Your having a rough day? Well I've had a rough fucking life.....take off your dress and end this tea party!


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Through The Window

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:: 2007 19 December :: 9.11 am
:: Mood: amused

My truck + big ass doe = DEAD deer & a bent up bumper (here is where I wish I had the audio from Free Beer & Hot Wings - "and now he's dead")

I always thought hitting a deer would be scary - nah, not that bad. I think I swore more in that few seconds when I knew I was gonna hit it than I have in like 2 years all added up. "Ef Ef Ef Ef Ef" And just kept saying it for like 20 seconds after hitting the effer. Thank God for my lovely Big huge FORD!!! I hit that effer at like 50-55. If I would have been in a car the thing would have came up through the windshield. After that - I almost want to take up hunting.

On a happier note -

I got a rope from Sam for my b-day, and not just ANY rope, but a rope that was stretched and tied backwards so I can use it left handed and not ruin it. I got to practice for a little while last night. I think am starting to get the hang of it. I have a TON to learn, but I'm really excited to do it. I am doing pretty well with both hands so far...which is pretty cool! Sam wimped out and got cold on me - so we had to go inside. I think I could have stayed out there all night. Maybe this weekend we can play with it some more. :)

Christmas is less than a week away now, and I'm NOT ready. Sam and I did simpify some stuff though, we're just doing presents together for our families, it'll be easy that way. Especially seeing how neither of us have really got our shopping done yet. Nothing like last minute shopping.

The weekend after Xmas Sam and I are going to Kansas.... I'm excited to go on a little trip with him. Usually any time with him is time very well spent :)

Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 18 December :: 10.36 am
:: Music: My Yahoo music station - it effin rocks!

ups, downs, love, and all the other bull shit
I haven't written anything in a long while, not in any journal, or blog or anywhere. Sometimes there's really just nothing to say. For the past few weeks, maybe even months, I've been pretty down. Things just haven't been going my way lately it seems. My job is fine, except a few recent changes...but I understand why they had to do it, so it'll be okay.

I found a second job within a week...back to work at Grand Ridge Farms. Which I'm totally pumped up about. I was in the best mood I've been in for quite a while after findint out how happy Teri was to get me back working there. Only thing is I'm not sure how well my body is going to be able to handle working 7 days a week. Hopefully it'll be alright. If I'm doing something I enjoy, I should stay healthy I think.

I'm not really healthy right now. I've got the Ebstien Barr Virus. That's the thing that Mono is made up of. Most people build an immunity to it after having it once. But my body can't build the immunity. I can get flare ups at any time, and they can last about 6 weeks. Now think, if I get 3 or 4 flare ups in one year, that's about half my year shot to hell. Explains a lot about this past year and why I've felt so shitty. Also found out I have a very high likelihood of getting lupus. oohhhh great. more shit to deal with. I'll try a lot harder to take care of myself, eat right, sleep enough, not do too much, and excersice a little (which is what I'm thinking my second job is going to take care of). This whole dealy causes my spleen to enlarge, which causes me some discomfort occasionally, but nothing too serious. I can still ride even when it's enlarged, no contact sports though...and I have to be careful not to bump into things, as I could rupture my spleen. Sometimes I like to make things seem more dramatic then they really are....even though this is not a big couuuuld happen!

Sam and I are going to Kansas in less than 2 weeks. I'm pretty excited. It will just be he and I for 3 whole days. Lots of time in the car, which kinda sucks, but that's okay. I think we'll have fun anyway. I'm usually incredibly happy with any time spent with him. I've only been with him since August (we just figured this out yesterday, cause neither of us really care how long we've been together). It's pretty cool really...things that mattered with other people, they don't matter for us. It doesn't matter who you've dated, where you've been, what you've done...we are who we are...and we love eachother that way no matter what's made us this way. Does that make sense? Probably not if you don't have the same kind of relationship, but if you makes sense and it makes you smile, becuase you think about that person your with, and somehow they take away all the cares in the world.

I'm not really feeling too well today. I woke up about 3 am, feeling like could puke...and couldn't fall back to sleep for shit. Finally got to sleep closer to 4 am...woke up about 4:30 am and puked my guts out for a few minutes. I'm not sure what caused could be pills, or it could be the flu, I know my friend from work has the flu, and the rest of her family has it. yuck. oh well...if I get it, I get it. Not much I can do!

I hate the holidays, just so everyone (well, Lindsey is teh only one who reads this I'm sure) knows....I just hate em.

1 Broken Window | Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 15 November :: 10.03 am

It's opening day, an unobserved holiday in this state. Meaning we don't get it off of work, but most people take it off anyway. Really, they might as well make it an official MI holiday. Not that it makes a difference to me, I don' t hunt and have no interest in it at all really.

So I'm officially learning how to rope. Sam's given me two, I guess you can call them lessons. I got there last night at about 7:30, we went in the house at 10. And not because he wanted me to keep trying, but because I wanted to... I'm quite determined to learn. Sam says I'm a fast learner, and that I'm doing quite well. That's pretty cool to hear from someone who's pretty damn good at it! He said most people will whirl thier rope maybe 3 or 4 times before they attempt to throw to catch the dummy...but I sit there and whirl it till I have it right, then catch when I'm ready... that's "pretty cool" as Sam would say.

I'm in love with that boy, through and through. No one has ever made me this happy. Every time I see him is just as good, if not better, than the last. I can see him every day, and still never want to leave him...the best part about it...I know he feels the same way...and neither of us have to say it.

Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 22 October :: 4.27 pm

So this is...
It's pretty awesome to see someone you cared about, and hurt at one point, fall in love. Bill, was completely in love with me (or so he thought) he was devastated when I broke up with him (alhtough, I more so just stopped talking to him suddenly) ... but he has found a girl who makes him truely happy.

I think normally, if I wasn't so happy with where I am right now, I'd almost be jealous. You know it's true, no matter how 'over' your ex you always want them to want you more than the person they are with. Okay, it's true for me, and I'm willing to admit it, if your not...I think your lying. I wish that Brad could find someone...I think then we could actually be friends...whereas right now, he ignores me. I still try to talk to him once in a while to keep up on the friend thing...but he really doesn't seem to want much to do with it. Whatever though, I guess that's fine for him.

I'm in love...oooooooooh I'm a believer I coudln't leave (him) if I tried......

yeah, I think I might be...for serious.....

It's craaaaazy.

1 Broken Window | Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 9 October :: 12.20 pm

me... and my stupidness
boyfriend...I can spell it, I can type it, I can say it casually, but I cannot apply it! It's stupid. He is my boyfriend...and I'm soooo more than okay with that...but why does it feel wierd to say it? I guess I'm just not used to it!

Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 12 September :: 11.45 am
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Nothing...

falling is easy
I'm off of work all this week as to rid myself of mono for the 3rd, possibly 4th time. My doctor, unlike me, is not convinced that there has to be an underlying cause to my getting mono so many times. A normal human body will build up an immunity to the Ebstien Barr Virus the FIRST time they get it...and so...they never get it ever ever again, not in the time of their entire existense...then, there is me...I cannot get rid of the damn virus which to me says, there must be something going on with my body that it can't fight off this virus. Right? Yeah, I Think so.

As far as other things go. I'm super happy with the way things are right now. Things with Sam are just peachy, I really like him a lot. Of course, he is I have NO idea what he thinks of me...but I think he likes me. Just judging from a few things...but who knows.

A guy who I had some interest in before this whole Sam thing has been trying to get a hold of me...and is all pissy becuase I haven't been around to take his calls. Yeah, sorry missed your chance with I have a way better looking guy who's got tons in common with me. Hm, your loss...obviously was my gain!

I've been kind of lacking on my friends lately though...Mary Lou has wanted me to come out a few times with her in the past few weeks, and I just haven't really felt up to it. I Feel bad, but at the same time, I shouldn't be staying out late exerting myself (going out dancing)...
As far as you go my dear...your busier than I don't worry too much about where things are with you...I know that if you need me you will come find me, and I will be there for ya when you do. :)

Alas, I should go get cleaned up. I'm feeling like hot chocolate...and Tow's is only a little ways away. :)

Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 24 August :: 10.08 am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: B93 - The radio

This was the first morning in quite a while, where I actually woke up in a pretty good mood. All thanks to a certain guy that I spent some time with yesterday evening. I took him out to Sparta for the best take out Chinese food ever...and headed back home to sit down and eat...then chill and watch some boob tube, which is something niether of us do very often, apprently I have seen a few more shows than him, as he's never heard of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. A true shame really, it's an excellent show. :) Still not much of an attempt on his part to approach me...hasn't held my hand and I'm not sure he's really thought about trying to kiss first when he left yesterday I kind of went... 'eh? why not?..I mean...come oooooon already!' ... but after that slightly annoyed thought finished going through my head...I got a huge stupid shit face grinn. It's a little refreshing to have a guy who's not trying to get into your pants from the start...feels like he'll never get to that point, which I'm sure is not true.

I might see if he wants to go on a road trip tomorrow with me...a short road Berrien Springs... I don't really want to go that far by myself, but if I must....then so be it.

there might be something there...I get that same goofy feeling that I used to get with a certain someone.... but it could just be the simple excitement of a new guy around. who knows!

3 Broken Windows | Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2002 28 November :: 9.16 pm
:: Mood: shitty ass word describes it right
:: Music: None

fuck this ... fuck that...fuckidy fuck fuck fuck
Funny how that word makes you feel just a little bit better.

I don't even have anything to say. I don't know why I'm in this shitty mood, and I don't know what could bring me out of it. I don't know how I went from being 'everythings good' to being 'everything fucking sucks' I have plenty to be happy about, but something is outwaying those things right now...and I don't know what. Hey look, I just pissed myself off even more by saying "I DON'T KNOW" way to much. I guess I have knowledge of NOTHING...........I don't feel good enough for anyone, or anything right now. I try not to complain...I try to be that person that everyone else can run to, and I like being that person, I wouldn't change that. I don't run to anyone else. Why can't I help myself like I do others? Maybe I should sit and have a conversation with myself and really analyze things. Yeah, craaaaaaaazy. Maybe it would work.


1 Broken Window | Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 1 August :: 11.09 am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: B93 - radio

Exciting and Confusing
Funny how a simple phone call can both excite you and put you in the biggest state of confusion.

I am really excited and giddy about it, but at the same time...I don't want to mess anything else up that I have going right now. I guess I have to go with the idea that I'm not committed to anything.

Things have been going pretty good for me lately, so maybe this will follow suit.

Throw your rock through my window...

:: 2007 18 July :: 4.56 pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
:: Music: None

Too much...
There is too much time spent doing nothing...wasted.

Signing up for school is my latest consideration, I need to just do it. But I need help from the one person who I can trust not to treat me like I'm an idiot for not going right out of high school (even though I already know I am...I just don't need anyone else to tell me that).

Windows are what keep me matter where I am, at least I can look out and see the things I dream of (even if they are already mine)

Throw your rock through my window... | Random Journal