14outtanone
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2008 1 September :: 1.30am
:: Mood: cranky
Beauty never sang about friendship.
Okay, so since when does "Shack up" mean sleeping with? Last time I checked it meant living with. In fact, that's how it was explained to me by everyone but Crystal. So here's a clear up thing for you idiots:
I'm moving in with Dustin and Jon pretty soon, but I'm having issues with the Dustin part. Hopefully it'll be okay regardless. I'm doing this because Jon is being ultra awesome to me, and is treating me like a little princess and I'm fairly sure that as long as I stay with Jon, I can deal with my Dustin issues. Point blank.
I'm tired of like... everyone being such a bitch about this. If I'm happy and if Jon's happy, and as long as I'm not pushing this on people, my friends who love me should accept me and my happiness. I'm tired of people saying "As long as you're happy I'll support you!" and then telling me my relationship is dirty. Seriously.
Crystal gets it, and with ease. She understands that I'm happy and that's the important part. Now I just have to get the 30 other people cursing my relationship to get it.
Nee
1 audible grin |
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14outtanone
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2008 31 August :: 10.13pm
:: Mood: crushed
No goodbyes.
I'm back at my mom's now. It's strange. I wish things had happened differently at the end of the everything.... but that's life I guess.
Anyway, I'm ultra cranky right now, so I'm going to cut this post short.
~Nee
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14outtanone
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2008 22 August :: 6.36am
:: Mood: cranky
Somewhere in the middle of town.
I haven't spent a night in my own bed since Saturday night. I've been everywhere, and I've been insulted for reasons that I can sue for. I've blown up at people I'm about to spend a long time with. I hate the person that I'm going to shack up with, but it has to be okay because someone I love is going to be there too. I've cried for no reason and laughed at myself several times. I've wondered about sunburns and the future, all while denying food and hoping to whatever god is in style this year that I can come up forom this tailspin.
I need to improve my life, but I wonder if this is the way to do it? I guess it's going to have to do for now. I hate the way I feel right now. I hate wanting to be troublesome.
Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 18 August :: 10.33pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Everybody loves Ray?!
Respect, or not?
Just back from Crystal's house/new fandi meeting. It was eventful and not at the same time. I'm kinda tired now, but now really. I think it's a heat thing.
87 degrees F is NOT okay at 8:30 in the morning. NOT OKAY.
Fuck you, global warming.
I've been trying to get ahold of Jon for awhile... I want to talk to him about important couple things, but he's not picking up. I assume he's asleep, with makes me emo. I want to get some things in the open. Hate to do it on the phone, but not really another option at this point...
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 17 August :: 11.32am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Der Exorsixt" by E Nomine
I hate being attractive.
I cried alot last night.
I wonder if I'm the only person who thinks the way I do? I hope not, it's very discomforting to believe one thing, and be totally offended by it while I'm being told that it's not a big deal by the man I love, and continue to love.
I moved my rings to different fingers while I was upset. That's how upset I really was. It probably wasn't fair, but it happened. I'm not sorry about that bit either.
They got moved back after talking for awhile, so it should be okay.
~Nee
PS: Crystalland trip soon.
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14outtanone
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2008 15 August :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: Teevee
Bringing uo the beat down.
I've been wanting to change my woohu for awhile. I don't know if I should... I mean... I really want to keep all of these memories... but still I also want to put them away and just... yanno... be done with them. I guess what I want to say is that I might want to let it go and not go back.
I got on the birth control patch today. Friday is my offical patch day, it's all very exciting. Children are just so not for me. <3
Still totally devestated about Jon moving out. I feel so disconnected from him now... sigh. That's life I guess.
Shoova is finally coming back to Boise next month. I'm like... so beyond excited about that. I haven't seen him in years. <3 <3 <3!
C asked me if it was going to be akward, consitering that I was like... head over heels for him back then. I told her what I told the last person to ask me about it: Nope. Shoova has Moro and I have Jon. We love the people that we're with, and there would be no reason for us to bring up past feelings. We are just plain friends now. Which is more than enough for both of us. <3
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 13 August :: 1.29am
:: Mood: crushed
Fuck.
Ew. Jon and I are back to living apart. This sucks. I hate that I was so cranky with him the past few days.
I hate that I can't sleep next to him anymore.
This sucks.
~Nee
The One Acid Trip That Got Hugh Hefner Where He Is in Life
College guy #1: So then I was like: "Whoa, that's a giant fucking bunny."
College guy #2: Dude, are you high?
College guy #1: ...yeah
College guy #2: Wanna go to the zoo?
College guy #1: Do they have bunnies?
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Angel
via Overheard in New York, Aug 12, 2008
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14outtanone
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2008 4 August :: 1.56pm
:: Mood: exhausted
Home is where you can sleep in peace. Good thing I can sleep under desks!
Just got back from Fandemonium. It was... - waves hands and searches for words to describe it all -
...Priceless.
There were amazing people, friends I didn't know were so close, and people that respected me. Honest to fucking god... respected me. There were annoying people, and assholes, and a really disgusting two hours I'll never got back... but it was my home. For three days I was was finally fully home.
Now though, I'm home for real, in the arms of my wonderful Jon and his beautiful smell and feel. The way he wakes my up with kisses on my shoulders and the warmth he makes up for in bed. The way he curls up with me to sleep, no matter how much he wants to stay up for the rest of the night, the way I feel when I smile and know he's there for me.
After this weekend, I'm tired and exausted, and sore. Through all that, I'm happy though, and content with myself. The restlessness I felt before... it's there... but the beast has calmed itself and curl away to sleep for awhile. That makes me happy too.
Ahhh, happy.
~Nee
PS: Happy Clam On A Pancake.
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14outtanone
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2008 27 July :: 12.07pm
:: Mood: crushed
Oh rainy day, come this way...
We didn't end up going to goddessfest. I was/am really disappointed.
/sigh
So much for improving my life, huh?
In other news Fandemonium is comming too fast. Way too fast. I'm pretty sure that the one thing that I wanted to get done ISN'T going to get done because the person with the information is not sending me said information.
Oh well, at least I can't take the blame is it's wacky.
I will anyway. Customer service is like that.
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 25 July :: 7.30am
:: Mood: content
Mana Potions and Eggs.
Jon says I have a fever. I think it's just love. :D
Jon and I are going to GoddessFest tomarrow. I'm excited and nervous about it... there could be so many explosions tomarrow. So many people I didn't want to have to see out of the corner of my eye... I think that I'm so scared of being in my past that it's effecting my now. That's the biggest problem of all. I'm not that girl, or even if I am I'm a new evolution of whatever I wanted back then.
I hope that ring vedor is there again this year. I think that buying another of those rings will be a fine tradition for me. Not anyone or thing that I was doing at this time, just for me.
I wear the necklace I think. No...no I shouldn't.... honestly I should just give it away. I want to wear it because I got it last year at goddessfest, but it makes me think of him.
Beau.
He's not important to me. He never will be again. I want that necklace to mean that to me...the lack of anger and hate.
I just can't wash it clean.
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 21 July :: 9.51am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: "In the Sky" Grandia 3 Opening
How long until the next problem?
Not even two days later, Asher also died. We aren't sure what happened exactly. One minute I'm playing with him, the next I'm told that he's dead. It wasn't even two hours later. He had been acting odd, but we just figured he was lonely, I was going to Zamzoes today to buy him a new friend... now I'm very reluctant to get another pet for awhile... I'm worried that it's something I did wrong. Everyone assures me that I took good care of them, and Jon even took some of the feedings and such when I was sleeping. It's all very random.
Either way, I think I need a pet abit more social and cuddly. Perhaps I can adopt one of Kelsey's cats sooner or later. I like them, even if I'm not much of a cat person.
Jon started work today. I'm kinda lonely in the house at the moment so I might walk over and bother him later. Yes. I will go see him. I will not let myself fall into depression. /determind
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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oceanchild
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2008 20 July :: 10.13am
:: Music: Music from "Rurouni Kenshin"
Have I really not updated since April? For shame.
Things are better now than they apparently were then. I've almost finished my last semester in Berlin -- classes have stopped meeting but I still have two final papers to write and grades to collect before my academic obligations are taken care of for good. It's starting to dawn on me how little time I really have left in Germany, and it's somewhat bittersweet. On the one hand I'm looking forward to getting home -- I've never been this far or away this long before. On the other hand, my friends are already starting to dissipate and scatter, and while I hope that I'll see them again, given their far-flung origins and the weakness of the US dollar, there's really no guarantee. A couple of them sound interested in someday coming to California, which makes me happy.
Speaking of California, I discovered yesterday that it was on my birthday in 1848 that Mexico sold California (among a few other desert states) to the USA. What an auspicious day of birth I have.
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14outtanone
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2008 18 July :: 11.15pm
Kale died tonight.
I'm kinda in shock.
It was a heartattack.
-Nee
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14outtanone
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2008 13 July :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: bored
Even with a pillow I can't get any rest.
I'm tired of pills.
I'm tired of phonecalls.
I'm tired of oily skin.
I'm tired of sarcasim.
I'm tired of not trusting.
I'm tired of holding onto the past.
I'm tired of forgetting I did it too.
I'm tired of marriage.
I'm tired of loving too much.
I'm tired of queesyness.
I'm tired of makeup.
I'm tired of working.
I'm tired of not working.
I'm tired of being tired.
~Nee
1 audible grin |
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 7 July :: 3.10pm
:: Mood: dorky
Nope. I can't see you now.
SO hay kidoz. Jon's back, so I won't be around much. Like I wasn't around the past few days while he's been distracting me. <3
I loves him.
Yus I dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
- belly flop -
~Nee
1 audible grin |
Laugh for me.
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