world green and blue
In a box through the mail
You can open it up, hold it right in your hand
And be glad that it's there
And be glad that you're there
Now, you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're all right
Love is real
It is not just in poetry and stories
It is truth, and it will follow you
Everywhere you go from now on
So if you'd just cast off your doubt
Then your lips would answer for you
Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
Yes, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
Yeah, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
Yeah, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now

leave me love


:: 2011 7 July :: 2.37 am

Just 40 days left in Spokane, I'm super excited, and super nervous.

1 left me love | leave me love


:: 2011 26 June :: 1.07 am

Oh no I'm all drunk.

And Jen is gone for the rest of summer, I probably won't see her again until next summer.

This makes me quite sad =(

leave me love


:: 2011 4 June :: 11.26 pm

73 days, then iowa

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:: 2011 17 March :: 12.02 pm

I got accepted to Iowa State University's College of Design, I am so unbelievably stoked right now.

2 left me love | leave me love


:: 2010 16 November :: 12.13 am

I hurt myself today.

The razor's kiss.

I don't even know why I did it.

Just so full of pills I wanted to see what would happen.

The sting was unbelievable, the blood oozing from the fresh slit.

She wanted to kiss my wound, put a band-aid on it.

But all I could think about was more pain.

A lit cigarette, lit no more. A brilliant new burn.

leave me love


:: 2010 7 July :: 1.34 pm

Back started to act up pretty badly while I was helping Jen and Harry clear out that house.

Today the real heavy lifting starts, hopefully I won't get another herniated disc.

leave me love


:: 2009 19 December :: 1.59 pm

Weight loss so far: 10 pounds
Weight left to lose: 41 pounds

Then I can sign up for the USMC delayed entry program.

2 left me love | leave me love


:: 2009 4 November :: 3.08 am

I WILL get a job before january, and I WILL move out.

leave me love


:: 2009 23 June :: 1.32 pm

Gonna go work for my uncle Rob at his place just a few minutes south of a canada for a few weeks here soon, gonna do it a few times. Thinking if I can save up enough money I'm gonna send myself on a vacation.

With Travelocity I can get myself a week in Japan for $1250 if I book far enough in advance, add another grand or so on top of that for food, touristy shopping, etc. and I'd have a great time.

leave me love


:: 2009 15 June :: 1.55 am

Meant to post this last night after Donnie Darko, but I was le tired and forgot, but it just came on during shuffle in itunes!


All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

leave me love


:: 2009 24 May :: 11.23 am

No hangover, I AM A GOLDEN GOD!

leave me love


:: 2009 10 May :: 2.11 am

Well, finally home, and only about a day later than originally planned, pictures of the epic wreck:

http://i716.photobucket.com/albums/ww162/archer1212/DSCF0178.jpg

http://i716.photobucket.com/albums/ww162/archer1212/DSCF0186.jpg

http://i716.photobucket.com/albums/ww162/archer1212/DSCF0185.jpg

4 left me love | leave me love


:: 2009 29 April :: 12.44 pm

Goin' to Texas on the 6th.

Will be back on the 9th hopefully.

w00t

1 left me love | leave me love


:: 2009 12 March :: 3.41 pm

Aiko had kittens last night and they're the cutest little things EVER.

leave me love


:: 2009 6 March :: 2.53 am

I'm thinking that soon I might start updating this in japanese, that way it's like a private diary, but if somebody is really interested, they can figure it out!

leave me love


:: 2009 17 February :: 1.42 am

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."

leave me love


:: 2009 8 February :: 2.23 pm

Audition tomorrow...I'm so nervous.

10 left me love | leave me love


:: 2009 30 January :: 4.28 pm

I finally got a job interview!

Monday 1PM at Appleway Subaru/Mazda.

Yay.

leave me love


:: 2009 28 January :: 8.03 pm

I hate job searching.

I've applied for at least 100 jobs in the last few weeks and I haven't gotten a single freaking interview! I'm even applying in other cities now! This is bullshit!

Whatever, once I have some money, I'm leavin' this town and heading down south, setup camp in LA.

4 left me love | leave me love


:: 2008 25 December :: 2.33 am

Why do I even bother, honestly?

2 left me love | leave me love


:: 2008 10 December :: 2.12 am

Current Plan
Disappear somewhere around June, set up a new life somewhere out east or in california, let everyone know where I went about six months after that.

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