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poisonedheart

:: 2017 16 June :: 11.54pm


When something I hold dear is out to hurt me
I kick that feeble dream and whisper something like a prayer

No more shame, no more fear, no more dread

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poisonedheart

:: 2017 9 May :: 8.40am



When I was a kid
My whole reality split
I was living a lie
I was a killing machine
I was a war lord
When I closed my eyes

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop

When I was a kid
I was a total dick
To inanimate objects
The world beat the hell from me
I took it out on a tree
Great Illustrated Classics

I took it out on a fig tree
Out on the lawn
I took it out in the backyard (backyard!)
And behind Rite Aid
I took it out on the crates
And on the shopping carts

We were on another plane
I was the king of pain
In unspeakable cruelty
I set the mommy on fire
I set the baby on fire
Not even Jesus could stop me

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop
Stop, stop

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poisonedheart

:: 2017 25 April :: 1.09am

So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection
Of a coward you and I both hate very much

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goodbye

:: 2016 9 December :: 8.55am

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goodbye

:: 2016 8 December :: 6.20pm

It takes people time to learn what's right and wrong, to learn how to be a better person. For some, it takes longer than it does for others. That's what life is. It's a journey. It's you, being put in tons of different types of situations so you can grow and improve and change.

I'm resolving to accept this process. For most of my life I've heald a grudge. A grudge against this person or that person. A grudge against those who I perceived to have slighted me. A grudge against my past, my future, the whole world - the world that wronged me. I am ready to shake that grudge off. I am ready to let go of that deamon, hate, that has been eating me alive for all this time. I don't want to be angry anymore. I want to be happy. I don't want to harbor so much resentment, mostly for people who don't even think of me. I want to embrace the love I feel every day from those who show it. I want to hold onto the good in the world. I may not be the smartest person or the most beautiful person or the richest person or the best mannered person, but I am a great person. I am a good person. And I definitely have the best family in all the world. I have the best support system I could ever have - with a family willing to help me in any way possible every day and wonderful friends that warm me with their company and smiles and hugs everytime I see them. That is love. I know the truth in that love. I feel excited for the prospect of improving. I feel ready to accept this new, interesting challenge and greet it with a heart full of love. I welcome all the joy and laughter, singing and dancing, friendliness and opportunities this new outlook on life will have.

Quickly as a child I learned to be humble and gracious when accepting my achievements. It has taken me a very long time to feel as though I've accomplished anything. But I have. I have a great living space that I can afford by means of a very cool job at a world-impacting company. I have all the world resting at my feet and I cannot wait to see where it will take me :) i treasure this realization very deeply and hope it carries me to a realm of personal understanding and acceptance.

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goodbye

:: 2016 30 November :: 9.29pm

I'm an adult. And I can blow $1500 on a lappy if I want to.

Fuck yo' couch.

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goodbye

:: 2016 26 November :: 1.33pm

How are you supposed to meet new friends and enjoy new things when all you like to do is sit at home and binge watch Netflix and play old school video games?

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goodbye

:: 2016 21 November :: 7.07pm

God I love my friends. So so much. Kayla and Anna. Julez and Bill and Nathan. Jessica. Lizzie. Celeste. I just feel so blessed to have people in my life who love me and care about how I'm doing and ask me if I'm alright. This week of all weeks I can say how thankful I am for them.

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goodbye

:: 2016 18 November :: 7.22pm

Looking at graduate programs. Everything is so fucking expensive. And difficult to figure out.

I hate being an adult.

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goodbye

:: 2016 15 November :: 1.06am

So I've watched 2 episodes of Black Mirror. It seems to be from a nhialist point of view. Sick as fuck, but it doesn't really matter. Very interesting concept.

It's bringing up alot of negative emotions I had this summer. As did the end of the last series I watched. I don't really understand the point of my existence. Each day is not a new adventure, it's just going through the same motions. I'm stuck in an invisible cage. My human consciousness has made me aware that nothing matters and I'm living to die.

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