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You're Just Like Everyone Else

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:: 2004 29 May :: 4.33 am
:: Mood: silly
:: Music: Somewhere that's green

Funny Thing of the Day

While watching LOTR Return of the King....

Daddy: (looks at Gandalf who is ridding a horse) Is that a magician?

Me: He's a wizzard...his name is Gandalf

Daddy: Why doesn't his horse fly? If he's a magician he should be able to make his horse fly!



Daddy: (while watching Gollum) What's that little fart saying?



Daddy: That's the bad guy!

Me: No it's not.

Daddy: That's got to be a bad guy....that ones wearing black.

Me: No...that's Arwen...she's not a bad guy.

*Orcs enter on screen*

Me: Now those are the bad guys.

Daddy: Hey! Look at them! Those are some good lookin' fellers!



My daddy is too funny....everyone should watch LOTR with him...he puts a new spin on things.




love me


:: 2004 25 May :: 12.12 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: The Real Thing

Okay...maybe not

The whole teacher thing is off. Ends up Nikie could get in trouble for sexual abuse or something to that nature...and he's "seeing" someone. Oh well...I still have to go to her class tomorrow and drop off gifts for the guy.

This got me to thinking...here comes another rant.

You know after years and years of never having a boyfriend and years and years of people saying "wait until you're in high school/ college" or "next year...next year...next year." Always the next guy to come along must mean something. He must be a least a little interested in me...but he never is. So I have come to the conclusion that I'm just going to be single for the rest of my life. I'm sick of trying and then just getting hurt more and more.

There must be something out there

I know there's something out there

Something more than this

love me


:: 2004 24 May :: 1.10 am
:: Mood: crazy

Teacher's Pet

My summer is so uneventful...*sigh*

I had all these amazing and wonderful things that were supposed to happen to me...all I've gotten so far are unhappy and crappy things.

Well, that not really so true now that I think about it....some good things have happened.

For example:

I'm a voice performance major, for all you lovely people who didn't know this already. My kid sister Nikie likes to sing too and really looks up to me, which is cool. I like to think that we get along pretty well, better than most sisters would. She had a concert last week, and she had been asking about me going for like the last month or so...and I was cool with it, until I found out it was in the middle of the day and there was no way for me to get there. She was pretty upset, but hey, what could I do about it. The day of the concert I woke up to find that my step-mom had the day off, so we went to Nikie's concert and surprised her. Man, the look on her face was worth it...she just looked so overjoyed to see me there. It really gave me a warm tingly feeling inside. After that she really wanted me to stick around. She had been talking about me staying for lunch for a while, so I figured that I might as well do it today. So even though I really didn't want to, I stayed and had to deal with all the little boys ranging from ages 11 to 14. They almost drove me crazy, but I got to meet all of her teachers and they were pretty cool...ends up Nikie has told me a lot about them.

So here's where I get to the good part...

When Nikie got home she immediatly asked me what I thought of Mr. Summerlin (her main teacher...you know I'm not even sure if that's this dude's name, but that's what we'll call him.) I was like..."Ehhh, yeah, he was okay." Ends up this guy is like 23, right up there in my age range, and evidently Nikie think's we'd make just the perfect little couple, and so she's been trying to get me to come to lunch so she could "hook us up." I found this overly funny, and told her that she should have really told me this before hand...so I could hit on him or something funny like that. She told our daddy and he thought it was really funny too. The next day she told her teacher, "You know, you should really date my sister, you two would get along really well...and then you can get married and have babies." She tells me he thought this was funny too...so pretty much we all thought this was one big mess of funny. Yes, until I told Melissa about it. She was like "23?!?!?! He's dateable!!!!" Nikie loaned me her yearbook and I showed Melissa a picture of him. She was like "he's kinda cute." So we have devised a plan that includes my number getting to him. It's really too much, and I would never ever do something like this normaly, but Melissa brought up a good point. If he doesn't even make the second move...it's not like I'll ever have to see him again. It's something daring...and I had promised myself I'd be more daring.

So here comes the more daring Bekie.

I just hope I don't regret this.

love me


:: 2004 17 May :: 1.37 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: As long as your mine

It's been forever

I got some teeth pulled...yeah four of them. The good old wisdom teeth...so I was not really in the mood for anything for a while.

So that's where I've been.

And I don't have much of an update. Eh, haven't been to Jillian's in like two weeks so I'm feeling a bit undersocial. I'm think that maybe since Melissa and Nick are back in town (yes, they went out of town) things will be getting back to normal soon. I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin just sitting around here. I have to get out, it's my summer break.

So that's my update for the most part.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't abandoned you or anything to that nature. I have to really catch up on my reading here. Geeeze.

I've had this horrible craving for pizza since forever.

love me


:: 2004 4 May :: 10.57 pm
:: Mood: crazy

Defying Gravity
Save the Boxes!!

My first year of college is finally over. Geeze, what a reliefe. Now I can just go home and rest for three months. I'm so glad it's over, but then again I am looking forward to next semester. Emily and I will be rooming together in the new fancy rooms, so that's gonna rock. Awww, I'm gonna miss all my carzy Carrollton music majors, especially after tonight.

A bunch of the music majors decided to get together and go out to eat....man what a wild time.

It started when Daniel came to pick me up. That was at like 6:50 and we weren't supposed to meet at the resturant until 7:30, but we were on a mission. Since we're all packing, of course we need boxes, but don't have any, so Daniel and I went driving behind Publix and other grocery stores looking for "boxes to rescue." It was like a secret mission. We had to be careful because it's illegal to go through people's trash, and we had to make sure not to rescue any "contaminated boxes." So we're driving around and finally, we spotted some poor captive boxes. Daniel quickly pulls over and we run out of the car. It ended up the boxes already had stuff in them so Daniel yelled, "Run away!" and we ran back to the car. As soon as we got into the car Daniel was like, "I wonder if we could have dumped that stuff out." I was like, "Yeah, it all looked pretty light." So we get back out of the car and go for the boxes again. Daniel started to pick it up but it was wet so he dropped it again. We both stood there looking at it for a couple of seconds and then Daniel yelled, "Run away," and we went running across the parking lot again. So we started to drive again. I spotted some good looking boxes by a dumpster and we pulled over again. This time I got out to get it, because Daniel got his hand all icky so he was considered "wounded in action." After I got it in there car I was like, "We should get rid of this one, it smells like trash." Daniel was like, "No, it's because my breath smells so good, you think the cardboard smell smells like trash instead." I laughed and figured whatever, wasn't my car that was gonna smell like trash in the morning. We got one more box that said cheese on it and then it was time to go. All the way to the resturant Daniel was talking to the boxes. He was saying things like "Shh, it's okay...you're safe now." It was so funny.

We got to the resturant and I sat with Jermey. We had a pretty good time and talked about a lot of stuff. I like Jeremy, he's one of those people you just get along with right off the bat. He's switching schools in the fall, meaning I won't be seeing him here at West Georgia anymore. I told him he would absolutly have to come and hang out with me this summer and on the weekends when school starts back up. Awww, I'm gonna miss him.

Fianlly the night was over. Daniel and I were quiet, because our little boxes were sleeping. Daniel said he was gonna feed them as soon as he got home. I told him that the one that said cheese might like cheese....or it has a realtionship with cheese, and that might be canibalistic. He decided against the cheese. You really feel like you've done something after you've saved a box.

Tomorrow my daddy and Carolyn (step-mom) are coming to pack up my things and then I'm leaving for home. Emily is going to come and help too.

I'm going to miss everyone so much. I almost want to say that I'm going to miss this place, but I feel that it's time for me to go home for a while. Come fall I'll be ready to come back. It's like the most amazing balance.

Carrollton and Gwinnett...and the most amazing friends that anyone could ever, ever ask for.

Everything is so beautiful.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost


I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down


love me


:: 2004 3 May :: 1.55 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Wicked

And the Stress builds

Man...how long has it been since I've updated?

Most likely a long time. So much crap has been happening this last week I dont' even know where to start.

But I suppose I'll start with Tuesday. We had no classes on Wed. so on a spontanious notion me, Daniel, Jeremy, and Bryan all traveled two hours to Gwinnett just to go to Trivia Tuesday at Jillian's. We met up with Melissa, Nick and Sam and guess what.....wait for it...wait for it... weee won!!! wooooo! It was so exciting. We stayed around and played games until midnight. Then we all traveled back to Carrollton. That was one of the funnies car trips I've ever ever taken. It was all much fun. We got back to Carrollton at 2:30 in the morning...woo wild times.

Thursday I had my vocal jury...probably the most important thing that I do during final times. A lot of stuff depends on this sucker. I was so freaked out because I had comletly bombed at my studio class (that's the thing you do with your voice teacher before jury...it's like a mock jury almost.) But I went in there just thinking "I'm just gonna have a good time...screw everything else." And what do you know....I did pretty darn well. I even had to do a happy dance afterwards I did so well. It was beautiful, and then Sam came and took me home.

Friday...we didn't go to see Anthem....I was sad. We went to Berkmar's Spring Concert instead. Pretty good stuff. I miss it tons. (Note: Berkmar is my Alma Mater.)

Saturday I did some crap...hung out with Sam and Melissa. We saw a creepy movie and then got lost and then almost got shot by creepy guys....it was freaky.

Sunday Sam and I went to Melissa's studio, but we got lost so we were super late. After that Sam, Melissa, and I went to Jillian's to eat and hang out with Brent. He was kinda not too happy...which is understandable...since he hadn't eaten a meal since Friday. Things were throw, people were yelled at. I got mood swingy and made Sam take me home.

I have two more finals and then it's all over. Then I pack up and I go back home for the summer.

It's so close.

Then I'll be back to normal.


love me


:: 2004 26 April :: 10.44 pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Wicked

So many affectionate boys

So many interesting things happened to me this weekend...

~FRIDAY~

Ehhh...I stayed in I think. I can't remember Friday, so evidently it wasn't important...and if it was important...I am so sorry. No wait, I did stay in. So no, Friday wasn't important.

~SATURDAY~

I don't really remember how I woke up, which leaves me to assume that Melissa called me and woke me up. I just remember suddenly I was awake and dressed and walking out to Sam's car. The first place we stopped was Wal-Mart. Okay, do you ever just see something and then go, "I need that right there!" even though you really have no need for it at all? Well, when I got into Wal-Mart I decided that I needed a disposable camera and smoothies. Sam bought me the camera...he's such a dear...and then we all went out to Smoothie King. I like smoothie king because they have such kick ass tasty smoothie, and then the sign tells me they're healthy smoothie, so I feel like I've accomplished something. We sat in smoothie king forever just drinking smoothies and talking. I got the 32 oz smoothie...this will come into play later. It seems like we did something else after the smoothies...but I can't really remember what it was. We ended up at a gas station and I had to get something to drink because the smoothie didn't really help my thistyness. I also got sour gummy worms, just because I like them. We decided that we were going to hang in Atlanta, and then realized that Nick had a free parking pass. So we headed on over to Jillian's to grab that from him. Brent was there, which was a suprise because we didn't think he was gonna be there. He was like, "Are you guys eating?" and Melissa and I were like, "No. We're not even staying that long." This of course shocked everyone...because it was Saturday...and we're always at Jillian's on Saturday. I was introduced to a new server by Nick. He was like , "This is my girlfriend Melissa and this is Bekie." That kinda made me sad for some reason, and I said, "Awww...I'm always just Bekie." Brent was like, "You're my future love." So now I have a title to go with my name, which is always good I suppose. After that we headed out of there and into Atlanta. We walked around for a bit and then went to Andrea's recital. This was when I really started to regret that 32 oz smoothie. I thought I was gonna vomit all over the place, but after the recital started, it was all good because Andrea's kick ass performace took my mind off of it. Man, she is so fucking amazing. I hope I can be half as good as she is when I'm her age. After the recital we were all hungry, so we decided to switch things up and go to Chillie's and see Josh. He was atcually there this time. He gave us lots of free food, and he seemed to be hitting on me a lot...asking for my number and that sort of stuff....and I was like, "hmmmm, I always thought Josh hated me." After eating I was hit on by swingers...again. If you really want to know about the swinger story...just ask...and I'll most likely tell you. Sam went to a college part next, so Melissa and I decided to go home.

~SUNDAY~

My most generous and loving Sam decided that he was going to take me home on Monday, so I could spend an extra day with everyone. We first went to Chilli's to meet up with Josh. I transfered to Josh's car and we rode to the AMC theater at Discover Mills. We went into Jillian's for just a sec. so Josh could say hello to everyone and such. We stood outside the theater for a while trying to decided what to see. Josh and Sam went outside to smoke. While Melissa and I waited, we got thirsty, so we went back into Jillian's and got a drink. By the time we got back out they had flipped a coin and decided that we were going to see The Punisher. The movie was actually really good. My favorite part was when they all sang opera....it was so beautiful. After the show Josh decided to split. I was all hungry so Sam and I danced to Jillian's (literaly) while Melissa stayed behind to chat with Josh before his departure. I was so hungry that Sam and I decided to go ahead and sit down, but we couldn't decide if we wanted to sit with Nick or Brent. We ended up flipping a coin and Nick won. Right after we sat down Melissa got back. It turned out Nick was super tired, so we moved to Brent's section. There was some good conversation all around. So good that I can't remember any of it...just that it was good. I think we chatted about going to Columbus on Friday. Anthem is playing and then after that we're going to celebrate Brent's birthday...which is on Thursday. Brent bitched about another table...but when they left he was all nice and smiles. This got the little wheels in my head turning. I told Melissa, "You know Brent's good at that...he could really hate us too and we would never know it." Of course the next time Brent comes by the table Melissa had to go into "Bekie thinks you hate her." He assured me that none of that was true...but still...it's an idea. This idea really sunk in when I initially got the check. We had to pay for everything...which never ever happens at Jillian's! I found Brent and started yelling, "You horrible bastard! You put everything on the bill...even the drinks! You do too hate us!" He explained that they've been checking recently so he had to do that until things died down again. The funny part was he seemed actually concerned about how pissed off I seemed to be, so he was like, "I'll make it up to you...I'll buy you a real drink on Friday!" This seemed to excite Melissa way more than me because she grabbed me and said, "Oh Bekie..just think...you'll have a whole week to decide what you want!" Brent was like, "No, I'm going to suprise her." This interested me...because I love suprises...which Brent knows. We stayed for a while to chat....and somehow Brent's idea of getting me drunk turned into getting me completly trashed (which is on my list of things to do before I die by the way.) Suddenly I just stopped because I had this absolute moment of brilliance. I was like, "You know what...there are a lot of threes in my life." This struck everyone as too funny, and then they wanted to know all about my threes. I was like, "Well, I've had three drinks in my life, and I've been to a porn shop three times." Yeah...I know...but at the time it seemed utterly significant. Melissa, Sam and Brent told me I had to think of one more thing so I would have three things. The best I could do was "the last time I was kissed on the mouth was when I was 13...and that has a three in it." Brent was like, "The three of us should kiss Bekie on the mouth right now." I wasn't too much for that...didn't really want Melissa kissing me...no offense. While we were heading out Melissa came up with the revolution that they should all forehead kiss me, because I'm all about the forehead kisses. After Melissa and Sam did it they were both like, "Brent, you have to kiss Bekie on the forehead!" He said something like, "I don't do forehead kisses...only real kisses." or something like that. He came over to us and started to give us all high fives. When he got to me he stopped short and suddenly grabbed my face and kissed my forehead...and then proceded to completly lick my forehead. It was the single most disgusting and strange thing that has ever happened to me in that resuturant. I was all screaming, but I couldn't get away from him...his grip on my face was much too tight. When he finally finished he started to walk away, but then turned around and said, "And that was a first for me Bekie." It was so nasty...there was spit all over my forehead and in my hair. Melissa and Sam were laughing and one of them said, "Oh man, he just frenched your forehead!" At least I feel like I payed him back in some way, because he licked off all of my foundation...and I know that couldn't have tasted too good.

~MONDAY~

I woke up with a headache...so I ate some ice cream which totally didn't help...so then I took some pills instead. Sam came around noon and we headed back for Carrollton. It was a super fun drive. We talked about a lot of stuff. At one point he even pulled over and asked for directions. I was so proud. And he bought me coffee. Sam is so super awesome.

And that's about it... I know, I know. Super long...but super interesting none the less.

1 i'm loved | love me


:: 2004 22 April :: 10.43 pm

Carrollton Days

I'm going to write about my day today...while I'm in Carrollton, which is kinda strange since I usually only write about my times in Gwinnett. But today is journal worthy

We had a party today in Aural skills. It was to celebrate Dr. Morris. She's been our prof all year long...and then they decided to give her job away to some woman who could never ever do it as well as she does. So we threw her a party to show her how much love we all have for her.

I had history class after that. I learned history...I thought about ice cream.

I wrote a Music Appreciation paper all afternoon long. I had a test in that class too so I kinda sorta studied for it. So at 6:58pm I get to class, and start chattin' it up with Darshena. I asked her why she had her program stapled to her paper and she was like, "You have to have it...or he won't grade it." I was like "Damn!" so I looked in my bag for my program and it wasn't there and I again yelled "Damn!" Darshena was like, "Can you make it to your dorm room and back in ten minutes?" and I was like, "Yeah." As I was leaving she was yelling after me "Run Rebekah!!" Just then Daniel walked in and I was like "Hi Daniel...be right back!" So I ran all the way back to the dorm room, got my program, and started back to class. At this point I knew there was no way I was gonna make it back on time, so I stopped running. Hey, if I was gonna be late, I was gonna do it right. At the very end I started running again because I didn't want to be too late. In the end I was like three minutes late and they had already started the listening portion of the test. I sat down and got started...and thought I was gonna die of the heat...because the room was so freakin' hot and I had been running. I finished the test late because I had to wait for him to play the listening portion again.

On my way back to my dorm room I saw Daniel walking towards me. I asked him where he was going and he held up this little bit of paper. I was like, "What is that?" and he just told me to follow him. It ended up that was his ticket stub (subsitute for program.) He had forgotten his too, but you could turn them in after. He was like, "I was gonna go after you...but I figured you'd be too far away." I yelled, "You should have come after me! I didn't get that far!" We got to the stairs and I told him I'd wait...because I was tired of running. I got a soda...and finally I went upstairs for him. What do you know, he was headed back downstrairs the very moment I got up the damn things. On our way back to our dorm rooms we started to talked about Carrollton. Somehow we decided that we would write interperative poems about Carrollton and then put them all in a book. Here's what we've got so far...

Where are the squirrels going?

Up the trees

Down the trees

Nowhere

Nowhere

Nowhere

I wrote the first three lines, and then Daniel wrote the nowhere part. Next we're gonna write about the dirty little creek next to Robert's and the crazy wilderness lady.

Maybe we're brilliant.

Or maybe we're just crazy music majors.

I have to give Daniel my home nubmer tomorrow because Jeremy want it because he needs to get in touch with me over the weekend, because he wants something, but Daniel won't tell me until tomorrow. Geeze.



I found an awesome new musical called Wicked

listen to the music at the official site...

www.wickedthemusical.com

or read about the whole thing...

http://mercy_bell.tripod.com/wickedsynopsis.html

love me


:: 2004 20 April :: 10.42 pm

I'm not that girl

I don't know if I've got all of these right...but this really summs up a lot of the feelings I have right now.

Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl



Don't dream too far

Dont' loose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl



Every so often we long to steal

To the land of what might have been

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel

When reality sets back in



Bright smile, light limb

She is winsome, she wins him

Gold hair with a gentle curl

That's the girl he chose

And heaven knows

I'm not that girl



Don't wish, don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl

There's a girl I know

He loves her so

I'm not that girl


love me


:: 2004 18 April :: 10.41 pm

Vomit, Undergroud, and Broken Hearts

That's right kids! It's time for another one of my fun weekends stories...so grab yourself a snack and get comforatable.

~FRIDAY~

I had no classes. Yes I know, how cool is that?!?!? I woke up at around 10:30 (which is a beautiful thing when you're in college.) Sam and Scott came to pick me up. They actually asked for directions. You know, I think that's the first time I've ever even heard of a male asking for directions. That is so crazy. So we all pilled into the car. Sam, being the absolute darling that he is, asked me if I wanted the front seat, but I took the back. Unfortunatly, I had forgotten that I have an extremely dinky stomach. Scott's car was so fucking hot, and I got soo car sick. I was thinking, "Man, I hope there's nothing important back here...because I'm about to throw up all over it." It seemed like forever before I got home. Sam and Scott just left and left me sleep off my icky car sickness. That night I went with Melissa to see Nick perform in the GSU Band concert. It was soo cool. They kick major booty. After that we decided to go and visit Josh at Chiilie's. Josh is the other guy I met at Jillian's along with Brent. He left Jillian's a little later...and I never get to see him, which is such a shame, because he's my sex kitten. So we get there, and just our luck Josh left early. I was thoroughly depressed, but then I had some root beer, and then I was all better. I ate so much food, I once again thought I was gonna puke. They had to take me home because I got sick again. So the moral of this story is...Bekie got sick a lot on Friday, but she never actually threw up.

~Saturday~

My daddy was doing yard work, and asked my step-mom to wake my sister up. Well, what do ya know, she wakes me up instead. She doesn't like me. I got up anyway because I knew Nikie would never get up. So I helped my Daddy with yard work. It was actually pretty fun (no, I'm not crazy.) I like to hang with my daddy. A little later Christy (my step-mom's daughter) stopped by to drop Amber off. I showed her my tatto and we talked about our love for Elivis. Christy asked me what my step-mom had said about the tattoo and I told her that she wasn't speaking to me at the given moment. Christy was like, "Yeah, she used to always tell me when I was growing up that only whores have tattoos, so she was really pissed when I got my first one." So now it makes sense...she's not talking to me because I have a tattoo...which means I'm a whore. I'm not even gonna comment on this one. Later on Sam came to pick me up and we headed into Atlanta to pick up Melissa from her choir practice. I love Atalanta! It has to be one of the coolest places ever. I would love to live there. Melissa decided that since we were in Atlanta we had to go to Underground. She was thoroughly shocked that Sam and I had never been to Underground, especially since I've lived here all my life. Underground was pretty cool. We were gonna go to The World of Coke but the line looked forever long. We ended up just walking around and grabbing a bite to eat. There were a lot of pigeons. Anytime we go into Atlanta there are always pigeons, and I want to pet them, but they always fly alway. That makes me sad. After Atlanta we realized it was adoption day at the pet store, so we went to see all the pretty doggies and kitties. I loved them, they were all so sweet. We had to hurry after that so we could catch a viewing of The Prince and Me. That movie was okay...I wasn't too crazy about it though. After this of course we had to go to Jillian's. Brent was our server...and I broke the news of the affair to him. I made him sit next to me and I took his hand. I was like, "Bent, we feel like we should have an honest relatioship, so there's somthing you need to know....we had an affair." At first he looked at me like, "What the hell" and then I went on to explain, "We made friends with another waiter...at another resturant." He didn't take it as well as I had excpected. For a while he just faced the wall and said nothing. Nick tried to comfort him...but that didn't seem to help either. Eventually he came back, and suddenly the affair was my fault! He was like, "Bekie, I can't believe that you would go to another resturant and make friends with another waiter and become regulars!" I was like "Melissa and Nick cheated on you too!!!!!" Melissa didn't help by yelling, "It was Bekie's idea!" I told Brent that we weren't regulars, it was just a one time thing, and then he was okay. The best part was he really almost started crying because he was trying to look upset. We had a general good time all around at Jillian's...but we always do. After that we ran into our swinger friend...he always hits on me. I don't get it.

~Random Crap~

I think everyone in the world should come to Georgia at least once and eat at the Varsity. You haven't lived until you've eaten there.

I'm thinking about quitting Jillian's. Everytime I go there Cyndi (Brent's girlfriend...and fellow waiter) always looks at me funny. I'm afraid of her...she looks like she could kick my ass. I don't like people who look at me like they don't like me...and then I feel bad because I'm like, "Awww, everyone else knows her except for me...and I don't think she likes me anyway." She's pretty though. That doesn't help her much on my list, I don't like girl who are prettier than me...I don't like a lot of girls.

My life is cool. How lucky am I?

I'm listening to Elivis...faint.

love me


:: 2004 15 April :: 10.41 pm

Survey!

I stole this from Tia....

FIRST NAME: Rebekah
MIDDLE NAME: Marie
LAST NAME: Hogsed
Names I answer to: Bekie, Bek, The Bekster, and Hey You! Stupid Girl!
GENDER: female
BIRTHDAY: February 12, 1985
BIRTHPLACE: Lawrenceville, Georgia
AGE: 19
ZODIAC SIGN: aquarius
SCHOOL: West Georgia
MASCOT: ehhh...I don't know...Alyssa doesn't know either. Oh well.
GRADE: freshman...but not for long
LIVING SITUATION: When I'm not at college I'm staying with my parents
SIBLINGS: four sisters
NAME: Kim, Christie, Nikie, and Brittany
AGES: 36, 33 (I'm not really sure about these...I know I'm horrible) 14, and 6
---Appearance---
HEIGHT: 5'3''
HAIR COLOR: Red and Brown
~HAIR STYLE: layerish
~HAIR LENGTH: just a little past my shoulders
~EVER DYED IT: all the time
EYE COLOR: blue green
~GLASSES OR CONTACTS: nah
FRECKLES: nope
STYLE: i dunno
PIERCINGS: ears
TATTOO (S): one on my lower back

RIGHTY/LEFTY: righty
SHOE SIZE: 7 to 7 1/2

---Favorites---
COLOR: blue
RELATIVE: my daddy
TV SHOW: Sunday Night Sex Show and Talk Sex with Sue Johanson
CD: huh, I really don't know.
MOVIE: I can't choose
SHAMPOO: Thermasilk (is that how you spell it?)
SONG: i have too many
SINGER: once again, i have mulitple favs
FOOD: pizza mmmm
ANIMAL: kittens
SCHOOL SUBJECT: I'm a music major. I like a lot of my classes
BOY NAME: I like E and J names, like Erik and John
GIRL NAME: Mirianon
HANGOUT: Jillian's
RESTAURANT: Jillian's...it's like the only resturant I go to....except O'Charlies. oh the guilt
FEELING: happiness...the kind where it's so strong you feel as though you can hardly contain yourself
ICE CREAM: Bryer's Chocolate Chip
VACATION PLACE: I dunno, I haven't gone on vacation in a long time.
MUSIC: I like all sorts of things
STORE: thrift store
DAY OF THE YEAR: i like many days
MONTH: December....that month kicked ass for me. So many good things happened to me in December
SEASON: Fall
HOLIDAY: Christmas
SPORTS: ha!
PLANET: Earth?
RADIO STATION: not much of a radio person...that's probably because I walk everwhere
NUMBER: 14
SODA: Dr. Pepper
Perfume: don't wear it
GUM: i don't like gum
WEATHER: nice weather
ACTORS: i dunno
ACTRESSES: i dunno
CEREAL: Lucky Charms

---Which is better?---

HUGGING OR KISSING: BOTH!
MUD WRESTLING OR JELLO WRESTLING: jello...you can eat jello

WHITE MILK OR CHOCOLATE MILK: chocolate mmmmmm
DEAFNESS OR BLINDNESS: neither

BLONDES OR BRUNETTES: "Red heads never get credit...." -Tia. That's so true

SANDALS OR SHOES: shoes
ORANGES OR LEMONS: oranges
DOLPHINS OR HORSES: horses
PEPSI OR COKE: coke
CD OR TAPE: cd
LEONARDO DiCAPRIO OR FREDDIE PRINZE JR.: ehh i don't know
LOVE OR LOPEZ?: love? i suppose
BEVERLY HILLS 90210 OR DAWSON'S CREEK: I've only seen Dawson's Creek
7TH HEAVEN OR PARTY OF FIVE: I've only seen 7th Heaven
DIET PEPSI OR PEPSI ONE: gag!
CHOCOLATES OR FLOWERS: Both...and then come the hugs and kisses! That's always nice...never happens to me but it's nice.
RAIN, SUN OR SNOW: all of them

PEN OR PENCIL: depends
DARK OR LIGHT: depends
ROSE OR LILY: roses
SKITTLES OR M&MS: m&ms
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: chocolate
BLACK OR WHITE: i like both

---Friends? ---
BEST: you know...i don't know
FUNNIEST: i have a lot of funny friends
SMARTEST: i don't have a lot of smart friends...sorry friends. Okay, that's a lie. Honestly I don't know
CRAZIEST: okay...all of my friends are crazy
MOST STYLISH: Kayla

FLIRTIEST: Darshena
QUIETEST: I would have to say Sam
LOUDEST: probably Melissa...that's why i love her

SWEETEST: all my friends are sweet.
WEIRDEST: all my friends are weird

BLONDEST: kayla...only blone
OUTGOING: Jeremy
DULLEST: none
ONE WHO HANGS OUT WITH YOU THE MOST: Melissa
ONE WITH THE BEST SMILE: Brent
ONE WHO LIVES THE FARTHEST: Becky and LuckyP (I'm sorry, I've just realized that I don't know your name.)
WHO LIVES THE CLOSEST: to my paretns...probably Melissa. In Carrollton...Alyssa. She lives in my room

WHO YOU KNOW THE BEST: Probably Melissa

WHO YOU'VE KNOWN LONGEST: Scott
YOU GET ALONG WITH BEST: Melissa


---Love---
BOYFRIEND: none...awww
GIRLFRIEND: none in a romantic way
Believe in love? of course!
CHILDREN?: of course
WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH?: Reed Newman in the first grade
CURRENT CRUSH: nobody...ha ha ha

BEEN IN LOVE?: i would say yeah
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yes
BEEN OUT WITH SOMEONE: nope actually. nothing i would consider a date...the guy might have considered it a date...but not me.

TOO SHY?: perhaps
BEEN HURT?: hell yeah

HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND MEANT IT?: i have
CHEATED ON SOMEONE: nope

YOUR GREATEST REGRET: don't think i have any
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: no
HAD/HAVE AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP: no

WHAT WOULD YOUR DREAM DATE BE LIKE?: rock concert...with a rockstar...because I plan on marrying one.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED OVER A GUY OR A GIRL?: Man, it's been a long time. I almost cried over something in December...but I don't think I ever did.
WHAT'S SOMETHING YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/CRUSH DOES THAT SENDS THAT BOLT OF ELECTRICITY THROUGH YOU?: many many things....ohh wait. I don't have any of those.

---Random---
ROLLERCOASTERS -DEADLY OR EXCITING?: they make me throw up and a throw up Bekie is never a fun Bekie
WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED AND IMPORTANT POSSESSION?: probably Miranon
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU: think "shut up alarm clock shut up!"
YOUR MOUSE PAD HAS ON IT: i have a labtop
WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Pictures from Jillian's and random pictures that friends have drawn
WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?: big baggy shirt and pj pants
THINKING OF RIGHT NOW: going home tomorrow weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
WHAT DO YOU DO THAT REALLY PISSES OFF YOUR FRIENDS: I would have to say being a chicken
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: not yet

YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: A cd I made on tuesday
AFTER SCHOOL/WORK YOU: take naps and make phone calls

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: i dunno. I would be a multicolored crayon. Oh! how cool would that be?!?!??!
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Awesome friends!
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: I'm poor
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GOOD FRIENDS TO BE?: I think all of my friends are good friends
WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT?: One that goes VROOM!

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE?: not really
DO YOU HAVE A CD BURNER?: yup i do
WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY?: Went to class and then I ate at McDonalds with Emily, and Daniel. This other girl was there but I've forgotten her name. Then Emily and I walked back to the dorms and chatted
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?: Went to class, came back to the dorm room and talked to Melissa and Sam on the phone and then went to the band concert
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS?: watch the Sunday Night Sex show or Talk Sex...whichever comes on tonight


---When/what was the last...---
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: The Ellen Show
YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
TIME YOU WERE GROUNDED: Ohhh...before college I suppose
WORDS YOU SAID: "What's our mascot?" to Alyssa
WORDS YOU TYPED: Alyssa
PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED: Melissa's cell
PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Sam
THING YOU ATE: poptart
THING YOU DRANK: coke
SONG: "Come On" by Ben Jelen
PERSON YOU SAW: Alyssa
PERSON YOU HUGGED: Alyssa ( actually I couldn't remember so I walked across the room and hugged her)

PERSON YOU KISSED: ohhh...okay, so I'm not gonna get up and walk across the room for that. I dunno

PERSON WHO SENT AN IM: Bryan
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER: Melissa!
YOU GOT E-MAIL: Charlene
YOU CRIED: Last Sunday



): ->> BODY ILLS AND SKILLS
Nervous Habits: bitting the inside of my mouth
Can you roll your tongue? sure can
Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?: no
Can you blow spit bubbles?: pshhh, who can't??

Can you cross your eyes?: yup
Do you make your bed daily?: i never make my bed


->> CLOTHES
Which shoe goes on first?: just depends
Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: sure have!
how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet?: that depends on how much money i have
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: 4 rings, 14 braclets, 1 watch, 1 necklace, and earrings

->> FOOD
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: twirl

Have you ever eaten Spam?: no
How many cereals in your cabinet?: two
How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day
How often do you bathe? i take showers
How long does your shower last?: long time
Hair drying method: I dry it in layers...i have a lot of hair
Do you paint your nails?: sure do

->> MANNERS
Do you swear?: no fucking way
Do you ever spit?: not really

->> WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
Day: Fridays and Saturdays
Cartoon: The Simpsons
Shoe brand: Converses
Thing to do in the summer: sleep

:->> IN AND AROUND
Ever taken a cab?: nope...but i have to do that before i die. It's on my list
Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors?: not regularly but occasionaly
What color is your bedroom?: white

Do you use an alarm clock?: yes. damn alarm clock

->> LA LA LAND
What's your sleeping position?: I curl up into a little ball
Do you snore?: Sometimes when I'm sick
Do you sleepwalk? not that i know of
Do you talk in your sleep? i have before

Do you sleep with a stuffed animals?: they're somewhere in the bed with me
How about with the light on? nope
sleep with the TV or radio on?: nope




->> WHICH IS BETTER
Oranges or apples?: apples

One pillow or two?: two at least
Pools or hot tubs?: hot tub
Beach or pool?: both
Snooze button or jump out of bed?: snooze
Sunrise or sunset: depends
Tall or short? short
Tv or radio? tv

> WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
Took a shower?: last night

Cried?: Last sunday....i've already answered this question once

Talked on the phone?: today
Read a book?: February...I'm so ashamed
Punched someone?: can't remember



well, that took an insainly long time.

love me


:: 2004 14 April :: 10.39 pm
:: Mood: crazy

You won't believe what I did

Ultimate Sign of Bekie's Stress Level:

So I'm on the phone with Melissa monday night...just filling her in on my day and such. I figured I should check and see when my paper was due for English. I had to turn two in at one time and I wanted to kinda get an early start. So I pulled out my handy dandy schedule and see that both papers are due in no less than ten hours. I had to read it like 17 times before it finally sunk in that I was in deep shit. Melissa asked if I wanted her to let me go but I made her stay because I was afraid of having a panic attack or somthing like that. I kept my clam and Melissa helped me map out my papers. I just kept telling myself "Okay, it's 10:30 now and you have two papers due at 8 in the morning tomorrow. You can do this." The most brilliant part was, I finished both of those bad boys in less time than it usually takes me to do one. I was so proud. Tired...and proud.

I just thought that was a kick ass story and everyone should hear about it.

Things are pretty cool again. I've got everything pretty much on track. It feels really good to just get all this stuff out of the way and know that I'm that much closer to finishing the semester and going home. I really can't wait. I love being at home. I love everyone at home. I miss home.

But I love a lot of people in Carrollton too. Yay for some super cool Carrollton people!

I'm eating at McDonalds tonight. For some reason that excites me.

Pshh, I'm such a geek!

Things for Bekie to do before the end of the semester:

Recital Hour

Composition Project for Music Theory

Register for classes next semester (doing that today)

Vocal Jury

Pass all my finals with flying colors



bring it on...i'm ready

love me


:: 2004 13 April :: 1.18 am

I was holding on, now Iím letting go
This is nothing more than a picture show
Everything I knew now I hardly know
Busy keeping less never getting more

One more nickel dime Iím out the door
This kind of life I canít afford

I want to believe
Thereís something to believe
I would live only
Just to believe
Oh, Iíd love to believe
Itís not only me thatís longing
Only just to believe
ĎCause I want to believe
I want to believe

Canít put my mind at ease with the words I say
Trying to get myself to get out of my way
Birds in the trees just make me depressed
Seeing sunny skies, feeling emptiness

Layers of lies just seem to fold
This kind of life is all I know

I want to believe
Thereís something to believe
I would live only
Just to believe
Oh, Iíd love to believe
Itís not only me thatís longing
Only just to believe
ĎCause I want to believe
I want to believe

Murder wears a friendly smile
Like the perfect end in a plastic vial
No pain
Sorry I canít seem to stay
But this bird was meant to fly away
Fly away, fly away

Layers of lies just seem to fold
This kind of life is all I know

I want to believe
Thereís something to believe
I would live only
Just to believe
Oh, Iíd love to believe
Itís not only me thatís longing
Only just to believe
ĎCause I want to believe
I want to believe

I will believe
Iíd love to believe
I can believe in something
I will believe
Iíd love to believe
I canít believe in nothing

love me


:: 2004 12 April :: 3.32 pm
:: Mood: stressed

I Hate School

My Daddy and I got into a big fight over the phone yesterday. It sucked. I cried all afternoon long.

I started crying at Jillian's because I didn't want to go back to Carrollton...and then I cried in the car all the way back to Carrollton.

I mean I love some of the people I've met. I mean I really really do love them and we have good times when we're all together, but I can't imagin living here. Right now I'm so fucking stressed out with school. I just want it to end. I want it to all be over so I can go back home and never ever come back here again.

I tried to tell Daddy that but he didn't seem to understand.

I miss Meliss, Nick, Sam, and Brent too.

I miss them all.

I want to go home.


love me


:: 2004 11 April :: 3.31 pm
:: Mood: cheerful

I feel like dancing today.

Yesterday I stayed in and slept. I felt all popular becase Scott and Melissa called me wanting to do stuff...but I was sick and icky so I stayed in bed.

I called Melissa this morning and told her that I simply had to get out. We didn't actually go anywhere until like 6:30. We went to Gwinnett place mall so Melissa could buy Easter clothes. That mall has become so ghetto...it makes me frown. But in the end it was okay, because I bought some dippin' dots which where so kick ass.

After the shopping we left for Jillian's. Nick got his job back there so we sat with him. Melissa and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom having secret Bekie and Melissa chats. We then went out and found poor Brent who was in the game room. He made a comment about me getting with this guy I don't like so I had to go back into the bathroom and cry. Not a big cry, just a little cry. Then we went back out and found Brent and I hit him and said "You made me cry" and then he was like "I was just kidding...I'm sorry." Melissa and I then realized that Sam had been all by his lonesome at the table for like 20 minutes so we returned to him. We were gonna see a movie, but Sam had to get home so we drove around and bought coffee instead. I love French Vanilla Coffee.

You know what I've discovered, Brent is like the only guy I know who has that super cool hug pick up thing mastered. When I told him I was feelin' kinda crappy he gave me one (because they always make me feel better) and he managed to avoid my tattoo, which is still kinda sore. Later that night Sam also gave me a hug like this. Sam sometimes does it right, but this time he hit me right it the tattoo and I screamed. It was okay though...he didn't mean to. So the point is, Brent should give classes on how to hug Bekie correctly.

My daddy's kinda pissed about the whole tattoo thing. Yeah I told him...I always go for 'honesty is the best policy' with Daddy.

I still love my tattoo

Jeremy took a picture of it. I'm gonna post it on here as soon as I get my lab top back.

love me

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