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\\Why Bother Anymore?//

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:: 2004 24 March :: 2.04 am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: None

IM so freaken bored...ive been on my comp all morning trying to clean out my comp and mikes friend ant was helping me yesterday anywho i have this huge headach cuz ive been on the comp for the past 5 hours arg anywho and im so bored i wanna go out tonight to the movies mall or something but like i dont feel like asking my dad and donna is bitching cuz i wont do it oh wellz hmm lets see im watching full house hehe love that show dude im so pist ive been eating so freaken much im going to get fat *tears* anywho im going to go now since i have nothing to say ill write laters bye bye

"Tell someone you love them whenever you can.Because maybe they'll be gone tomorrow. And you won't be there to
hold their hand."

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:: 2004 22 March :: 11.05 pm
:: Mood: Emo
:: Music: *last train home*

Wow im on this like life changeing quest hehe im so dumb..anywho im trying to find who i am i thought i knew i used to know who i was i was this strong person who ignored other peoples ignorance and stupidity but now im like caught on this emo trip and it has a hold on me and wont let go and im trying to be happy and trying to find myself and im like trying to stop im draging my toes in the dirt but it wont let me go... the most important thing in my life was to be true to myself but ive come to realize that im not..i let other people have this huge impact on me and my decisions.and i dont stand up for myself and today i was looking at some poem book thing and my mom was fliping through it and she stoped and looked at this page and it said " thank you for telling me i could grow up to be sucessful at anything i wanted if only i believed in myself the way you believed in me" and she turned to me and said "tita (my nickname at home for those who dont know)i wish you could believe in yourself and i wish you could look in the miror and like who you are" well at that point i was in tears b/c ive never looked at it that way i mean like i always thought that i believed in myself but now i look...i dont always try hard enough i never give my all im always like w.e dosent matter but it dose matter...anywho im so confused about things and what i want...i have to start being my own person making my own decisions b.c i dont like who i am i wanna look in the mirror and be proud of who i am b.c right now im not i hate who i am and im looking at myseld not happy and what i see is this girl that has all this pain and alone and depressed all the time.. i wanna be happy i want to be in love but i dont need it i dont need love i can love myself thats all i need i guess all i wanted was to feel loved and wanted to feel like theyre was someone out there that wanted me there that i was of some purpose to their happiness i wanted to feel like i had someone to hold me even tho all i wanted was to be alone but they stuck by me anyways i kinda had someone but thats pretty much over and thats okay and im finally okay witht that im i can move on now... im going to stay single till someone comes along and changes my mind on being single who will make me want to have a bf and open up to them and be a good gf to but till them im staying single cuz i cant take the risk of getting hurt again i cant hold on to the pain and whats not there anywho im done with my b/s and emo shit im crazy anywho gotta go bye bye all


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:: 2004 22 March :: 3.49 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: **I love you baby**

**Adventure island**
Hehe oh wow today was fun tho i had to chase around kids all day it was fun i saw some guys from school and me and donna got him hard lol it was funny but the dude is such an ass he left his gf to come hang out with us oh wellz hes just a friend of mines but he asked me out a while back so i feel all weird with him so anywho i had a good day but im really tired and like im suppose to be getting ready to go to the mall with my mom but i unno im so tired i may just take a nap or something anywho im going to write some more laters bye bye all!!


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:: 2004 22 March :: 8.05 am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: **100 for fighting**

Hello good morning peoples ! hehe i got up really early cuz i couldnt really reallly hyper for some reason i unno anywho yesterday i talked to mike on the ohone (i hate the damn phone) it was cool i dont usally use the phone so i hope hes happy lol and now were married haha our kids are going to be funny looking lol anywho i hope ai works out i really wanna see him i miss him alot hmmm my foot is asleep grrr ...aww im watching this vidio and these teenagers are in a tree in the middle of no where and just like looking at each other and like kissing really softly its soo sweet man i wish i had that they look so happy and in love and they are just sitting on this tree in love thats so awesome its so beautiful and now they are like old lovers sititng in the same tree aww anywho off this emo stuff....hehe today im suppose to go to ai but i unno i want to go but i dont feel like getting into a bathing suit today anywho ill prob end up going for a couple of hours just to swim yesterday i was talking to some friends and its like im so happy b.c jen is working things out with cookie man they are great toegether i can see how happy that he makes her and i forgot who else but they found a b/f so im like yay for them anywho i really dont have much more to talk about so i guess ill update laters bye bye all


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:: 2004 21 March :: 3.16 am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: **wondering**

**Baithingsuit shoping**
woot woot i got a bathing suit hehe its blue and the bottoms are kinda small i was going to get a bigger size but my mom was like noo thats how they are suppose to be and my butt shows when i walk oh wellz lol anywho its cute i feel kinda naked tho b.c it like shows alot oh wellz its cute well anywho i got chicken woot woot from the chinese place at weshore mall yum yum well thats all i gotta say for now ill ttyl bye bye all !


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:: 2004 21 March :: 9.35 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: **this love**

**Spring break**
Lets see my spring break started good i guess but right now its really bad my parents are really gay and last night my mom told us to pack a bag with clothes so we can leave for the night but that never happend thats why they are gay and like grr i hate them like i wanted to go buy a new bathing suit and my dad had a cow hes really gay anywho other than that im pretty happy im like in a really good mood when i go back to school im going to try to do better in school and try not to skip as much but ha that prob wont happen but lets see hehe and im just really happy again i unno why i just am there is alot of bad things going on right now but im trying to be happy but lets see how long that last lol hmmm change of subject last night i couldnt hardly sleep b.c i just kept thinking about stuff and it was really confusing but w.e i was talking with jen and she told me some really good advice and i love her for that and it makes me think about alot of things THANKS JEN!!! hehe now im all happy anywho this entry sucks so ill write some laters bye bye all !!

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:: 2004 20 March :: 9.43 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: NONE

MIlitary ball !!!
OMG WOW it was like so much fun and so many hot guys...yay hehe anywho i danced all night and with like random guys and sergeant saw me all over some guy and he was like hey hey do that in a corner hehe woot woot and i danced with carlos and like he had my leg on his hip hehe woot woot and sergeant C just sat there and laughed as like everyone was bumping and grinding and i got my hornyness out woot hehe but im not going to put how on my journal its no-ones biss.. but damn woot woot it was good..anywho there was a group of spanish guys trying to like show off and like me donna and some other girls got in the middle of the circle and like started a bump and grind line hehe woot woot it was awesome and i got like 5 #'s hehe and some really hot hispanic guy grabed my ass and i was like hello lol and like then we danced and some other stuff..hehe..and like it was just great and i had a great time and after it was over we drove nessa home then we went to an afterparty with some hot as guys but i really dont know what went down at the party cuz like everyone was like tired and like i ended up dancing with some really hot ass guy anywho it was just great..donna was like with some hot ass rocker hehe go donna!...well gots to go i wanna get some more sleep im really tired and my body hurts hehe bye bye adios peoples!


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:: 2004 17 March :: 7.02 am

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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:: 2004 17 March :: 6.45 am

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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:: 2004 17 March :: 3.41 am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: *The reason*

Wow today i sat down and thought about things and i figure what the hell am i doing being all depressed im done with that bs i wanna be happy even though inside im alone and messed up and crazy but i want to be i looked in the mirror and looked at my self and i wasnt happy on what i saw i saw a person that was sad and alone and wanting to be loved and a person that relies on someone else to make them happy thats not who i am im very happy on being alone if thats what is ment to be im going to let fate take its course...i gotta let go of my past and move on......i must sound stupid but if what w.e happend happends if it was ment to be it will happen...anywho well im going to go now b,c i sound really stupid...well bye bye

-love crystal

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