::
2010 1 September :: 9.41 am
:: Mood: Michelle used Bide!
:: Music: All I Really Want ~ Alanis Morissette
Expand on that for me
I am waiting in the wings for something knew to come along
Something new to sweep me off my feet
A poetic brilliance
A kindred spirit
To commence intellectual intercourse
And create new ideas and wavelengths
Reach into the expanding universe
Unhindered
Flowing enlightenment destroying my veins
My heart beating furiously
Losing control
A radioactive brilliance immolating my mind
Transcending all physical boundaries
No nerves or headaches
Just a vast nothingness filled with everything
::
2010 19 August :: 8.54 pm
:: Mood: passive
:: Music: look of love ~ lesley gore
soon
i got my driving license
and i will attend college soon
i went to the honors retreat in hiram
this is all good
i think maybe
maybe
biology
and philosophy
let us look into that
::
2010 4 August :: 11.34 pm
:: Mood: <3
:: Music: Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows ~ Lesley Gore
Everything is wonderful <3
i want to be a research biLOLogist with evolution and ethology, i want to write awesome fiction, i want to make music of weird types like bluegrass + bubblegum + new wave + funk + big band, i will do the peace corps in either southeast asia and/or africa, i want to have awesome internships with crazycool companies and people, i want to discover something big, i will be an activist in lgbt rights/atheism/animal rights/womens rights/minorities rights/vegetarianism/environmental, and my a goal i still will keep in sight just not make it my only goal is rhodes scholar
I copypastaed that from an AIM convo.
I want to be everything.
I think I'll go crazy.
But I love this.
::
2010 27 July :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: SSA
:: Music: Brink Of Disaster ~ Lesley Gore
New favorite <3 I'm your conscience, listen to me
Don't give in, 'cause it's a conspiracy
I cannot help myself
I just can't stay away from him
If you went back it wouldn't last
How come you won't learn from your past mistakes?
My heart keeps saying yes
But you say to say no to him
I'm sorry I must go to him again
'Cause my heart has played the game before
My head says nevermore
I should know what is right for me
And I know I've lost before I start
But tell that to my heart
It's so hard for me to think
When my heart is on the brink
Of disaster
Pardon me, I must interrupt
You admit that he's not your cup of tea
It doesn't matter 'cause
When my heart is involved,
All my problems can't be solved
By what is right
'Cause my heart has played the game before
My head says nevermore
I should know what is right for me
And I know I've lost before I start
But tell that to my heart
It's so hard for me to think
When my heart is on the brink
Of disaster
::
2010 20 July :: 2.13 am
:: Mood: insecure unsure
:: Music: Eleanor Rigby ~ The Beatles
I will not be another Eleanor Rigby
should i die
and you know i do not want to
steal my computer
hack into everything
tell everyone i love them
no matter if i only talked to them once
or never at all
tell everybody i cared
some of them
are more special than i could ever remember
for the moments that happened between us
mattered to me
i can feel it tickling the edge of consciousness
a glowing light, fleeting and ambient
i wish to return to the ancient beginnings of earth's life
when the plants had crawling over the land
changing the earth to the pretty green so attributed to it
a time before animals had touched the land
where i can nakedly wander the green abyss
feet sinking into the new carpet of foliage
traversing great distances without spying a flower
no brilliant light except that of the sun
no gratuitous noise except that of the wind
being able to lean back into the young earth
eyes peering into the paradoxically old and new stars
the vast carpet of jewels dotting the velvet sky
no pollution to dim their celestial brilliance
to lean back into the earth
unafraid of predatory inclinations
without sadness or guilt from fellows in humanity
comforted by the lack of violence and restrictions
the absence of the need to love, hate, destroy, weep
to be alone in this primitive, powerful wilderness
and lay humbled by my own nothing
