"Above all else guard your heart, for it is a wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

 

home | profile | guestbook


Patrick Ryan Kolstee

recent entries | past entries


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 19 October :: 10.32pm

I am so tired of struggling alone.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 15 October :: 4.47pm

I think it's a bad sign when saying good bye feels like a weight has been lifted.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 13 October :: 7.48am

We're just going to let it be.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 4 October :: 8.21am

It's always dangerous when someone tells you they love you.

1 Comment | Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 12 August :: 5.01pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Radical Face

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay it's not the end.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 9 August :: 8.14pm
:: Music: E.T. // Katy Perry

In one of my dreams, I told a man I would be his Princess Leia.


I have to forget all the jerks I've met and save myself for that man.

1 Comment | Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 6 August :: 11.29am
:: Mood: accepting

It's good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 1 August :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: complacent

"I am alone in the world, and yet not alone enough to make each hour holy. I am lowly in this world, and yet not lowly enough for me to be just a thing to you, dark and shrewd. I want my will and I want to go with my will as it moves toward action. And I want, in those silent, somehow faltering times, to be with someone who knows, or else alone. I want to reflect everything about you, and I never want to be too blind or too ancient to keep your profound wavering image with me. I want to unfold. I don't want to be folded anywhere, because there, where I'm folded, I am a lie."

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 19 July :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: awake

If you have to ask, you will never know. If you know, you need only ask.

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 17 July :: 10.22am
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Beck

It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch.

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 11 July :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: exhausted

My heart is my own design.

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 9 July :: 11.11pm

The hard of heart also have their sorrows.

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 25 June :: 2.20pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Bon Iver

The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 22 June :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: awake

Those who really love, love in silence.

1 Comment | Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 16 June :: 9.36pm
:: Music: Sondre Lerche

[Dan In Real Life]
"Because when you're out there and you're being tossed back and forth by those big dark waves, and you think that you'll never feel land again and that you could just split into a million pieces and just sink down all the way down into the deep... it's the light that keeps us on course; it's the light."

Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2011 31 May :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: contemplative

"I found myself thinking about you tonight on a walk under some makeshift constellations struggling through the light pollution of the city, fleeting thoughts coming and going like New England snowfalls. I want to bear my soul to you in the way that symphonies are written, so that at its completion, my story will have completely enveloped you like B minor at the predawn of a snow-covered day, and you'll realize that there is nothing more painfully right than the overlap of the lines on our palms and all the countless intersections of your eyes and mine."

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 26 March :: 8.07pm
:: Music: Amazing Grace

The moment you can finally love yourself, you are truly free.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 26 February :: 5.57pm
:: Music: Hold It Against Me - Brittney Spears

Are we content being in the cycle?

1 Comment | Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 18 February :: 9.44pm

ohai.


I forgot about this place...

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2011 17 February :: 4.28pm

What does it mean to be an individual?

2 Comments | Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2011 12 January :: 6.54pm

It's time for an adventure.

2 Comments | Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2010 8 December :: 9.42pm

Goddamn it I could just burn this whole journal and tell you my life is beautiful and maybe that would make some sense.

The beauty in the world I chase so hard chases back.

2 Comments | Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2010 8 December :: 9.33pm

The funny thing is, whether it was learning an indigenous language on a mountain thousands of miles, or here at my desk writing philosophy, or napping with her on the couch...

now I'm just lost in the music. Haha, look at me go. Here we go?

Don't suppose I'm as crude of an instrument as I look, there's something very elegant going on here. We may be social dinosaurs, and maybe you don't believe in these sorts of dinosaurs, but I like to think they existed. If they didn't, then this isn't old fashioned, it's revolutionary.

On second thought, it's a revolution anyway. In my private little world, it's a revolution. I imagine it would be in yours, too.

Be balanced, but not compromised. Of course of course of course live this fiercely. Dive in.

And if the music is what makes the feeling, there's always people making more music.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2010 8 December :: 9.30pm

I have existed twice and all at once.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2010 29 September :: 6.06pm
:: Music: ratatat

bah
bahbah


bahbah

desert eagle and coffee.

folding and unfolding. something like origami flowers. can\\

sleeping in peace, sleeping cause you can't drown and feel this good.

buh

buhshickshicka. noisy drum noises.

There was a moment, 7 years ago, just like this, where something began.

See them? At first I thought it was snowing. Now I see it never mattered how scared I was, how small I was, or how hard the Leviathan fought to keep me back.

Like the Mobius strip, life only appears to go in a straight line if you're in it.

There was a moment 7 years ago. I could never have known how beautiful this is.

I can't tell you the future, and I can't decide who anyone else is. I'm sometimes not sure I can even know who anyone else is.

But I know who I am, and I can choose who I am, and if that has anything to do with the future, I can choose some piece of that, too.

A little girl pushes on the oar.
Grandpa pushes too. And that's how miracles happen.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2010 19 September :: 6.00pm

My life is beautiful.

The dichotomy here is that I'm inclined to say something I know isn't true. So let's call it a feeling, not a thought

but

They can call me pretentious, I don't really mind. The meek and meager inherit the Earth, and the bold and reckless inherit the sky.

Mostly just love so powerful that when strikes me I could forget my own name. And finally a world of people who know what that means.

Oh, for the record: I really love that girl.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2010 14 September :: 1.05am

Truth
Every shadow, no matter how deep, is threatened by morning light.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2009 8 December :: 9.22pm

I feel good. Rough around the edges, but things are changing. Maybe it's thinking back to the things that mattered before this weird fog. Maybe it's the major key playing in the stereo.

Most people get out- I know that I need to break out and shine anyway.

I'm carrying this belief that if I go, I'll fuck it up- that the new people won't like me, that I won't succeed in the new place.

All of that is juvenile- this place started as passion and a way with words. All the pretentious anti-personal anti-poetry came later.

My roots as a person are the things that I can't make sense out of.

Maybe I should let myself acknowledge how foreign all of the rest is to me right now.

I can't breathe, but there's a big smile on my face anyway.

"But the oranges just sit there and never ripen!"

"Stalinist fruit."

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2009 8 December :: 9.19pm

"This is what I'm learning from this trip; I need friends, true friends, talk deeply, laugh deeply friends. And I need self-control. I need to not get away from myself or my best intentions. And I need to really live, really connect, really be human. Really.

I need to love, really. That's important. I need to be as human as I can without being human at everyone else's expense."

June 21st, 2009

How do people loose sight of moments like these?

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2009 7 October :: 11.45am

Those are the things that stun me.

Life has so much continuity, it gives me goose bumps.

Leave a comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal