So maybe this time, I'll speak the words of life, with your fire in my eyes, but that old familiar fear is tearing at my words. What am I afraid of?


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:: 2005 18 September :: 11.36 pm

Well, in seven months, on April 29th I will oficially be announced as Mrs. Kuhnle. It was beautiful. It will be beautiful.

12 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2005 21 June :: 1.30 am

After you make Him your first, He'll find your second.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2005 23 May :: 5.23 pm

Uh, yup. haven't said much for a while, but I guess I've not had much to say. It's kind of funny reading everyone else's journals. wondering what you guys were thinking when you wrote what you wrote. It's kind of weird to say that I know what your saying, and really understand what you were saying. I can't believe the seniors are graduating in 4 days that makes me happy for them. I remember when I graduated, which was last year. It was so exhilerating and exciting, I had no idea what to expect. But then a year passed and here I am, sitting at a computer trying to tell the rest of you to enjoy it while you can. It really is an adventure. Life I mean. Just to look back at all the things I been through, all the places I've been and all the people that has walked across my path is just amazing. I would not change this life for anything. And I'm not saying this because I've gotten everything I've wanted. Most of you know that I am on the way other side of the spectrum when it comes to that. I just chose to except life the way that it was. and I could not be more happy. You only get one life, so live it to the fullest. I love working at a daycare and for that very reason. I have a chance to impact kids life. Not just with sharing with them the love of Jesus. But being there for them when they get hurt or when the cry being able to comfort them. Being in highschool, I spent so much time trying to find that comfort for myself. Trying to crawl into someone's lap and feel loved. now that I think about it, everyone one else is looking for the same thing. But life really started to take it's drastic turn when I realized that there is nothing that God wants more than to hear us call Him daddy and to crawl up into His lap. If only more of us could realize this.

have some nuts?

:: 2005 14 May :: 1.27 pm

Life is good.

Weak and weary sinner, lost and left to die
Raise your head for love is passing by
Come to Jesus, Come to Jesus, Come to Jesus, and live
Now your burden's lifted, carried far away
Precious blood has washed away the stain
Sing to Jesus, Sing to Jesus, Sing to Jesus, and live
And like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl
and remember when you walk sometimes you fall
Fall on Jesus, Fall on Jesus, Fall on Jesus, and live
Sometimes the way is lonely, and steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and fills the rain then
Cry to Jesus, Cry to Jesus, Cry to Jesus, and live
Oh, and when the joy spills over, and music fills the night
And when you can't contain the joy inside
Dance for Jesus, Dance for Jesus, Dance for Jesus, and live
And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye
And go in peace and laugh on glory's side
Fly to Jesus, Fly to Jesus, Fly to Jesus and live

have some nuts?

:: 2005 11 February :: 10.20 am

Driving on the road to home, a few cars back maybe three in front.
I don't know, all I know is we are going way too slow.
The guy in front takes a left, the others follow I am left alone.
Maybe this will be the day that I'm going home.
And I feel lonely for the last time.
Walking on the road to home,
I take three steps and I fall backward five more.
I want to stop building up these walls between us.
The walls of pride, the walls of pain.
Break through these and make me whole again.
I cannot wait to be with You Lord Jesus.
And I feel lonely for the last time.
See the walls, see the walls come crashing down around us.
Now we are together.
And feel lonely for the last time.

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2005 24 January :: 10.21 pm

Mishy, you should call me. I miss you and want to hang out sometime. I don't really have a car but there are always ways around that. Give me a call sometime 636-8324 or my cell phone 231-349-6263. I don't have your number anymore. I miss you love. +

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2005 18 January :: 5.40 pm

Ctrl Alt Del...

ehh, why not...


1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2005 15 January :: 9.46 pm

theres nothing more than this...
I am the only one to blame for this; somehow it all ends up the same. Soaring on the wings of selfish pride, I flew too high and like Icarus I collide. With a world I try so hard to leave behind, to rid myself of all but love, to give and die. To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves; More deeply than the oceans, more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache. Can I be the one to sacrifice? Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow. Take my world apart. I am on my knees. Take my world apart. Im broken on my knees.
All said and done I stand alone amongst remains of a life I should not own. It takes all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me. Did you really have to die for me? All I am for all you are because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart. And I pray.
I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost. I wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain. More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour. The battles between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago. So steal my heart and take the pain and wash my feet and cleanse my pride. Take the selfish, take the weak and all the things I cannot hide.
Take my beauty, take my tears and my sinful soiled heart and make it pure. Take my world, it all is yours take it now, take it now. To serve the ones that I despise, speak the words I can't deny. Take my world apart. And watch the world I used to know fall to dust and blow away. I am on my knees. I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost. Take my world apart. So wipe away the crimson stains and all the nails that still remain. Im broken on my knees.
Steal my heart and take the pain. Take the selfish, take the weak and all the things I cannot hide. Take the beauty, take my tears, and take my world apart. I am on my knees. Take my world apart. And I do pray, and I pray, and I pray. Take my world apart. I am on my knees. Im worlds apart.

have some nuts?

:: 2005 11 January :: 4.09 pm

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I hope I get married. That would be cool. There is a lot of growing up I have to do though. Like responsibility. Speaking of which. Within the next few months, I might be out on my own. Well, technically. Richelle's brother and sister-in-law and their two kids are moving out to California,(which makes me sad), but they think that they are coming back so their letting Richelle rent it out, there's four bedrooms and I get one of them. I'm so excited. I finally get to be out on my own. I want to say that no one has any idea how bad I want to get out of here, but I'm sure you all probably know, you all have the same dream, so I'm just gonna hope that you share in my joy of escaping. I still haven't found a job yet but I have found a few things that have opened up. Like Mr. Pizza. Well, Things are starting to look up again, and I know He told me they would. Just to those who doubted me, I hope you see the glory behind God now. He doesn't lie. well, until next time.

4 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2005 10 January :: 6.18 pm

This was a very unproductive day.

If anyone knows where I can find a car for $30 or less, please let me know. I am in desperate need of a job. Not alone for money, but also my sanity. Thank you.

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2005 5 January :: 7.27 pm

I love techonology, but not as much as you, you see, but I still love technology...always and forever.
It's been a while since I've updated. I guess I haven't had much to say for the last little while. I'm missing youth group right now and it makes me sad. But not as sad as whats going on inside of me. I don't want to say that God is testing me, because God doesn't do that. I'm simply fighting my way through my own ignorance. God knows that too. He knows that I'm trying, only because I asked Him to. And He heard. I might not see it now, but I'm sure it will come to me, soon enough. I've spent my last few days looking for a job, and trying to find me a car. In other words, I've been couped up, in my house, reading and trying to understand where God wants me to be. It becomes clearer and clearer to me everyday, and I am thankful that God would show it to me.

Today I had the weirdest breakdown. First off, I spent the morning with Dan. It was pretty cool. We hung out until he had to go to youth group. Then I took a little nap and was woken up by my sister screaming, "Molly, Molly, movie gallery on the phone." The lady told me that I have a test to take for them tomorrow. (for a job.) So I was like "Uh tomorrow at one." So after that I was really excited. Becasue for the last couple weeks I was looking for a job. But then my dad called and told me that he didn't want me going to youth group tonight because he thinks we're gonna have a storm. Talk about turning calm into chaos. I was so mad. At first I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing to me, after I had spent hours upon hours trying to clean his house and make his life absolutely perfect. Youth group is one of the most important things to me. Then I took a deep breath and realized that I am one of the most important things to my dad. And he didn't want me to drive through the white out. It took a little while to reassure myself that I was acting crazy and I needed to calm down. But it felt so right to be mad! Even with that I knew it wasn't right. So when my dad got home, I tried to not act like a little brat. But I just couldn't help to not laugh when he was picking on my sister. And then when He started picking on me. It was hard.

And Kelly don't think that I was crying because I didn't get to go. I'm 19, not 5. I was crying becasue it was time to cry, and so I got out my bible and started to read. I dont' even remember where it was but it was was one of the things I needed to hear. I remember reading it before. I even had it underlined in my bible(although, what's NOT underlined in my bible.)It said My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. It became clear to me that God knows this heart, and He won't give up if I won't.

6 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 14 December :: 8.24 am

It was a beautiful let down, when I crashed and burned. When I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt. It was a beautiful let down
the day I knew that all the riches this world had to offer me would never do. In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out, I don't belong here.

I will carry your cross and your song, but I don't belong.

It was a beautiful let down when you found me here, for once in a blue moon I see everything clear. I'll be your beautiful let down,
thats what I've ever been. And even if it costs my soul I'll sing for free. We're still chasin our tails in the rising sun, in our dark third planet when no one fights and no one's won.

See I don't belong here. I will carry your cross and your song but I don't belong here.

I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come. Your kingdom come won't you let me down. Let my foolish proud, forever let me down. Easy living not much left for pain. Easy dieing hey they're just about the same. Won't you please take me off your list. Easy living please come on and let me down.

We are a beautiful let down, painfully uncool, the church of the dropouts and loosers and sinners and failures and the fools. What a beautiful let down, all resolved in the womb and join us He wants you too.

I don't belong here. Feels like I don't belong here. Let me down. Feels like I'm let down.
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here.
Won't you let me down?

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2004 10 December :: 10.36 am

classes are finished as of 10:04 this morning.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 9 December :: 10.17 am

Yesterday was a great day.

I made plans with Richelle to go shopping, which is awesome. I've been friends with her for such a long time and we've always talked about doing stuff together but it never happens. But this Saturday, her and I are going shopping. Yea.

I saw Dan, I love Dan, I'm really glad God gave me Dan. Or at least put Him in my life, I don't think I would be the same person I am now if we hadn't crossed paths. I feel that way about all of my friends though. Like Marisa, and Jessa, and Ryan, and Richelle, and Kelly, and Matt, and Dylan, and Michelle, and Nick, all of everyone I've ever met or talked to, I wouldn't be the same. Everyday I wake up and thank God that I have had such good people that actually care about what's inside, instead of looking at me with shallow eyes.. I love you all so very much, and I am so sorry that I haven't been there lately, but I will be. I'll be closer. speaking of which...

I'm not going to be in college anymore. After this next week, I'm going to get a job in Cedar somwhere, and possibly a car, and maybe, just maybe, some money. It'll be different, but I'll be there, and It'll be good.

I love you. all.

Talk to you later. I promise.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 8 December :: 9.11 am

by Max Lucado

It all happened in a moment, a most remarkable moment.

As moments go, that one appeared no different than any other. But in
reality, that particular moment was like none other. For through that
segment of time a spectacular thing occurred. God became a man. While
the creatures of earth walked unaware, Divinity arrived. Heaven opened
herself and placed her most precious one in a human womb.

God as a fetus. Holiness sleeping in a womb. The creator of life being

God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys, and a spleen. He stretched
against the walls and floated in the amniotic fluids of his mother.

God had come near.

He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror, but
as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy
carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, calloused,
and dirty.

No silk. No ivory. No hype.

Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And
were it not for a group of star-gazers, there would have been no gifts.

To think of Jesus in such a light is-well, it seems almost irreverent,
doesn't it? It's not something we like to do; it's uncomfortable. It is
much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the
manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend
he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer.

But don't do it. For heaven's sake, don't. Let him be as human as he
intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only
if we let him in can he pull us out.

4 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 21 October :: 8.14 am

my cell phone number is 231-349-6263.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 15 October :: 6.22 pm

Date: Sun, 08 Feb 2004 13:58:32 -0500
From: "Justin Harnden" View Contact Details
Subject: Re: Just A little note... An addition to today's class....

First off you will never waste my time by writing me like this. I am
sorry that I couldn't get back to you any sooner than I did, but this
the first time that I checked my email. So, here it is plain and
you are a wonderful person. Your talents, considerations, helpfulness,
willingness, and persistence is immense. You have been through many
things in your life and you are still coming out on top. There are
people that have gone through just a little of what you have and are
anywhere near where you are now. I don't understand why you are taking
things as hard as you are. Look where you have come from and ask
yourself are you happy where you are now and that should make you
I am proud of you for what you have done and I am sure you are not
yet. You will go on and have an influential part in somebody else's

About the religion stuff I would like to talk to you in person, but I
will tell you this now. I don't see any change. It doesn't really
matter what someone else thinks of you. What matters is what you think
of yourself. Do you still believe? If you do then there is no change.
I don't understand a lot of that stuff, but I will be more than happy
talk to you about it tomorrow.

Before you can be loved, you need to love yourself. I hope you get
that. You are a great person and there is no reason why you should be
down on yourself. Nobody has been in your shoes. You have walked a
harder mile than anyone I know and you deserve some respect and
admiration for that. I believe in you and what you will do. You are
"someone" and that should be all that matters. People that are on the
outside looking in will never really know who you are. Your beliefs
morals are something to treasure and for that you haven't changed so
what is the concern. So what if someone is unhappy with a decision
that you have made. If you are happy with it that is all that matters.

I hope that you understand this (I know it can look a little
but there is a lot of info in here you hopefully can relate to. But,
talk to me tomorrow and I will expound on the things I mentioned above.
And I hope you realize it, but I am always here to listen no matter
it is about. Take me up on that, but this is about as good as I can
in an email, I like talking in person much more and I feel like I can
explain a little about the above. Drop me an email to let me know if
you get most of this, which I hope you do. And remember you are
and like I said above you are a great person don't let anyone tell you
see you tomorrow.
Mr. H ---- and you will never waste my time with things like this....."

Now this is what real teachers should be like.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 14 October :: 9.39 am

Smile again.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 11 October :: 9.03 am

having it all figured out would make things so much easier. But I don't have it figured out and the more that I think I do, the more I really don't. God revealed an important thing to me just last night. I was sitting on my bed, feeling bad for something that my dad had just said to me. So I opened up my bible, and read the first chapter of 2 Corinthians. It said that "if we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation." Meaning that no matter what, We will find comfort and an end to all of our sufferings, we just have to believe and put our trust in him who will save us. So I felt a little better when I went to sleep.
I know that there is nothing better than the strength that God has given me. I just wish that you all could see that you dont' have to be afraid anymore. In the end I hope you find it, the quench for your thirst.

P.S.I got baptized yesterday. yay.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 28 September :: 10.47 am

A cold day when everything is right...
I never thought that you wanted me to do this. Never in a million years. But hey, anything can happen. I've spent the last nineteen years of my life searching for some answers and you showed them to me, they were right in front of my eyes. You've put people here, in just the right time, and right way, to show me that it's about you. Every now-and-then I look back to the other days, the ones that constrained me. And now I found myself dancing on clouds. You were so forgiving to give me a scond chance, and I thank you. Everyone probably thought that I was the good girl, and that I didn't have much trouble in my life, but I did. I was just like them. I may not have partied, or did every drug under the sun, or even tried to run away from all my problems, but I was just like you. I had storms inside of me. I was so depressed and motionless that I probably would have given in. But God had a different plan for me, just like He does with everyone else. He wanted me to see the big picture before it was gone. He wanted me to taste the sweet air, before I lost my tougne. And the funny thing is, everyone thinks that they do lose it, but they don't. They just don't know how to use it. Just like a new born baby, sticking it in and out wondering what it is for, and with teeth you bite down and hurt yourself, you can't give up though, you have to keep trying even though it hurts. Even after you grow, and you realize that your tougne is more helpful than you think. Sometimes, we don't even appreciate it. And the same could go for God. I thank God for all that He has done, for all that He has changed, and all that He has made new. Someday, the ones I care about, will understand. Someday their thirst for love will be so strong, that they will remember. Lord, I just ask that you keep them all safe until then. (especially my friends, the ones I don't get to see very often.) Amen.

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