home | profile | guestbook


perhaps, perhaps....perhaps..

recent entries | past entries


sushininja

:: 2005 21 June :: 1.25am

Well, I really haven't updated in such a long time...so much has happened...

I've finally graduated...I went to band camp, made some great friends...I really don't think that I'll have any problem making friends in college...so yeah...but as great as my new friends were, I couldn't forget about my awesome friends at home, especially Kelsey...she's been such a great friend, it's wonderful...take last night for instance, Monday night that is, we just spent a couple hours talking...and it was awesome...i really wish I could just do that more often, especially with girls...

1 heartless bastard | crush me


sushininja

:: 2005 30 April :: 6.02pm

Wow, I just had the most wonderful dream...it was so happy, and awesome...

1 heartless bastard | crush me


sushininja

:: 2005 24 April :: 7.47pm
:: Music: \m/Burzum\m/

\m/ Erblicket Die Tochter Des Firmaments \m/

I wonder how winter will be
With a spring that I shall never see
I wonder how night will be
With a day that I shall never see
I wonder how life will be
With a light I shall never see
I wonder how life will be
With a pain that lasts eternally

In every night there's a different black
In every night I wish that I was back
To the time when I rode
Through the forests of old

In every winter there's a different cold
In every winter I feel so old
So very old as the night
So very old as the dreadful cold

I wonder how life will be
With a death that I shall never see
I wonder why life must be
A life that lasts eternally
I wonder how life will be
With a death that I shall never see
I wonder why life must be
A life that lasts eternally

1 heartless bastard | crush me


sushininja

:: 2005 20 April :: 9.54pm
:: Music: Limbonic Art - In Abhorrance Dementia

Holy shit! Why do I feel this? I've been so happy, so far from depression for a long time, why am I plunging back in now? What went wrong? goddammit!

crush me


sushininja

:: 2005 19 March :: 3.00pm
:: Music: My Journey to the Stars

Wow, finally, I update...a whole lot of shit has happened since my last update...umm, all of my auditions came and went, a relationship came and...went?..and lots of other stuff...I got accepted into all 3 schools I applied to, with Wooster offering me 11,000 dollars for my academics, and Capital offering me $12,000 for my musical abilities...Miami still hasn't returned to me with their monatary offering, if there will be any...some other good news, I am going to get a new bassoon on the first of April, I hope...My relationship with Jackie was good...until it ended that is...although that's not saying it got bad or anything, it just wasn't working out, I guess...but it was 2 months and 3 days or whatever...longer than the one before...It did make me sad that it ended so quickly...but, as Orleanna says, in The Poisonwood Bible "Oh, it's a fine and useless enterprise, trying to fix destiny"...probably the only quote I know by heart from that book, and probably my favorite one...but I guess it fits in rather well with my life about now...

More later, if I care enough...

crush me


sushininja

:: 2005 8 February :: 4.18pm

I haven't updated in a long time...I don't know if that plans to change...so don't get your hopes up

crush me


emilydawest

:: 2005 7 February :: 7.05pm

every so often i get this notion in my head that maybe everyone is wrong and that i am right.

But then sometimes it is just the opposite. But right now I am pretty sure that I am right, but it seems that i am alone in my quest for the truth. So who knows, maybe i will drag some people down with me. Yes, i hope so.

crush me


emilydawest

:: 2005 31 January :: 12.50pm
:: Mood: okay

Yesterday i got in the worst snowmobiling/sledding accident of my enitre life. Usuall if I crash or fly out of a sled I get up and am fine, well yesterday was a different story.

First i had been driving the snowmobile and pulling my brother and sister around in sleds. They were having a good time and i was about ready to stop and go inside when my mom came outside and said "emily you should try it too." so i gave it and little did i know i was going to meet my doom.

So the way the sleds are connected there on a single rope with knots along it, so you just clip your sled above one of the knots and that is where you are. Well for some reason i am always position in the first sled, the one closest to the snowmobile, hence there are two sleds directly behind me. That means if i fall out for any reason i have to have some quick reflexes so i can roll clear of the two sleds behind me. Usually i can manage this quite easily.

So my mom is on a straight away in the field, and welll she was going quite fast (she was going faster than i usually drive with my brother and sis) so i am thinking "alright i can't fall because there is no way i will have time to roll clear of the other two sleds." So we go up and down the straight away about...10 times and i am fine. In fact I only fell out once, while we were going about 20mph and i got ran over by my brother and then my sister's sled kind of scooped me up (while crushing my back). I was okay after this because that was a slow speed crash.

Well i was about ready to call it quits but my bro and sis said just 10 more minutes." so i agreed.

We were going down the straight away and mom was at top speed for sled pulling, (about 50 or 60) i could tell how fast we were going by the way the tread on the snowmobile was spitting out the snow into my face. Anyhow, we are nearly to the end of the straight when i somehow lose control. I am not sure what happened next except that I go head first into the snow and i feel my body being pummeled. During this few seconds my body is masacred by the two sleds behind me (my brother weighs about 160 and my sister 70. But remember they are going about 50mph at this time, in sleds.)

I am on the cold ground barely conscious of what happened when my mom, sis and brother are looming over me with worried eyes. I can't feel anything in my face. My is saying something along the lines of "you ear is bleeding" and digs snow out of my ear. She also says something like "You have an abrasion on your neck." well I try to stand up, and my hand is gone, my snowgoggles are gone and one of my boots. I look back and about 30 feet away are my clothing articles. "I rolled that far?" i kept thinking to myself. I flopped on to the back of the snowmobile behind my mom and tried to hold on but, my body was whipped. It was hard to breathe my head was spinning, I had one boot on, my knees felt broken and my arm had cuts along it.

When I got to the house I felt a little better once I sat down. I took some major pain meds and put ice on my knees and for some reason my mom insister upon me putting ice on my neck. My neck did hurt but i figured it was from the many rolls i had done. When my dad got in i was showing him my arm and how bad it felt when he said "that is nothing compared to you neck." at that point i was terrified to even imagine what my neck looked like.

After an hour or so i was able to walk around and do things normally.I was in my room and i went to brush my hair when i looked in the mirror and just about died. I had about a 5 inch long blood red abrasion/cut across my jawline, along with other cuts on my neck. My left side of my cheek was swollen and kind of lopsided. I just stared. My dad said "I think that's a rope burn."

I am very luck i'd say. My neck is still very gross looking and my chin is about 2 inches larger than it should be, my back is in quite a bit of pain and the same goes for my arm, but for the most part i am okay. I do however suspect that i have a concussion, because i experienced some major head trauma and i have had a constant annoying headache ever since. I didn't go to school today because my mom and dad said it would be best to ice my neck and take it easy for awhile.

yes i am very lucky.

crush me


emilydawest

:: 2005 25 January :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: tired

i don't think i am meant to be fully cognizant, or at least at this moment i am verging on drunk/lethargic. Ugh, i have been sleeping well/okay, but i guess i need to sleep more. Maybe, because i have been very edgy lately. Yes, and i don't like it.

crush me


sushininja

:: 2005 22 January :: 2.57pm

I guess I need to update...Britt says so...it's coming, hold your horses...

2 heartless bastards | crush me


emilydawest

:: 2005 16 January :: 11.19pm
:: Mood: dorky

So i am feeling a bit weird or as i said above "dorky" so why not.

Yes and by the way i started a Xanga journal (i actually started it awhile ago, but haven't updated it) so if anyone wants to check it out, just ask.)

crush me


emilydawest

:: 2005 11 January :: 10.01pm

I haven't wrote in here for awhile, so i thought i would for kicks.

Last week we had three days off school (wed-fri) and well today is tuesday, and we had a two hour delay.

At any rate, i am hoping for another delay *crosses fingers.

crush me


sushininja

:: 2004 30 December :: 9.37am

Let me just say...umm...I dunno...

2 heartless bastards | crush me


emilydawest

:: 2004 24 December :: 12.57pm

Look, it is christmas eve.

Relatives are coming over like, now. Fun, and food yummy

crush me


emilydawest

:: 2004 22 December :: 11.06pm

Right now I
1) feel like crap, not just crap maybe worse because i ate a ton of junk food at Sharon's (well actually it was just this really greasy pizza) and...
2) want to go outside and play in the snow but look at the time and i don't think getting lost or freezing to death would be that great of a service to the well being of my family.

By any rate, tomorrow i get to ride the snow mobile that my parent's got today (don't ask, i have no idea why they got one, i guess they have just been wanting to get one for awhile and so they up and did.)

wow, it is only wednesday and i still have another week left this is sooooooo nice. Thank you LORD. Because i sure as hell do not want to go back to school any time soon.

But, today was also awesome because i went over to sharon's as we had a "mini" christmas get together with amanda and opened presents and had a good time just being plain silly. (and the misltetoe i might add gave some extra flavor to the setting) I think that sharon's two younger sister's think i am a lesbian or something after i kissed them and then proceeded to kiss both sharon and amanda. But, hey, i am just a loving person, eh?

So i had a decent day, it had its downs, but i got over them.

crush me


emilydawest

:: 2004 21 December :: 10.40pm

i whispered into the night
clinging onto false hopes
clenching to false dreams

I cursed immortality

reconciliation isn't all it used to be

crush me


sushininja

:: 2004 21 December :: 12.28pm

Another time, another place
I don't care no more
I am the one you can't replace
A fact you can't ignore.

Can you face it
I'm forever gone
Dug your own grave
Shot with your own gun.

1 heartless bastard | crush me


sushininja

:: 2004 19 December :: 9.46pm
:: Music: SunnO)))

A Fucking Headache, from SunnO)))
Something should be said about my dreams...and I guess I shall say it, that my dream last night surely capped off this weeks weird dreams...although, the two on Monday and Tuesday nights were probably my happiest and dissapointed me the most upon waking up...

crush me


sushininja

:: 2004 16 December :: 8.29pm


What metal band are you?

Opeth

You are Opeth! You are very poetic with your lyrics, and your music flows like a waterfall. Your emotions change from angry to sad very quickly. Some people don't like you because you can sound too depressing. You're one of the best metal bands in the world, and you worship your fans!

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.


1 heartless bastard | crush me


sushininja

:: 2004 13 December :: 7.07pm

Well, this weekend had its ups and downs...maybe downs more than ups, but who knows...Starting off at Thursday's concert, which went well...Brittany's solo turned out well, and she picked me up before hand...afterwards, I hung around with Alex at DQ, and had a few laughs and what not...after that, he showed me his boss acceleration...I went home, worked on my essay, and got it checked by Carmen...

Friday, I went down to Capital, and had a blast...I met with Cynthia, who's the professor down there for bassoon...I played a few duets with her, and she said I sounded good...met a girl ^_^, who happened to be the other bassoonist...she was nice, ended up talking with her for most of the day, but unfortunately did not get her email address or anything...I sat in on both of the wind ensemble's rehearsals...I could sight read the music of the lesser two bands, and then the higher band took some work...after that, we drove home...after stopping at Wendy's, I slept the way home, until we got to findlay...we went to Dietche's to get some ice cream, and then came home after stopping by Madhatter's...Eventually, Jax called me, and we went for a walk...this kinda led to not good things...thing U could have done without...eh...

Saturday, I woke up, went to BGSU and took the ACTs...I think I did fairly well...after that, I came home, screwed around a while, and then went to work...after work, went to pick up Carmen and then to the Christmas party...it was fun, and then afterwards, we went to Meijer and Kroger to look for books for my mom...didn't find them, took a drive so we could talk...I learned a few things that hurt a whole lot, angered me, and well, in turn, will probably help me get over Carmen...

Sunday, I did some homework, went to WaldenBooks with Carmen to get my mother some more books, and then came home, ate lunch, did more homework, etc. Went to Olive Garden for dinner, and then came home for bassoon lessons...after all that, worked on AP, and then read a lot of Franken Bitch...and then went to bed...

Quote of the day:
"Forgive me Father
For I know not what I do;
I leave a void to fill one,
Hear my prayers from far below."

3 heartless bastards | crush me

Woohu.com | Random Journal