:: 2005 23 August :: 10.45 pm

Five minutes ago I had a load of stuff to update on.. now it's all gone.

Umm... I still don't like it here. Things are a bit better though and everything is getting busy and confusing already. Tomorrow is the first day of softball practice. Before I even get to that I have university seminar at 9, chapel at 10, Algebra at 12, and Am. Government at 1. After classes I have to go drag the field and be ready for practice by 3:30.

I'm sorry if I've detached myself from anyone lately. I'm still having a hard time with jumping into the middle of everything. I just want my life of nothing back. *sigh* I need to work on not being so stubborn and resistant to change. I'm sure that'll go along way.

I'm just pissy lately. I still do not like this. I just need to realize I'm here and there's not a thing I can do about it. I'm still going to wake up every morning hoping I'm not in the same bed I went to sleep in. But, it doesn't matter... so, I'll just let it rest like all of you are hoping I would've done before I started..

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:: 2005 20 August :: 1.05 pm

Well, it has been different the last few days. I have to admit it isn't as bad as it was to begin with. I knew it couldn't get much worse, I'm just glad it got better. I think if I would've stayed there the whole time during Welcome Week I would've about had a fit though.

My classes haven't really started yet so I cant say much about them. I've had all of them once and didn't have homework in any of them. The teachers seem nice. I think I could talk to any of them if I needed to - which I will.

I have my dorm as near to complete as I can before I have things to work around when my schedule gets busy. I just wish it was more "lived-in", maybe it will be eventually. My suite mates are really nice. Can't honestly say I know their names but, they're cool.

Umm.. I'm just getting used to it, I guess. Well, except for this new promise I've granted where I'll basically be sexless for years. I'm just kidding.. it's not hard to get used to it's just astonishing that I'm actually going to be following it through. I'm still not so sure of the purpose though.. you'll have to explain that someday.

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:: 2005 14 August :: 9.15 pm

I think this is a mistake.

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:: 2005 13 August :: 12.25 am

Off to college I go...
I'm trying to remind myself to think happy thoughts. I need to do some yoga.. or just some more alcohol.

Maybe I need to go back to Dr. Dumbshit Shoemaker so I can tell her how I'm feeling. Ohh wait, she knew before I even told her.. that'd be handy - wouldn't even have to talk.

By the way.. Dr. Shoemaker is the psychiatrist I went to today that said I was bipolar, clinically depressed, a pathological liar, and that I needed anger management classes. She also gave me prescriptions for five medications totaling over one thousand dollars per refil. If she wants me to take them that bad I'll take all of the damn things at once and solve more problems before they start.

Anyway, I'll miss you all.. be sure to keep in touch. All of you are smarter than me so if I need help with my work, I'll give one or some of your a call. Now I know why I like smart friends.

"you know the drill..."

Shoot Me

:: 2005 12 August :: 12.20 am

I don't know how you do it.
What?
...everything.

I don't do it you guys *points finger to everyone reading* are the reason I make it through. Friends are all I have.. you guys are my family - my life. I'll miss all of you so much this year.

It seems like only yesterday I was an immature, drug addicted freshman with no future. Now I have all of you and I don't want that to leave anymore. I never had the time to appreciate you all while we had the chance to spend time together and I'm sorry for that.

So, Saturday.. regardless of how much I hate to do it, I move into my dorm. Someone is going to have to drag me in because I don't want to go. I just flat don't want to. It can't turn out worse than I have it planned to in my head. I guess that is good.. but, only if you don't know how badly it looks in my head. At any rate, my address there will be SBU, Leslie Hall Rm. 234, 1026 S. Pike Ave., Bolivar, MO 65613.. and my phone number is [417] 328.3462... other than that, you all know my e-mail and cell number.

Hoo-ray for the beginning of an expensive journey through hell.

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