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catching signals that sound in the dark.

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blackecho101

:: 2008 7 July :: 10.24am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Incubus - Agoraphobia

just fucking great, im crying over her again... FUCK ME I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

and on top of it all, rays in richmond now... my only escape from this nightmare just left for like 3 weeks... SHIT...


Two people touching lips
Hands on each other's hips
Nothing in else in the world but one another

The 42nd floor
On a distant shore
I wonder how we strayed so far from this

Remember when we were
Just flesh and bone
You say, "We have forgotten how cordial war could be"

So, put down your hollow sips
And kiss your lovers lips
And learn that fate is what you make of it

Please end this
Before it ends us

I wanna stay inside
I wanna stay inside for good
I wanna stay inside
For good

I read the news today
And everything they say
Just makes me want to stay inside

And a better part of me knows
That waiting in the throes
Is all on par with reading with my eyes closed

"What Can I do?", You say
It's just another day
In the life of apes with ego trips

Put down your hollow sips
And kiss your lover's lips
And learn that fate is what we make of it

Please end this
Before it ends us

I wanna stay inside
I wanna stay inside for good
I wanna stay inside
For good

I'm gonna stay inside
I'm gonna stay inside for good
I'm gonna stay inside
For Good

1 carrot flower | oh comely...


blackecho101

:: 2008 7 July :: 10.03am

it still hurts.... god damnit, i read one of her blogs a second ago and it hurt so bad i could physically feel it. i only want to be with her, im starting to realize this, and idk, maybe my only goal now should be trying to get her back... but i think its too late for that... i really think its too late... and that scares me. god i cant imagine trying to plan my life without her. i miss her so much. i feel so pathetic but there is nothing i can do to control it. Maybe it would be better if i just get over it and try to move on.... it seems like love is now a goal... i dont know. love hurts... way too much... i cant believe i still think its worth it...

oh comely...


blackecho101

:: 2008 5 July :: 8.23pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Incubus

Normally i wouldnt write a blog entry while im not near an internet connection and post it later but i just feel out of it right now... hell... somthing is seriously wrong with me... i just did somthing i swore i would never do again... somthing that used to scare the ever living shit out of me... somthing that i couldnt say no too before and all of a sudden cant again... no one told me to do it, no one talked me into it, i just couldnt talk myself out of it... i cut again... just a few nicks, enough to let the blood drip on some pictures... and it made me feel better... somthing that comes rarely now... but now im scared. Liz came by today, i kissed her, a few times. i kissed her like nothing was wrong, and it almost made me feel like nothing was wrong. she said she is moving out in less than a month and it made me think... right now i should be saving up to go with her, but instead im behind on my rent and sitting on my floor listening to incubus looking at bloody pictures of me and her. what the fuck happened to me and what should i do to fix it? why am i acting like this? ugh... i just feel like complete shit... i kinda met a girl i spent some time over the past couple days with who was helping me forget and who was filling the void... i said somthing about her the other day when kelsey asked me if i liked her and ray said it was the best compliment i could ever give her, all i said was (and its going to sound mean unless you could understand what ive been thru durring mine and liz's relationship) "shes a huge downgrade from liz in looks, personality, and education... i think shes exactly what i need right now" but aparently she isnt making me happy either, look at where im at right now... im more pathetic than ive been in years. im acting like a middle schooler and i can see myself acting in this horrible way but there is nothing i can do about it. i told liz i thought i was going to regret kissing her in 10 minutes and honestly i dont. i feel bad because i dont know if im leading her on or not, i dont know if we will ever get back together or not. right now id rather not think about it. i need to get fucked up, but im broke, and they dont make the kind of drugs i need. well... maybe arsnic... wait, sam will be home soon... maybe i can convince her to get some starter fluid... i really think the only thing that can help right now is ether... and way too much of it.

oh comely...


blackecho101

:: 2008 1 July :: 7.30pm
:: Music: Incubus (again)

the worlds a roller coaster yet we are not strapped in
i guess i feel a little bit better... maybe... still pretty pathetic... but hell... as long as there are partys and friends ill be alright. im pretty sure im going insane, and if im not im surely killing myself 10 times faster than i was a couple months ago... but whatever, lifes short, live it. right? fuck the dumb shit... i dont need anyone but my family right now but in an hour all ill want is her. i need someone to talk to right about now... that would be lovely... wish i had at least that. ugh...

oh comely...


blackecho101

:: 2008 29 June :: 3.50am
:: Music: Incubus

Pardon me while i burst
dude, ive cryed all night... this is not going to be easy. in fact, this is going to be very fucking hard. i was shit faced by 7-8 making a fool out of myself at rays house passed out drunk in my bed and woke up just to stay up the rest of the night crying... why? because a girl i didnt even want to spend time with the past few weeks now has 'single' on her myspace... or because i have to pretend im okay when im around her when acually thats the furthest from okay ive ever been. my biggest fear is being alone, and now im alone... and besides that, im a wierd kind of attention whore... ive decided this... i strive to be wanted, strive to be needed... now im just here... all the alcohol cant help that... but it numbs the pain for a little while... or at least i think it does idk... its just a phase

I am bottled fizzy water
And you were shaking me up
You are a fingernail running
Down the chalkboard I thought I left in third grade
Now my only consolation
Is that this could not last forever
Even though you're singing and thinking how well you've got it made

Who are you?
And will you be through
Yeah, it's just a phase
It will be over soon
Yeah, it's just a phase
Yeah, it's just a...phase

Call it women's intuition
But I think I'm on to something here
Temporaryism has been the black plague
And the Jesus of our age
I know that I sound opinionated
Maybe biased and quite possibly jaded
But sooner than later they'll be throwing quarters at you on the stage

Who are you?
And will you be through
Yeah, it's just a phase
It will be over soon
Yeah, it's just a phase
Yeah, it's just a...phase

And I am waiting for it to be over too

oh comely...

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