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And with our broken smiles we walk away

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:: 2004 17 June :: 11.46 pm
:: Mood: Surley
:: Music: Ironman

I miss younger summer days where you could play in the sand all day, and the the days felt like weeks and you still loved the fact you could stay up all night if you really wanted too. I wonder if this is a sign of regression, someone start to beat me if I begin to suck my thumb. I am surley, yes I think I enjoy that adjective for how I am feeling.
My mother has asked me to go to Grand Haven with her and dad and my sister and truth be told I would so rather not go, but she'd have a meltdown if I said that but If I did go she'd hate for complaining so much. I don't exactly have a beach body and I would enjoy just being here by myself, Give myself some time to think, Because if I don't get that I think my mind will wander down Depression Lane and all that lives there is frown faces and black and snakes never forget the snakes.
I'd love to say my fatass is the only thing keeping me away from the beach but I think I could use a break from my family(What fifteen year old isn't nodding there head in agreement with me right now) I don't know I'll write later on if I went or not.

Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 8 May :: 4.27 pm
:: Mood: fine
:: Music: Jumper-Third Eye Blind

Today is kind of boring, My siblings and father are no where to be seen. My mom has been in and out of the house all day, So it's basically been just me here, sure is quiet almost depressing. I am not exactly sure what I wanna do.

Peace out

1 comment | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 19 April :: 9.46 pm
:: Music: Here Is gone

I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

1 comment | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 19 April :: 9.45 pm
:: Music: Here Is Gone

I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 29 March :: 8.25 pm
:: Music: Iris-goo goo dolls

Intervention Moment
I am think I am beggining to hate everything.

2 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 19 March :: 9.01 pm
:: Music: FaT BOY

FaT BoY
As usual I solved a problem with Carbohydrates, time for action. Am I strong enough?

Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 18 March :: 6.16 pm
:: Mood: Meh
:: Music: The Who

Prozac?
Maybe I'm just going through something weird. I'm working on faults the big one is my negative attitude that I fear is bringing down my friend's moral. Lately my social attitude is at a serious low, all I ever feel like doing is sleeping and lying in bed, not in so much of depressed way, more like an alone time thing.

2 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 29 February :: 4.58 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Hit That-Offspring

I am sick of being a rug mat!

2 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 25 February :: 9.32 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Behind Blue Eyes

I have had hours, lonely, lonely

3 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 22 February :: 4.59 pm
:: Mood: peachy with a side of keen
:: Music: So Far Away-Staind

All the lights are off in my house. I would turn them on but I think I'll just think about doing that for about the rest of my life lol

I hate 5:00 PM
I wish it twas 2:23 PM

I watched Detriot Rock City on Friday and yes Arie and Hannah...

It Did change my life (:

A-ron was here, he so has braces

Rory smells and he slept on my bed last night and I really wanted inscents and frebreeze

Half Days are coming up! I LOVE HALF DAYS!!! I LOVE THEM!
If they were people I would so do them!
even though I am spending like all of friday babysitting some random kid, I actually have to pay attention to this one lol

1 comment | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 5 February :: 9.20 pm
:: Music: What its like-Everlast

Me=Big Suck Face

I hate how I treat people
I hate my judgmental thoughts
I hate my constant bad moods
I hate my sarcastic remarks
I hate that I annoy people
I hate my distorted body image
I hate my ultra sensitivity
I hate that I allow myself to hurt others.
I hate my lack of will power
I hate my lack of ambition
I hate my lack of intelligence
I hate my "hate everything" attitude
I hate this journal entry

2 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 30 January :: 3.28 pm
:: Music: Blink 182

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
Iíll leave when I wanna

Look to the past
And remember and smile.
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile.
I'm not in the scene
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you

Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 21 January :: 4.44 pm
:: Music: Down-Blink 182

I miss the stars.

3 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 16 January :: 4.26 pm
:: Mood: annoyed with myself
:: Music: By The Way-RHCP

Ok Ok I get that I am too needy from everyone and am I spoiled little asshole. But I dont know what to do!

I know that I require lots of attention
I know that I am rude and inconsiderate

I'm sorry but still am lost

3 comments | Its raining inside my head


:: 2004 3 January :: 11.55 pm
:: Mood: fine
:: Music: Fine Again-Seether

i cant believe I did this
New Year's Survey

[01] What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? Alot

[02] Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year? what resolutions?? Lack of fat, guess it didnt work last year, lets try again.

[03] Did anyone close to you give birth? Nah,

[04] Did anyone close to you die? not too close to me, but to my loved ones

[05] What countries did you visit? America bab-ay

[06] What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? Lack of teenage drama

[07] What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Dec 30! i beat FFX

[08] What was your biggest achievement of the year? Nothing, I suck the free world

[09] What was your biggest failure? Sam Dine

[10] Did you suffer illness or injury? My pacreas still doesnt work

[11] What was the best thing you bought? I love the presents I bought for people.

[12] Whose behaviour merited celebration?WTF?

[13] Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Sam Dine

[14] Where did most of your money go? Movies

[15] What did you get really, really, really excited about? My birthday

[16] What song will always remind you of 2003? any Blink 182 songs or Staind Songs

[17] Compared to this time last year, are you:
>happier or sadder? sadder,
>thinner or fatter? take a wild guess
>Richer or poorer? Took a big withdraw for sam to go to college

[18] What do you wish you'd done more of? Optimistic descions

[19]What do you wish you'd done less of? Hurting people

[20] How will you be spending Christmas? This year? Family Stuff

[21] What happened to this one? I wasnt very excited

[22] Did you fall in love in 2003? yes I did

[23] How many one-night stands? are you shitting me?


[24] What was your favourite TV program? Buffy

[25] Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? prolly, I am a hater tho

[26] What was the best book you read? Fifth Harry Potter

[27] What was your greatest musical discovery? Blink 182 and older stuff

[28] What did you want and get? Better friendships

[29] What did you want and not get? Buffy on DVD

[30] What was your favourite film of this year? X-men 2 and Freaky Friday

[31] What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I had a party and I turned 14

[32] What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Lack of dumb descions

[33] How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? hoodies

[34] What kept you sane? friends and FFX and movies and Kate and Star Wars and Music

[35] Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Dave Matthews

[36] What political issue stirred you the most? politics pffff

[37] Who did you miss? I dunno

[38] Who was the best new person you met? Well meeting, The north kids was nice and Arie and Audrey and Libby

[39] Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003? Grass is greener on the other side, see the other perpespectives, if your not careful you will lose prescious things

[40] Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Brand New Day-Forty Foot Echo

4 comments | Its raining inside my head

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