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goodbye

:: 2024 8 March :: 1.26pm

It is very challenging to navigate everyone else's feelings and to never have space for my own.

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goodbye

:: 2024 2 February :: 7.53pm

https://open.spotify.com/track/0RaKyRM7LYokdZdrfxnyHe?si=tL_MAv7AQlmd9KUIw5J2BA

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goodbye

:: 2024 24 January :: 12.18am
:: Mood: Sick to my stomach

I can't do this anymore. I can't be such an afterthought. I can't mean so little to the person who I should mean the most to. I don't understand your continued mistreatment amd disregard for me. I can't continue to justify this with your past trauma. You've had so many chances to correct it. A second trip to Japan where I'm not included after the damage it did last time; you continue to make choices that don't reflect any love for me. I'm heartbroken and you can't take it back. And I can't ignore it anymore. And as much as you have tried to make me believe otherwise over the years, I know, deep inside my soul that            I deserve better than this.

I just don't know why I should keep on forgiving this stuff when the most minimal amount of foresight would have prevented it from happening.

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goodbye

:: 2023 4 December :: 9.32pm

You are literally killing me. I have heart pains from this. This is completely unsustainable. It's impossible being in this, with you. It doesn't matter if I enjoy your company when things are good or if I love you deeply, it is causing my limited time on this earth to be all the more limited due to the incredible stress you put me through every other day.

I can't do this anymore.

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goodbye

:: 2023 6 May :: 5.21pm

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poisonedheart

:: 2022 4 September :: 7.00am

I've got my training to become a UPS driver this week, feel like my brain is going to explode trying to memorize all the information they're going to drill me on, but I'm so excited to finally start the career I've wanted since I was a kid.

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goodbye

:: 2020 11 December :: 10.36pm

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goodbye

:: 2020 28 August :: 8.17pm

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gideon

:: 2020 25 February :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: blah

Nobody ever asks me if I want to do anything, it’s always me asking others.

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goodbye

:: 2019 29 June :: 1.17pm

Why does no one want to marry me? Am I not good enough for it?

I shouldn't even be asking myself that question. I know I'm not good enough to be someone's wife. The men that I've been with have indicated that. The first, obviously. The second, pretty much there.

I have grown up in a society that has told me that that's all I'm good for. I've learned that I'm not even good enough for that. The little I must amount to...

I could settle and marry someone I don't love. I could be Cath. When will this flame of hope finally die inside me so that I can stop moving forward and resign to my fate to never get what I want in life? I hope it dies soon so that I can too.

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