I see hate against the different races when we're all truly people.
People see a world of
colors; I see a world of grey...


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[been left out in the cold, just gone]

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:: 2004 11 September :: 9.35 pm

I just remembered.....20 days...

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 11 September :: 9.33 pm

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
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Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 11 September :: 9.25 pm
:: Mood: exhausted

Tired Beyond Tired
I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I want to fall into a deep sleep in which I never wake up. I want to rest in an uninterrupted session of sleep, where only my worldly problems without outside influences comfort in me. I feel as though I'm already dead and that I'm just lingering...drifting away from everybody...anybody..anything...everything...

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 5 September :: 6.10 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Railway Blues composed by meee

I Feel...
I feel old...I have no friends older than me...or at least any I actually talk to still...

I feel like the biggest loser in the world...

I feel dead...and I dunno how to live again...

I feel unwanted...because I'm so boring...

I feel sick...

I feel distant...

I feel cold...

I feel...bleh...

The sun is never going to shed light again because no matter how hard it'll try, it'll never penetrate the dark thick storm clouds... Likewise, I'm afraid I'm forever old, unwanted, sick, and dead...and there's nothing that'll ever change that...

It does make me wonder...why do people younger than me want to actually talk to me...and the rest of the world ignores me... It really does make me wonder. Maybe I relate to people younger than me more than I relate to people of my own age or older. ;_; This is makin' me sad...sad, indeed.

I wanna shoot myself...

Everyone is growing up...and I feel like--like a botanist watching my precious plants grow. Eh... o.O;; [weird analogy] I'm getting all the more older, but I dun feel it...

26 days till my 17th birthday...but I dun think I'm supposed to feel like this. ...This is hopless. I should just stop... Stop breathing...

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 5 September :: 4.56 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Hey, Rollover DJ

I'm delirious...
So, I was just sitting around thinking about doing my school work when I realize...I HAVE NO SCHOOL 2MORO! I have one more day of working on my art. Art, art, art. Yeah...

I was reading some other people's journals...and they are so much more amusing than mine... I wonder why...

I'M BEING DRAWN TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE!! That's...not always good. No, correction...that's not good at all. Dressies...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! People who've never even seen me before say it's hard to imagine me in a dress. I was planning on going last year, but I didn't because 1) I had to work and 2) I didn't have anyone to go with... Of course, who would really want to go with me. I'm all weird and tomboy-ish-like... XD ...

I don't think there's a guy in the world who would ever go with me...let alone want to dance. What will become of me?!?!? Bah...oh well, I guess. I'll have to deal. Gotta find dates for my friends...heheheh.

So, not only is there homecoming...but also prom. *shudders* I KNOW I'm being dragged to that too, most definitely. Wahhh...why me. -_-;; This is turning out to be a weird hopeless rant. Joy...I think I should get some sleep now......


Oh...and the hurricane finally past...sorta......and it's heading north towards Georgia and all those other states...which is weird cuz hurricanes are supposed to weaken when they're on land. o.O;;

But anyway...sleepy-bye...

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 30 August :: 3.48 pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: All the Way Down by ...some person..

I was getting off the bus and crossing the street when this convertible that I know saw me getting off tries to speed off before I finished crossing. That dude slammed his breaks and made this really loud screeching sound that resounded practically a quarter of a mile, I'm sure. I bet everyone on the bus was whoa....

Anyway...MY ENGLISH TEACHER WENT TO THE VMAs LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!! So goddamned lucky... She kept on saying how she was right above Jay-Z and someone else...and she saw Will Smith getting ready on the platform. She actually watched Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliot talk! Not that I like them or anything but still! She mentioned how Aguilera was so animated in her conversation whereas Missy Elliot just stood there. SHE EVEN SHOWED US HER TICKET TO PROVE IT! *sighs* I wish I was her.

Anyway...tired...taking a nap soon. BBL.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 28 August :: 8.52 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Saturday Night Retro Dance Party on the radio

Guys ARE Mean & Assholes
I would like to see someone prove the statement above wrong. I won't believe anything else until proven otherwise. I may be naive, but I believe what I believe. I have yet to meet or to see a guy who actually knows what he's talking about to prove himself right, and not skyrocket his big fat ego. I guess, all this sparked when I was at the nature center volunteering.

Bishop Verot had a freshman retreat thing today and all the guys did nothing for community service BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OF SISSIES! Laurel and I accomplished a lot like catching tadpoles and fish, feeding the mice and turtles, changing water bowls, carrying animal carriers from one place to another, raking the bird of prey cages, etc.

We worked for about 3 hours straight and the guys from BV worked for a grand total of 1 hour...I think. I lost count after I saw them about 15 times taking a break and whatnot and all they had to do was shovel sand and mulch into buckets, put them on a cart, and wheel them to the turtle pen. COME ON! I had to do that with a few guys a couple of weeks ago and we finished a hell of a lot faster than they did.

Oh, and get this... When we were raking the cages, the guys had to pull the grass out of the cage next to us. They kept on asking if they could have gloves and kept on arguing which 3 or so people would pull grass/weeds when everyone was supposed to.

Bleh...I dunno. Little things bother me, I know.

I'll get over it.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 28 August :: 7.39 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: 1985 by Bowling for Soup


In 1987 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US

Wall Street crashes sending the Dow Jones Industrial average down 22.6%

President Reagan and Soviet Leader Gorbachev sign an unprecedented missile reduction agreement

Televangelist Jim Bakker resigns amid accusations of sexual infidelity and financial impropriety

Wall Street financier Ivan Boesky is sentenced to three years in prison in an insider trading scandal

Gary Hart withdraws from the 1988 presidential campaign under accusations of infidelity

The Food and Drug Administration approves anti-AIDS drug AZT

Prozac makes its debut in the US

Bow Wow, Joss Stone, and Hilary Duff are born

Minnesota Twins win the World Series

New York Giants win Superbowl XXI

Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup

Three Men and a Baby is the top grossing film

"Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles spends the most time at the top of the US charts

Full House, Married with Children, and Star Trek: The Next Generation premiere

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

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Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 28 August :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: hyper

So True

You Know You're From Florida When...

You own at least five pairs of flip flops

You know someone who's been struck by lightning

You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators

Your backyard is sometimes a swamp

You're officially sick of Disney

You shrug off hurricane warnings

You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos

There are only two seasons - hot and hotter

You've drank a flaming alligator.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Florida.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

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Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 27 August :: 11.40 pm
:: Mood: whoa
:: Music: Sunday Morning by Maroon 5

Haha! How AMUSING is this!?
I got a 62% on my Gault test! And that's WITH the 22-point curve! XD HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!? I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA FAIL! But, I have a 65 D in there, but who cares! A 62! WOOOOOOO!! Last test I got a 68% with a 18-point curve. *shrugs* I have a D and not an F! FWAHHH!! XD

I got my grade sheet and I yelled out, "YES!" and everyone thought I got the 100%. It was funny. XD

Anyway, the first Anime Club was today. Everyone wants me to do all this stuff. I thought that was amusing...so now I might be running for Vice President of the club. Joy...I have to make up a speech. W00t. Annnnnd, I'm gonna try to draw a design for the anime club T-Shirts...cuz I didn't like the designs much. Eheheh... Hopefully, we're going to a convention this year.

Oh...and look what I found.

Guess who that is, people who live near me. You got it! XD Ain't it funny?

That's it. I'm tired. L8terZ.

1 Failed | Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 26 August :: 10.37 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: She Will Be Loved on the radio...YAY


Woo...I have a test in Gault/US History 2moro and I'm gonna fail because everyone fails. He curves his tests though...which is at least 15 points as of now for almost every class. I'm gonna fail. I'm reading the stupid 20-page chapters...but I keep on falling asleep or something. Bleh. I'm gonna die. This will probably lower my GPA...a lot. And I'm just amused at the fact that I might get pulled out of IB because of that class. I feel like crying.

Ah, I have anime club 2moro. Woo. I dunno if I'm gonna run for a leadership role. Everyone said I should run, but bleh. I'm amused that people actually know me at school. o.O;; Yeah. I'm gonna...go study some more. -_-;; How pathetic. Oh, I just remembered that I have a Spanish quiz 2moro, too. I'm gonna die. X_x L8terZ

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 24 August :: 4.10 pm
:: Mood: everything


Everyone hates me...no wants to talk to me (cept those select few). Leave me alone.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 23 August :: 3.12 pm
:: Mood: tired

First Day Back After Charley...
Hmm...I can finally say "The second one's the keeper." I guess it's a true fact that the first week of school is always going to suck hardcore. No doubt about it. Actually, I think I was really asleep for the whole school day because all we bascially did was talk about the hurricane and how much damaged it caused to the school and the teachers and whatnot.

Lunch, though, is the first time I've ever felt claustrophobic, sociophobic...I don't know what it is but I was freaking out because of all the people walking past me. During lunch, one of my friends' friends grabbed my ass. My gosh, was that a shocker...considering that this person was a girl. Anyway, I feel like a house pet. People like to pet my head...cuz it's so poofy. It's the Azn Girl afro. WOO.

I'm tired...walked home in the rain which was nice. Yeah. I think I'll sleep now.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 22 August :: 6.31 pm
:: Mood: out there

WOO! So much homework in so little time. Actually, I'm supposed to have 20 pages (10 sheets) done in my art book, but I don't...so AHHHHHHH!! And people are attacking me, AHHHHHHHH!! Freak out time. AHHHHHH!! Anyway. Does anyone know where I can get a CD of Aiken without his face anywhere on it. Perhaps, a burned copy? Anyone, anyone?

Ashley got Invisible (that one stalker-ish song) stuck in my head...again! *twitches* I dislike Aiken... Grr... But he has a nice singing voice. I just dislike...him. Yesh. It's like...the way I feel about the band Disturbed. I like their songs...but I don't like them. DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! PEOPLE!~

Anyway...it's not like anyone is actually reading this. Hahahah. So................ Like it would really matter. Everything I say in here eventually gets out, being used as blackmail and such. Blah. Oops. I had my away message up. *clicks "I'm Back" button*

Anyway. Life is boring...as always. It's already ended, because life does start from the end. And...it just goes backwards. Backwards and forever on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

I hate school. School will be the death of me as is everything else. EVERYTHING. I don't think I'll last junior year, just because the teachers are so...so... I can't explain it. They're amusing so they can't be boring. I don't know. They're...distant? Yeah. That's the word. Of course, I've only went to school for 4 days (two class days) before school was closed for the hurricane. Maybe I'll like the teachers later in the year. But, I STILL DON'T LIKE THEM NOW!

Teh...so bored. No one is online except the writers I know on fanfiction.net. I need to associate with people at my school more. The only time I open my mouth in school is pretty much if a teacher addresses me, which is highly unlikely, by the way, because I'm invisible to everyone. *Aiken's voice rings in the background singing Invisible* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Other than that, Bobo called me today. She said we should all get together to have an anime power hour or something of the sort. I'm not much of social freak so I don't know. I don't know if I'll be going to prom either. Or homecoming. Or anything school-related. It's blah. I have no classes with anyone which makes my social ALL the more better *note the sarcasm* Crazy stuff. I think I'm the biggest loser in school. I hope I die leaving that impression on the people who knew me at one point in time.

But, aside from being a loser, I still hope. I, like any other human being, want to talk to people. It looks so easy...but it's hard at the same time. I'm so insecure of what people might think of me. I know it's not important, but it'll always bother me!

Ah...I should start my art book now. Luckily and hopefully, that's the only homework assignment I had to do for tomorrow. I had a nice week off thanks to Charley, but I accomplished nothing. I was supposed to study for a quiz in Spanish, but ya know, didn't feel like it. Too lazy. Laziness will be my downfall. SEE! SEE! EVERYTHING WILL BE MY DOWNFALL! JUST YOU WAIT!

Oh wait...no one will know I'm ever gone. I forgot, I have no social life. It's non-existent, just like my love life.

I'VE BEEN ALONE ALL ALONG! *My Immortal guitar solo blasts in the background* Blastin' out in a great rock song. *plays air guitar* Thank you all and good night!

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 22 August :: 7.54 am
:: Mood: bored

your fuck.

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Attempt Suicide

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