**Things**
hmm i dont know what to feel anymore...my heart hurts my body is like limp im so confused about things i dont mean to make people worry and i dont want attention i want to be alone...and i dont want people to care about me...today was fun me donna and alex went to ai and mike was there it was like blah i didnt want him to worry about me i just wish that i could go away some how.. : / I dont know anymore im just like blah ...today my heart hurt so bad i dont know why like i thought i was finally moving on and then i saw him and my heart sank i miss him i miss being with him i hate not being with him but im going to have to learn to live with it and move on ...i hate being alone but i also love its weird im weird i dont know anymore im going crazy my hands are trimbleing uncontrolibly i unno why i just want someone to hold me i need someone...i have to find someone to make me want to live i need someone to help me out of this...im going crazy inside..i need some help from someone...im like so alone and feel so cold inside i have nothing anymore...im going to be happy again i want to be happy again i just have to find something or someone to make me happy oh wellz ill shut up bye bye all good night

-crystal

**SAME OLD SHIT AS ALWAYS**
hmm i feel so like blah i dont know what to feel anymore nor what to think...i have so much pain i just wanna sit in a corner alone and cry...but nothing will change so ill just keep trying to be happy....being happy is the only thing important in my life right now i have 4 main goals in life...

1.Find true love
2.Make a differnce in someones life
3.Make a differnce in the world
4.Be strong and dont rely on someone else to make me happy do it myself

I want to make those goals before i die...so lets see what happens...hmm i need to go to docter cuz i have been having alot of nervis breakdowns but i dont want to tell my mom cuz shes going to worry i just hate people worring about me i just think its better to be alone and noone care..anywho saturday im suppose to go to ai with friends so yay hopefully it wont turn out to be a disaster just like everything else in my life..i hate being me i hate who i am i just wish there was some way to restart this year i would like change so many things i would like do better in school and stuff but there are some things that happened that are good and bad like ryan and micheal they both hurt me but like i learned from both of them so its good it makes me a stronger person..well im very weak right now but it has to do with other stuff im just like blabing on and on and i dont even know what im saying w.e pops out my head gose on here hehe well im not to smart so like there will be some dumb stuff on here..today lets see today sucked
big fucking time...i hope tomorrow is better i hope i really hope tomorrow is better i cant another day like this but i can feel it 2marrow will be pretty much the same so lets just see what happends...well gotta go gotta take a shower yes yes crystal naked and water coming down her naked body yes yes lol im so stupid sometimes bye bye...

-crystal (leave some damn comments ..... you too jen!!)

stuff
i dont really have much to say except for i wish everyone would die i have nothing more to say for today...

GOOD MOOD
YAY YAY YAY crystal is very happy right now... My mom is going to buy an apartment at the end of the school year that way we get away from my great father and my sister will get my moms car so she can drive us anywhere my mom will be working all the time so me and my sis can pretty much do w.e we want so woohoo anywho im just like in a great mood cuz finally something is going right well lets just see 12 weeks to go omg i hope that we really get out that would be great...Also im very happy b/c i cant feel any pain anymore im like numb its awesome and plus jen is helping me be a strong ger person hehe i love you jen!! thanks for the grass stains hehe gotta do that again oh yah and there is this guy james that i like and jen thinks he likes me and like yesterday after 8th he asked my sister where do i come out of and he waited for me to come out so he could see me it feels good knowing someone is interested in me but to tell you the truth im very happy being single and i can do w.e i want but hey if i can have a good bf why not..right jen.. and monday i gotta get donations for the diabetes thing ...anywho gotta go bye bye

-crystal

school
Hmmm my day was fun i fouled around with a couple of people witch is fun i guess im very happy tho i cant feel anything anymore... and me and jen were wrestleing in the grass in rotc omg that was so much fun except for the clothes part my boobs kept poping out of my shirt and like i forgot her naem but yah she kept having to put them back in lol anywho i had grass stains on my pants lol omg it was so much fucking fun yes yes we beat the shit out of each other and seragent c told me that i had to dance with him at military ball hehe yay hes the hottest teacher ever i sweare oh yes jen hands off hes mine ...too bad hes married but theres always devorce right jen wink wink...anywho im going to have so much fun military ball yes yes there will be alot of things happening afterwords right jen at the park wink wink cookie man and other dudes there also anywho i gotta go write some more tomorrow bye byes

-love crystal-

**everything in my wonderful life**
Hmm lets see i hate school hate life hate people hate being alive...hmm how great huh well yes as you can tell im not in a good mood...oh wellz my dad has been on my ass about wearing makeup he acts like ive never worn it before so he can shove it like everyone else in this stupid ass world...Hmmm my grades suck im failing almost every class who gives a flying fuck wether i fail or pass oh thats right noone...oh wellz the only thing i have right now is my best friends jen and nessa to cheer me up but i unno well ill stop my bitching....anywho ive had an okay day i guess i feel like shit im having alot of sinus problems and my teacher was yelling at me bc i didnt do what she wanted when she wanted it so i told her to shove it and she told me to go chill out in the b-room till i could be respectful..Anywho im not having the best day ever and i missed my nessa she was testing this morning so i had noone to talk to in 2nd :*(....Arg but jen was there to make me laugh...hehe me and jen made a pack that we will lose our virginity the same day hehe i unno if its going to work out or not we will see i guess.....I have so much fucking paper work to fill out for the walk-a-ton its going to take me atleast a week to just do haf of it and i have to collect donations and you know how people can be about that omg how hard is it you give someone your extra change so you can save someones life omg what a horrible thing hehe wow im in such a great mood anywho change subject im kinda happy in a way ive been working out to get my stomach hard its getting there woohoo and im going to get a skateboard from jen so i can finally start learning woo anywho im going to go before i say some pretty stupid things...anywho bye bye

-crystal(LEAVE SOME FUCKING COMMENTS)

**School everything life same bs as always**
Lets see fcat today bs i hate that shit its gay...you sit in a class looking at someones back of there head for 3 hours and the test like an hour or less its bs so the school can get money..anywho other than that my day wasnt to bad it was so funny cuz like in 6th i was sitting on allens lap in one seat and i had a skirt on so the teacher thought something was going on in the back of the room with us(nothing was happening) and like the teacher told me to get up and move somewhere else and allen says "Its not my fault you dont get any..dont stop me from getting something" lol omg i couldnt stop laughing and jen was like hell yah lol i love you jen...hmmm at lunch i was soaking wet they got bottles of water and pouring them on me omg i was sooooo cold arg...anyways hmmm tomorrow should be better hopefully.. hmm lets see im bored out of my mind suppose to be doing my homework oh yah like thats going to happen..anywho gotta go eat some food yummy to the tummy..bye bye

-love crystal (LEAVE COMMENTS!!)

Lyrics
Awww grr im so depressed all of a sudden oh wellz ill live i guess i just need to try to be happy oh i cant wait till spring break cuz that may be my ticket out of this hell hole anywho bye bye for now its time for me to take my ass into the shower..hehe bye bye all
-Crystal


The First Cut Is The Deepest
by Sheryl Crow:

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (tryyy)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

The first cut is the deepest baby i know
The first cut is the deepest try to love again...


What a great song!!