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2008 24 November :: 2.16 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Hannah Montana
Cold Autumn.
Clarity is something we all wish for. Clarity helps us to see the fact and truth of a situation. Clarity washes away the doubt. The doubt of yesterday, doubt of today, and the doubt of tomorrow.
Rose colored glasses make us blind. They make all which was once true to be clouded by love. The blindness of love makes us stupid. It makes us see through someone's faults... faults which could ruin a relationship. To look past what we see as deceitful or dishonest. Lies make love nothing.
Honesty makes love worth having. Honesty keeps the justice of love real and true. Without honesty, without trust, a relationship will wither and become hell for all involved. When someone loves someone else, they want the other person to be happy... not themselves. So lies begin when the truth is too hard or difficult to bare.
But love is supposed to be hard. Life is supposed to be difficult. Other wise, it would not be worth having. If we don't work to sustain love and romance and heart, it dies. And all we once had is gone and emptiness is the only thing left. Emptiness and loneliness and hate is death to the soul. It breeds pain and agony.
I don't want to hurt anymore. I want to be able to trust him. I want to be positive about our love. I want to be confident with myself. I hate feeling this way.
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2008 22 November :: 9.55 pm
I just
wanna die.
so weak and powerless.... over you.
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::
2008 13 November :: 5.54 pm
:: Mood: headache
I hate.
Feeling like people are talking about you behind your back.
I hate.
Caring when other people don't.
I hate.
Bitches who create pain.
I love.
Ryan.
I have been asked several times why I love Ryan. I've always known the reason I just never was able to put it into words until it was quite obvious. I love Ryan because he has a genuinely kind heart. One of the most rare things in the world. He's so special, especially to me.
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2008 12 November :: 7.54 am
Don't tell Lauren.
Trust? Haha. What's that?
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2008 20 October :: 8.24 am
What about now?
Now what do I do.
I hate school...
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2008 15 October :: 7.05 am
Lies, lies, lies
Friends suck.
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2008 13 October :: 5.19 pm
Everyone...
Is so passionate.
I forget what that used to be like.
I admit that I miss crying. I miss being in pain. I miss being blissfully out of reality. I'm so out of touch with everything here. I'm so focused on school...
...that all my friends seem to have forgotten me. And I've forgotten how good I feel when they're around.
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::
2008 2 October :: 9.50 am
There is a nasty smoker beside me and I'm gagging from the smell so I'll make this short.
I got a 3.9 on my paper I thought was worth 0.0. I'm so proud of myself I could burst out right now.
I love having intimate discussions about people and the universe and religion. Come talk to me. I<3You.
Oh, and Amelia, I wish I could take all your pain away. I love you dear friend.
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::
2008 2 October :: 9.50 am
There is a nasty smoker beside me and I'm gagging from the smell so I'll make this short.
I got a 3.9 on my paper I thought was worth 0.0. I'm so proud of myself I could burst out right now.
I love having intimate discussions about people and the universe and religion. Come talk to me. I<3You.
Oh, and Amelia, I wish I could take all your pain away. I love you dear friend.
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::
2008 21 August :: 11.00 pm
...
Honestly, I often feel awful when everyone pokes fun at how old John McCain is.
He's had so many health problems and still hasn't achieved his dream.
And he is old, it's true. But when people know they're close to death, and haven't lived their life to the fullest, obviously it's going to make them feel terrible.
I don't wanna die
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