I see hate against the different races when we're all truly people.
People see a world of
colors; I see a world of grey...


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[been left out in the cold, just gone]

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:: 2004 18 August :: 5.09 pm
:: Mood: amused

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!

I AM 60% EMO!
60% EMO
Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 17 August :: 7.50 pm
:: Mood: fine, thank you. and you?

Hurricane Charley made its way here on Friday, and boy was it a day. Hell, I say. HELL! the ceiling started leaking and it eventually collapsed in the kitchen, main hallway, dining room, and one of the bedrooms (my parents'). The pool cage has no screens what so ever...

We all had to clean up the shingles that flew off the next morning. It was spread out all throughout the lawn. And we had to nail tarp on to the southside of the roof because we had no covering there. Yep.

Man, I'm gonna load some pics on my site soon so everyone can see how bad my house was damaged, pretty much because of the age. My house is one of the oldest on the street and when you mix that with not replacing the roof every few years, that's trouble.

Yeah, today, I spent the day cleaning the pool and the yard some more. School is out until further notice; it's out for sure all this week, which really sux because the last day of school will be pushed back to June 1 as opposed to May 26. At least I had my four class days, I guess. Heh.

Jeez, the weather guy over here, Jim Farrell, is such an idiot. He was saying how Hurricane Charley hit in between Charlotte and Lee County...well, he made the most stupoid connection. Charlotte and Lee... Charley It was very corny. That it was.

Well, hoping all my friends are all right, at least the ones I've been trying to get a hold of. Waiting for DJ to come to tease. Nothin more to say here. L8terZ

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 11 August :: 3.27 pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: She Will Be Loved

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
But somehow I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I love that song...and it helps me relax. ^_^ I LOVE IT!

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 9 August :: 9.00 pm
:: Mood: blah

School's In Session Again

So this guy in the hallway walks up to me and asks... "Are you a freshmen..." Grr...I hate being short, but at the same time, it's cool, I guess. There are the ups and downs. Yeah yeah.

I have Spanish 3 with Dubra, Biology 2 with Wheeler, Math Studies with Conover, Jazz Band 2 with Dahlberg, Art A&B with Autry, English 3 with Pinkard, and American History with Gault.

Joy, joy. Today, being a Green Day, I started my day with Dubra. I saw all these people in there and wow, the room was freakishly crowded. I already have a quiz scheduled in that class next Thursday, WOO! So, moving right along...afterwards, I had Conover. He has to be the COOLEST math teacher I'll ever have! He gives, you ready for this...no homework, no tests, no quizzes, and no textbook. How kickass is that?! Yeah, and he knows a lot of gee-whiz facts which I thought was cool. Onto 5th period...Art... Mr. Autry looked somewhat scary, but he's a cool guy. I'm gonna be drawing a lot, so woohoo. And lunch...lunch, lunch, lunch. Boy, was it swarming with freshies or what?! I didn't want to move...at all. Freshies everywhere I turned! AHHHHH! Anyway...After that, I went to Gault. He already gave us homework...a take-home test. Joy joy.

Anyway, that's half my schedule done today... The rest will come 2moro...Joy. L8terZ.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 2 August :: 2.06 am
:: Mood: depressed

2am...8 more days till school. I wish I could kill myself now. I didn't accomplish ANYTHING this summer and the hell with it. I DON'T GIVE A FLIPPING FUCK ANYMORE. *cries* All of my friends are ignoring me. No one ever wants to talk to me...the boring person. I've been ditched countless of times and everytime, it hurts even more. It's horrible...absolutely the worst feeling a person could feel because it lingers for so long.

And then, when school's in session again, everyone will act as if nothing had happened. They'll just go on acting as if they've been talking to me the WHOLE DAMN summer. I want to be damaged beyond repair so that no one will even come near me again.

As of now...I don't want to be here. Here in this house, soon in school, in the city, in the county, in the area...in the fucking state of Florida. I just don't want to be here at all. I want to run away from all of my problems even though it'll all come back to slap me square in the face later.

I just want to get away from:
~My dad who's trying too hard to get my mom to talk to him...
~My mom who I haven't really seen or talked to in about 2 days because she's too busy to be at home...
~My sister who's too selfish to realize that I exist...
~My school friends who want to talk to me, usually at the most inconvenient times...(it was only 4-5 times this summer)
~My Internet friends who I don't even talk to anymore because they probably hate me and blocked me on their buddy lists...
~My neighbors for being lazy-asses...


A lot of these people don't know that everything affects me in some way...

And I know for a fact that no one has realized that this is how I feel, depressed, neglected, alone, ALL THE TIME, regardless of how I act. I try not to show it because I'm the one usually listening... I'm the one trying to give some decent advice.

So where's a person like me supposed to turn to when I need to pour out what's on my mind? A dinky online journal where people don't know who I am and don't understand some of the situations I'm going through. Where people just don't care?

You know...then again, a journal is probably better than half of the people I sometimes talk to. All they do is say something really corny expecting me to feel better. Or there are those "great friends" who exaggerate what's happened to them, making it similar to my situation, and expecting me to feel more about them so I forget about how bad I feel about my situation. Oh, and I can't forget about those "friends" who just say how stupid I am for making such a big-ass deal about something. *sighs*

Heh, I just told someone I'm annoyed with people who whine...and what am I doing now? Whining.

I somehow want everything back to the way it was, when everything wasn't so complicated...so stressful. School is not going to help this time. It did last year, but not this year. I'm not really looking forward to seeing anyone. I'm not looking forward to the assignments. I'm not even looking forward to Jazz Band anymore. What's gotten into me? I feel like I don't even know who i am anymore.

I've went and made myself cry... How pathetic.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 1 August :: 9.29 pm
:: Mood: irritated


Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 30 July :: 11.47 pm
:: Mood: awake

Volunteer story is somewhere else...instead...here.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 28 July :: 11.26 pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Journey to Zanarkand

Today was my official day of volunteering at the Calusa Nature Center. They thought it was weird for me to start in the middle of week.

Anyway, my day started out with helping Melanie feed the animals at the nature center. I got the food and water bowls of the Box Turtles. That was a real challenge because one of the turtles' cages was on top of the other and it was taller than me. Melanie cleaned all thoe bowls and showed me what to put in the turtle's bowls. I helped by putting a little bit of dog food in their bowls for protein.

I got to feed the bird of preys! It was just throwing chunks of raw chicken into they're cages.

This guy and I, afterwards, cleaned up the snake cages, picking up their waste and their shed skin. I cleaned out the Gopher tortoise's water bowl. I thought it was way better than cleaning the litter box at home.

Then, Melanie took me to the balcony where four turtles were being treated from shell rot. The turtles looked fine to me when Melanie brought up the scratch-like markings on the turtle's shell. With the first turtle, she demonstrated what I was to do. And then, I followed. I first, brushed the turtles' shells with a solution that's supposed to help them with their shell problem. After that, Melanie put some cream on the places where the shell rot was. Spraying some iodine on the shell, I rubbed the iodine all over the shell, top and bottom and put them back inside their cage. I learned that turtles with shell rot must stay out of water or they'll rot even more.

I had lunch in the breakroom with Melanie's permission. Amy and Brittany came to have lunch, too. We discussed the school system and how screwed up it is. Yeah...

So, then, we took some crickets and mealworms into Danika's office and stayed there for a while.

I met up with Amy and then was assigned to draw and paint a large target for Saturday's summer bash. This was fun because this kid and I painted with only two paint brushes with four different colors so we had to wash it each time. This grew into a large problem when one of the colors we were using was an oil-base. As everyone knows, oil-base paint does not wash off. Well, we did just that. The kid was complaining about how the paint wouldn't come off his hands, so I went over and tried to wash his brush, but then I couldn't get the paint off. We had blue hands for quite some time until we got a hold of some paint thinner.

As the day ended, I watched Melanie and Amy do some live animal presentations and then hung out with the other Jr. Nats. It was fun. Throughout today, I got 6 hours of volunteer hours.

My dad came to pick me up...with bad news. A good family friend of ours died today. She had an almost 9-hour surgery yesterday and her heart sorta gave up. The doctors said that she had a heart attack sometime during her comatose state. I wasn't there, but my mom was there when her blood pressure nose-dived. I'm sad...

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 24 July :: 7.23 pm
:: Mood: relaxed

I have so much homework to do...and all this other shit...BUT I FEEL SO RELAXED! School starts in 16 days and couting down. I'm not happy about that. Nope. NOT AT ALL!!! Feh. I hate school, with a passtion. Worst thing created on the face of this earth. Indeed.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 18 July :: 2.05 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: No More Words

I am so tired beyond reason. Working, working, and...working. BLAH! Oh, and camp. Hahahahah. I'll have to do a whole entry just dedicated to camp. That'd be fun because camp was a hoot! Yeah. Everyone's tired right now. My mom said, and I quote, "Cantelopes are too complicated to eat. Maybe I'll have some ice cream instead." Yep. Anyway, sleepy. G'night.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 10 July :: 4.45 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Every Heart

This person and I were passing notes to each other cuz we weren't allowed to talk. I betcha you can guess you it is.

S: I have to go to work at 5

Anon: haha
stop laughing ok dumbass!


Anon: *gasp*

S: *burp*

it’s the choo-choo train song!!!! LOL

S: *twitch twitch*

Anon: what?

S: schmee

Anon: what "I am" is the choo-choo train song

S: Look at the dick!! watch

Anon: it didn’t fart stupido!!!
I’m about 2!!!! LOL

S: I don’t get you….


S: I didn’t fart… o.ô;;
nope…I didn’t dude…. - -;;

Anon: RIGHT!!!!

S: o.o;; uh-huh..right…I think you did it

Anon: I DID NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh * bored………
I love this song (^ ^)

S: (*-*) stop smelling me…!! are you crazy… o_O

Anon: O_O I was smelling u cause I was……


Anon: is that suppose 2 b a good thing?

S: I dunno…it could go either way cuz there r ppl crazier than me and u combined…feh…blah blah blah… ^_~

Anon: EWWWWW!! U winked @ ME!!!!! X(

S: >_< BLAH! screwy person …………..

Anon: I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!! ^-^
>^..^< “NYA”

S: mmm….i have 2 go 2 the bathroom…brb *prances away*

Anon: U didn’t have 2 tell me!!!
and u didn’t prance away!!!

S: schmaa schmaa….ahhhhhhhh ~_~ that felt good

Anon: 8| NASTY!!!!
y did u acted like a ghost b4 u went 2 the bathroom ?

S: to freaky you out just as I did when I told you it felt good…ahhhhhh..yeah…hahahahahhahah…therefore…. I LOSE

Anon: HAHAHAH I changed ur message “thingy”

S: HEY!!!! stop pulling me down…….and I still WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN!!!!!! v ¬_¬;; durrrr..

Anon: I don’t care if u win it’s not like were playing a game and anyway u ALAWAYS PULL ME DOWN WHEN U TRY 2 read the message thing

S: It wasn’t the wall…it was the closet…derrrrrrr…..ó_ò but it hurt…owie

Anon: same difference and anyways that’s ur fault !!!
exuse me I farted!!!

S: x_X bahhhhhhhhhhhh… T-T I hate you…..now my room smells….

Anon: what can u smell it?
it’s only the chair that smells

S: Durrrrrrrrr… XD hahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaah - -;;

Anon: I didn’t know OK!!!!! - -;;

S: anyway..i have to finish my story so get out of the chair

Anon: u_u do I have 2?

S: SCHMEE..yeah….so get out of the damn chair

Anon: T-T ur MEAN!!!!! * rambles off *
comes back * GIVE ME MY CD FIRST!!!!! is that a hippo?

S: -____-;; yeah it is a hippo telling you to get and then you get your cd back..

1 Failed | Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 9 July :: 9.02 pm
:: Mood: calm

[ series 1 ]
Birthday:October 2, 1987
Birthplace:Cape "Coma"
Current Location:Cape "Coma"
Eye Color:dark dark dark dark brown
Hair Color:dark dark dark dark brown
Righty or Lefty:lefty...sinistral schizo
Zodiac Sign:Libra...
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
Music:different kinds of rock
Cartoon:anything anime
Color:black, grey, or dark blue
Slushy Flavor:hmm...anything yummy...
Magazine:NewType...Anime Insight
TV Show:Degrassi...Big Brother...RFR...Joan of Arcadia
Song at the Moment:'Who Am I?' by NewFound Glory
Language:Engilsh and Japanese
Spice Girl:mm...if i must choose...Sporty..
Food & Beverage:pickles and French fries
Subject in School:English...or BAND
Weekend Activity:sleeping, writing, or drawing manga...
Frozen Yogurt:hmm...vanilla
Roller Coaster:i hate roller coasters..
[ series 3 - what is ]
Your most overused phrase:"People like you piss me off" or "Loser!"
First thing you thought when you woke up:what time is it? or where am i?
Last image/thought you go to sleep with:dying...
First feature you notice of opposite sex:how they act around other people
Best name for a Butler:i dunno...
Wussiest Sport:hmm........
Your best feature:mm....i dunno...
Your greatest fear:being left behind
Your greatest accomplishment:my comics...
Your most missed memory:being with people i'm not with anymore...
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
Pepsi or Coke:Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King:BK!
Single or Group Dates:hmm...if at all possible, group dates
Adidas or Nike:Nike..
Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers:chicken fingers have more to eat..
Dogs or Cats:cats..cuz i'm allergic to dogs
Rugrats or Doug:Doug...
Single or Taken:i'm single...and forever will be..
Monica or Brandy:mm...do i have to choose?
Tupac or Jay-Z:mm...do i have to choose?
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes:mm...do i have to chhose?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:both...
One pillow or Two:one
Chocolate or Vanilla:vanilla...yup
Hot chocolate or Hot cocoa:what's the difference?
Cappucino or Coffee:cappucino..
[ series 5 - do you ]
Shower everyday:yes'm
Have a crush:yeah..but i'm not sure if i still like him as much as i did
Think you've been in love:mm..perhaps..
Want to go to college:maybe..
Like high school:it sux
Want to get married:everyone does at one point in time
Type correctly:when i need to
Believe in yourself:no...but they say you have to believe in yourself before you believe in others
Have any tattoos? Where:i wish..
Have any piercings? Where:i wish..
Get motion sickness:not anymore
Think you're a health freak:not really...
Get along with your parents:no..NO NO NO
Like thunderstorms:definitely
[ series 6 - the future ]
Age your plan to be married:i dunno if i'll get married
Number and names of children:ehh...
Where will you be at age 20:mm...in college...outta FL...
Dream wedding:mm...dun care...
How do you want to die:suicide...
Dream job:animator...cartoonist..
Country you'd like to visit:everywhere...
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
Best eye color:anything light...or anything that makes his eyes look profound
Best hair color:mm...any color is fine
Short or long hair:short...
Best height:a lil taller than me..
Best weight:erm..
Best clothes:anything..
Best first date location:anywhere we can be alone, but still be around...people? does that make sense?
Best first kiss location:hmm......
[ series 8 - other ]
Last time you slept with a stuffed animal:i dun remember
Rings before you answer the phone:dun answer it...i wait for the answering machine to get it...and then pick it up if it's someone i know
What's on your mousepad:nothing...dun have one
How many houses you've lived in:one..
How many schools you've gone to:um...three..
Bedroom carpet color:dark dark dark blue..
Shave your head for $5,000?:i would...
Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No people:harmonica, paper, and pen
Best time of your life so far:being on the internet...

Series 1-8 brought to you by BZOINK!

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 9 July :: 8.24 pm
:: Mood: enraged



1 Failed | Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 9 July :: 7.47 pm
:: Mood: pissed off

YARGH! I really need to blow off some steam, but can't when there's an ogre sitting in front of me. GOSH! YARGH! I feel the need to punch someone if not the ogre.

Attempt Suicide

:: 2004 9 July :: 6.44 pm
:: Mood: angry

Some people are such assholes!

Attempt Suicide

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