2006 18 March :: 11.30 am
:: Mood: blah
...I already miss my friends...and apparently I've already run out of things to do at home in the entire hour and a half I've been here because I'm updating this journal. I'm sorry to all of you who used to read this to know what was going on in my life... I just stopped updating a long time ago. To any of you who still care though... I have a myspace... the link is http://www.myspace.com/shoeforyou and I actually update it. So.. sorry.
I guess I'm done with this.. I hope you all are well.
2005 11 October :: 6.35 pm
Well... it would have been an entire month tomorrow if I were to not update right now. I know some of you are disappointed my not updating. Atleast those of you who depend on reading this to know what is going on and how I am doing and... everything. Whatever.
Anyway... I have the best person in my life ever right now. I love you!
Yeah... but, my grades are bad... I have three C's, 2 D's and a F. Yay! I'm a smart one.
Fall Break starts after classes Wednesday and I have Thursday and Friday off. That'll be nice but I know it will go way too fast for me to even know it happened. Ohh well, that's life!
So.. that's really about all I have to say. Patti, sorry I've not replied to your e-mails, I will soon. Tiff, I miss you so much... I hope I see you soon! Evan, Ellen, anyone else that still reads this... I miss you all too. Hopefully I'll see you soon. So yeah, that's really all. Hope you all have a good day and night and month until the next time I update.
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2005 12 September :: 1.20 am. live in my head for just one day .
. I see myself and look away .
. the road is showing now -on my face- .
. soon I'll disappear .
. I'll disappear without a fucking trace .
. faces that I've seen turn old and grey .
. I've lost too many freinds along the way .
. memories I never thought would fade .
. they fade and blow away .
. I wish that I could disappear .
. unzip my skin and leave it here .
. so I could be no one again .
. and never let nobody,.
. I'd let nobody in .
. so now the walls are closing in .
. because -in life- you sink or swim .
. sometimes these shoes don't feel right in my head .
. feel like a book that can't be read, .
. a book that can't be read .
I'm really sorry...for everything.
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2005 7 September :: 11.55 pm
...for some reason I'm kinda pissed off. For no reason really. I don't even know... anything.
I'm like to the point of being suicidal. I've not been like this for a while.
I don't even know what to say.. I really have no reason for feeling like this. It wasn't a bad night... actually.. it was anything but bad.
Thanks to the one of you I had a really good conversation with tonight... you know who you are.
So... maybe I'm not so alone.
...anyway, nothing important. As always. Hoo-ray for nothing.
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2005 27 August :: 7.30 pm
Okay... so, here I am - to vent.
I'm really pissed off right now. Just had a nice little argument with my father. Every conversation that starts off well always ends in complete disaster. I don't think we've had a conversation in atleast two years without it turning into an intense argument.
My mother is too afraid to stick up for me at the time... she waits until later when he can't hear her telling me that I'm right or that he's made the same mistakes. She will not stand up for me... it's so incredibly disheartening to me when she does that.
The part that really pisses me off is when they talk about me in the other room. They speak of me as if I'm not present. I'd much rather have someone tell me my faults and mistakes to my face.
I'm just too sensitive. Anything that goes wrong just makes me feel so replaceable and useless. I shouldn't be so responsive to everything. I turn into a complete disaster when I'm here. It's not great to see, I'm sure. I don't like to be around any of my good friends on weekends after I've been here because I always feel like I'm taking it out on everyone else and I don't want to do that.
I know I ask for it... all of it. I leave myself open to it. I just like to complain. I feel the need to complain... it's what I'm best at doing.
Anyway, I suppose things are going okay otherwise. Classes are alright.. boring, but alright. I really like my suite-mates. They're the best. We have parties. I also like some of the girls from the softball team a lot. I really think I'll form some good things out of those friendships, atleast I'm hoping to. I went to the football game today. It was good, the first quarter was anyway. Not too much college news, still really slow.
Anyway.. I need to go scrapbook. Later, I'm going to a party with Evan... maybe. I'm not excited about it because it requires driving on a gravel road. Those aren't for me.
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