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I reach for the bottle and disappear

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godessalthena

:: 2018 10 December :: 8.59pm

I'm thankful to have a family who loves me and friends who are there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on or some sense talked into me.

I'm also thankful that while this country is fucked, that I don't live in one that is worse.

things will be okay as long as you keep your head above water, and if you don't, sometimes you come back up.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 December :: 10.59pm

the pebble cannot change the course of a river

all it can do is hope to be picked up and carried for a while

thankful to be part of the journey

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 December :: 9.52pm

when every shitty thing you know about yourself is shoved right in your disappointing face and you're forced to smell your own shit sundae

I don't want to wake up.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 December :: 6.59pm

fuck everything

1 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 December :: 9.07am

sickness from hell
first time I've been this sick in a few years

every time I swallow I wake up because it hurts so bad. went to the doctor just to be told there's nothing they can do.

just what I needed, another worthless egocentric doctor who can't help. and an expensive medical bill before x mass. woo.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 22 November :: 6.39am

stagnation
I'm just waiting for you to let go

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 20 November :: 3.31pm

people talking about quitting facebook like it's a drug

"gonna try to stay off for a week"
"two months without facebook!"

but we are treated weird for breaking up with zuckerberg

fucking junkies fuckin sheep fuckin head in the sand ostriches

THEY ARE USING YOU LIKE THAT SHITTY EX YOU HAD

1 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 18 November :: 4.36pm

ugh can someone like please tell me why Britney Spears is so wonderful

cuz she's like A #1

kinda like a certain Smitty Jagerwerbenmanjensen. you know what they say about him.

anyway, I just gotta keep dancing til the world ends.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 November :: 6.42am

making people happy cry on their birthdays is one of my all time favorite things in the whole world

I love birthdays. I wish they turned it excellent more often. I wish everyone could have at least one perfect day a year and god damn it should be your anniversary of existing.

this birthday will be good.

happy birthday sweetheart

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 7 November :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Dawn golden

Well, I know I'm hard to take
And my bones are calling out your name
While I beat your cold windows
Break the locks on the gate
While I try to forget
I used to be something great
Because you're all that I, all that I want

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 27 October :: 8.42pm

not gonna lie, I do sometimes regret getting this sleeve

but I mean, what's the point of commitment if not for the follow thru?

I just wish it was always cold outside so I could hide it when I don't feel like being seen.

1 left me love | leave me love


gideon

:: 2018 23 October :: 6.22pm

Time
How is anyone?

1 left me love | leave me love


goodbye

:: 2018 15 October :: 9.50pm

"Unfulfilled expectations of others" - the sole source of my unhappiness.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 15 October :: 9.40am

I just want to connect with you, but I can't find any words, and I don't know what to say.

I feel like every day I'm drifting further away.

"I'm slipping out of your hand while you'll stay put in mine"

2 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 4 October :: 7.35pm

attempting to bottle things up better like everyone else

it's hard and makes people think there's something wrong with me

maybe eventually they will forget I was ever another way

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 4 October :: 5.30am

bjorne is the most cuddly first thing in the morning it's the best

this morning he let me rub his head and ears and then cuddled with me. then Dad got him but it was just so sweet

leave me love


goodbye

:: 2018 30 September :: 3.16pm

I feel pretty damned overwhelmed.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 26 September :: 9.50am

training 30 people worth material I created myself.

so fucking nervous

1 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 20 September :: 7.34am
:: Mood: curious

who even reads this
I found this in a post from 2006. please please please if you read this fill it out, I'll reply and fill one out for you. no judgement

Two things you wonder about me
1.
2.

Three Things you like about me
1.
2.
3.

Two of my best features
1.
2.

Two things you don't like about me
1.
2.

Three words that describe me
1.
2.
3.

One question for me (ask away, i will answer honestly)
1.

12 left me love | leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 19 September :: 6.37am

I don't get sick very often, but I've some how caught a cold and I feel like death

balloon head sinus pressure head ache stuffy runny nose huge cough and mucus in my lungs

ugh some bring me soup & cuddles

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 16 September :: 1.27am

reconnected with Juan's old roommates and it was even better than old times marli is going to be around all the time I effin love her been doing bruches with the new roommates and trying to step outside my comfort zone more new project at work training 80 CSRs I'm so effing excited went to the fair and ate the most amaZing burrito with the bestie everyone has these wonderful pets that love me and my own pets have been much more affectionate lately

things are feeling better, I'm glad the storm has passed and I feel like I'm finally thinking clearly again

working from home really helps in so many ways

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 14 September :: 6.53am

why am I so jealous still of this dude

why can't I shake the feeling the songs are about him

how do I move past this? why am I so insecure?

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 September :: 9.15pm

just leave

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 September :: 9.28am

I just want to give up. I hate every beautiful day.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 5 September :: 7.51pm
:: Mood: adoring

when baby dog is really happy, she runs around completely nuts around the living room and then bolts away into the kitchen to get a drink and then bolts into the den

my mom squeels with glee every time she does it, and it's always the same adorable sound with a wonderful giggle after and it's just one of my absolute favorite things. it makes my heart sing.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 5 September :: 6.19am

I suck at comforting people


one day down of sober September and I have had no break from an uncomfortable unsettled feeling deep in my stomach, like I ate copious amounts of cheese.

I can do this.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 4 September :: 9.34pm

I'm really fucking sick and tired of being treated like I don't know shit.

I know a lot. I'm smart. I've had jobs in different areas and understand how almost all insurance works (besides life insurance, but that seems like the most straight forward insurance).

but go ahead,just treat me like I don't know anything. it's okay.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 29 August :: 2.12pm

you either are important or you aren't

you either matter to someone or you don't

I'm always in the "not" category

and it hurts, but trying harder just looks desperate, and I don't know how to do less than what I do. I'm just a non entity. I'm fading into nothing. I don't speak I don't care I just feel sad and lonely.

and I know it'll only get worse. I know I'll be the worst mom. I know I'll die in child birth. I know I'll have a miscarriage. I know I'm sterile.

why do I even exist

I am a meaningless creature on a meaningless planet in an infinite expanse of nothing.

how do I fix this?

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 29 August :: 8.24am

why is it that I always manage to convince myself that my bf is gay and in love with another man?????

it happens every time. am I crazy? am I imagining it?

is it just my insecurities about not being a man? maybe I was just supposed to be a man. idk.

life is so confusing.

leave me love


godessalthena

:: 2018 26 August :: 12.52pm

this country is so fucking fucked.

leave me love

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