It Hurts To Set You Free, But You'll Never Follow Me


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Bi=Polar, Pessimistic, Stoner Bitch

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:: 2004 13 March :: 12.56 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Ben Folds Five-Narcolepsy

Nothing Helps When I Go to Sleep
Not REALLY a woohu moment, but i havent updated in awhile and I felt bad. In away it is a woohu moment, but I can't confess my lies and i can't see the truth in them, so what's the point, I should just die in them.

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:: 2004 2 March :: 8.25 pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: The Four Seasons-What a Night

Spin My Head Around and Take My Body Under
I hate him more than ever and I dont even know why. This time he didnt even do anything. He just...talked. I dont know. Im just mad at him for doing that. I dont know. Im confused and I need the help of an angel who isn't there. I dont know. I never know. I just can't figure anything out anymore. Somethings wrong with me. Maybe I need to talk to Mrs.G...and have that bitch know all of my problems... yeah right. He's crying and I should help. I just gotta walk, gotta run away from you.


:: 2004 29 February :: 10.40 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Aimme Mann and Oasis

You ARE My Goddamned Wonderwall...
Argh on so many levels, but I dont feel like doing that. I'm fine actually. Just okay. Confused, sure, but I'm okay. Made some new icons that I cant use on woohu so there on my greatestjournal. Really it's not a woohu moment. It was friday though. Ahh the idiot. Why do I hurt myself? It was a JOKE! Not to be take seriously. Someone hold me. Dammit I broke myself. Sooo pessimistic. Dammit again. I'm the stuff of Happy Endings. Bite Me. Do it fast. Am I the only one who get's turned on by Edward Scissorhands? Hmmm....Sooo not focused. I just need to run away from you...


:: 2004 26 February :: 8.13 pm
:: Mood: just...ergh...
:: Music: Don't Let the World...Yeah...Right...

Yeah....He talked to me.... This is how it started:
You said I should list my prices?
I can sell you some ***** for a good price.

THAT WAS A FUCKIN JOKE!!!! I don't do fuckin drugs. Somethings tapping at my window. Too lazy to get up. I have depression, anxiety, adn Im borderline panic attack. I know it. Mom wont believe it though. I miss life so much. Im not here. Im a cumpolsive liar to. But not about that. I dont know anymore. I need FUCKING HELP! I need it NOW.


:: 2004 22 February :: 6.19 pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Incubus, Aimee Mann, and Courtney Love

Not Everyone is Fat, Fucked Up and Cold
Don't let the world bring you down! Not a woohu moment, just really bored. Talking to Steven. Wierd....And Elena. The conversation is over because we have nothing to talk about so oh well. This is what we had for about 5 minutes:
him: whats up?
me: nothing much, you
him: nothing
me: listening to music, updating my greatestjournal and thats about it
him: cool

wow that was wonderful. Made a new GJ friend. Nirvana addict like me. Someone to cherish him with. I miss him. Friday he would've been 37. I didnt even wear my nirvana t-shirt. Oh well. I must run.


:: 2004 20 February :: 6.07 pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Nirvana, Just a Lot

We Miss You Man...
It's Kurt Cobains birthday. I wanted to put a pic in here, but I dont know how. Just a moment of silence for him. We miss you. I hope your down there staring up at us and hoping we're forgetting about you. That's what you would want. But we'll never NEVER forget you. Geniuses live on forever.


:: 2004 19 February :: 5.54 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Incubus-Stellar

How Do You Do It??
This has been the most fuckin awesome day I've had in a very long time. You may be thinking so I have good days all the time, but no, not me. A "good" day is higly rare for me. But, today it's just like i'm floating on a fuckin cloud or something. I shall start from the beginning...
1st period: Latin, We got out test back and me and Julie were so worried we were biting our fingers and carving holes in out notebooks. At least I was. But I get my test and I got a B! That raised my midquarter grade from a c to a b-. I get a 100 on the next quiz it'll be a b+.
2nd Period: Social Studies, We worked on our projects and I uploaded the maroon 5 cd, which I decided I didnt like too much and only wanted the one song.
3rd Period Drama: Got the Incubus cd from Catherine. Then we did our poem thing on the stage. They laughed at us. But it was still fun.
4th Gym: We could either help with rummage sale or watch this movie. Ii helped with rummage sale for a little and then I watched the movie. This was awesome because I hate pickle ball and was very glad we didnt have to play that stupid game.
5th Study Hall: Made a new style for my greatestjournal, listened to Incubus and that maroon 5 song.
6th Period Lunch: Just awesome. We discussed our hatred for Lochlan and Stasia. That's kind of mean, but it's true. We planned our Senior Prank to. We'll have Stasia get a list of where everyone lives and she'll run too there houses extrememly early in the morning and run to their beds and shake them and scream, "Why do you hate me? Why do you hate me?" and then she'll jump out of their window and run to the next house. We said this because thats what stasia does. One day she followed me all day asking me, "Why do you think Im annoying?" She wouldnt stop. All day she just kept asking. She does that to everyone.
7th Period English: Had a quiz I forgot about and then I wrote my poem for drama and then I drew this awesome picture that I'm very proud of.
8th Period Spanish: This was the BEST period of the day. I swear to you. We had Mr.Nick again which rocked in itself, but what was better is that he let us listen to music and get online. But what was better was that he let us play the music game. The music game is when someone plays a song and then everyone has to guess who made it. Usually easy, except when you play againest me because I play some old old stuff and underground stuff that people have never heard of. But anyway, Ii was playing some pink floyd that know one had heard because it was from their first cd. But then I played a Hole song and no one knew it except for Mr.Nick. He was like, "Oh see this is from my generation." And we were like, oh what the 90's? We were being concieved then. But then the best part was I played this Aimee Mann song and If you've heard of her you deserve a prize. But it was this song from her first EP that no one hardlt knows about, but you know what? He knew it. It took him like 15 minutes, but he figured it out. That's fuckin amazing. That was the best part of the day.
9th Period Math: Graded our homework and then for the rest of the class we started talking about dreams. It was wierd. It was fun though. Just talking about dreams the whole time.

See what an AWESOME day I had. I bet most of you stopped reading around 5th period, but I dont care. I dont care if you're having a horrible day because I dont want to hear it, Please Please dont drag me down!

AHAH! I know Im pasting the same thing thats in my livejournal, but dont worry ill but the details in later. I have to go. Im still floating....

Okay, Ill put in the details. Let me just start by saying, if I was 10 years older I would be madly in love with Mr.Nick, for we would have a hell of a lot in common, but I am a 13 year old girl and that cant happen. Moving on. My new Sergio, Ill never type his name, is becoming less of a sergio and more of a friend. Yeah, that's cool though. We did our stupid walk thing and I did my poem ROCKINGLY! I hated that poem though. So peppy and fuckin happy.
I'm writing a song for what use to be my band. It sounds wierd, but with the music it's better.

I'm a lonely stoner whore
Will you use me?
Will you use me?
See through my veneer and let's ride away
on nothing more than our fears.
Rape the lonely stoner whore until she's gone and gray.
Rape the lonely stoner whore.
Do you want a ride?
To you Im the stoner girl, but to them I'm their sickened whore.
They use me. Will you?
Clothes thrown on my bedroom floor.
You see me as more, than the lonely stoner whore.
They'll never stop
We'll rise to the top.
Me the stoner queen of whores
You the leader of my regnum.

Im not sure if it's that good. I need someone to read it. I dont know....Peace.

1 give me | gold

:: 2004 18 February :: 10.39 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Phish-Round Room and Incubus

Bury Me In a Round Room
It's been a woohu moment for a looonnnggg time, but today more than ever. I shall start from the beginning. Our spanish teacher has been sick for the past week so we've had Mr.Nick as a substitute. He reminds me of Mo Rocca for some reason. If only he had thick glassess....Eli has a crush on him, but that's only because she thinks he's cute. So does Mrs.Longhenry, my homeroom teacher. You can tell. She always wants to talk to him after her classes and stuff. But he is cool. If I was 10 years older I'd probably like him to. Hell, Im 13 and we have stuff in common, which scares me. He passed the Doors test. All I can do is ask myself, why does someone keep throwing these problems at me. Moving on. Talked to Andy Sunday or Saturday. That was fuckin crushing. It took him 10 min to remember my fuckin name. So needless to say I was crushed and pissed. But then on Tuesday he hugged me man. It was friendly, and I accidently crushed his cookies, but still. I cant let him drag me back in. He's ruined my life enough without even being my real friend. On taylor:over that. Moving on. At lunch Steven talked to us for awhile. I gave him 5 cents. He wanted pop. I got some pop to and he kept putting his pop on me because it was cold. He thought I was in 8th grade. I wish. I cant wait for that moment when I can escape. That'll be the moment of escape velocity. But, with people like them I dont know if I want to. But it's like when ever we touch or pass in the hall it feels as though our bodys will be thrown in oppisite directions and we'll never see each other again. I don't know. He's on now. My Sergio....That's not good. My New Sergio I guess, hmm...that'll be awkward.


:: 2004 13 February :: 8.56 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Another Woohu Moment Brought to You by Me

Go On Just Take It
How the hell could he do that? It took him 10 minutes to remember who the hell I was. Why am I hurting myself like this? Why is he hurting me like this. Why? I hate him. I tell him my pain and he says good for me. I fake my confusion and he loves me for it. I hate him. I don't understand. No one to talk to. No one to scream at. I don't wanna laugh. I wanna scream. When I don't understand something I get pissed. And I'm pissed now. I wanna go over to that corner Im staring at and just sit for the whole week. Why do we have this stupid holiday. He wants love, I want love, It's a perfect match except he doesnt want my love and i dont know why. But then I talk to him and relize we have nothing in common, but then I see him or say his name and I'm falling down stairs. Falling to hit the ground. Fuck him, but I hope he doesn't hate me. Why am I doing this???? Help...


:: 2004 10 February :: 12.57 pm
:: Music: Hole-Violet

Just Go To Sleep
I think this period is over. No 20 minutes. Darn it. You should learn how to say no. Why is he doing that?? Would it be to bad to just walk over here and say hi. Why dont I go say hi? Because I'm 13 and Im an idiot. Haha. Yeah for me. I'm the one with no soul. It's not exactly a woohu moment, but it will be later. God I hope she doesnt come over here. Bye...


:: 2004 9 February :: 1.21 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Led Zeppelin-Rain Song

I Watch the Fire That's Growing Cold
It's a woohu moment man. I shouldn't have gone and I shouldn't be here now. Things never seem to work out for me.

Achilles' Last Stand
You're Achilles' Last Stand! You are, in
your opinion, an underrated individual. Your
rejection has made you slightly bitter about
the real world and you often think on higher
things. But you're a pretty damn cool person
when you're on your feet ... and quite possibly
off them, too!

Which Led Zeppelin song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Last time I got Dazed and Confused. That one was more true than this one, but this one is a little right. Oh well. Man. It all sucks. They Don't Love you Like I Love You. Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I just became a fan. It is the summer of my smile. Tangerine oh tangerine. I think this period is over. Yeah it is. Bye.


:: 2004 6 February :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Janis Joplin-Kozmic Blues

It Won't Be There When I Wanna Lay Down and Grab Hold
I shall start from the beginning. God I hated this day. Stupid PMS. Stupid Snow Dance. Stupid People. Stupid School. Stupid Teachers. Stupid Homework. Stupid Parents. Stupid AHAHA! What else is there to do? I don't need anymore encouragement and neither does she. Now I have to go to fuckin snow dance looking stupid and shitty. I wasnt going to go. I cant lie to Julie. I don't want to go ahead and I dont wanna jump back. I just wanna stay where I am. In the middle. My time is gonna come. It feels like those raindrops do when they're falling all around you. There's so much more I wanna say, but I can't find the words so I'm gonna fuckin peace off.


:: 2004 4 February :: 8.35 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Ben Folds-Carrying Cathy

You Don't Understand!
I have to get out of this stupid fucking moment and pay attention! I need to wake up and get in this moment! I'm wrapped up in my own world, in my own mind, in my own moment and I'm not paying attention to the rest of the world! I never get what I want because I never see when the chance comes to get it. I need to wake up. Get out of comatose. But I don't know how to get out of this. I'm tangled to deep in this moment now and there's no way I'm getting out unless someone pulls me out. Will you pull me out? I cant just break free. I could, but it would hurt to much. I finally hurt. It started this year actually. Last year was just dreams and fantasies and nothingness, but this year I got thrown into that dream and I want out NOW! Maybe that's all it is. I don't know...


:: 2004 4 February :: 6.02 pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: The Doors-My Eyes Have Seen You

Oh Shit! I've Fallen Again!
Alas it is true! I have fallen again and it will surely be the death of me. Damn the lady with the horrible glasses for putting me in the same group with him. His stupid bracy big stupid smile. He doesnt even have a good personality. He is THE JOCK. Litteraly the Jock. Listens to Dave Matthews Band, plays guitar, will play football and will drive a jeep. The jock. This is strange. A new feeling and I dont like it. I know I need to get over the old feelings, but that's not gonna happen so I'd rather rot in my old feelings that are slowly killing me than be quickly killed by these new feelings.Someone help me.


:: 2004 2 February :: 10.56 pm
:: Music: Ben Folds Five-One Angry Dwarf and 100 Solomn Faces

Check the Papers if You Really Wanna See Me
Do I ask her questions???? No!!!! Then why does she ask me! I answer them anyway and Im suprised to see that she has the same feelings, but I think people take my thoughts and use them for there own help, or maybe im being concieted. I don't know nore do I care. So sleepy. Gotta take my contacts out! AHAHA! The Daily Show is on! Gotta go!

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