godessalthena
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::
2008 5 September :: 5.41pm
i know i say this a lot..
and i only say it because it's true..
i hate my life.
i just want to sit and cry forever right now.
and i want someone to help me.
but i don't want anyone i know to help me.
i want a stranger to help me.
and to show me that love is real.
and that my life isn't meaningless now that love doesn't exist.
a
life
without
love
...
that's terrible!
too bad...
it's true.
i'm just so done pretending to love..
pretending that faerie tales are real..
no one ever feels like the stories..
and if they do it is only for a second..
and then they start feeling like they are dying.
what is the point of that..?
w/e.
i need to just accept that i can't be helped.
and that i probably don't need help.
because everyone feels the way i do at least sometimes..
leave me love
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aerii
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::
2008 3 September :: 8.50pm
I always hate the end of summer, but I guess it's different this time because I have no where I need to be.
I feel like I wasted my summer, but I know that isn't true. I just can't help but feeling like things could be a million times better I could be doing something right now instead of watching the National Geographic channel and updating stuff on the internet.
I hate thinking like this. Things are the way they are and that's it.
I hate thinking about how things could be different and how much I want things to be the way they were.
ahahsldkfjsldkfj
I need to not think about this anymore.
sdlfkj
leave me love
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andy
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::
2008 3 September :: 11.45pm
Statistical Surveys!
Statistical Surveys are here!
They might be buggy, I almost promise you that. And they might even mess up the old surveys somehow, specifically the creation process. If you find anything, PLEASE tell me. They need to be fixed as quickly as possible.
Once I get done posting this I'm going to try to come up with some good surveys to create so that people can start seeing them around the site. I encourage you to create some too! Same way as creating a normal survey, only now when you try to create a survey you're presented with 'Original' and 'Statistical'.
Yay for new features!
leave me love
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aaron
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::
2008 1 September :: 12.07pm
I'm not being left behind
but it seems like everyone's left. This is a prime opportunity. This is starting over without abandoning everything I've built thus far.
3 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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::
2008 30 August :: 5.22pm
i don't like making big choices.
and there's going to be a few i need to make..
and it's going to suck.
:/ shitty life.
2 left me love |
leave me love
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andy
|
::
2008 28 August :: 10.50am
Andy is calling for help up in Cedar Springs. I have a lot of drywall and crap to throw in a giant dumpster. And I still have a bunch of drywall I need to tear down still, plus then try to tear up all the carpet.
Any help in carrying stuff to the dumpsters would be appreciated. I'll probably be here until 8pm. 86 N Main.. Next to CarQuest. Big '86' in the front window.
I have the dumpster until Tuesday but some people are a little pissed about it so if at all possible I'd love to get most everything in the dumpster and see if I can't get it picked up on Saturday.
2 left me love |
leave me love
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poisonedheart
|
::
2008 23 August :: 11.10am
I hate you.
2 left me love |
leave me love
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rorin
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::
2008 21 August :: 11.00pm
...
Honestly, I often feel awful when everyone pokes fun at how old John McCain is.
He's had so many health problems and still hasn't achieved his dream.
And he is old, it's true. But when people know they're close to death, and haven't lived their life to the fullest, obviously it's going to make them feel terrible.
I don't wanna die
2 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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::
2008 19 August :: 11.50pm
today was not beautiful.
well, not all of it.
but the part where we almost died was.
haha
4 left me love |
leave me love
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rorin
|
::
2008 19 August :: 12.28pm
:: Mood: crushin'
:: Music: does fight club count as music?
Wow.
I loved yesterday. And the day before. And today.
And ryan.
leave me love
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 18 August :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: happy
i haven't felt this happy in a very, very looooonnnngggg time...
i just made dinner. i actually cooked dinner all by myself.. and it was just like i remember it when we used to eat it at home..
i made it perfect...
and WAY too much of it haha..
idk.. nothing can bother me right now..
i'm just..
things in my life will work out.
and i'm finally starting to be me.
and it feels really, really good to finally... FINALLY.. meet myself for the first time..
and just think..
i would have never, ever found this feeling if i stayed in spokane..
if i had stayed at tacobell..
really to be completely honest..
sus has really, really changed my life..
and to think.. i didn't think we'd be friends.
i'm so glad i was wrong.
i love it when people come into my life..
and fix it.
without doing anything..
but loving me
and letting me know that i can trust them..
life is just so beautiful.
and everything in it is too..
and i'm beautiful.
and amazing..
and if you can't see it.
then you should go shove it
haha
2 left me love |
leave me love
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rorin
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::
2008 17 August :: 11.48am
Internet
Unavailable.
Won't be on much.
leave me love
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poisonedheart
|
::
2008 15 August :: 12.50am
Thank god Joe broke the clippers, I had an uncontrollable urge to shave all the hair off my head, but I've done my scalp using a razor before, it's too annoying with hair longer than stubble, so my eyebrows and hair remains intact, just did normal shave.
leave me love
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poisonedheart
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::
2008 15 August :: 12.23am
I'm so depressed right now, I just want to find a comfortable hole to go crawl into and die.
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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::
2008 12 August :: 10.23am
i really wish i didn't exist right now..
nothing feels right..
no one feels right..
everything is wrong and i feel so mad.
and angry..
confused..
i just want to scream and be away from all the awfulness in the world.
and all the horrible things that make me hate myself..
and the people who make me hate myself.
i really, really just hate myself right now.
and i don't really have anyone to talk to.
so i'm sol until i stop hating myself and go back to being happy.
suck city folks.
3 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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::
2008 11 August :: 10.07am
i really don't know what the hell i'm feeling right now.
should i be sad?
or happy?
i hate this.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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::
2008 10 August :: 8.58am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: DEPRESSING SHIT KIDS
all things must come to an end.. i guess.
So it's over.. It really is just over..
....
It was really funny.. we were sitting on the couch talking about what the best thing to do was.. and we're both just sitting there thinking "shit.. fuck.. it's over.." and it just starts POURING rain. seriously cats-and-dogs style. first time it's rained like that since winter..
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK??
so i was like.. wow.. i really hate when i get my way..
he almost cried.. and i cried a little.. and then i was like.. "Uhm.. idk what do to.. i'm going to go kick it with tammie and her bf.." and he was like cool i'll go program.. and i just left..
idk.. so i spent most of my evening shopping with tammie for random crap.. then we went to the bf's and ate potatoes and steak.. and i wanted to cry so so so soooo bad, but i didn't because i didn't want to seem like a loser..
i know i look really strong. and i know that i never cry anymore.. but this really, really hurts sometimes.. i know it's for the best... and i know we've honestly been broken up for a while before we actually said anything.. but that doesn't make my heart hurt any less..
so i'm moving out in September.. and moving in with tammie.. and it's going to be sooooo much fun! but until then i'm still living with him.. and it's weird..
last night i came home and went straight to bed.. i was so upset i forgot to lock the door.. he was at the store.. idk.. i had the worst feeling driving home and walking towards the door.. it was so horrible.. "i'm going to be alone.." all the lights were off.. i just brushed my teeth and layed in my bed.. and i just.. my kitty was trying to make me feel better, i just started crying.. but it wasn't like sobbing.. just quiet crying for about.. 2 minutes.. then i stopped.. idk why but i just didn't want to cry anymore..
then he came back from the store and layed down next to me.. "were you crying..?" smile.. i laughed "yeah.. maybe a little.... ... How do you feel..?" he smiled and was like "i feel ok.. how about you..?" i laughed again and said "i have no idea.. heartbroken i guess.. bad.." then i laughed again "it isn't supposed to feel good when you get dumped, right?" and he laughed a little "my heart is broken too.." and we both laughed a little.. you know.. the like.. 'i'm only laughing right now because i have no idea what else to do' kind of laugh..
.. and it hurts still..
but.. i have no idea..
i really don't know..
but whatever happens..
there's always the future..
i still love him.. and i know he still loves me..
it's just that the world hates us.
if only i had stayed in school..
we're like romeo and juliet, only not stupid.
so.. yeah..
i'm done for today.
1 left me love |
leave me love
|
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poisonedheart
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::
2008 6 August :: 6.01pm
Julius is now a disabled war veteran.
=(
2 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 5 August :: 9.18am
yesterday was a terrible rotten no good very bad day.. or however that goes..
it was really crappy.
and now my hip is going back to being awful..
spokane visitation soon... going to see lauren and brittany and my fam fam and kirk and hopefully have an amazing time despite being COMPLETELY BROKE 100% NO MONEY DUE TO STUPID HIP INJURY AND WAAAYY TO HIGH RENT...
so idk what's going to happen. b/c i don't know if i can even afford the tattoo with so little money coming to my pocket and most of it going to that stupid credit card that all it does is tell me to spend it.
grrr...
i am trying to part my hair on the wrong side.. it is giving me a horrible headache hahaha
yay!
i posted my resume on monster..
i'm so done with that hellish monstrosity of a call center.
GARRRAAHHRRR
heh
oh yeah..
i'm so hungry..
but we have no good food here..
because we are dumb and didn't buy any...
haha
:(
7 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 4 August :: 9.16am
so life is stupid.
and things and people in my life are stupid..
and i just am so done with having people in my life who make me feel stupid.
so i decided that i won't let them make me feel stupid..
by making sure i never give them any ammo to do so..
i keep forgetting i was accepted to bcc and uw this year..
what make me give up?
i have no idea what the reason was that i wasn't going this year..
....
am i just really, really stupid?
i just need to go choke and die.
i'm just a pussy.
i need dreams.
goals.
and a back up plan if i dont marry a rich man.
haha
wish me luck
1 left me love |
leave me love
|
|
aaron
|
::
2008 31 July :: 1.36pm
I can actually feel the line being pushed and battered. With every minute it moves farther.
Attack. Counter-attack. Progress. Ambush. Retreat. Attack. Attack. Counter-attack. Progress. Ambush. Retreat.
I don't hate people. I love people. But something in me lunges forward at prime opportunities to convince myself otherwise.
leave me love
|
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poisonedheart
|
::
2008 27 July :: 3.13am
So, everything is transient and meaningless, there's no point to life, yet I think I'll stick around a bit yet.
leave me love
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 26 July :: 8.51pm
:: Mood: depressed
i don't think i like vicodin
so... here i am.. at my house.. alone.. like always..
where is kirk? hell if i know...
i hate this stupid fucking place.
i hate everything..
today really just.. when right down the shit hole whn i got home..
i don't think i can take this much longer.
i...
i feel so worthless to him. like i'm not really a part of his life..
or at least a part he enjoys..
i just want to run away..
i just want to die..
i want to stop existing..
i wish i had never started existing..
i feel so small and insignificant..
:/
on a higher note i found my old mp3 player haha
4 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 24 July :: 5.32pm
:: Music: marilyn manson - this is the new shit...
no matter how hard i try to stay away from the drama that is my friend's mouths..
it seems to just.. find me.. and try to destroy me. and i hate it.
the first thing she asked me when i said we had been hanging out was...
"Did you have sex with him?"
and when i said no she said:
"Well you know I'm the first person you'd tell."
Her arrogance really, really, really pissed me off. who does she think she is? i most def would not tell her first.. or at all. not after last time.
i just hate the feeling like she thinks that i'm obligated to tell her everything in my life. she isn't my mom.
god i love this song. and i don't know why.
:(
but i think i'm going to try to go back to DP.. but i'm scared..
i saw a doctor today.. and he was so...
i wish i could be like that.
follow your hearts kids, because that's all that matters in life.
leave me love
|
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 23 July :: 9.26am
i feel like i'm dying.
and my friends here are making me so angry
2 left me love |
leave me love
|
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shalee
|
::
2008 17 July :: 2.17pm
:: Music: Almost Lover: A Fine Frenzy
In every single letter, in every single word, there will be a hidden message about a boy who loves a girl.
leave me love
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godessalthena
|
::
2008 16 July :: 9.04am
i'm starting to think i should stay away from woohu...
it just makes me depressed because everyone on here is depressed...
yesterday was a horrible day..
i was so upset and angry and hurt yesterday..
i really hate my job...
and i really hate most of the people there..
and i just..
i wish people were happy.
and they weren't assholes..
and they kept secrets..
and they didn't lie about other people..
i'm getting sick of humans again. GRRR
tonight~!!!!
I'm driving to spokane!!!!!
and i get to see LAUREN!!!
and my family!
and yay!
2 left me love |
leave me love
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rorin
|
::
2008 15 July :: 10.40pm
So my life recently...
Has consisted of work, WoW (yes, I succumb and created an account which isn't too bad if you have someone to do everything with :P), Donkey Kong 64, and Harry Potter.
I'm gunna start babysitting Stan's little girl Zoe next week. He's the owner of The Soda Factory. She's SO frikkin cute. And I really miss being with children. I can't stop thinking about my Morrows in these summer. I love those kids and miss them like crazy.
So yes, that's it. No real friends or anything. Just Ry. Which is nice.
But I do miss them... But they don't miss me :P
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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::
2008 15 July :: 10.43am
going home tomorrow night..
little nervous..
little excited..
i just don't know what to expect..
GAAAHHH
i just hope nothing goes bad..
haha
leave me love
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rorin
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::
2008 14 July :: 4.23pm
FUCK
distance.
leave me love
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