Today marks one month since the accident. I am finally feeling relief after going to the chiropractor. I am still recovering though. Occasionally I have brain fog, or things get fuzzy and I have a hard time focusing. Everyday I am even more grateful that my baby was unharmed in the accident. Last week was the first time that she had even asked questions about the accident. I knew it was going to happen, and I didn't press her after the accident because I was waiting for her to be ready. After the accident she asked what happened one time. And it was literally the first thing out of her mouth after we stopped. From that point on, all she would say was "I hate that lady's car for hitting us. She's a bad driver. I hate her driving". I would always reassure her that the only thing that mattered was that we were okay. I have been trying hard to not harbor anger over the whole ordeal. I am pissed that she wrecked my car. I am pissed that I am still recovering. But the fact that even after all that, my child is okay, makes me not want to hang onto those feelings of anger or hatred. Reagan could have been killed, or severely injured. She could have had cuts ALL over her body from all the glass. She could have been covered in glass, but for some reason she wasn't.
I registered for classes today. Going back to school for a degree in library science. Im pretty excited bout this change. It's gonna take a long time but I'm pretty thrilled about the thought of getting out of retail and I think library science is something that I'll really enjoy. And I'll at least know that I'm taking steps to be happy in the long run.
Ella is 7 weeks old already, dont know where the time goes. I went back to work, which was lot harder then I thought. I know Jordan will take good care of her, but so hard to be away from her that long. Took Ella camping for the first time this week. She did really well and loved spending time with family. Her jaundice has cleared up so no more worrying about that. Her newborn pictures turned out great. She's sleeping 7 hours a night already. Shadow is adjusting very well. Me and Jordan went on our first date night last night and pretty much just talked about Ella. Lol. Loving this new chapter of my life.
Ella is finally here. She came 2 week and a couple days earlier. She is a tiny little thing, but so cute. Shes doing well for the most part, besides coming down with jaundice a couple of times now. Doctor doesnt seem to be concerned so trying not to worry. Starting back on the bili blanket tonight. She is a happy baby most of the time and sleeping well for the most part. I got 5hrs last night :). I love watching Jordan wit her, she totally has him wrapped around her finger already. I was looking forward to all my time off work, but quite bored. I have no idea how people dont work. My house has never been so clean and organized. Ella got newborn picutes last weekend, I cant wait till we get them back. I love being a mom. Never knew I could love someone so much. I love just watching her. So excited for this next journey in my life.
Ella could be here any day now, I'm so excited. Dialed to 3, baby sitting low, lost mucous plug, effaced, thinned out, and softened. Been having contractions on and off all week. I just want something to get stronger or water to break. I'm so ready to meet out little girl. Jordan been working lots of 0T to save up for maternity leave. Got the nursery all ready. Having my big family baby shower this weekend, only a few things I need right away. Feeling ready :)
Less that 5 weeks till my due date, I cant believe we are this close. I cant believe she is still in there with all times she has tried to come out. She already has so much stuff and clothes. She is definitely spoiled with having three grand parents. So glad Jordan back to working, a lot stress. So excited for Ella to be here and to have the whole month of July off work. I got my mom hair cut, so I'm ready for her to be here. I finally gained some weight, only took 35 weeks. Hopefully I will lose most of it after she comes out. So Excited :)
Just had our birthing class. I cant believe how close are we are to meeting Ella. So excited for her to come. I have the gestational diabietes, which sucks. I feel like I'm pregnant and on a diet. Hopefully I can just control it with diet so I don't have to take insulin. Jordan lost his job, so thats stressful. He had a interview for a way better job so hopefully he gets that. Ready for June.
Well I had a really good month of pregnancy. No trips to the hospital. Unfortunately I failed my diabetes test so I now have gestational diabetes. Just another risk factor for her to come early. Still not gaining any wt, but doctor isnt worried. Very tired, but low hemoglobin will do that. My husband just lost his job, trying not to stress. Hopefully he will find something better soon. Already has a interview this week. Ready for June.
they want to do all original stuff, so gigging is a possibility in the as yet very distant future. it takes a long time to produce enough original material to fill 4 sets. but the upshot is, i get to make up all my parts from scratch. which is awesome.
honestly it just feels good to play again. especially with solid musicians who have been doing it for awhile.
so it's a total bummer that i can't play right now because of my knee. the recovery is going to be long. but hopefully the payoff is worth it. 30 years ago they would have handed me a cane and said, "enjoy this for the rest of your life," so i guess i shouldn't complain.
in other news, it was exactly one year ago from this very moment that i took my last drink of alcohol. i'm celebrating tomorrow, from the couch. i'll be going to the speaker at calvary tomorrow night, but i think i might wait until home group on tuesday to get my chip. i don't know, we'll see.
on the one hand, it's hard to believe it's been a year already. on the other, it feels like a year is a long fucking time, and a lot has certainly changed - mostly for the better. i guess the pit i was in wasn't exactly difficult to improve upon. geographically, however, tahoe is far superior to grand rapids. the city is convenient. i still really miss the mountains, though. they spoke to my soul in a way that i never would have imagined, and now that they're gone, i can sense that something is missing.
oh well. god has a plan, and it's probably smart of him to not let me in on all the details, lest i get ahead of myself and spoil it for everyone. i'm good at that. so, i just ask him to keep feeding it to me in chunks small enough that i'm not as likely to choke on them.
Well hoping for a better month of pregnancy. Made 6 trips to the hospital last month. Thank god I have insurance and Medicaid. Bill only 3.75. So thankful that my job is being so supportive and nice with all my time off work. Hoping for no more problems. So excited for it to be June and Ella to be here.
