My friends got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch, he tells me everyday.
Tomorrow, or rather today is camping. I dont know why but Im scared, and nervous...like I dont wanna go anymore? But i think once i get there, i'll have fun. Yeah, so it's 2am and I still havent packed, i ahte packing, and i dont know what to bring, so now im scurred. lol. Atleast i found my sleeping bag, thats a plus. I'm suppose to go to Deerfield for a bit to chill w/ Mauricio but he's making all these comments and now I'm scared, so I'm trying to get out of it and he's guilting me into it cause he says that I always have an excuse. And I've been doing too much thinking tonight, I think I'm in love with a former friend of mine, like i'm really sad about him now. Im missing Maria like crazy, last night at 12 I called her, and started crying, i miss her in my life, a lot. I need to go shopping, I own no clothing that's wearable anymore. It's cold out, I think I need a new sweater. And I'm tired, but i have to pack and go to deerfield, sorry mauricio but i think my trip to deerfield is going to be postponed. I'll write again when I get bck from my trip to let you know how it was. holla youngin, woop woop.

<3mandyy
x to the o.

Yeah, my car died tonight, along with my life..
So I got home from work, and had an IM from...you. I realized I miss you in my life, a lot. Just as friends, as we were before..=( I need you back..

<3mandyy
x to the o.

p.s. yeah, my car died at work tonight, my step dad's trying to save it..life as we know it, is over.

It's been a long time since I've had this pit in my stomache, but it's back, and it's not refillable this time
I dont think I've cried this hard, in a long long time, my throat hurts too
Today has just been the day from hell. I hate how everything is going good, but something always has to ruin it. I got home from a very nice weekend, and first thing my mom does is yell at me..and ground me. But the thing that pissed me off so much, I had plans today, that I told her about like 3 weeks ago, I had plans with Maria, for her bday. So this morning, I had to wake up and call Maria and tell her that I can't get together anymore. How much does that suck? God, I can't stand my mom. So I call my mom to try and negotiate..bad idea. All she did was yell some more, I swear she's on a permanent PMS. So my dad calls, and I'm crying, he's asking me what's wrong, I tell him, I cant stand my mom and eddie anymore, blah. He called my mom ;x...and called her a fucking btich, and hung up. I dont think that helped my situation, btu it made me smile. So my mom calls me, tells me to take a shower, clean my car, and be proactive? What the fuck does that mean? God I can't fucking stand her, everything I do is wrong, everything I say is wrong, ugh. I'm praying I'm not grounded for tomorrow because I was suppose to go bowling at 1, with some people from work..me, jess, mike, paige, and pat! Yeah, Pat is suppose to go, and now I can't go, shit.

So on a lighter note, Pat..mike's brother came into work, Friday night and Saturday night 8-)..he's a cutie. But just as I give my two week notice, he asks for a job, wtf is that? ugh, I'm gonna go shower, and be proactive..someone please volunteer to let me move in. I'm about to burst.

<3mandyy
x to the o.

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm throught with playing by the rules
Of someone elses game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap"--Defying Gravity

So maybe with this I was all talk, yeah I wanna, but I'll miss them..
This week has been good, so far. Lot's of 1/2 days, that's always nice. WEdnesday, me lauren and brian went to cici's than the reptile store and then we went to some dollar stores, i had fun. After that, me lauren and dan went to the tower at south county and just talked, it was nice, but then we got scared shitless, and we ran like little girls...even dan ;]. Wednesday, was grounded for the most part, but hung out with Paige and Giorgio for a little bit, then went back to the tower with lauren and dan. today, didnt do much, went out to lunch with lauren, and dan, and ryan hartman..oh jesus.

Me and my mom had a logn talk tonight, she's making me quit my job, i guess in a sense, i'm relieved, i've been wanting to for a while, but I never thought I would..I love the people I work with a lot, especailly, Jess, solange and mike. And I garauntee you, w/o the job..I'm not gonna talk to them..ever...this sucks so much. So now, my only goal is to pull together, and figure how to stand up to my 5 foot boss, but I can do this, its not like I'm quitting on bad terms, its just something I have to do.

I'm gonna go think some more.
<3mandyy
x to the o.

p.s. jenna, thank you for listening to me vent, xox<3
and i love my purse, so much, you are amazing!

I should have knocked on wood or something..
Ugh, I've been in such a good mood, all weekend, and then i write about it and what happens, everything goes wrong! I slept at Lauren's last night, and I got there at 11, thinking me, her and danielle were going out, man was i wrong..cause once again, danielle is a sell out :-(. So we slept, woke up this morning, and went to breakfast with Brian's parents, Michael and Tamara, they are amazing. I had fun, thanks La. I got home at 3:30..did nothing but get into more fights with Jackie, I dont get what's going on btwn us, but I just feel like things are getting worse? It's weird..

I left for work at 4:30, and got there, and met the new girl Brittany, she's cool, just loud. That weird kid Josh ws there again, I think he's in love with Samantha ;] but he kept bugging the shit out of me, so I made mike make him do things, I wanted to kill the kid! I left work at 8:15, after cleaning by myself, which was fine, and went to go find Lauren to cheer her up. She was all virgin mary like, cute. <3 haha. I talked to her for a bit, but I was scared of the people seeing me, so I fled the scene, and said goodbye to the llama, which I'm going to adopt. I got home, talked with my mom, she told me no plans for tomorrow, there goes my movie plans, and we're gonna get our xmas tree. I dont know, I just need to take my mind of things right now.

I feel so confused with so much, but one thing that's really getting me is religion...I think, that I mentally need something to believe in, and I dont even know where to begin. I have no knowledge of any kind of religion, judiaism which is mine, or even christianity, anything. I want to learn, I need something like that in my life...someone help me?

x to the o.

p.s. Lauren, I know that your hurting, and that things right now aren't the best they can be, but i think a break is what is needed. And maybe, after this break you two will realize how much you need each other, or maybe you'll realize that you two have just grown apart from each other. I love you, and I'm here if you need to talk, but everything happens for a reason, everything will come out in the end. xoxo.


comments would be appreciated =\ <3

Hakuna Matata
If a fat guy in a red suit and white beard comes into your house in the middle of the night and stuffs you into a bag dont worry about it, it's just that...I asked for you for christmas.
^thanks solange<3 ;]

<3mandyy
x to the o.

I'm so cheery again today..god, what's wrong with me? =)


SHAVE IT<3

Tell me that it's not just me
I'm in such a cheery mood today, but I know once I talk to my mom, it's all going downhill from there. I have to clean my room, if it isnt clean by the time I have to go to bowling, I'm not allowed! pssh. I can't get ahold of my dad to invite him tonight, I dont wanna be the only one w/o a parent, but I dont want my mama to go either. I guses I dont care. After bowling I'm going to target, to see Jenna and Matt, and then I'm off to go see Lauren, but that's all you need to know about that. ;]! Aww, on my way home, I saw Sarah, and she had like 5 books, it was cute. This weekend is going to blow, I work Saturday and Sunday night, and I have to clean, and my mom is being a bitch, and said no social plans for the weekend, god sometime I wish she would go away to New York forever, you have no idea how much I enjoyed myself that week she was gone, it was simply amazing. Oh yeah, my dogs shit in my room yesterday, and my step dad laughed. Next time, I'm gonna clean it up, and put it under his pillow 8-). I'll update later, or tomorrow.

And yes, I do like the hairy ones, hahaha jk;]

<3mandyy
x to the o.


comment <3

I can't feel the way I did before, Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored.
Today was an ok day, and then this afternoon was delightful, paige came over, picked me up, we picked up Lauren, and went to my work, than to the reptile store, and than to subway! yummy! I went back to Lauren's for a little bit, and we chatted, and then I kind of hit her with this rubberband thing, in the face. I'm sorry LA! <3.

I got home, and my mom still wasnt home, eddie was laying on the couch, he's sick. It's weird, he's back? what? when did this happen? I dont get them, my mom told him to leave cause she didn't like him coming and going, and now he's what, oh that's right, coming and going. And as much as I love him, the past month or so without him, has been wonderful for me and my mom, she didnt care what I did, and she let me have freedom, and we were civil to each other. Now she's a bitch, I'm a bitch, and all she cares about is Eddie. Did I tell you one night, she forgot to bring me home my dinner? I had a headache, and didnt go out to eat with them, I asked her to bring me back soemthing from the restaurant, and she said, sure not a problem. So I didnt eat anything, waiting for my food, adn yeah, she forgot it. and saturday night, she told me I couldnt come home, I had to go to my dads, yeah, um..whatever. I'm sick of her. I listen to everyone else talk about hwo they get to get away and go to college, not me, I'm stuck in Florida, I would do anything to get out of my house. I wish I was Heather at this point, and didn't have to deal with my parents, and I could live with my best friend, god dammit. I envy so many people around me, and look so down upon my life, but it can't be that bad, I mean I know there is worse, but I feel things are only giong down that road, worse. We'll wait and see, but if things dont change, Im not going to stay here, any takers for a Mandy moving in?



Try to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
[Told you everything loud and clear]
But nobody's listening
Call to you so clearly
But you don't want to hear me
[told you everything loud and clear]
But nobody's listening

I got a
Heart full of pan
Head full of stress
handful of anger
held in my chest

<3mandyy

Talking is the key to everything you say, but how come when we talk, its nothing but arguements, we should stop this.
I am so fucking tired. Today was a long day, afterschool I dragged Sarah to get my schedule with me, got it. I work Friday night, and Sunday 12-8 :shoots herself in head:. Saturday is buzz bake sale, that's a whole other story and mayhem in itsself. Things got fucked up and now things are screwed. But I'm going with evetrone else, and my thoughts, and sticking to this. =\. Oh yeah, Par, today during lunch I went to mr cohen's room to make up a test, me and him alone, in his room...heaven ;]! I got home from decorating the xmas tree at my dads at 10:15 tonight, and talked with my mom, we fought, lol, it was fun. Then I started my homework, It's 11:32, and I still have a good hour of it, I'm so screwed. i would say that I would do it in frist hour, but I am even more screwed in that class. AHHHHH. I'm going afterschool to the photo place to get lauren's stuff done, cause she's leaving me to go to CHICAGO :-(. But when she gets back i'll have film for her! <3. My stomach kinda hurts, but it's ok. I'll sleep it off. I'm gonna get mystuff together for school, i need to find an empty folder, and I'm going to bed, fuck this homework..pointless.

If your going Saturday to Buzz Bake Sale, comment just curious at who's beautiful face i'll see<3.

<3mandyy
x to the o.

p.s. La, have a good flight, you wont die. I love youu. dont worry me with an entry like that ;x. xo

I dont mean anything by it, but now that i dont care, I feel I don't have to watch everystep I take.
Tonight was crazyy! I went to publiz with Maria, and got candy canes, I miss her so damn buch, but then...Lauren picked me up at like 4:00, and we went to subway, the lady at subway doesnt know how to take an order, so we got more food, and cost more money, dumb. than we get to school at like 4:30ish, and we camp out, I mean hard core, camp out, and hold down the fort. We were having a nice chat, and then Paris and Nicole stopped by, and chatted, than lauren threw soda at me. Eventually paige came, mr n showed at 5:30, we got the enlargers we came, sooner and sooner more people came.

So got started in the darkroom, and everyone around me realized they didnt have paper, so me and jackie being the nice human beings we were went out to precision to buy paper, cause mr n is the damn PAPER NAZI! They were closed, so we came back with a failed mission. But Alex, had some paper in her car the whole time, bastard! haha. So all in all that worked out, I got a lot done, and even though I'm not happy with my stuff that I printed, I think that it will be ok, because Mr N picked some of it out, it'll just be a challenge. i still have a lot of work to do though, I can do it, I can do it. Stephen and Ryan showed up, they tried to fight me, but I won ;]! Well I think tonight was a little more crazy, Im just getting a little sleepy, and Istill have to finsih my drama story, the little girls name is Piper Brown, adorable? NO.

<3mandyy
x to the o.