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I reach for the bottle and disappear

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godessalthena

:: 2017 14 October :: 7.55pm

i love the feeling of fresh ink

especially when i know the next session will be the last and this sleeve will finally be done and i can move onto something else is so exciting

i was to get an evil eye on my chest between my wings, get the wings touched up...

i really need to get my back stars covered or fixed because they are just so terrible and i would love to have something awesome back there instead of just some half ass whatever.

but man my legs are so bare

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 10 October :: 12.29am

vanilla huckleberry macarons

meh

my back hurts and i'm tired

i just want to cuddle

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godessalthena

:: 2017 7 October :: 9.01am

woke is an odd work

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godessalthena

:: 2017 6 October :: 10.13pm

chicken parm turned out ok, will be better next time if i do it again!

so incredibly stoned right now, but can't quite relax

can't sleep much anymore

getting headaches from my nsaids

the world is about to explode on itself

but thank fucking goddess there's fucking weed

1 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 2 October :: 9.34am

i was hoping that a sleep would help get rid of this empty hollow feeling deep inside

but how can sleep help with horrible things when horrible things happen whilst there?



i don't want to live here any longer. maybe all those celebrities died last year because they knew what was coming.

please someone stop this crazy ride, i want to get off.

2 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 1 October :: 9.38am
:: Mood: crushed

i have a big old heart of stone today.

i fucking hate you sometimes. i don't know why im still holding onto a friendship that burned hot and then burned out so quickly. maybe i don't want to accept the fact that i was just a tool in your life, a means to an end that was ultimately inconsequential to you. yeah you still occasionally compliment me, but i don't care how "beautiful" or "remarkable" you say i am, i know you are just.blowing smoke.

maybe if instead of bailing on all the plans we make, scheduling me for 2 weeks in advance to hang out and then "forgetting" even though i reminded you the day before, maybe if you actually once asked ME how I am doing rather than just talk about your life and problems.

i am happy you took a step to make yourself happy and are now living the life you always wanted. i wish you would just let me know because i know you don't even like me. you only love me conditionally when it can get you something you want.

you even told me you loved me once, and that you would be with me. and that was a lie to put a collar on my hearts it still hurts. it cut me like a dog forgotten tied to a tree.

it just fucking kills me. i miss you, and yet i hate you.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 29 September :: 11.12pm

i understand your sadness so i guess i should hold my tongue

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godessalthena

:: 2017 25 September :: 8.18pm

juanjolio got a bearded dragon and named him hobbs

he's light tan and when he wants out of his enclosure he goes super pale and makes his throat black and tries to get out

he didn't like me at first but i think now he likes me a lot

he found hobbs on craigslist for free some little punks couldn't give him the time, he came with a bum eye but it's getting better

he's so mad right now, too. he's a grumpy guy sometimes.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 23 September :: 8.15am

nothing feels good
nothing is fun
my job sucks away all my joy
all my time
all my ambition

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 22 September :: 12.29pm

someone hurry up and murder me

suicide is too scary

and i want off this fucking ride

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godessalthena

:: 2017 21 September :: 5.50pm

i swear to christ if you fucking tell me "let's not make this a thing" im going to fucking scream

1. i will make a "thing" out of whatever i feel is important enough to make a "thing" of.

2. me offering to be nice is not me making a "thing" out of the situation

3. fuck off

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goodbye

:: 2017 13 September :: 5.54pm

It would be so easy and freeing to slip into madness... Life is becoming far more surreal and less tangible than before. It's hard to judge what matters and whether societal constructs like consequences are even possible or are just in my head.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 11 September :: 11.36pm

best things about being an adult:

1. pets
2. hotels
3. driving your own car

2 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 30 August :: 2.02pm

it feels like i can't ever do anything right

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godessalthena

:: 2017 29 August :: 10.27pm

in all honesty i probably am too hard on myself. i'm not even 30 yet, halfway to making 6 figure salary. i get 150 hours off a year and in 3 years it goes up to 180. im doing better than the average person my age i think?

so i don't have a house. so i don't have a kid. there's no rush to make those decisions even now. like everyone else i do have a lot of debt, like a revolving door. and yes credit cards get me in a little trouble but not like before.

i need to stop bullying myself over not being good enough compared to other people. i am good enough because my heart is large and i love and am loved. i an generous and i try to be there for my friends, even if there's static going on. i am not perfect and i do become self centered at times, but that is part of loving yourself.

itll be okay. the future is yet to be seen. hopefully the craziness that is our world right now settles and i can stop feeling completely out of control and pessimistic. i hate what america is doing right now, caving in on itself. it's terrifying what might come, but then again, what generation HASN'T felt that way?

so much stress.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 29 August :: 7.08pm

after 5 years of persistent hard work and dedication

i have finally achieved a goal i never thought possible

I JUST BLEW MY FIRST INTENTIONAL PERFECT SMOKE RING!!!!
omg omg omg

is like to thank marihuana cigarettes for making this all finally come true

through the sweet ganja goddess
all things are possible

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godessalthena

:: 2017 26 August :: 9.04pm

feeling left behind or left out

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godessalthena

:: 2017 23 August :: 5.21pm

starving myself hurts WAY less than feeding myself.

anorexia here i come!

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godessalthena

:: 2017 21 August :: 5.52pm

when you have IBS is it like an every day kinda thing? or does it come and go like crohn's?

because idk if i can live every day feeling like this.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 19 August :: 8.48am

the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that a couple people would be devastated if i stopped

but another 50 years of this? another 50 years of living the same bullshit every single day.

the sad eternal sorrow lodged deep in my heart

knowing this stone in my chest will never start beating again

i am an empty husk of a person, bland, boring, vanilla

a waste to time of space of paint

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 19 August :: 1.11am

SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY

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godessalthena

:: 2017 17 August :: 5.39pm

looking forward to the future exhausts me to no end
thinking of all the days marching before me
looking at all the days that have marched past me
it's too much
it isn't enough
to keep me

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 17 August :: 2.09pm

i just want to know if i got the job

so i can tell this place fuck you very much

leave me love


goodbye

:: 2017 15 August :: 9.54pm

Everyone is talking about how they want to punch Nazis.

Let me just say this, I would rather live in a country that allows me to protest for anything I want to say than a country that doesn't allow me to protest at all. So many of my friends hate that everyone is using freedom of speech but that is far better than running over the protestors and I'd much rather hear someone allowed to speak their minds than see people being thrown in jail for uttering those words at all.

I hate racists. They are the scum of the earth. My job involves getting rid of them and I love that... but violence begets violence. The reason why the Civil Rights movement was so effective was because of Martin Luther King Jr, not Malcolm X. Dr. King used his words and his reason to speak to the bistandards of the horrible atrocities and convince them of his cause, convince them to rally with him, convince them that his black brothers and sisters were not violent but were peaceful and just wanted a country to call home that would allow them to raise their families safely, freely, and with basic human rights: exactly the same thing the bistandards desired for themselves.

I don't think punching white nationalists is the right thing to do however completely it shuts them up. The point of America is not to silence the people.

At the same time, no one deserved to be run over either. That was such a terrible thing.

During the course of my life, I have had to learn the consequences of both racially-charged language and violence. I have learned. I have grown. I understand the gravity of my actions and I hope others do as well.

If we are headed for civil war it would be a tragic thing. I will continue to believe that a non-violent course of action is what is right. One day I may get punched for saying that myself but until I use self-defense, that is what I have hope for: a non-violent end to this conflict.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 9 August :: 2.11pm

ugh

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godessalthena

:: 2017 4 August :: 8.07pm

dabs drinks and r&b from the 2000s with friends

dreams really do come true

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godessalthena

:: 2017 4 August :: 4.47pm

life is too short

to voluntarily enslave yourself

to misery

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godessalthena

:: 2017 3 August :: 10.53am

today started really rough

had a mental breakdown right before my interview

hurt my back sitting on that orange couch last night

late payments and shitty IVR and customer service representatives

Now everything is squared away, i wish my belly would settle down


i really hope i get this. i need out. i'm breaking up with you, work, and it hurts me more than it'll ever hurt you.

why do you have to keep breaking my heart?

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2017 2 August :: 11.46pm

why do the hide men's faces in porn?

1 left me love | leave me love


goodbye

:: 2017 2 August :: 10.35pm

I fucking hate some dreams.
This one the most.

I have never felt worse.

leave me love

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