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So this happened...

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:: 2014 26 October :: 8.29 pm
:: Mood: embarrassed

Oh god...
This is a trip.

1 opinion | give your insight

:: 2005 14 January :: 4.17 pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: An Original Suite

Taming of the Shrew casting results came today. I'm Vincentio... Not a huge role, but that's ok. 1: Vincentio is a father, which means I'm not being cast by type for every play. 2: I'm in two plays right now, and two smaller roles equals one big one for me. 3: I've already been a lead this year, and I'm a sophomore. My stage presence is actually better than I would have expected (though I'm sad that I don't get to do techie work much... oh, wait, everyone is a techie/actor for Madwoman).

Even greater news came when I read the casting sheet: Trevor is on prop crew. That means Trevor still exists! (That really makes me sound like I'm crazy!) EEEEE!!! I'm so glad he's alive and well and being and so forth. Life can be a prosperous occupation after all.

8 opinions | give your insight

:: 2005 11 January :: 1.53 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "Bury Me with It" - Modest Mouse

yes, I really do exist
Seeing that I haven't updated in... well, I don't know because the school computers won't let me check my journal, I figured it would be good to say something... anything.

The Fantasticks went well (though the audience was extremely small). Winter break also went well. I got to see my sister (even went sledding), and I had an escape from reality for a few fleeting moments.

But now, the return to school has come, and I am again entering the bleak truth of the farce we all live. I'm craving a revelation, something to make me believe there's a salvation. Sometimes it is a wonder that we do continue this life. I still don't have the gut to take it. That would be stupid and pointless. As long as I live, I'm doing something, influencing someone (though that's not necessarily a positive thought)... In short, to exist is to have power.

I keep telling myself that I've become invisible. But somehow, I only believe it behind closed doors. There is no truth in it when the world begins to consume me. I fear my soul is fleeting, keeping away from my potential.

And still, this thing called love tortures me. It isn't enough to live without, and my life is well empty without it. And so things continue to pass me in this world.

I stay perched on the pedestal created for me. I fear the lashing tounges that will strike the minute I falter. I am the monkey in this circus now.

For Madwoman of Challot, I got the part of Pierre. He tries to commit suicide because he was sent to blow up an architect's office. The play is strange to begin with, and the character certainly parallels that.

I tried out for Taming of the Shrew yesterday, and I have a feeling that I may well get cast (not that the 30 males necessary was any indication). Honestly, we don't have many people who can speak Elizabethan with relative ease. Such is the life.

I think I'm going to retch.

give your insight

:: 2004 7 December :: 2.09 pm
:: Mood: unmotivated
:: Music: "America" - Rammestein

And fireworks shall mark your entrance
As we're going through the opening sequence of the play last night, one of the lights exploded. At first, we all thought B. had added fireworks to the show, but it didn't take long to realize that the light was gone. Basically, the lamp blew up, the resulting concussion blew off the back of the light, and sparks and molten glass and other objects came cascading upon the house... It's being fixed.

Also, there was absolutely no one backstage yesterday... it was strange. Yes, some people were watching the show, but most were off screwing around in the hallway. Needless to say, there will be much yelling tonight.

And, for those of you who are unaware (and decidedly stupid, ignorant, etc.), Woohu has changed its format. How amazing.

I suppose I should put something in about MORP. So:
I survived, Jesse wasn't excessively clingy, the music was OK, and Justin broke up with his girlfriend. Yup, that's about it (and hopefully blunt enough for Jessika's mind).

5 opinions | give your insight

:: 2004 3 December :: 1.54 pm
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: The Christmas Song

Sentries guarding the water hole
Sometimes it's obvious that our rights are being compromised. No, that wasn't a jab at our political leader, though it may as well be.

Mi papi fixed the Internet connection last night, and then decided to Google his name. So, I couldn't get on last night (nor did I feel much necessity to) because there were three million some results for him.

Play rehearsal was... eventful last night. First, we got the lid on our trunk, so our blocking changed yet again. And, because of the way the lid is secured, it also made a few life attempts on us. I was told it almost took my head off, but Mike stopped it (what a guy, eh? :P ). One of our swords broke in the crescendo of action. They're all made of lightweight wood; it was bound to happen. We skipped over about a page of dialogue, but nothing was really screwed up. I almost knocked the sun down, and Bo hit a note much higher than anyone's range (a fluke, but startling nonetheless). Oh, and light and sound were there to observe. Grand ol' time.

So, MORP's tonight, and I'm thinking that it won't be as bad as I envisioned. Jesse's admitted that she can't dance much (leaving me the oppertunity to be social with others...), and we're NOT going to Golden Corral (thank god... buffets are disgusting). Besides, it's only four hours out of my life.

I need to call some of you for ticket purchases. I have to sell for the show, so if you can decide what day you want to go, then I can presell so you get in. Pick a date... Pick two, or come all three nights. Our department needs the money.

1 opinion | give your insight

:: 2004 2 December :: 1.32 pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: "Hammering in My Head" - Garbage

Santa Claus is dead, kids.
Though I'd love to be enraptured by the Christmas spirit, I am currently busy in other affairs. Mostly, the play has taken over my life. There are, however other causes, most of which I find no purpose in discussing.

Our Internet connection is dead at the house again (has been since Tuesday afternoon), so I can't really talk to anybody unless the phone is used.

I've got two injuries from the same blocking in the play. I'm supposed to stab at Bo with a sword, then he takes the sword, shoves me foreward, and I do a stage dive. Two days ago, I slid across the stage as I fell, and I got a REALLY bad canvas burn. Last night, I landed strange and my pinky folded much too far back, and now it's pretty well immobile.

Lacey hasn't called me in a week... I'm surprised, really. She always complains that she misses me and she can't wait to come home, and yet she hasn't called for anything. Maybe she's finally becoming independent. How nice for her.

I think I'll do something "productive" now.

give your insight

:: 2004 30 November :: 1.58 pm
:: Mood: pleasantly dispositioned
:: Music: Brahms' Sonata No. 3 in f minor, Op. 5

Sundried tomatoes have so much flavor.
^ For future cooking projects

Rehearsal felt so disgusting yesterday. I don't know why, but we were horribly flat. On the plus side, we started work with props.

I'm so glad that computer lit. turned into a study hall for me (I actually stay current on my assignments, giving me plenty of free time) because I have no time after school today. I forgot that pep band was rehearsing today, plus I have piano lessons and play rehearsal. The parents also want me to get a haircut... something that's likely not to happen today.

My overall moody attitude has (at least for the moment) dissipated. Since we're headed toward the last quarter moon, I should be generally pleasant. Plus, the show ends on a new moon!! It's perfect timing in my life. Beautiful indeed.

Well, class will be ending soon, so I guess I should say 'ta.

give your insight

:: 2004 29 November :: 2.01 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

Excuse the mess... and the blood as well
I've been horribly moody for the past week... Must have been the full moon.

Thanksgiving was OK. We went to the great aunt and uncle's house... They were leaving for Spokane the next day and they didn't give us leftovers. It's annoying A) because I really like Thanksgiving food and B) because it's all going to waste.

Whitney and I talked about Jesse's clinginess today. It's frightful how that girl is, and I continue to regret saying yes to MORP with her... Kaitlin would have been such a better date.

Our volleyball team lost our first game today... finally the ranks have begun to break down. People are going out of position and arguing... It's general chaos. I really like Ben though. He seems to keep things together for us. Not to mention he's gorgeous... Gah, there are a lot of good looking guys that happen to have lockers close to mine in gym... :P

I really want to go to rehearsal!! The Fantasticks is the only thing I look forward to in the day. I don't even value sleep right now... That's how screwed up my feelings are. I've realized that it has become my escape to depression, and avoiding sleep... well it doesn't exactly solve anything either, but it keeps me somewhat sane. I need readjustment. And as much as I'd love to be in a relationship right now... that may certainly screw things up even more, considering my social position at the moment.

Life is bloody wonderful when you're not trying to destroy something.

If only that feeling could last more than minutes.

give your insight

:: 2004 11 November :: 2.01 pm
:: Mood: Insufficient
:: Music: "Talk Show Host" - Radiohead

A pool of azure water, seeming calm upon the surface
But underneath its glossy pane, the dynamic is extreme. All life fights for survival, many hunting their own kind for food. What cannot be used is destroyed; worse yet, what can be used is coveted, plundered, and ultimately rendered useless after the masses carelessly fight for it. The dead are non-existant, or that is what is perceived: anything deceased becomes armor for the constant warfare. All this under the glass of the world above, perfectly ignorant: abashed to jump in.

1 opinion | give your insight

:: 2004 9 November :: 1.29 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "I'll Marry" - The Fantasticks

And, after a brief interlude:
We're script out of hand in rehearsals now, and I'm not doing too bad... thus far. Then again, I do practice every two hours, so there could be a reason why I've not messed up yet.

Miranda told me yesterday that her brother thinks I'm "a funny kid." I take it as a complement, seeing as he graduated last year and I wouldn't expect him to remember me. (Her brother is Kevin, the guy who used to work at Herbergers, the guy who fell asleep on my couch at my sister's graduation party)

Next week is the drama trip (!) I'm so excited... mainly because I can get out of town for a few days. Plus, we're seeing Les Mis. It's one of the bestest Broadways ever, yes?

Ha ha! We started reading Oedipus Rex in English today. Greek stories of incest and such... lovely. Mrs. Stubbs is having us act it out which, considering there are few people who've ever set foot inside a theatre, let alone understand voice influction, that exist in our class, left much to be desired.

Paul's trying to challenge me in band, which is really ok with me, except that play rehearsal has taken over the week... I just feel bad that he has to wait another week just so he can beat me. Yes, I'm really not a good trumpet player, despite what my director thinks.

Stephanie (girl I'm helping around, as she's in crutches right now) fell on her cast pins after band... Apparently her doctor's in Choteau today, so they can't examine it to make sure things are all right. Poor girl already has to be in the cast for three months. I can only hope she'll be fine.

Volleyball is so bloody annoying in gym. It's impossible to find enough people to stick in the same gym class that can actually play a real game of it. Such is the life though, eh?

Oh, I was so happy to see Josh yesterday. He was extremely depressed at the football game last week (like, I could pick up signs of suicide from him). I was worried all weekend that he'd be there on Monday, and thank god he was. It's not a good sign when a kid is checking the obituaries every day for his friends...

give your insight

:: 2004 4 November :: 1.46 pm
:: Mood: exanimate
:: Music: Oscar Mayer B-O-L-O-G-N-A

here's a quicky:
In contrast to Tuesday, Wednesday was extremely busy for me... but not much happened of real importance... Except that Bush won.... I guess that's important >:I

We were supposed to finish blocking for the play last night, but things went a bit longer than expected, so we finish tonight. We were interviewed yesterday... School newspaper interviews are always lacking in substance...

!! All people that live here must buy chocolate from me!! Our drama department DESPERATELY needs money.

Levi was back today. He's been in ISS for a while, so I was glad to see him back.

... yeah... rather unimportant update... but I'm in school, and censorship is exercised.

3 opinions | give your insight

:: 2004 2 November :: 1.28 pm
:: Mood: uncommited
:: Music: "I Can See It" - The Fantasticks

Time never moves at desired speed.
I've really been wishing today would go by extremely fast... instead I've been given a potluck of empty free time in school.

We had a group discussion in English over Jane Eyre today. It was horrible, simply because she required every person to put in input. Though I understand her desire to incorporate everyone (after all, this was a graded discussion), the group was rather hollow in ideas. Unfortunate, quite.

Stephanie was back from surgery today, so I now have to shuttle her to/ from the first four periods. It would be a grand old time if I didn't have to come up with conversation every time I see her. The time in the elevator is inevitably going to be silent... Speaking of the elevator, I'm afraid it will break down one of the times I'm in it... frightening.

In band, we (luckily) didn't get reamed by Mr. Kellogg today. I greatly feared he would be on us for how crappy the show turned out. Fortunately, he decided to completely ignore the show. (I hear he was bitching on every other period today, though.)

Chemistry was a self-guided review today. We're doing molar conversion factors... fairly easy stuff, honestly, so I had a lot of down time.

Health was horrible, simply because we started our discussion on suicide today. I've had too many experiences relating to that to want to have a discussion with a bunch of prig students.

Spanish (as always) nothing happened at all. What can I say? We're still in first-year review, so it's a pretty straightforward time.

And so we come to now. I have a whole period open to whatever I choose, because people are apparently behind in Computer literacy. It's a bloody easy class, and horrendously slow. So here I sit, updating my journal instead of getting extra credit. Horrible kid am I.

I hope we finish blocking for the play today. It's amazing how much work has been put into it, and yet we've barely started the second act. I could puke. Oh well, fun things will come, such as me being set on fire, or placed in a monkey suit and beaten (again, this is quite a strange play).

give your insight

:: 2004 1 November :: 8.53 pm
:: Mood: inconsequential
:: Music: "Danse Macabre" - Saint-Saens

Discussions with a long-fated traveller
Seeing that I finally finished Jane Eyre and the parents aren't at the house, I figured this would be as good a time as ever to update. Sure it's been forever since this path has been taken, but at least I've taken the time to re-visit it.
Rather than try to recall the last two months of my life, I'll just not do it, and y'all can pretend like I was dead or something during that time period. That's about how I was feeling, anyway.
This year was an immensely fun Halloween (except that Jessimika was grounded... such is the life). Of course, I can't remember too many of my Halloweens, and last year was spent recovering from a surgery. Real tough comparison, eh? Since I spent about three minutes getting my costume together (the majority of my time had actually been spent doing constructive things, such as washing myself, and the like), I ended up going as a psycho with Bugs Bunny for a head and an Elizabethan dagger as my weapon. Originality is duly noted.
We had dinner at Cattin's and (thankfully) they put us in the back of the restaurant. I wouldn't have been able to stand the smoke. Most of my time at Cattins, I was utterly amazed at how convincing of a woman Colton can be (well, minus the hairy arms). Honestly, he could pull it off, I mean, he fooled the folks at the haunted house.
After Cattin's we went to Holiday Village to get in line for their haunted house. Gwen and I agreed to be partners through it, since we are naturally clingy when we get scared. Unfortunately, we were told we had to go single-file, so I had to drag Gwen behind me while the rest of the group practically ran in front of us. The house wasn't really a scary one. I only jumped twice, once because I couldn't move out of the way of one of the guys with a saw, and the other because some guy hit one of the steel barrels extremely hard when it was right behind me. Oh, and the William Shatner mask really bothered me... Halloween the movie...
Then we went off to the Kranz haunted house, but decided not to stay because the line was too long and just about everyone was smoking around us. We drove to my house, where we sat for about thirty minutes, then went trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. It was so hilarious to see people's reaction to a bunch of highschoolers asking for candy.
Oh! I guess I haven't officially announced that I'm in The Fantasticks. Woohoo! My first musical, my first time on stage in a major high school production (I don't consider one-acts all that special), and I get the lead. It's madness, I tell you. "I'll drink and gamble. I'll grow a mustache!" - my favorite line
Rehearsals haven't been too bad, though after two and a half weeks we still haven't finished blocking. Plus we don't have the actual stage built yet (it's an intimate play, so instead of using the auditorium stage, we're building a platform in the pit, one that couldn't be built until after all the fall concerts were finished).The play is absolutely fun... quirky... and definitely a product of the sixties... but amazingly fun.
Excuse me for a second... this mosquito bite on my arm just exploded... I don't know how... but I should probably clean it out...
Well that's slightly painful... and still bleeding... but I live on.
I'm truly, desperately, sappilly looking for a relationship. Though I've found the last three years of singleness quite a content time in my life, I'm restless for something to happen. Probably just a burst of sexual energy... I don't know, but I'm certainly feeling something right now.

2 opinions | give your insight

:: 2004 29 October :: 2.22 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: class

silly me
Well, since I've failed to update for three months (?)(!) I'd figure I'd say something here. What a bloody house of ill-repute this journal has become.
Not that I don't want to fill y'all in on all the details right now, but there are only about three minutes left in the period, and I need to log off. I intend to give a really long update this weekend though. Sorry, but this is what a musical does to a schedual. Horrible, eh?

give your insight

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.00 pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Debussy

A big juicy long one
[Edit: fixed the music website]

Well... my subject sounds like a pornographic statement, but I'm referring to the length of this post. It's been roughly three weeks since an update (at least on LiveJournal), so logically this post should be long and full of detail.

Music link (well, the address, as I'm too lazy to encode a link): for those of you that I've raved so much about Debussy as of late (I guess that would be Michelle... and anyone who wants to check it out, I suppose).
I reccomend everything, though there's at least two hours of music on the sight. I also reccomend you only listen to the live quality versions because it's the best I've ever heard from a MIDI file.

I just picked a scab on my head...

Today has been a sit-in of sorts, so I figured it was time for me to update, what with all the exciting (?) things going on in my life.... Damn, I have to actually remember these things...
Our AYSO team lost the championship... annoying because I tend to take a lot of blame as sweeper. I'm like a goalie that way, I think every team mistake is my fault... mainly because I'm the only one who communicates much on the field, so a miscommunication is my fault.

God, these Debussy etudes are beautiful.

The Once and Future King wasn't such a bad book... some interesting things in it... subtleties really. I decided to watch Camelot for my book to movie comparison... very different. Camelot, being a musical, is horribly upbeat for such a tragic story. And all the characters are naiive caricatures. Generally an annoyance after such a great book, though some of the musical pieces aren't too bad.
I decided to wait until the last two days of break to write the essay, though, and it turned out horribly. I have only one quote from the book, a three word quote from the movie... It follows no format at all (actually, I'm proud of myself for breaking the rules... I just wish I could have had more time to make a GOOD rule breaking essay). The chapter that I wrote for the book was well-done, though. I had great exposition, and showed I understood the plot layout and character actions of the book... I just changed my writing style throughout it. I started out writing what I intended to be suitable for children, and at the end I had wolves fighting each other, blood spewing from their jugulars, and snapping bones... I think I messed up a bit.
Luckily, after talking with many other people in class, I figure that if Mrs. Stubbs were to grade on a curve, I could have an A to start out with... not that she will.

Soccer tryouts: We only had 26 boys try out this year, and one is already out because he has tendinitis in his knees (Anthony Johnson... I figure one of you knows him). I was pretty average in terms of competition... for a while at least. Around Wednesday, my knees (yes knees, not knee... explanation coming) started giving me trouble. I wore the brace for my left knee, and things were fine for it. However, my right knee was extremely tense, and even icing it every day wasn't helping. Because of my injury (or at least I'm telling myself this), I'm on JV again this year. Annoying: 1. Adam Frugé is our coach again... I had a horrible time with him last year. He did not recognize me as a competent player at all. 2. Many freshmen made varsity who... well, they don't have much skill at all. One of them is on varsity simply because we need goalies... not that he's any good.
So, teams were announced Friday morning (oh, we do two-a-days... lots of running), and Friday night I went to practice thinking, "Fine, I don't have to work as hard because I made JV." Well, we were doing 1v1's and the kid I was going against got past me. So, I turned to catch up, stepped off on my right foot, and my knee gave out. Just bloody wonderful.
I went to Monarc the next day to get it checked out. The guy who did my analysis said that I've probably got a bruised or torn miniscus. So, I'm supposed to rest it for a week, then come back in for a follow up the next Saturday (that would be today... another explanation) to see whether I can start playing again or if I should get an MRI. I also got a prescription for 800mg ibuprofen. I thought it would make me loopy, as 200mg Motrin gets to me... but sadly, it doesn't.

Band: The band had two early practices last week because of the football game on the second day of school. The practices were voluntary, and the game ended up being voluntary because of the poor attendance at the practices.

Soccer: We had our car wash last Saturday. I stood out in the street holding a sign. It was good that my hands were full because it prevented me from making obscene gestures at the people who were making them at me. (This was also after my weak knee incident... I stood for four hours in the heat on 10th on weak legs... Some things just couldn't be better.)
I spent all of this week as equipment manager for the team. Instead of running around and hurting my knee, I instead carry around fairly heavy equipment bags to strain myself instead. I'm not sure which would be better. There's a freshman on the team who I think might be gay... or horribly deprived of attention and male role models. He's quiet, but he follows guys around. He's a bit strange... but he's got a nice body :P No, I don't think I could date a freshman. It's amazing what a school can do to you, but I really cannot socialize well with freshmen. They generally piss me off. Well, except for Vinnie. He's a crazy kid.
Big news: The JV team tied varsity this year. That's something that's never happened in the past. JV hasn't even scored on varsity before. And I had NOTHING to do with it. I'm sitting sideline right now. On Wednesday I went in to Dr. Houlihan (my family doc). He did a really crappy assesment of my knee, then took some X-rays. He thinks that I've only pulled a ligament, not anything with my miniscus. So, he arranged for me to get a brace for my right knee. This annoys me, because MONARC was much more thorough, and told me that a knee brace can actually do further damage to a miniscus injury (I trust them much more... they've been more successful with treating my other knee). Unfortunately, MONARC is not covered by our insurance, so I have to go with Dr. Houlihan because my parents will not pay the money for a better treatment. I have a feeling I could run into some serious trouble in a few months with this.

Wow, I've finally made it to the first day of school. And it only took me an hour to remember/type down the preceeding. I hope the link hasn't gone inactive because I'm not willing to retype all this.
English: nothing special... I've already mentioned Once and Future King... that's about it from that class. Band: I MADE IT TO SYMPHONIC BAND!!!! Sometimes one can be a real winner. We've only been playing pep band music right now, but we've got a full schedule this year.

Ah... I just loaded Claire de Lune on the computer... one of the most beautiful piano pieces EVER.

Science: I've got my mom this year. We've agreed to not acknowledge our relationship. Health/P.E.: There's a guy in my class that transferred from Belt. He's pretty good looking, and he looks as though he even fits my social group choice. I feel bad that I didn't really talk to him much because 1. I'm horribly lustful 2. He looked rather lonely. Ah, well, there's a year ahead of us. Spanish: I've got Mr. McNulty. I'm not sure if I'm happy or pissed off. He's a really funny guy, but I don't think he realizes that his humor can cause a lot of damage (for example: he's got a quote from Mein Kampf that is humorous, but does not support the foreign language at all). And his pronunciation is horrible. But he drills verbs, something that few Spanish teachers will do. Computer lit.: This class should be my easiest, though I hate working with Microsoft anything. I've grown up on Apple, and I find it so much easier to work with. Geometry: I have Geometry for the last class of the day... I'll probably fail the class because I won't be awake for it. Our teacher Mr. Olson is one of the taller folks in the school, and his classroom has a platform that he teaches from. He and the platform are at least seven and a half feet tall. It's hard to look at. I'll likely not make eye contact at all this year, for fear of eyestrain.

And that's been the past three weeks as best I remember them... not very well, I'm sure.

12 opinions | give your insight | Random Journal