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\\Why Bother Anymore?//

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:: 2004 8 April :: 7.29 am

This vacation's useless
These white pills arenít kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I missed the grinded concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me?
Will I shake this off...pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message
About a boy that loves a girl

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me?
Will I shake this off...pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me?
Will I shake this off...pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me?
Will I shake this off...pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

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:: 2004 7 April :: 7.55 am
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: None

In 1st period
hmm im here in the libary bored sitting next to carrie...haha stupid bitch only if she knew i was planing an evil plan agaisnt her muahhaa lol anywho today i ran into james kinda awkward cuz he wont let me break up with him and it really isnt his choice so today i have to be a major bitch and be like look its over and be like move on you dickface anywho*feels really bad* hmm lets see friday im going to ai hopefully with a big group of friends i think...yesterday mikes friend anthony yelled at me calling me two faced jackass anywho i dont give a fly macaroini noodle...hmmm also im very horny and have noone to screww ohhhh carrie baby touch me... ohh yes..anywho moving on gtg bell is about to ring ill update in second period hopefully!!!

-Love your macaroni noodles! Oh yah how the hell do you spell macaroni Im on a quest to find out peafe my homie

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:: 2004 6 April :: 6.06 am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: **lying from you**

**pop a cap in sancos ass**
hmmm lets see today i broke up with james...hmm kinda felt bad but i wanan do something for myself for once...hmm i just wanna open my eyes to the world and just see whats going on and move on away from drama....Today at lunch i kinda wondered off by myself and we over beside the court yard by the back of the gym where its peacefull and quite and sat there looking at the sun just sitting on the grass thinking about things and then woke up back to reality and had to go to class i hate that...in p.e i sit in the bleachers and just sit there watching everyone play around and laugh and all the bs and just smile knowing one day ill be there be happy till then ill just be happy inside i guess...today a very smart friend told me something and it makes me think about all the things he told me stop living your life to other opinions and thoughts do your own thing and make your self happy b,cuz in the end your alone and noone will be there so be content with yourself...so yah thats what i am trying to do..anywho im in my own lil world and very happy alone....i like seperating my self from people and just looking from the outside...im just a very confused person...anywho im just really out it lately so its all good oh yah and im thinking of cutting my hair short but i unno i might not really sure but anywho... im out so ill write more laters when i have something important to say on yah please write your name to your comment cuz i wanna know everyone who comments please!!

_thanks for tuneing in!

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:: 2004 5 April :: 6.00 am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: **COLD HEART BITCH**

**tODAY**
hmm today was kinda weird...i thought i liked james and like he kissed me and it felt like i was kissing a friend and im not attracted to him at all and i feel really bad becuz he really likes me and i dont like him at all today i spent lunch with him and i was like ahh just kinda wanted to be alone i wanna be single not to worry about having a bf but im not sure what i should do and like hes kinda had alot of experiance like hes had orgies and stuff and thats kinda gross and i dont think i could ever have sex with him cuz i mean eww anywho so my day was kinda weirded out anywho so im just contemplating weither i should like break up with him and be single or stay with him and try to make some chemestry the thing is i dont want to have to try for a relationship i wanna just be me and someone just fall in love with me for me nothing presured oh wellz ill just wait my turn to find someone to love......hopefully when i find someone to love me it will last a while...oh wellz today i was bored and i wrote a list of things i wanna do before i die so here it goes...

1.Find true love
2.Make a differnce to someone
3.Grow old with someone
4.Make love to someone under the stars
5.see snow
6.fall asleep next to someone i love and love me back
7.Skinny dip
8. See a miracle
9.Make someone laugh when they are in pain
10. Go rock climbing in the mountains
11. get married
12.Go to the airforce
13.Experance a year in a forien country
14.Make a differnce to the world

well thats it for now..thanks for tuneing in!

-crystal

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:: 2004 3 April :: 10.04 am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: **none**

havent written in my journal in a couple of days...so let see im going out with james...its all good i guess im not that happy but im trying to find the good out of this i guess thats all i got hes nice and stuff its just stuff anywho i had my walk-a-ton today that was fun...hmmmm lets see i feel like shit all the time my sinus'es have been really bad lately so ive been taking all my meds so im like blah... my sister is getting on my nerves as always the damn comps wernt working i spent an hour fixing them she sat on th bed crying b.cuz she couldnt talk to her friends and then i spent 15 mins begging my dad to go to best buy to get stuff for our comps which i didnt get a thank you for and by the way i was on my dads bad side today he hates me once again nothing new tho...arg you know that expression time heals all wounds well thats all bs time heals nothing you just have to find something else to fill the pain your in and i have yet to find my something ....i wish i could be this smart strong person so i knew the answer to my problems but i dont i gotta be stupid like always and just keep wondering and hopeing to stuble along an answer to them oh wellz done with my bs and stupid stuff ill write more laters im tired and ready to go to bed...adios

-crystal-

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:: 2004 29 March :: 7.28 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: **you dont give a damn**

**everything**
ARG im so fucking pissed off everyone is in my fucking biss. i hate people my sister is such a fucking bitch now my mom is on my ass becuz of course donna is the "model child" she gets everything right and dose everything perfect for my mom and dad im kinda just the person that dosent do her best and dosent care about anyone but herself ...shes so mean i love the fucking lil comments my sister lhas to say just to hurt me "your just like dad" "no one will ever love you" "your such a bitch no wonder everyone hates you" haha great stuff WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT EVERYONE HAS TO SAY noone is my friend noone will ever really love me big fucking woop not a big deal im going to be alone forever thats what i get for trying im going to stay in my room for now on dont bug anyone turn out my lights and just put music on thats what im doing now on so they have nothing to bitch about i may come out once in a while to go to the bathroom hehe yah thats a good idea...i cant take any more of this..i cant take the fucking pain and anger of making everyone happy and im not happy im not happy at all im depressed alone and full of pain inside why the fuck should i make others happy when im not fuck that screw everyone im alone and depressed and im staying that way screw everyone and everything if i stay in my room and dont speak to anyone and just stay in my world alone at school and just sit alone i cant get hurt..noone could ever hurt me again so that way no more pain no more heartace no more anything....thats what am going to do just stay in my lil world ....nolonger hurt nolonger the pain and agony of people...yah screw everyone!
ill write laters if i feel like it and if im still here..

bye bye everyone! Thanks for tuneing in to the wonderful like of crystal *puts on a face smile like i have to do every day*

-crystal

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:: 2004 27 March :: 6.08 am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: **NONE**

*Todays fun**
HEhe today was kick ass....i saw my really good friend crystalliz and we hung out the whole day and this guy we started talking to there hung out with us too omg! the dude was so freaken hot even tho he was kinda blah nice body too and he was hitting on me the whole day which got agravating i hate when guys do that grr pisses me off its like dude shut the fuck up and then he asked for my # and i didnt give it to him im not like that and i dont really need some player of a bf i need a real bf not that bs so yah just told him no i dont do that anywho the day was fun tiring and i got a nice ass tan so woot woot hehe anywho im tired as hell and my hand is all swollen cuz donna bit me damn her anywho im going to go now im tired bye bye

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:: 2004 27 March :: 8.53 am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: **From this moment**

**Getting ready**
Well im getting ready to go to ai today b/c yesterday i couldnt go b.c my dad had some emergency with his friend so i didnt have a ride...oh wellz hopefully we will see peoples we know...were going from like 10-3 so hopefully i can get a good tan well i have nothing really to write so ill write more laters bye bye....

-love crystal-

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:: 2004 25 March :: 10.06 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: **Tell me that its real**

**everything**
hmm lets see today wasnt fun but wasnt to bad i talked to michael all morning ( friend michael d.) anywho yah were so stupid we made up storys to make each other laugh haha they were really funny anywho... arg my head hurts really bad...conjo! haha spanishness lol im talking to like 20 people at this moment haha im so loved hehe not! HAHA i love being stupid hehe hmm what to talk about lets see other than im really out of it right now im actually pretty damn happy i unno y but i am stupid haha.. donde estas mi pan cubano yo qero habla con el...haha i spelled that wrong i think anywho gtg nothing else to talk about bye byes!

-love your sex partner crystal-

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:: 2004 25 March :: 8.08 am
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: **none**

**boredum and hornyness**
GOOD MORNING....haha im so freaken horny and bored and hungry its funny i dont really have anything to talk about so im just going to put random stuff in this entry. last night we went to the mall got some chinese and walked around got some candy and then we went to the ruff and layed down adn looked at the stars :/ kinda made me sad but w.e cuz i remember going up there with mike but oh wellz anywho today is going to be so boring...but tomorrow im going to ai so yay hehe anywho i have nothing more to say so ill write more later...bye

-crystal-

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