thinking
well today i have decided is my thinking day. sorry if i've hurt anyones feelings. or if i thought i was doing something right. or helping you out. i prob. wasnt. but hey i guess today will decide. cause thats my theme today think. i mite go snowboarding. that really has the most amazing way to clear my head when i let it. i think i just want to go with heather and matt. they are awesome and i miss them. plus they give me space, like we can all do our own thing. that will give me time to think about everything well thats all for now just found out i have to be in to work for 11 thats good i thought it mite be ten and that would suck cause its 9:52 now. im stopping the babbaling now.
music for ever and ever
~meg~
i hope sorry is bandaid enough i never meant to hurt you.

ahhh
well today was fun/confusing/relaxing/tiring... lol lots of slashes.. well i went to school then picked up craig then went to UMASS Amherst to pick sean up and bring him back. we went to north hampton on the way home and then got lost/disorientated on the way home, and didnt leave amherst until an hour after we had started to leave north hampton. then we went to the bball game. then i pick up the flyers for the show we are putting on Dec. 20th. then went to the mall to pass some out, then went to my house and then i dropped everyone (soch, sean, and craig) off... now im home.
i really wish that for leah and danni's sake that soch could be slightly happy for them. i mean i know she must feel kinda left out. but she is amazing and she always gets the guy. i feel bad because leah feels like she is doing something wrong or something because she is happy with a guy and no longer all glum. i am soo happy for leah, she really deserves this, because if for no other reason she wants it and is an amazing person. i just hope that amanda can be happy with just being her, whether or not she has a bf and whether or not her friends do. i mean she is incredible if she would just not get like "woa is me" and dont be with someone because im not. i honestly dont care what she says to me, cause ive never let people effect me in that way, but i care about leah, because i know she will just let watev happen even if it REALLY bothers her. ahhh... i dunno... i know i am prob off on stuff. but watev.. this is what i am thinking rite now... but im gona go to bed soon. nunite all
music forever and always,
~meg~

happy long time no write
Hey its been quite a while that i havent wrote. but im really happy right now so i felt i should write. Cherish these moments. I used chipper instead of happy for my mood caus ei just read that word in sochia's journal. so im like "with" i guess you could say, this kid craig. he is amazing. he is soo much like me and completely opposite at the same time. it is awesome. ilove spending time with him. and he is awesome to me. i have so much fun with him. and even if nothing else happened, or it did and ended, i would want to be his best friend. he is that awesome. i wish i wasnt so anti-relationship. cause out of anyone he is who i should get over that for. he is incredible. i know i shouldnt let it pass and im not, im jus living in the moment. but i dont think there is a need for titles because that means obligation and all that shit. but it he wants that why not give it to him? hes worth it. but i always have that stupid thought in the back of my head, what if you find something better? im not positive where i get that from? but i have this fear of like finding something that you think is perfect, but is just good enough or even great for now. and then something better will always come along. ya know? and on top of it i just think high school relationships dont really last or anything.. so there isnt a need to get you heart broken if you dont need to right? and that wont happen if you dont lay it out there. i mean as far as relationships ive never had heart break. but ive gone through like loosing a few of the best friends i thought/think i will ever have by wearing my heart on my sleeve and stuff and i thik that makes me worry. but yea... i dunno... me and craig are going to pick sean up from UMASS tomor.. that should be fun. ah i love sean. he really is becoming like my best friend i love that kid.. he is like disconnected from my friends and starting to hangout with them and gets along with them wickd good... its great i love having him cause i can like tell him anyhting... oh sean i lov eyou "im head over heels birds in the air butterflies in the stomach in love with you" lol oh damn remember all that? lol well yea im gona end this now... good nite all love ya
sleep with music
~meg~

OMG
So i havent updated in a REALLY long time.. but i fell in love tonite... omg.. he was shy and barely talked.. and im a dork and was scared to talk to him. but i am in love and am going to marry him and have his babies and i dont even like kids.. his name is mike. and i have part of his sweatshirt... omg i now believe in love at first sight. haha... oh wow.. so to change the subject we just qualified for districts on thursday, in a game against our rivals, grafton biatches, im soo excited! so tomor i am going to umass for an open house and to stay with sean! im siked.. and need to take a shower and sleep in prep for that so im done for tonite... love you all! mwa~

hahahaha
Dude alrite.. so i vote Hitler off as our Field Hockey coach... we can put out her torch rite? Okay so we have game today, lost to a wickd bad team... it was just dumb.. So we all like figure out what went wrong and shit... but Hitler decided that we should have felt like shit about ourselves for like 5 days and cried and shit.... dude FU! So we've all had our differences but we are truely like the tightest team ever... like Saturday Keith had a party (i will talk about that after) and there were 10 of us there... we fricken bonded.... like we really do love eachother.. but like it feels like our Dictator tries to distroy it..... So now she decides tomor we "need to condition" dude WE ARE FRICKEN CONDITIONED! We do NOT need to run! get over it, that is not going to help... never has and never will... we need to work on what went wrong... being able to run during the game didnt go wrong... p.s. in everything she said about the game she not once mentioned "you were all too tired to play" so fricken listen to yourself.... ITS NOT THE ISSUE! But dude hitler listens to nothing! argh argh argh... sometimes i want to be the Hulk... but enough about that cause i dont wanna think about it..
So this weekend was amazing.. well saturday... friday i just worked and went to the last 15 min of the football game, then i came home cause everything about my being felt like shit, like i just couldnt deal. Then Sat. we had a game, we didnt do great but we deff didnt do horrible. We tied 0-0. Then i worked 5-830. Then went to Keith's with Danni! It was soo fun.. i really needed that nite to just be fun and crazy and free of everything... My boy came because Heather Perry called him and told him that i was there and wanted him to come, he totally remembered me and really came... he is soo cute because he is all shy and stuff, and soo nice. He was trying to teach me how to get the bird to come to me, and tried to teach me to whistle, and hooked me up with his drinks (water of course). Keith threw me in the pool.. argh my cell was in my pocket... still trying to find out how to make that work. I WAS NUMBER 20 lol.... oh and i flipped out on Lauren Grady hahah it was wickd funny... i went psycho, luckily we were in keiths house or i woulda decked her, but i wouldnt be disrespectfull in keiths house cause that is rude and obnoxious... but i did tell her she is a douchbag and fucking bitch ugly, her hair and friggen big bling bling mole all sucked...amongst many other things haha ... i was proud.. i fricken hate her, and she didnt say one word back.... then i had kenny's bed all to myself to sleep in, but i couldnt really sleep cause i woke up like every 40 min.. dude the sound of people doing coke is sooo gross.. like im gagging thinking about listening to it right now.. i couldnt even deal. Then Sunday kenny and dj downed a 30 pack between 830 and 1000 in the morn. with a funnel.... they are insane... then DJ fricken threw me in the pool, i got him like more than half way in.. lol.. .he was soo funny that morn. i love the boys...aww... and i just remember the cutest thing ever.. so i was standing on the porch shivering trying to figure out how i was gonna change and not get the floor inside wet so i wanted a towel to take my clothes off under.. and i was yelling to keith and kenny then mike saw i was freezing and was like where are they? and i didnt know so he went in and found one for me... he is sooo cute! argh, HELP SOMEONE GET ME HIS NUMBER OR GIVE HIM MINE!! haha.... only annoying thing... WHY DIDNT I HOOK UP WITH LIPS? and kristen i know his name (mike salvideo) dude me and kristen and me and ang bonded like whoa.... haha.... i promise that stuff is good for the team... and so doesnt everyone from work lol.. me, keith, derek, don, and troy were all there... it was weird and wickd funny lol! Derek has pics of me on his cell camera i cant wait to see them lol and am scared, and troy was like dead to the world lol i felt bad, he is soo cute awww i love him! leah was soo funny that nite... Shes like "ya know what word should be in the dictionary? like whoa! i wanna call Mr. Webster and tell him" lol
So tonite me danni turk and butch got kicked outta the Wendy's drive thru cause the bitch was all "you dont have to yell" which we werent then she started yelling everything to us so danni and butch started yelling everything cause they were and they sucked... then the guy comes on and is all "we dont have to serve you if your rude blah blah blah" so butch is like "piss off Fuck you" and we drove away flipping out... haha WHO GETS KICKED OUTTA A DRIVE THRU? AT WENDY'S? Well Friendly's was better anyways.. douchbags haha.... well thats it, alot, for tonite i need sleep like Lauren Grady needs a new personality, life, face, piercing, and hair! goodnite darlings! sleep with kisses hugs smiles and music ~mwa~

i dont understand
I feel sooo lost... a girl jumped out a window today at school in an attempt to kill herself. i dont get it, i cant imagine feeling that desperate. She has serious depression, and is on medication. The class before she had gotten caught smoking weed in school.. so while the kid she got caught with was in the office she ran upstairs and jumped out. One of her best friends was in the room, and tried to stop her. I feel so bad for her friends and the teachers that were involved. My theater teacher was the one who caught her smoking... he is blaming himself... although he logically knows it wasnt his fault he cant help but feel that way. He told us all the details and we just sat crying.. To add to it all a lot of kids went around school laughing about it and making songs about it... really loud.. infront of kristen's friends.. not only is that ignorance, but it is inhumanity. If we cant take something like this seriously what can we? We have all these girls that go around bawling when they have some minor (it the sceme of things) fight with their boyfriend, but arent even phased when someone tries to take their own life, when someones friend tries to kill themself... how can you be so heartless? as i write this i realize it is just a selfish action... so many people just dont care unless it directly effects them. I feel soo bad for kristen, cause she must have felt so incredibly desperate to go to that extreme, but at the same time, suicide is so selfish. As i listened to mr.baggot (theater teacher), a man is his 40's completely lost because of what has happened... a man who cried in front of students because he was so upset over it... i just thought how could you feel it is ok to inflict pain on others like that? no matter what YOU EFFECT OTHERS! Mabey that is it... mabey people who turn to suicide dont feel that they have an effect on anyone else... mabey they honestly feel that alone? Or like the earth would be better without them? I just wish that everyone could realize that no matter how alone you are you effect at least one person. Kristen had soo many people bawling, and having to leave school because of the threat of loosing her in their lives. Why didnt she realize that before? Did she, and not care? Will she realize it now? Most of all... how do you prevent someone from going to this extreme? I mean her friends were all even saying that they knew she is suicidal, that she had tried other things, she is a cutter... if people dont get their friends help then.. does that mean it takes something this drastic to do it? will this even do it? i dont wan to sound like i am blaming her friends.. because that is how our whole society acts. WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO WAKE US UP? We live in such a fantasy world, where we cry at movies... that reality no longer effects us. And if something large enough does happen that it has an effect, we only feel it for a short time... then forget.. we move on too much.... I dont think that things should be dwelled on... but mabey kept in the back of our heads at least... I just dont understand much right now.. i feel lost... I know kristen but she isnt one of my friends... i know that she is a really sweet girl from the few times i talked to her... so i feel like mabey i dont have the right to be soo upset about the sitch. but i guess its just making me reflect on the bigger picture... what the whole thing means about everything. i dont know... i think im gonna end this now tho. cause i have a game tomor morn and need the rest for it.... cause right now i would prob collapse during a game.... goodnite all i love you... kisses, hugs, smiles, and music! mwa~

today
Yeah the subject is original. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhaha <-- that is what i need... i dunno i started the pill on sunday and since then i have felt like i am going insane... like i really just cant deal with things right now.. I need a good cry, but there are no tears. Plus i wont let anybody see that. Summer is really starting to be missed... Im sick of running around and its not even like i have a bunch of school work but it just feels like i dont stop and when i finally do i just want to sleep... its sad but i am like counting down the minutes until sunday... the day of rest, no work, and no field-hockey.. im gonna have homework, but i can deal with that, im just not leaving my house.
So today we tied our Field Hockey game... it was really exciting because we lost to this team 7-0 last year.. then to tie 1-1 is really good. It was a really good way to open the year!
But i really feel like crap.. my back kills, and my knee isnt doing too well either... soo ill talk to you all later.... Sleep with kisses, hugs, smiles, and music! mwa~
p.s. i have to know the bible by tomor..... i havent started yet...

ahhhh
Today was alrite... Coach D finally came to school, so we actually had a teacher in psych. He just like explained all the rules and stuff of the class.. he totally siked me out, cause he started talking about sleeping in class like it was OK, but then ended it with "but if you do i take 5 points off of your final average" that blows majorly! Ah well adam and i decided to keep eachother awake! We had a sub in theater today... argh Mr. Naduoe, ah i fricken hate him, majorly! But Danni and i went into another room in the area and it was kinda dark so we slept, the only thing that sucked was it was really cold, argh, our school needs heat! I started my senior memory book today! Im really excited about that part of this year, it will be really nice to have! At least our school does one cool thing. Oh so the majorly annoying thing of today.. I yelled at the janitors about the fact that our nets and field have not been done, then Springer (athletic director) yelled at me about yelling at them... i just wanted to be like FU but i just walked away. Oh and its REAL nice when people on your team gets pissed that you try and get something done for the team. But oh yeah i forgot ang and courtney are fricken perfect.... YEAH PERFECTLY ANNOYING! I would love nothing more than to punch them both in the face sometimes.... actually alot of the time.. but i guess i will just have to settle with bitching them out and spazzing! ARGH! Oh HIGHLIGHT of the day... i went over Chris's house, i havent seen him in over a year cause we were in a big fight... i saw his family.. i missed them soo much, esp his dad... i gave him the hugest hug when i saw him and he told me he has missed me... Oh and the same with chris... i really have missed having my best friend... the only thing is we have weird moments, haha we NEVER had those.. but i think we both just prob feel like we dont know eachother like we used to, well thats at least how i feel... Oh then i had to go to a "chemical awareness" meeting... it was fun cause we just screwed around the whole time.. Justine cracks me up.... she just looks over and is like "imagine if we were high right now" lol the really creepy part is we really started to imagine it!!! wow too much... so yeah this is getting pretty long so im gonna end now... goodnite i love you all sleep tite with hugs, kisses, and MUSIC! mwa~ darlings

first entry
So im gonna start one of these journal things, i should really be reading or sleeping instead but yeah... Hoping this will help me remember my senior year.. rite now it kinda blows im soo busy with being in school (not really doing any work, but it takes up time), then field-hockey which is psychotically insane, and work.... oh yeah and trying to have a life outside of all that. This saturday danni and I and michelle went to the Dashboard, MXPX, and brand new concert. Yes it was at the Tsangius Arena so it was a concert.. it was still amazing... MxPx was soo incredible.. i just wish that dashboard had played more old/acoustic.. i mean i like the new stuff but it is just different and i love acoustic so argh he should just go back to being only him! Today i had practice then a cook out at my coach's house. It was fun, i got such an ab work-out from laughing with the girls... Danni, Justine, and I talked about love and stuff on the way home... danni was all "i wanna find my true love now" but i just think that would blow.. dude we are waaaay too young to appreciate true love.. at this point it is all just an illusion, like a drug, except you know what to expect from a drug, love just screws you over, you will never be able to expect anything. I dunno my way of thinking would make me believe i am gonna end up a cold hearted old lonely bitch... but eh, too early to care about that.. im just about having fun now, not falling hard, or caring too much... but thats it for tonite gonna do that whole school stuff.... goodnite my darlings... XoXoX and smiles and lots of music always! MWA~