So maybe this time, I'll speak the words of life, with your fire in my eyes, but that old familiar fear is tearing at my words. What am I afraid of?


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:: 2004 8 September :: 9.02 am


have some nuts?

:: 2004 7 September :: 11.54 am

I've never felt so loved in my life. But somehow it feels like somthing has been taken away. All that I have won, has left me cold and unwanted. I'm angry without a cause and all that I want is far out of my reach. Maybe it's because of all the things that I won't say. All the things I've never said and should have becaseu you asked me to. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of what they'll think, even though, all that I have inside me is you. I was almost in a car accident today, but luckily I was paying attention and swerved at the right time, and moved out of the way. After that I just kept driving and my legs were shaking and my hands were pattering on the steering wheel. After I sat shocked for a little while, I started to laugh, as hard as I could laugh, because I know that I am not afraid of things like that, I could get shot 9 times right now, not die, and know that you are holding my hand and breathing on my face and whispering in my ear, and at that moment I probbaly wouldn't be any happier. I love you.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 2 September :: 5.53 pm

yummy's for me...

Today we have a meeting for all the MIM majors. (which is me.) And my professor is buying us all pizza. Free Pizza. Free. :)

Things have been going really good lately. (besides the fact that I need to find some way to get to Jessa.) But I'm sure it'll all work out.

It was so cool the other day, I was trying to smile at people as that walked by, you know, just a friendly little hi or somethin', and like 10 out of the 400 people that I tried to acknowledge, only smiled back. It was pretty sad. But I guess that's just the way people are.

I have to go eat pizza now.

Peace out.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 30 August :: 10.59 am

I just got done with my first class. It was different. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than highschool. Now it's lunch time and I'm hungry so I bid you a God blessed day. bye

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2004 24 August :: 3.54 pm

"We all have a choice in this life… that’s the basis of Christianity, that even after Jesus came, died, and rose from the grave for us we can still choose to accept him or deny him. In every one of our lives we all come to a point where we realize that we are completely empty, that no drug will ever satisfy, that no money can ever be enough, and that nothing we do, or achieve will ever make us feel like our life is truly meaningful. That moment is a truly scary time in our life. That moment is the moment that God has designed for you to realize that He alone can satisfy your every longing and that He alone can give you a fulfilled life. Once again we are left with a choice… because God loves us. The choice is simple…accept Jesus Christ as the payment for your sins and turn away from the past to seek after God alone from that moment on, or deny Christ and continue to try to go it alone. The choice belongs to you, but know this. You do NOT have to live this life in loneliness, desperation, or despair. Jesus does love you and if you were the only person on the planet he would’ve come and died just for you so that you might be restored to Him. You are loved by the creator of the universe Himself. The bible says “seek and ye shall find."

have some nuts?

:: 2004 18 August :: 1.03 pm

I need your address so I can bring you your dresses. Plus so I can see you. :) Peace out. Much Love.

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 10 August :: 9.15 am

I'm going to Omaha, Nebraska in 3 weeks. I might be going to Grace University next year, instead of this place. It's far away, but I like it. I get to stay in a dorm then. yay. My sisters and Dan and I are all goig out there on Sptember 2nd. A road trip to Nebraska, I never thought I'd see the day.
Well, things are looking up. The Holy Spirit is taking control of me. I've never felt so at peace. When I think about Him, I can't help but smile. I just want to dance...and everyone knows, Molly doesn't dance. This is so beautiful. Thank you God.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 2 August :: 9.19 am

Matthew 14:31 - Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

Mark 11:23 - "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 2 August :: 8.46 am

Last night was a most exhilerating night. I went with Dan to hear him speak at a church in Howard City. It was a good message, about not doubting the power of God. And trusting in Him fully. What made me sad, was afterward when he said he was moving to grandville at the end of this month. And it made me realize that I was afraid of going alone into this world. After we got back to my house, we were chillin' in the front yard. And it was about 9ish. I started to cry and tell Dan about the things that were bothering me, and he told me to pray. So right there I started to pray, and it turned in to me weeping hardcore asking God to forgive me. And i started saying I was sorry. Then I told Dan to finish praying because I coudn't, so he did. And when we said "amen," there was a complete peace that just ran over my heart. And all I did after that was look up at the sky and Thank Jesus. He is so good. So good. It's just so wonderful to know that He could love me as much as He does. I love Him so much. He has given me so much to live for. And so much. His love is all that I will ever need.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 29 July :: 9.11 am

For I always pray to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, that he may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation of insight into mysteries and secrets in the deep and intimate knowledge of Him, by having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 28 July :: 4.19 pm

I don't know what else there is to say. I think I found my happily ever after. It's like I just threw away all my trouble all my doubt. All my worries. I have more strength than what I ever thought that I could posses. I feel real and alive. This is where it has been the whole time. and I found it, I really found it.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 27 July :: 8.49 am

I remember how it was last year, I was the happiest person I think I've ever been. The Lord was hovering over me then. He was in my heart and I wasn't afraid of anything. But I fell away, because it got so hard. I'm really ashamed. But He's not going to let me feel that way because He loves me. So I'm sorry if I let you believe I was someone else. Because who I was with you wasn't really who I am. I am a child of God. I belong to him. It hurts to know that I could be so selfish. And I can understand if your confused about God because of me. and I'm sorry. He is the only one worth pleasing anyway. And I know that you might not want to hear this, but I know you said I love you, and I know that I didn't say it back.

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 26 July :: 11.06 am
:: Music: Leslie Phillips

I had the most amazing night last night. I realized some things about myself that are just awesome. GOD IS SO GOOD. I love this life.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 23 July :: 11.19 am

Give me answers...I really want to know.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 23 July :: 8.58 am

What would it take for you to believe in Jesus?

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2004 21 July :: 8.46 am

If anyone wants to come to my "other" open house, it's at the Spencer Township Hall on Meddler Ave. Right off of 18 mile by Tow's. It's 1:00 to 3:30 on Sunday the 25th. Everyones welcome to come...and I mean EVERYONE!!!!

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2004 20 July :: 4.25 pm
:: Music: silence

I think I am going to dissappear after my other open house. Sometimes I want to. I'm sitting in the library at Ferris, and it occured to me that I really don't want to be here. I want to be in Dallas, Texas singing my little heart out and writing music. I don't want to be a music producer. But I guess, whatever happens, happens and there's nothing that I can do about it. These walls are so cold. The people that my sisters work with are the prime reason why I want to get out now. They lie, the cheat, the back-stab and it's like it's second nature to them. I hate it. It's the one thing that I wanted to get away from after highschool. it's ridiculous really. WEll, I wish I could say more but my breaks over with and I have to get back to my wonderful job.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 19 July :: 12.45 pm

Pick a band and answer in song titles:
Band - Smashing Pumpkins

1. Are you male or female?: Girl Named Sandoz
2. Describe yourself: Frail and Bedazzled
3. How do some people feel about you?: Nothing and Everything
4. How do you feel about yourself?: I Am One
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Zero
6. Where would you rather be?:My Blue Heaven
7. Describe what you want to be: Obscured
8. Describe how you want to live: This Time
9. Describe how you love: Try, Try, Try
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Believe

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2004 19 July :: 8.35 am

Well, it's finally said and done. It was funny because yesterday I was listening to some worship music and my heart felt like it was melting. It was so great. I'm so happy. Jesus is so great. Not that I wasn't happy, just that I'm on my own now. I'm gonna miss you Matt, but I do think that this is for the best, for both of us. I love you, I love all of you.

have some nuts?

:: 2004 16 July :: 8.46 am
:: Music: Damein Rice~Cold Water

Lord, can you hear me now?
Jesus, I've tried.

I'm always falling a step behind the rest. I don't care about anything but you.

Will you save me?

I don't know what to do, I'm a liar, deciever, sinner. please forgive me.

My heart is cold and hard, and I want so much to love only you, because you are my only hope.

Will you rescue me?

Save them from their pain, they know not what they do. Hopefully their hearts will open, I have no control.

bring peace to troubled minds.

I'm not afraid anymnore.

This is for you.

Because I love you, and I am your child.

2 squirrely | have some nuts? | Random Journal